The more I read, the more I study, the more I learn of the neo-pagan movement 
of which I have become a part, the more I feel myself drawn to what is for me 
a truly gut-wrenching conclusion: specifically, that much of the new Old 
Religion (neopaganism, Wicca, etc.) derives its mythos from the old New 
Religion (monotheism, Christianity, etc.).

See? The mere contemplation of these horrors drove me immediately into a 
paragraph-long run-on sentence. I try to tell myself that I'm being too 
radical; I try to tell myself that I'm overreacting in the face of previous 
trauma at the hands of a pathological woman-hater--but my self will not be 
consoled. It races about, my heretical mind, on it's own little covert 
intelligence-gathering mission. Like the X-Files' Lone Gunmen it gleefully 
launches conspiracy theories, scrabbling desperately after whatever shards 
of the truth are out there. And then it brings home its unsavory findings to 
me, like a cat depositing dismembered rodents on the doorstep. As with the 
cat, I appreciate the effort, but I am revolted by the mess I see before me.

The warning bells began to ring when I, as a relatively new witch, closely
examined Gerald Gardner's ludicrous Law. It was given to me as I waited to
be Initiated, "for a laugh"; and laugh I did, until I later took a serious
look at it. Old Gerald, I concluded, despite his being progressive enough
to bring a Goddess into his witcheries, was very much a product of his times
and the pre-modern-feminist ideas then prevalent. I can't in good conscience
call him a misogynist, but his conceptions of the female and the Goddess 
seem very much in keeping with traditional "patriarchal" ideology.

Doreen Valiente, one of Gardner's priestesses, speaks at length about "The 
Law" in her "Rebirth of Witchcraft"--how GBG sprung it on his coven out of
thin air, claiming it to be of antique origin, and how she was appalled by
certain bits of it. Chief among these bits was the line, early on in the
festivities, "As a man loveth a woman by *mastering* her" (emphasis mine).

Early on, someone tried to explain that to me as meaning "mastery" in the
sense of comprehension and understanding--as one masters the multiplication
tables. I didn't do too well with the multiplication tables and I DEFINITELY
did not well at all with that lame excuse. The entire tenor of the document
makes it abundantly clear that the mastering GBG had in mind more closely
resembled what the Rolling Stones sang about in "Under My Thumb." *Mastering*,
indeed! More like mastur*bating*, which is what any man who wanted to exercise
such dominion over ME would be cordially invited to do.

And then there was the bit about "all power" coming from the Horned God and
being merely "lent" to the Goddess--along with an avuncular admonition to
High Priestesses that they be ever mindful that all *their* power is lent them
by the High Priest.

Huh? What? The Goddess has no power of Her own? She is but the pale moon's
reflection of the masculine sun's radiance? And I, as Woman and Priestess,
have no power save what is graciously allowed me by some man--who can take it
right away from me if I displease him? Huh? What?!

If all this be true, then WHY THE HELL DID I EVEN BOTHER? The Xtians were
espousing the same damn thing in *their* mean little book. If the Goddess
was but an empty figurehead, a vessel passively waiting to be filled, then I
as Her representative was a sham--a child playing dress-up, a child playing
at power. DAMN! Not a whole lot better than St Paul saying it was not 
permitted for a woman to speak. I got this sudden, ghastly image of the High
Priest/High Priestess relationship looking a lot like that of some dorkazoid
rich businessman condescendingly showing off some Playmate-of-the-Month trophy
wife. Monotheism offered me no status save what was conferred upon me by the
man in my life. Had I escaped to paganism only to find myself snared in the
same net?

It was about this time that I started developing rather a dim view of Gerald
Brosseau Gardner. It was also about this time that I began to feel very 
stressed and depressed. There I was, High Priestess of a coven, practicing a
religion I no longer felt certain I could even believe in. Feeling betrayed--
Same Shit, Different Religion. Begin classic Dark Night of the Soul.

But the part of me that wasn't buckling under the strain was still searching--
looking for further evidenec of sexist ideologies at work. Looking, also, with
hope--that it wasn't always this way, that other operational paradigms had
existed and continued to exist--looking, in short, for evidence that I was not
alone in my heretical ideas and beliefs, and perhaps also that I was not just
a freak trying to transcend an unalterable nature. Sexist ideology--i.e. that
which we have all been raised to believe is naturally, biologically and/or
divinely ordained--would have me believe just that. I didn't.

I still don't.

So I kept reading. What I found was many contemporary authors, leaders of the
return to the old ways of Goddess worship, parroting the same old tired 
stereotypes. Extolling women's special differences, emphasizing the polarization
of the genders that has marked sexist culture since its inception. Nothing new
under the sun, no ideas I'd not been inculcated with since childhood; but I
couldn't buy it anymore. My own experiences and observations had taught me
already that there were damned near NO biological or psychological absolutes,
and I knew there was a growing body of scientific evidence out there to support
my position. Hooray! I'm not a freak!

So why are so many people clinging so fiercely and so defensively to these
outmoded and often just plain false ideas? I can't say for sure. Maybe because
it's hard to deny things you've "just known" all your life. Things that have
been a given for so long start to seem just "natural," even if their roots can
be traced more to learned behavior and social expectation than any natural
impulse. Even natural impulses must be learned to be acted upon, or not. It is
a natural impulse to defecate--but we learn when, and where, and really even
how it is appropriate in our culture to do so. Primate studies have shown that
chimpanzees raised in isolation must be taught how to mate. We *learn*, so many
things--some of them true, some of them merely constructs designed to keep the
status quo in place. We *learn*, and often it never occurs to us to question or
look deeper--"why ask why?" We learn, but we can also unlearn, and relearn. This
is the process called growth.

A process I'm beginning to believe a bunch of these damned "witches" and pagans 
and whatnot have just happily evaded. With all the information, scientific and
anthropological evidence, that's out there now, how can any thinking being accept
the standard limiting definitions of "masculine" and "feminine"--"Goddess" and
"God"--as unassailable truths? I just want to shout and shake people: WAKE UP!
LOOK AROUND! There is a nearly infinite variety of possibilities for behavior
inherent in ALL humans. The qualities stereotypically assigned to "masculine" and
"feminine" are all HUMAN potentialities, whether or not they are ever manifested.
To give arbitrary gender assignments to specific qualities is to limit them, and
to limit the individuals who possess or do not possess those qualities. And to
limit Divinity by the same cultural constructs is, to me, the biggest heresy of
all.