Crusader

More and more scenic beauty. Yipee skippy. That's all I see of Xena anymore is scenery shots. What's with that? So I see this hooded women and automatically think it's Xena, because I mean, it's always Xena! Here comes the Sacrifice spoiler, run for the hills! Think back to Sacrifice when they thought the person they were offing was Serraphin. But of course off comes the mask and Xena whooped there butts. And I knew it all along!

So the hooded lady rides through on her high horse and knocks Gabby down which makes me not like her already. Just the way I don't like Tara with the ugly hair-a. Sorry, just felt like that needed to rhyme. When this woman took off her mask, Xena seemed surprised that it was a woman. Duh it's a woman. The only guy I know with a chest that big... well... nevermind. I'm not gonna go there. Then this chick kicks Gabrielle in the back. I think she's definately taking a trip to my hit list. She's about to stab Gabby when, oh my, the wind blows on her face and she starts smiling like a mad woman. Then she starts crying and appologizing and is annoying the crap outta me. Yeah, yeah outta isn't a word, I know.

Najara (I know her name's Najara cause I've seen it already! ): Can you ever forgive me?
Me: Hell no!
Gabby: Aw, I can. Sure ya knocked me down, kicked me, and almost killed me, but you can plead insanity in court when Xena presses charges.
Me, Xena, Najara: Press charges?!?!
Me: Xena, you know you want to kill her...
Xena: I do, I want to kill her!
Gabby: Xena! (gives her a warning glare)
Xena: (sighs in defeat) All right, I guess she deserves a trial.
Me: Fine! Then I'm gonna kill her! And while I'm at it, I'll take on Tara the rags she does wear-a. (I'm having fun with that, shut-up)

Najara starts spewing all this stuff about Xena and Gabrielle that she shouldn't know because she doesn't know them. Gabrielle asks how she knows all this crap she shouldn't and she says the Jinn told her. Lady, I'm sorry, but I think the Jinn that's talking to you is spelled G-I-N. Among other things. Xena and Gabrielle decide to join Najara on her mission. I absolutely love how snotty Xena was being to Najara in this part. Gabrielle joins Najara by a lake and they start chatting.

Gabby: What are you doing?
Najara: Picking out scenery shots for the next episode.
Gabby: You do that too?
Najara: All the time.

Gabby: Najara, how long have you been drinking the Gin?
Najara: Since I was a little girl. Now it's my best friend.

Najara explains ideas for a hospice she wants to build. Then tells about the attack that's going to take place the next day. Boring stuff. Xena doesn't trust Najara. I don't blame her, neither do I. So Najara offers Xena her sword and her army. Xena accepts the army. It's probably a better one than Ares offered. She declines the sword. Who needs Najara's crummy sword when ya got one of your own?

The next day they kick some slave trader a**. Najara and Xena were piling up the bodies left and right. You know, for a big fat Goodie Two-Shoes, Najara was killing a whole lot! Someone shoots an arrow at Gabby. Us, as veiwers, just sit there, totally not concerned. We just sit and wait for Xena to catch it. But wait! Najara catches it! Oooh, dis on the Warrior Princess. Najara gives this smug little smile as to say, "Nah nah! I caught the arrow and now I'm gonna steal your girlfriend." Which she is totally starting to do.

All the townspeople start thanking and hugging Najara. And they give her flowers. Like Xena, Gabrielle, and Najara's army had nothing to do with saving there lives. I'd be like, "Where's my damn flowers?"

Xena has that vision of her and Gabrielle dying again. No matter how many times I see that scene, it makes me want to cry. Don't ask. It's kind of funny how they are in the middle of a blizzard and the Roman soldiers are still in there little skirts. Najara knows about Xena's vision and asks if Xena told Gabrielle. Xena said no. Xena talks about how she seems to hurt Gabrielle. I don't think this is the part where they talk about it, but, oh well.

Najara and Gabby ride off to see some swans. Xena spies on them, bad Xena! She's on a secret mission. Probably to find out more about Najara since Najara knows all about her. Xena learns that Gabrielle wants to be in Najara's hospice. Najara wants Gab sign up for a full membership to the light club and start kicking back some gin.

Xena decides to go after Marot, head slaver guy, alone. Her plan is to ditch Gabby so Gabby can join the hospice. Poor Gabby, it sucks to be ditched. Oh, this is the part where Xena says she hurts Gabrielle! Whoops.

Najara starts talking more bull about her light and being good. Someone please shut that Goody Two-shoes mouth! Gab wants to be initiated to the way of the light.

Marot thinks Xena is Najara and Xena learns some interesting things. Seems Miss Goody Two-Shoes isn't all that great. It was making me sick how goody goody she was. Najara wants to convert her slave traders to members in her light army. If they don't want to they die. And *gasp* she doesn't give them a trial!

Xena: Why should I let Najara have a trial then?! Gabrielle's gonna get it.
Me: I told you Xena. Just kick Najara's a**!
Xena: Hold on. We're not quite to that part yet.

Xena tells Gabrielle how bad Najara is. They go to leave but Najara stops them because Gab's in the light club now and her membership isn't up yet. Yay! Xena's gonna kick her a** now! Or at least try. When they started fighting, I realized something. The way Xena and Najara were fighting over Gabrielle was very much the same way guys fight over a girl. Did anyone else notice this? And just when it looked like Najara cashed in her chips, she turned the tides, BIG TIME. Then how cute, Gabrielle saves Xena's life by lying through her teeth and tells Najara that she'll go with her. So, Xena gets a beating, how sad.

Here's a Xena Many Skills for ya. She basically tells a little girl not to trust someone who talks about being good all the time. She's a damn fine role model if I say so myself. Xena may have gotten a lesson in a** whooping, but she knows Najara's weakness. Why, it's the same one she's got. She'll teach Gab for running off with Najara. Whoops, flip that around. Xena shows up at the cave where Gabrielle is.

Gabby: Xena, are you all right? You got creamed back there.
Xena: Thanks for rubbing it in.
Gabby: Well, she really beat you big time.
Xena: Yes, I know, I was there!
Gabby: Let's get out of here.
Xena: No, she's to dangerous a girl to be let on the loose. And she likes you too much.
Gabby: But she beat you up so badly!
Xena: Gabrielle!
Gabby: Sorry.

Alright, favorite line of the episode goes to Xena's, "Ooh, that's gotta hurt."

Let's play a game of the snapped-got-her-butt-whooped-last-time Warrior Princess vs. the comet-to-my-light-or-you-die Goody Goody. Winner gets Gabrielle.

Xena: Well if I can't have her, nobody's gonna have her!

Najara: I knew you were no good for her!

If I would have heard the line, "Make up your mind Gabrielle. It's either her or me, you can't have us both." I would have rested my case right there. Najara's distracted with Gabrielle's safety so she loses. Xena gets the prize. Xena has Najara captured and asks her if she told Gabrielle about the vision. Najara says, "No, that would hurt her, and that's your job." Xena should have slapped her right there. But that's all!!