The Great Untitled Journey

Scene 3: Xena and Gabrielle are walking through the forest picking up the field mice and boppin’ em on the he... wait a minute! Time out! What am I saying? Anyways, they’re just walking through the forest.

Gabrielle- I just noticed something.

Xena- What’s that?

Gab- Hermes isn’t here. Where is he? (Xena points to the sky. Gabby looks up and there’s Hermes flying through the air, arms outstretched, and making airplane noises. He then points his fingers, makes machine gun noises, then dive bombs.)

Hermes- Mayday! Mayday! I’ve been hit, I’m going down!! (He then gains altitude and continues flying. He smiles down to Xena and Gabrielle. They both give a fake smile back.)

(A mouse scurries by Xena’s feet. She picks it up by the tail, smacks it over the head, and flings it through the trees.)

Gab-(looking oddly at Xena) What did you do that for?!

Xena-(shrugs) I’m not sure.

(Gabby shakes her head)

Gab- So where exactly are we going? All Hermes said was some king in some village. How do we know where that is? (Before Xena can call out to Hermes, Gabrielle trips over something and falls flat on her face. Xena smiles and picks up the object which was a sign that had fallen. Gabby lifts her face out of the mud.)

Xena-(reading the sign) Some Village, 3 miles. Looks like we’ve _stumbled_ upon it by accident.(Xena smiles and Gabby scowls at Xena’s bad joke and gets up. They walk in silence for what seems like forever. Xena breaks the silence and starts singing to herself.) O-oh say can you see... (Gabby looks at her strangely) ..by the dawns early li...

Gab- Hermes, come quick! Xena’s about to expose herself!! (Gabby laughs. Xena smacks Gabrielle on the arm as Hermes rushes to the ground and looks at Xena eagerly)

Xena- False alarm Hermes (Xena glares at Gabrielle. Hermes frowns and flies into the air again and they continue walking.)

Gab- Xena?

Xena- Hmm?

Gab- This story is really boring. Do you think we’ll ever meet a bad guys or have to do anything dangerous? (Suddenly Callisto jumps out from behind a tree. Xena draws her sword.)

Callisto- Somebody call for a bad guy?

Gab- I should really learn to keep my mouth shut.

Xena- Amen to that.

Gab- What in Hades does Amen mean?

Xena- Not sure, it just sounded good.

Calli-(intentionally clears her throat) Hello?! Arch enemy Callisto’s here! Does anyone care?

Gab- Not really, no.

Calli- Well, I guess I’ll have to start blowing things up until somebody _does_ care. (Callisto raises her finger. Suddenly the author appears.)

sidney0- Oh no you don’t Callisto!

Xena&Gab-(confused) Who the... ??

Calli- Oh yes I do. (raises her finger again)

sid0- I wouldn’t if I were you.

Calli- Or you’ll do what?

sid0- This. (raises her finger and zaps Callisto who flies to the moon) Your not in this parody sista! And do me a favor, eat something will ya!!

Xena&Gab- Whoah!!

Xena- How’d you do that!?

sid0- I’m the author, I can do whatever I want! (folds her arms, bows her head, blinks her eyes, and disappears, Jeanie style)

Xena- Strange, very strange. But she’s gotta teach me how to do that!!

Gab- Xena? Do you think Callisto will ever be back?

Argo-(thinking) This girl is stupider than I thought!

Xena-(thinking) This girl is stupider than I thought!

disclaimer: Callisto was not harmed. Currently, she is happily residing on the moon. The poor mouse died *sniffle* in this episode.