Xebrena The Teenage Warrior Witch

Xebrena awoke in the middle of the night. Come morning, she'd be celebrating her 16th birthday, but she felt she had little to celebrate. She was to begin her first day at Potidaea High School, where she had transferred over the summer from her native Amphipolis. Her parents had sent her to live with her aunts, Hildesta and Zeldephone; sure, she liked them, but why were they doing this?

Then, Xebrena noticed a strange sight. Her chakram had mysteriously risen from a table in her bedroom and was swirling around the top of the room.

"What's going on here?" she cried. The aunts heard her and quickly raced to the room.

"It's happened! It's happened!" the impetuous Hildesta cried.

"What's happened?" Xebrena asked.

"You've turned 16, and you're now a warrior witch," said Zeldephone, giving her niece a big hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Witch? WITCH?"

"Yes," Hildesta said, "just like us. Just like your father."

Zeldephone smiled. "He sent you here to live with us to learn the ways of witchcraft. It's a wonderful gift, and you can do the world..."

"...a world of good!" the other aunt interjected. "But meanwhile, you have to keep it a secret from everyone."

"And you still have to go to school," said Zeldephone, the more intellectual of the aunts.

Another voice chipped in. "So I guess she knows now."

"Where'd that voice come from?" a bewildered Xebrena said.

"Look to the window," the voice replied. It was the aunts' horse, Ergo.

"A talking horse?"

"Of course," Hildesta said.

"Of course," Xebrena said to herself, still confused.

"Actually, Ergo is a former witch. She was sentenced to a century of horsehood for trying to take over the world," Zeldephone said.

"I was framed!" Ergo retorted. "Meanwhile, some lab mouse got off scot-free."

"Let's let her sleep, Ergo," Hildesta said. "She needs a few hours' rest before she enrolls at Potidaea High."

Xebrena began her first day at Potidaea High School. Sure, she was now a witch, for what it was worth, but she was lonely--and apparently showed it at Greek literature class.

"You must be new around here," a small girl with reddish-blonde hair said from the desk behind her.

Xebrena turned around. "Yes, I am. I'm Xebrena, and I hail from Amphipolis."

"Pleased to meet you. My name's Gab, and I edit the school scroll, the Python Post. I think you'll like our school and our village."

"That's good. I'm taking mostly warrior prep courses." Xebrena saw a slim, fairly attractive young man two seats to the left of her; he smiled in response to being noticed. "Who is he?" she whispered to Gab.

"Oh, that's Joxey. A real nice guy, a member of the Purple Pythons' cross country team. Not much of an athlete, but he tries really hard."

"Maybe I should ask him for a date."

"He might like that."

As Xebrena moved on to her next class, she fully intended to ask Joxey for a date, but instead accidentally ran into a buxom blonde wearing a purple Potidaea sweater.

"I'm sorry," Xebrena said.

"Hah!" the blonde retorted, wiping herself off and walking away. "Cheerleaders rule--freaks drool!"

Gab saw the scene and rushed over to console Xebrena. "Mean one, isn't she?"

"I'll say. Who is she?"

"Her name's Cally, and she's head cheerleader," Gab said. "Came into town from Cirra a few years back, and always acts like there's a chip on her shoulder. So snotty toward everyone in school."

"Hmmm," Xebrena thought to herself. "Maybe I can do something about that."

A week later, Potidaea High had its first cross country meet, challenging the Marathon Maroon Marauders.

"We're heavy underdogs," Gab told Xebrena. "Marathon always has one of the best teams in Greece."

Cally and the other cheerleaders were on hand, chanting "Python Power" to the crowd and shaking their purple-dyed wool sheepskins.

Xebrena watched and exchanged winks with Joxey, who lived down the block from her. Now was her chance, she thought. She had gone through the witch scrolls, reading some spells her aunts probably didn't want her to see at such an inexperienced age.

"Sick of Cally and her lies," Xebrena softly said, pointing at the cheerleader. "Cut that figure down to size!"

Within seconds, Cally began feeling strange. She glanced at her sweater and noticed her impressive bustline had mysteriously deflated, making her look ridiculous. The other cheerleaders started noticing the change, and couldn't help but laugh at their suddenly small-chested leader.

"That'll teach her," Xebrena thought. Now if only she could help Joxey, who had stumbled at the start and was near the back of the pack. "Make it as if he rode a steed," she chanted softly, pointing at him as he climbed a nearby hill. "Give him a touch of Hermes' speed!"

Joxer instantly gained second wind, and while he only placed second in the field of 14, it was by far his best finish ever. Better yet, he was the lead runner as Potidaea upset Marathon.

Xebrena walked home, gleeful. The aunts quickly corrected that emotion.

"We heard about what happened at the cross country race today," Zeldephone said.

"And don't pretend you had nothing to do with it," Hildesta added. "I saw Cally coming back from the race, crying. With a figure that flat, heck, I'd cry too."

"And Joxey couldn't run that fast on his own if he turned into Pegasus," the other aunt said. "Him, helping to beat Marathon? Something is amiss here."

"Okay, I did it," Xebrena said. "Cally was mean to me, and I like Joxey. Is there something wrong with that?"

"There is when witches interfere with mortals just for fun," Zeldephone said. "Witchcraft is powerful and should not be used lightly."

"Look where it got me!" Ergo said from the window. "How was I to know that guy in Corinth who I divulged the plans to was working undercover?"

"Anyhow, Xebrena, you're grounded," Hildesta said.

"That's not fair! Joxey and I were going to the Aristophanes play tonight!"

"So you go to the new play next week," Zeldephone said. "You must learn to channel your witch powers for good. Meanwhile, do some schoolwork."

"Oh, all right," Xebrena said, slinking into her room. She would learn more about witchcraft, and how it could make her a better warrior--but would it affect her crush on Joxey?

--the end--

disclaimer: The art of TV witchcraft as practiced by Melissa Joan Hart and the late Elizabeth Montgomery was not damaged in this parody, and Cally's bustline was not irreparably harmed thanks to a visit to a surgeon in Houstonia.