My Blurb on Weight

I've been involved with a simply wonderful group of people called the Inner Circle. We are a small group of e-mail friends who are very alike and yet very different. Back on September 22, 1995 I wrote this message to the group. It was a response to something else I had written about weight (but being the ever tidy housekeeper that I am, I deleted it off my computer). I think it accurately sums up the way I feel.

An Issue of Weight

The Word FAT

For years the word fat was my enemy. It is also the enemy of many people in the size acceptance movement. It was always considered a putdown to say someone was fat. Instead, words like large, big, and overweight were used. Large and big are fine, they accurately describe a person of size. But, overweight is extremely negative as it implies imperfection all by itself. I don't know if I can do justice to this except by using a far too overused phrase...Over whose weight? Yes, by the insurance company standards we are "over" our "ideal" weight. However, for our personal selves we may not be over *our* "ideal" weight. There are several theories on why people are large, but I won't touch on them here. To summarize, I am fat, and to me the word fat works better than overweight. If someone approached me on the street and said "You're fat", I'd have to reply "yes I am" - because it is what my body is! But it is not who I am! I'm not sure of any other way to explain it...except to say it really isn't a "bad" word anymore.

Fat - Woman - Pretty - Mirrors

I'm really happy to be a woman - yes, I am a person, but I identify with being a woman. That is why I choose to say "I am a fat woman". When I look in the mirror I see a fat woman. I also see a pretty face, wonderful eyes, great kissable lips, and a nose a little wider than I wish it were. I see drab hair that won't do a thing short of hang on my head, a large stomach that is kind of cool because it has character. Breasts that are kind of pendulous but interestingly so, shapely hips and firm legs. I have a very balanced figure...a definate hourglass. I accept my body for what it is. I don't think I necessarily accept the weight I am, but I do accept that it is what I am right now. I also know that dieting is dangerous for me...I get too obsessed and am great at self-sabotage, which in turn damages my self-esteem. I also know I'll gain back more than I lose, and that isn't worth it to me. I'm more interested in health and feeling good. If I feel good my self portrait in the mirror is much nicer too. Sometimes I feel incredibly beautiful and "normal sized" - it's a state of mind thing. I even see myself as sexy too. I'm very graceful and gentle and that works to my personal advantage as well.

Food

I eat...we all eat. I don't think I always overeat, but I know that I do sometimes. I have flavor cravings, texture cravings, etc. I don't believe in self-deprivation. if I want it, I have it. This attitude allows me to not go overboard. When I used to diet I hoarded "bad" food. It was horribly depressing to discover that of myself. Now if I want something "bad", I allow myself to have it, savor it, but I don't go over the edge anymore. I eat well balanced healthy meals. I don't do much junk food in my home. I've managed to maintain my current weight for about 10 years - and that is healthy. I don't have a lot of trouble with other women talking diets all the time - they know I will just change the subject. Women do obsess and I either ignore it or bring up the topic of accepting ourselves as we are.

Rude Insensitive Comments

Yes! people really say things like "you have such a pretty face, if only you'd lose weight!" My own mother has said it to me in the past. I was at a NAAFA (National Association to Aid Fat Americans) meeting in July [1995] and someone yelled out a car window to a friend, some very rude comments. Not only about her weight, but a physical disability as well. "Whoa, look at that moose in the wheelchair! Hey moose, wanna borrow a crowbar?" She handled it with tact, screaming back to them "hey ^*#*#(#* go *@%###$ yourself!" It has never happened to me, but it happens all the time. I'm not sure how I'd react if it did happen to me.

Conclusion

If I woke up tommorrow morning wearing a size 14 (that was always the magic goal size when I dieted) I would not be unhappy - my acceptance doesn't go that far. I know that treating myself with no respect just because I am fat is not the way I want to live either. So, I accept where I am today. I come from a long line of weight obsessed women...I'm unique and I'm me. I'd love to wear cute little outfits, but I accept wearing what's available to me (don't get me started here!) I have no goal to lose weight right now, but that too may change someday. For now I want to work on other areas of my life which I consider far more important.

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Last Revised 1/1/97 9:08:03 PM