Senility Prayer 

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, 

The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to  tell the difference. 
  
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered: 

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.



TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 

THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... 

FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. 

SIX - If all is not lost, where is it? 



SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 

EIGHT - Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. 

NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few... 

TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 

ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause...kids. 



TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 

THIRTEEN - Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 
  
FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 



FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide 
to play Chess? 

SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. 

SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 



EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. 

NINETEEN - UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT 
AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER!