My parents divorced at age 3 and I rarely saw my father. My mother left me with relatives sometimes while she worked. Things are a little fuzzy after that just bits and pieces .

My mother and I moved a lot through my childhood, never stayed in the same school for more then a year.
I sometimes lived with relatives,and sometimes with friends. I really hated having to move and meet new friends. Now that I've grown I understand my mothers reasons!
My mother did what she had to do to support us, so her choices to have me live else where, was just her way of protecting me.

My mother was an alcoholic/drug addict, and was a victim of domestic violence.
She married several times, and many were abusive men.

She was murdered by my step-father,when I was 17, two days before mothers day 1981.

I watched over the years, the pain and suffering my mother went through. When she married (David) he was a good person in the beginning. Soon that all changed, when he started shooting up Methamphetamine.
He changed before my eyes, lost weight, grew a beard, and showed classic signs of paranoia.
He destroyed my mothers self-esteem, and beat her over a two year period. We lived in northern Ca., on the Hoopa Indian Reservation. In the Six Rivers National Forest. In a town called Whitchepec, population 150, does that tell you anything?
He never was arrested for the murder of my mother. You can read more in a later page I am planning.

I am a single mother of two girls, never married.

I followed the pattern, and I've been in a number of unhealthy abusive relationships, mostly verbal abuse, I refuse to be with a man who is physically abusive once was enough never again!

Now that I look back I can understand the reasons why I chose the wrong partners. I am afraid to love, if you don't let anyone in , I cant get hurt! The walls I built around myself are hard to break!

I was molested when I was five years old. I remember ,a man ,a friend of my mothers second husband. (Tom a Hells Angel member)there was a party at our house. I remember 4 guys grabbing the man off of me and throwing him out the second story window of the house.
I cant remember anything else about it. There were several other sexual assaults after that, and I was raped at age fourteen which put me in the hospital.
I stuffed those memories deep ,and bringing them to the surface is an emotional roller coaster for me!

I too have a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, I was on a collision course of self destruction and dysfunction!
My life was going in a viscous circle, and I couldn't stop it! I got caught up in the mix, and made some really bad choices, and ended up doing a 16 month prison term.

I had hit rock bottom!

That is when I realized, it was time find out what I needed to take control of my life again! That meant I had to face the things bottled up for so many years, and did not know how to bring them to the surface.

I started to read a lot about human behavior, self-esteem, and the power of positive thinking.
Every day I grow in my road to recovery and well being inside and out!

The information links I have added within my pages helped me learn how to love myself again, and improve my life.