Practically the first question every homeschooling parent gets asked is "But what about socialization?" Sometimes we get the idea that all public school parents care about is their child's social life. Certainly a social life can be important, but academic life matters too, and hardly anyone asks about that. Still, since it's a question we get asked, and a question I've spent a lot of time answering in emails lately, it's time to discuss it.

First of all, the idea that homeschool kids have no social life is ridiculous. They aren't chained to a desk all day studying. (The vision held by all those who don't think we spend all day watching TV.) Most homeschoolers have plenty of social life, maybe even more than most public school children, because our school day is shorter, so we have more time.

The family, is in itself, the first training ground for socialization. Here we learn real survival skills. (After all, no playground bully is less compassionate than your big brother.) Within the family you learn to defend yourself, handle teasing, and hold conversations. You learn about kids of other ages. You learn to talk to adults. I've read that the average parent spends about seven minutes a day talking to their children in non-directional conversation. Seven minutes. (Clean your room doesn't count.) Because homeschool kids are with their parents all day, and because homeschool parents aren't depending on school to give kids all the skills, knowledge and values they need, we spend a lot more time talking to our kids. We talk about everything, and homeschoolers are comfortable with adults.

Outside the family, most children take lessons or participate in other activities. We go to church, join sports teams, become Scouts, and do volunteer work. Our kids play with other kids in the neighborhood. The only complaint is that the other kids don't get out of school in time and then they have homework and chores. Our kids have done their chores and homework before the other kids are even out of school, and they're ready to play.

Let's think for a minute about school socialization. My kids have been in school, and I know how it works. There are a couple of fifteen minute recesses, which does not give you a great deal of free time to get any extensive socialization going. Children who are shy or unpopular often spend that time alone. Children with learning disabilities often spend that time finishing the work they couldn't do in class. My daughter was sentenced to doing school work at every recess and lunch because she wrote slowly. In spite of that, when I decided to homeschool her, guess what the teacher said? "She needs the socialization!"

In a good classroom there will be group activities, but not every class is good, and parents can seldom choose. We can make up for that with cooperative activities in our homeschool and by putting our kids into activities requiring cooperative work. Really, though, home is the best place to learn that, and the schools only teach it because so many families don't.

Children do learn certain things at school, but most of what my kids learn at school, they could go a lifetime without knowing. In kindergarten, my daughter was invited to a party for white children only-the black friend was told she couldn't come because she was the "wrong" color. Certainly, it was a learning experience. My daughter chose not to attend the party. It might have been a better lesson when she was older. (By the way, this was at a multicultural magnet school.)

My kids come home from their few hours at the public school, where they part-time, with a long list of "disses" they've learned-insults. School children make fun of those who are different, and the school social skills are often not skills that work in the real world-the world they keep saying we're missing. For example, a child who is physically attacked is punished for defending himself. The same school that teaches a child this skill will have abuse protection classes where they are told that if someone tries to kidnap or molest them, they are to kick, bite, and do whatever else is necessary to protect themselves. No real world here-just confusing contradictions.

Learning to work cooperatively without drawing unncecessary attention to yourself is a good school skill, but not a good skill in the employment world, where the quiet employee doesn't get promoted. Not asking too many questions, wearing uniforms, and being like everyone else is valued in school, but in the real world? Conformists don't change the world.

Just remember that while there are good (and bad) social skills to learn in school, school is not the only place to learn them. Social skills are learned wherever there are people. Homeschoolers have been shown in studies to have social skills equal to that of other children, and they are growing up to be happy, successful people. There are a number of famous people who were entirely or partially homeschooled, including Edison, Einstein, Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz and Leanne Rimes. Your kids will be just fine.