To: Zed, at MiB HQ
cc: All supervisors, all offices; all Agents, all offices

From: Agent R1187, aka Milquetoast, in the Denver office

Re: Treatment of the Neo-Verminoids

Message: I recently saw the message about voluntary missions, and may I say it is about time. As far as we RiB are concerned, we are born for the express purpose of taking life-threatening missions, so turning down an assignment is simply not an option for us. However, since all the ladies, gentlemen, and others, currently working for the MiB are volunteers, these risky missions should be par-for-the-course. I mean, they have already signed their lives over to the Agency, right?

But, I digress. As the duly elected representative for the Neo-Verminoids (for this week, anyway. We noticed the disappearance of Agent R53 after that last memo), I protest strongly that we have no permanence in the Agency. Without us, you could never nab half the undulating aliens you do from the ventilators of the Mile High Stadium, here in Denver, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the UN Building, or the World Trade Center, in NYC, just to name a few. And Agent R34 has been around a while. He's the longest lived RiB to date! He's been on countless missions, and even has a "Teacher Barbie" desk that he uses. Not to mention a really cool Baltian sized cel phone that he uses to keep in touch with the ASPC-- I mean, with HQ

We are valuable members of the Mib force, ad aside from occasional lapses of memory, we do jus--uhm... What was I saying? Oh yeah, that's i As I was saying, we would like to get several wheels of cheese delivered to our offices, and a half-ton of mashed potato flakes.

The sooner we ge out cheese and potatoes, the sooner our morale will improve. We may be asexual rats, but we DO have needs. Thank you.

To: All supervisors in the Denver office
cc: All Agents in the Denver office

From: Zed

Re: Memo from Agent R1187

Message: Who the HELL gave my memo on voluntary missions to the RiB?!? Whoever was responsible will get a regular neuralization, ever time he is assigned a Neo-Verminoid. Please see to it. As well, please attempt to figure out who gave that rat a cel phone and a working word processor. The same regiment should be followed for that agent.

The cheese and potatoes are on the way. Please tell the rats. Don't want their morale to sink any further, now do we? AND WILL YOU PLEASE STOP NAMING THEM?!?!? Thank you.

To: Zed, MiB HQ

From: Agent L, Dever office

Re: Memo from Agent R1187

Message: I would just like to point out that we get our Neo-Verminoids shipped to us from the Portland office. Our requisition for a Rat-O-Matic was refused, based on various infractions our office had in the neuralization of the local sheriff's office.

Additionally, I would like to protest the accusations that we, being of sound mind, would ever allow our RiB to get their paws on a word processor. Or a cel phone. I would like to point out that rats, hyper-intelligent or not, ARE scavengers. If they want it, they'll get it.

Also, I would like to request, once again, that we go to an inter-office e-mail system. If we had that, we wouldn't need to worry over the RiB getting their grimy little paws on sensitive information like these memos.

Please consider it, Zed. Thank you.

To: Agent L, Denver office
cc: All Agents, all offices; all supervisors, all offices

From: Agent R176, aka, Rosebud

Re: RiB treatment, and inter-office communications

Message: Agent L, please kindly refrain from speaking of the RiB in such a derogatory manner. Most RiB Agents' paws are clean, and certainly are not grimy. I would ask you to not refer to us in such a manner again. We have feelings too.

As Agent R1187 pointed out, we are very valuable to the MiB organization, and we are offended by the assertion that we are not worthy to read inter-office communiquéés. We do too much for the agency to be told we are just "equipment". Are the Annelids treated this way? I don't think so.

All we want is equal treatment as valuable members of this Agency. Thank you.

To: All Agents, all offices
cc: All supervisors, all offices

From: Zed, MiB HQ

Re: RiB treatment and inter-office communications

Message: That clinches it! All RiB are to be neuralized, and every office will begin using an electronic memo system.

RiB are EQUIPMENT! Yes, they are cute, and yes, they are useful, but they are NOT on the same level of the Annelids, no matter what they think.

Supervisors, please refer to the MiB Manual, and re-train all your agents as to how the RiB are to be treated.

AND FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP NAMING THEM!!!!! Thank you!

To: All Agents, all offices
cc: All supervisors, all offices

From: Zed, MiB HQ

Re: Inter-office communication

Message: As of today, we will be returning to the old fashioned "carrier pigeon" method of inter-office communications. The e-mail system worked fine until we realized, thanks to Billy Liefenhaus, our system, technologically advanced or not, could be hacked into, and the fewer things we have "floating" in the ether, the better our security is. The twins have a hard enough time keeping tabs on security breaches; no need to add to the possibility of such breaches in the future. Agents are currently on-route to Billy's residence in Chillicoothe, Iowa, to see if either neuralization is needed, or if it will be necessary to add young Mr. Liefenhaus to our Agents roster.

On a note of mission priority, when you see suspected alien activity, related or unrelated to your current mission, follow up on it. The worst that will happen is that your assignment will be delayed or assigned to other agents.

Also, we have a sighting of Elvis. Not "the" Elvis, but Elvis Aaron Brooker. He was last seen in Ohio by a group of agents (I hesitate to say "being led" by Agent H, from our own office here in NY. Keep your eyes open. He seems to be holding a grudge, and has, from the sketchy report, grown in strength.

That's all for now.