Puns

Many of the following will elicit groans, some mutters of disgust, and a few, I hope, the slightest stirrings of a chuckle. These will probably be as rare as diamonds in a manure pile. Still, I hope curiosity compels you forward.

Remember: just because I made them up does not mean you have to read them. I hate people who e-mail me to let me know knock-knock jokes went out with the cubit*. I know. But sometimes, late at night, when the free association moon comes out from behind the clouds, connections sprout in my brain like Tim Allen's beard in The Santa Clause. I write them all down. Later, I discriminate. Take some comfort in your groaning that I pruned a few ill-mannered weeds from this garden. Then, if you're still nauseous, run to the nearest bucket.

* Biblical measure of length. Noak's ark was something like 300 cubits long.

Let the punning begin.

Smorgas-Morgue		All you can eat.
Armaghetti		Pasta served at everybody's Last Supper.
Jackrabbi		A Jewish cultural and religious leader with large rear limbs to evade coyotes and other natural predators.
Hydrogen Mom		A parent whose maternal wrath is equivalent to one million tons of TNT.
Voidka		Alcohol distilled from pure vacuum.
Anticipainting		Art before art's sake.
Error Plane		A vehicle destined for tragedy.
Malarious		When tropical diseases become really funny. Alt. When tropical diseases become really, really funny.
Adminestrone		Soup that comes with a bread bowl or secretarial pool.
Lepertoire		Seth Brundle's medicine cabinet at the end of the David Cronenberg remake of the Fly.

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