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BEST of POD
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1. How are hurricane's names selected?
a. Named after Congressmen who are full of hot air
b. Names of spouses are submitted by divorced people
c. Page 824 in Miami's phone book
d. Hurricanes don't care what you call them
2. What do you call the most severe hurricane?
a. Category 5
b. Red Alert
c. Costly
d. HOLY S***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. If hurricane Guido, with wind speeds of 104MPH leaves the Northwest Afican coast on Wednesday at 7:04AM and is travelling West at 16MPH and hurricane Isabel, with wind speeds of 93MPH leaves Key West at 24MPH on Thursday at 11:32AM; when will they meet?
a. Tuesday at 3:18, but their luggage would be in Paris
b. Never, Isabel doesn't want to have anything to dowith a blowhard like Guido
c. Never, Guido said that there's no place for Isabel to stop and ask directions; she'll probably end up in Rio
d. Trick question-- hurricanes don't depart from Key West
4. You're flying in a small, single-engine plane. You look up and see a hurricane directly ahead. what's the first thing that enters your mind?
a. It's got the right of way! It's got the right of way!
b. This is the last time I fly no-frills
c. I can't believe she's going to get EVERYTHING now!
d. The windshield
5. A hurricane is dangerous if...
a. you get in it's way
b. it had a REALLY bad day
c. you try to stop it and ask directions
d. you do not yield the right of way
6. How do forecasters know that a hurricane is coming?
a. Hurricanes ALWAYS leave a forwarding address
b. They have REALLY good binoculars
c. Hurricanes LOVE the beach
d. They send out a bunch of small boats and plot the sinkings
7. How can you protect your house in the event of a hurricane?
a. Sell it-- QUICK
b. Bury it and dig it up later
c. Cover it with leaves and pretend that it's a big bush
d. Two words-- duct tape
8. What is the first thing you should do if a hurricane is confirmed to be heading in your direction?
a. Check your supplies for the big hurricane party
b. Air drop a roadmap, of another area, into the eye
c. Put out all your trash for immediate air disposal
d. Begin drawing plans for the new house you will soon be building
9. What should you NOT do if a hurricane is coming?
a. Begin those remodeling plans you've been putting off
b. Put the cat or dog out (unless on a LONG leash)
c. Cancel your homeowner's insurance
d. Go on a picnic, to the beach
10. When is a good time to evacuate your home?
a. When the water level reaches the roof
b. When your in-ground swimming pool becomes airborne
c. Shortly after your roof is declared UFO
d. When people ask how you constructed a home without outer walls
11. Where should you evacuate?
a. A nearby lowland to wait out the floods
b. A tall location, like on top of a raido toweror one of Florida's many mountain tops
c. Anywhere that has a happy hour and free munchies
d. Out to sea on a small craft
12. Why should you NOT stay close to the beach?
a. All the best spots are probably taken
b. Track in too much sand
c. Cooler keeps blowin' away
d. Hard to stay put under the 50' waves
13. If the eye of the hurricane passes overheard, you should not...
a. stare; it's impolite
b. make direct eye contact
c. offer it some Visine
d. ask if it's seen Dorothy and Toto
14. What happens after the eye passes?
a. Stay very still; maybe it didn't see you
b. It can't see you anymore
c. You can expect a large nose, followed by the mouth, etc.
d. It winks and waves good-bye
15. What should you do first afer a hurricane passes?
a. Locate your computer
b. Determine if your computer is operational
c. Contact your insurance agent about replacing your computer
d. See if your spouse, kids and pets are around; the get back to your computer
16. Who should your turn to if you need help after a hurricane?
a. Local government (also blown away)
b. State government (cant' afford to help)
c. Federal government (doesn't care)
d. Foreign governments (the Japanese are looking for investments)
17. What services should you expect to be without after a hurricane?
a. Electricity (no cold beer)
b. Telephone (no modem)
c. Your computer!! (Eeeeeaaaahhh!)
d. All of the above
18 What happens a year after you've been hit by a hurricane?
a. Still looking for pieces of your house
b. Still looking for pieces of your computer
c. Still looking for pieces of yourself
d. The government sees you've started rebuilding and concludes you need no emergency help
The Num-oh-one hurricane song of the season: Let it Blow!
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. (P.S. To the leaders on India: If you wanted to really show strength, you should of come up with some way to create a manmade hurricane - Now THAT would be one heckuavan accomplishment)
60 -Californians put on sweaters(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 -Miami residents turn on the heat
40 -You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans go swimming.
35 -Italian cars don't start
32 -Water freezes
30 -You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start
25 -Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 -You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south
15 -French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 -Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going
5 -You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don't start
0 -Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate
-10 -German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 -You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
-20 -Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
-25 -Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going
-30 -You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don't start
-40 -Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south
-50 -Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
-60 -Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south
-90 -Lawyers put their hands in their pockets.
40 Siberians melt.
50 Scandinavians sweat.
70 Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation.
80 Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.
90 Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground.
100 British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters.
105 Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt.
110 Arabians awaken and thaw. Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.
120 Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.
130 Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.
150 Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.
200 Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.
212 Water Boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.
327 Lead Boils. Okies notice it is warm out.
345 Saharans comment that the sand is a little stingy today.
400 Camels die.
2000 Nuclear blast nominal yield.
Go back to Crazy Chasers and Wacky Weather Part II Go to Crazy Chasers and Wacky Weather Part I Go to Thunder Listener's Weather Page Thanx for all your support! I'm glad you've all enjoyed it so far. I'd be adding some new stuff now and then. This isn't the work of a lone ranger. I know many uncredited folks out there (of mostly who I was unable to trace or keep track of) have inspired amusing snippets such as these found in here.
My thanks to:
The makers of "Twister" and such: you've given me the best meteorological comedy ever in my movie collection. :) You know, I found more than 40 mistakes in the first quarter of the movie... are of laughable content.
"Allan Rosenberg", the cartoon guy of former "Gilbert Zone", now known as Negative Tilt. Sorry I flamed you the other time. I was just too hooked on your incredible cartoons!
Gilbert Sebenste, the webmaster of The Storm Chaser Homepage for helping me hunt for weather humour pages. I found more than what I could use!
The Weather Weenie of the Week board. Sorry guys, for jammin' up your inbox with worthless WWW nominations. But the only way to stop me is to induct me into the WWW board of fame...
To all my favourite country singers-- Garth Brooks, George Strait, Brooks and Dunn, Clint Black, Billy Ray Cyrus and the late Eddie Rabbitt for inspiring the great music-- weather-related or not!
Les Lemon, a true weather-gentleman (note I didn't say gentle-weather man!). I just had to send somebody that tornado season's greetings card...
All you guys and Tripod's "Weather Pod", for making this page a sucess!
All the storm chasers everwhere, esp. on the wx-chase list. I love your sense of humour!
Heard any funny weather jokes lately? Send then to wx_signpost@coolsite.net
Thanx!
