Icicles In The Sun
by:
Sailor Seraphim

They are dead. They are all dead.

My mother, my father, my teachers, all my old friends, even Uwara-kun. They have been dead for many years, but I cannot forget.

But, this is the life of a Senshi, is it not? To live almost indefinitely, to be reborn after death, to wield tremendous power that manifests itself as a blast from the hands. This is my life. This is my Fate. I will not complain my circumstances, only accept and move on.

So here I stand, on a balcony in the Crystal Palace, gazing over the city that I am sworn to protect. The breeze ruffles through my hair, and the pre-dawn tranquil of the city has a rather lulling, calming effect on me. I learned something new last night, and now I have much to think about today. And always when I think, I remember my long past. It is strange, this Utopia, Crystal Tokyo. I remember seeing it in my past, when I was younger and more naive. A girl of fifteen trying to protect the future. It seems so different now that I am almost one thousand years old... not including my past life of course.

Perhaps I see it differently because I have now experienced the hardships and trials that were need to make sure this city was born. Those long battles, the nearly endless wars, the misbegotten creatures that, with megalomaniacal purpose, kept trying to conquer this planet.

But always we Senshi were there.

We were there to protect the innocent. To defend the weak. To guard our Princess as she tried to establish her domain. We used our powers to destroy the threats and make sure everything would be safe once more.

I still can't believe that, even then, I was innocent enough to believe that every battle would be the last. The battles never end. The threats never cease. I am Senshi, I was born to protect. This means the fighting will never be over for me.

Never.

The city is quiet, pulled into the depths of slumber and silence. It is always darkest before the dawn, if I remember the quote correctly, and I chuckle as I try to envision how badly Venus... Minako... would mess up that phrase. It has been too long since I thought of her as Minako. I hardly ever think of my closest friends as their younger forms anymore, rather the same way that it is hard for me to envision Neo Queen Serenity as the same Usagi-chan that I remember.

Things change after awhile I suppose. Our Earth identities were no longer needed when we announced ourselves to the world; when Serenity created Crystal Tokyo. But I still remember the shock on Mama's face when she found out about me. I don't know if she fainted because of the powers I wielded, or because my skirt was so short. Even Papa, when I saw him that last time, was astounded. He never expected his little Ami-chan to be one of the world's most powerful people. And Uwara-kun... he was so shocked. Though he had precognitive powers, Uwara-kun had never seen me imbued with the full powers of Mercury. All the people I knew looked at me differently after that. It didn't matter that they were my teachers and friends, that I had grown up with them, that they knew me since I was a little girl. They treated me with a deference and respect that I did not expect. I knew they feared my powers, even though I would never raise my hand against them.

They treated me... like a goddess.

A goddess who fought and battled, who sweated and bled, who gave up her life to protect everyone else. No one, save the other Senshi, will ever know how terrible this life was for me. For the child, not only to outlive the parents, but to outlive them a hundred-fold! They will never know how much I hurt and suffered, watching everyone I knew age and die around me, while I seem locked in the immortal age of twenty-two.

But I am Senshi! This is my Fate! I cannot change anything, nor would I want to. It is destiny that my life is to be filled with unending battles. That is the nature of things!

Yes, it is my Fate, but could I subject another to it? Could I ever purposely allow her to become like me? A Pretty Soldier who will fight forever and take the mantle of Senshi from my shoulders once I have finally died? The wind stirs more and the darkness over the city seems to smother me. How could I do it? How could I allow her to live a merciless life; to fight and fight and never know true peace? I don't think she should have to live a life where she must constantly look over her shoulder; where she waits and anticipates the next battle.

But... if no one will take the mantle, where will that leave the future? Who will guard the innocent? Who will protect the weak? Who will make sure justice and peace and life will continue to reign? Even with my advanced intellect, I cannot answer questions like these. Once again I must put my trust in Fate and hope that the threads will foretell a happier life for the one who will someday take my place.

I sigh to myself and watch as day breaks and bright shafts of light filter in from the east. I have made my decision and my mind is set. I can worry all I want about the future, but that does not stop the present from happening. I must think of now and the more pressing business which has come to my attention. There is a time for everything, and now is the time for the present to come to fore.

I watch the sun rise over the shining city that calls me a goddess. It is quiet moments like these when I feel most at peace, despite all the battles that rage unending. I hear light footsteps behind me, but I don't bother to turn around. I already know who it is.

My husband wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. "You've been up for a long time," he says softly. "What are you thinking about?"

I sigh and lean back against him. "Nothing much. Just thinking. About everything."

His warm hands drift down and stop at my belly. "Is this bothering you, Ami?"

I am surprised. I didn't think that he knew already. I only found out last night.

"Yes... no... I don't know. Maybe that's why I came out here." I turn and look into his green eyes. They are full of love and pride. "Why are you up so early, Zoisite? I wasn't expecting you to be up so soon."

He laughs. "Who says I went to sleep? It's not everyday a man finds out he is to become a father." His gaze turns earnest. "But seriously, what is bothering you? I don't like to see you unhappy Ami."

I hug him reassuringly, and his arms hold me tightly. I think about the world my child will be born in. Happiness and Utopia... but for how long? I suppose you can't stop Fate from happening. My duties are wide... and hers will be too. I look into my husband's eyes and smile.

"I just... do you mind if I wish for a girl?"

I see the flicker of understanding that sparks in his eyes. He knows the thoughts that I have struggled with last night. He leans down and kisses me, lovingly, tenderly. I gasp for breath and he smiles.

"I don't care what the child is, Ami, so long as she is ours."

I hug him tighter and we both turn to watch the day break.

I am glad he understands.





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