I might be a computer specialist, but even I can' figure out what is wrong wit' dis computer right now. Whenever one of us tries to type in dese boxes for updatin' journals or makin' websites, it doesn' work. Meanin' de font color is white an' nothin' comes up. I don' get it at all.

At any rate, my name is Theoren an' I was second-in-command of de Thieves Guild b'fore de unification. I am also de main webmaster for dis homepage. I have to admit, it's real hard to know what you're typin' is right when you can' read it until you save it.

I am de nephew of former Thieves Guild Patriarch Jean-Luc LeBeau, which makes me de first cousin of our current patriarch, Remy. My father was originally married to Jean-Luc's sister. Quite a few years after she died, Papa remarried, an' gave me a long-awaited baby brother named Etienne. Etienne wasn' destined to grow up, however; he was killed jus' one week b'fore his thirteenth birthday.

I am one of de more serious people in dis family. I take what we do an' how we do it very seriously indeed, an' I admit it drives me crazy when some of de others make light of situations.

(NOTE: It is amazin' what you can do simply by shuttin' down de computer for a few minutes. Remember dat for future reference, okay?)

Anyway, Zoe always says I have no sense of humor, an' dat's true mos' of de time. I find comical movies an' shows funny, but dat's 'bout it. I don' see de point to laughin' my way t'rough life, to be honest, an' I don' see how some people can do it.

My position in de Guild is Harvest Master. I work wit' Genard, who is our Harvest Disseminator, as well as Ministers Tome an' Hoard, who keep all our records. Essentially, it is my job to determine if a particular item we steal pertains to de Old Kingdom or not. If it does, we keep it. If it doesn', Genard takes it an' either sells it or gives it away.

I am also one of de two computer specialists in de Guild. De other is my first cousin, Emil. He an' I have a tendency to not get along very well, b'cause we're polar opposites, but we work exceptionally well together when it comes to computers. We each have a specialty. Emil is a hacker, he's de best I've seen at gettin' past security systems an' into other computers wit'out gettin' detected. He claims dere's no system on earth he can' crack. I can do dat too, but he's better, so unless he's busy I tend to leave dat kind of t'ing up to him. My own specialty is scrubbin' t'rough harddrives an' stealin' information once Emil hacks into de systems. Like Remy always says "Computer theft is your specialty, Theoren." Put Emil an' me together on a job an' look out cyberworld.

I was married a long time ago, back when I was quite a bit younger (of course). Stephanie was someone I had met t'rough Mercy, an' I did love her, but de union didn' last very long. Steph couldn' handle bein' a Guild wife. Jus' after de birth of our daugher Marie Lucille in 1977 (consequently two years b'fore my brother was born) she decided she'd had enough an' left New Orleans, takin' Lucy wit' her. Dey've been livin' in New England ever since, an' t'rough de little contact I've had wit' dem in recent years, I learned dat Lucy went to Harvard Law School. De daughter of a professional thief is a lawyer. How ironic is dat? At least if I ever need a lawyer, I know where to go. I still love Stephanie, an' Lucy has turned into a beautiful, smart young woman, but I feel bad b'cause I wasn' able to give dem de life dey bot' need.

Sometimes I t'ink I would have been a horrible father, but den I look at Emil an' realize dat I ain' so bad after all. Emil's father was my best friend. He was killed by de assassins when Emil was thirteen years old, an' I was named his legal guardian. While I had a lot of help from Henri, Mercy, Jean-Luc an especially Tante Mattie, he was my responsibility an' I guess I did an okay job of raisin' him b'cause he turned out okay even if he can be an obnoxious brat. Dat's what Gris-Gris calls him, not me. ~__^

Possibly my biggest (an' maybe my only) weakness is de music of CCR. I don' know why, but I love dat band. I snuck into a few of deir concerts back in de 70s, let's put it dat way. Hey, I'm a thief. Why pay for somethin' you can get for free?