Top Ten Signs Your Kid is Spending Way Too Much Time On His Computer

(April 23, 1997)

10.Named his hamsters "I," "B," "M"
9.Every day after school, eats his weight in silicon chips 'n' salsa
8.He somehow uses morphing technology to make your cat look just like David Duchovny
7.He's been in bed all week with a computer virus
6.Refers to having sex as "logging on"
5.His name: Carl. His nickname: "Carpal Tunnel Carl"
4.During power outage, paced around house like a caffeinated squirrel
3.He calls you "www dot daddy dot com"
2.Walls of his room covered with printouts of a naked Bill Gates
1.Two words: "cyber acne"