MISCELLANEOUS MEN JOKES
Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: Whistle through its pecker!
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world
does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
A: Lawnmowers don't bitch after they cut the yard.
Q: What one thing can always get a man out of your life?
A: A hunting license.
Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A: A candlelit football stadium.
Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.
Q: What do men think the only difference is between Father's
Day and those other 364 days?
A: The card.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: She didn't -- Her ex-husband did.
Q: How do you confuse a man?
A: Tell him to start a knock-knock joke.
Q: Why do men do "odd jobs" around the house?
A: Anytime a man does something . . . it's odd!
Q: Why don't women blink during a man's foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: What happens when a man opens his zipper?
A: His brains fall out
Q: Why did God make dogs so stupid?
A: Some poor creature had to be "man's best friend."
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions!
Q: Why did God put men on Earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!
Q: What does PMS stand for?
A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity [for too many years]
Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Theirs are too big to fit in something as small as a
penis.
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!
Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for the children, but it's the husbands
who end up playing with them!
Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your
hand?
A: A man's undivided attention
Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming
a human being.
Q: What did God say when he made man?
A: I can do better than that!
Q: Why do men float better than women?
A: 'Cause men are scum!
Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?
A: So they can get some air to their brains.
Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: What do men think of when "Roe vs. Wade" is mentioned?
A: Two ways to cross a river.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A:.They irritate the shit out of you.
Q: Why did God make man before woman?
A: You need a rough draft before you make the final gem.
Q: Why is a man's sperm white and his pee yellow?
A: So he can tell if he's Coming or Going...
Q: How many men does it take to put the seat down?
A: Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.
Q: Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?
A: It turns your Hard drive into a 3-1/2 inch floppy!
Q: Why do women keep their eye's closed when they're being
screwed?
A: Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time!
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows -- it's never happened!!!
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it wasdecided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. " I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
