On the other hand, I don't see how you can be president at least from my perspective, how you can be president, without a relationship with the Lord.--Dubya

Oh my goodness! That oughta get the pseudo-spiritual, closet humanists blowing up some serious chunks of phlegm.

Don't slice your frickin' wrists. He went on to say the following:

I fully understand that the job of the president is and must always be protecting the great right of people to worship or not worship as they see fit.--Dubya

Burn 'im anyway!!! He turned me into a newt!!!

I hate to start out on a somber note, but the loss of a four year-old child in a rip-roaring structure fire is well beyond upsetting. And if we're to believe what the newspapers suggested-that the home had no smoke detectors-then the loss of that child is also unfathomable.

One of these days, Winter will arrive and with the onslaught of colder temperatures comes an increase in structure fires. Fire Season, if you will. And there's no reason why any structure in Wilkes-Barre should be without smoke detectors since the city gives them away absolutely free. Not only do they give them away, they send the hose dudes out to install them in all the right places.

We had them installed here at the adobe a while back. Two hose dudes showed up and had them in place faster than Mike McGlynn could blame Dubya for earthquakes. By the way, for you enviro-kneelers out there, earthquakes are not weather events. Dips!

Anywho, these state-of-the-art detectors have got tiny...I dunno, like nuclear-powered batteries guaranteed to last ten years without refueling. They're state-of-the-art, absolutely free and you can have 'em installed without ever having to leave the side of your precious remote. How 'bout that?

I called headquarters today and was told that they still have some on hand. If you need them, or your's are older than dirt itself, call 208-4261 and tell 'em you need them. And for a very limited time only, if you tell 'em Mark told you to call, they'll...better scratch that.

So you know.

From the e-mail inbox:

*******Mark,

Look what I found on the net. I was at PA destination of the day after doing a search for something else and found this link.

mar.02-03.02
Wilkes-Barre Online
This could be the most opinionated site about a city and its politics in the state.

Did you know about that?

Dee*******

Yeah. That's actually a pretty cool site. Every single day they link to a different site in Pennsylvania. It's definately worth checking out every now and again.

Actually, when I first read their description of my site I was quite pleased. The most opinionated site in the state? Really? Me? Cool! Awesome! Although, that could be code for "check out this asshole." You just never know.

I tried doing a quick search and found this one from some blog:

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Wilkes-Barre Online: The man that knew it all, ran it all, and then threw it all away.

[Wilkes-Barre's] financial picture is rosy? Yeah!!! And the Mothra twins got falling down drunk on a bottle cap full of Rolling Rock in 1977 and slept with me. Godzilla is a HUGE Bay City Rollers fan. Rhodan was the original lead guitar player in The 1910 Fruitgum Company before becoming an in demand Carol Channing impersonator. Megalon is now a U.S. Congressman from Louisiana. (Don’t laugh too quick. That one is entirely possible.) And Gorgo finally retired from stomping on cheezy miniature movie sets and is currently a pansexual newt-herder living a quiet life off the coast of Wales.

I remember writing that one. And I still like it, too.

Here's another mention I found on yet another blog site:

Why do academics blog more? Tenure and Grad Assistants.

I live near Wilkes-Barre, PA, in Luzerne County. Its an incredibly corrupt area, and we're in the midst of a peaceful revolution in politics that may just see the old Democrat machine that has run the city and county since WW I overthrown. A target-rich environment for any blogger with a taste for local politics.

My employer counts, as major customers, many agencies, NGOs and companies or corporations that would protest vociferously if I ever openly blogged about this area the way I want to. Many are tied to the current system by a web of marriage, friendship, contributions and shared world view.

A local blog, Wilkes-Barre Online, is written by a decidedly blue-collar type who has the luxury of an employer who agrees with his views, so he can blast anyone he wants. I don't. Hence, my still-in-the-prototype-stage blog will feature a nom de plume.

I know this is an argument for self-employment. That is why I'm studying for a degree in Computer Science. Meanwhile, I'll accept that some may view me as less reliable, or less courageous - I need a steady paycheck.

Posted by: Fast Heinz on October 13, 2003 08:04 PM

Let's take another gander at this paragraph, shall we?

I live near Wilkes-Barre, PA, in Luzerne County. Its an incredibly corrupt area, and we're in the midst of a peaceful revolution in politics that may just see the old Democrat machine that has run the city and county since WW I overthrown. A target-rich environment for any blogger with a taste for local politics.

Remember, now, I didn't write that one. But it describes our local situation accurately enough. Heyna?

Here's another snippet:

A local blog, Wilkes-Barre Online, is written by a decidedly blue-collar type who has the luxury of an employer who agrees with his views, so he can blast anyone he wants.

I'm not so sure about the accuracy of that statement. My boss knows about this site, but he's never really commented on it except for making some crack about McGroarty having me arrested after the Times Leader made reference to this site in an anti-McG news story. I can say this much, no one other than a local politician or myself can hang with my boss when the subject of local politics comes up. He is dialed in and then some.

A target-rich environment for any blogger with a taste for local politics.

He sure as hell nailed that one.

But this one takes the proverbial cake. Follow this link: The Hyphen: A.K.a Wilkes-Barre. Do it before going any further.

Holy cow! I couldn't berieve (Japanese) my frickin' eyes.

Wilkes-Barre Online, an "unaffiliated" website offering an ultra conservative viewpoint on the world and Wilkes-Barre. Provided on the site will be refutations towards WBO's arguements, essays, as well as links to noteworthy newspaper articles.

Note: Updates will be slow, if any, until finals are over.

Refutations towards WBO's arguments? When? For Allah's sake! Don't friggin' tease me. C'mon man. Bring it on.

Take note of two very important things here. First, the usage of the phrase "ultra conservative" and next, the fact that the less than prolific author is a college student. In other words, if we're ever actually treated to any of these "refutations," they'll probably consist of little more than some anti-American drivel the author's college professor published in The Hatemonger's Quarterly.

An "ultra conservative?" Hmmm. We're talking about a guy who is happiest when blasting narly-loud rock 'n' roll, while swilling beers and laughing at the 700 Club's latest prayer to prevent all future natural disasters.

Oh, wait. I forgot. I don't want to see Dubya beheaded on Saturday Night Live. That's right. I'm one of those fascio-con, right-wing death squad creeps.

The e-mail inbox again:

*******Mark,

Real curious...do you pay attention to the county courthouse at all? You have not mentioned the Todd & Skrep Show for a long time. I was wondering why. I know you cannot be happy with what they have been doing. FYI: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SXXXXX*******

Jeez, a tough one for sure. Am I happy with the "Todd & Skrep Show" as you called it? No, simply stated, I'm not. I'm not going to open the over-stuffed files here, and I'm not going to rattle off a laundry list of complaints right off the top of my head for that matter. Early on, I was willing to ignore a few mis-steps from a couple of political novices. But as the year progressed, it seemed more and more as if mis-steps had somehow become their standard operating procedure.

Although, as the year wore on, Todd's frequent appearances on WILK with Nancy & Kev made me take pause after pause before freaking out on our big dogs.

Time after time, I'd get out of bed, read some Leader story about their latest exploits and wonder aloud as to what the funk they were thinking. Then, I'd put on Nancy & Kev's show and those two were carrying on much the same way I would if I had a talk radio show of my own. Then, caller after caller would be ripping our two majority top dogs a new one right on the radio.

And all too often, Todd would call in and set the record straight. He'd point out some red tape complexity that wasn't covered in the newspaper's accounts that set off the most recent firestorm of criticism and I found myself thinking. "Oh." And so did Nancy & Kev on just about every occasion. Oh.

And my knowledge of how the county goverment operates really pales in comparison to that of how the city operates. It's a whole lot bigger, has tons more employees, has tons more departments and it's oversight encompasses much more than I've got available time to study.

If you're looking for some more info on county business, the Luzerne County Public Forum folks are the ones to talk to. And according to one of their more vocal members who appeared on Sue Henry's WILK show today, they are looking to build an informative web site that will encourage feedback from the general public. So stay tuned for more on that.

While I may be hesitant to comment on a lot of county issues, that by no means suggests that I'm not paying close attention to the latest travails.

And as you already know, I vote.

This is unreal. SNAKE recently returned home from a rather lengthy European vacation, and he actually caught some photos of Ethel, our self-described "yellow-bellied commie," with his cell phone/camera.

Here she is at the "Save a Bovine/Eat a Neo-Con" rally in Frankfort.

And here's a sample of some of the literature she purchased at the official Pravda bookstore in Moscow.

Funny, I didn't notice a copy of "The Gulag Archipelago" by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn on that rack.

No biggie. It was encouraging to learn that Ethel finally moved out of her parent's attic. Now if we could only convince her to try kissing a boy.

Here's one you sure won't see near any of the Strategic Air Command's target sites:

This...coming from an "ultra conservative." You figure it out. I'm too completely dense to lock horns with any indoctrinated college kids. Did I say "indoctrinated?" I'm so sorry. I meant to say "educated."

As if.

Ah, America: When Coke was a cola and a joint was a bad place to be.

Too conservative?

CYA

*Lyrics by Francis Vincent Zappa

The present day composer refuses to die.--Edgar Varese