8-31-2004

Duck & Cover

John Kerry is not the type who will sit and read 'My Pet Goat' to a group of second-graders while America is under attack.--Kerry campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter

Maybe, maybe not. Who gives a flyin' farg anyway? Yet another non-issue, another scurrilous accusation hurled at the Prez. Nancy? Kev? Are you's still sticking to that "The Prez should take the high road" gibberish?

Believe me, 'My Pet Goat' won't be a determining factor in how anyone decides to vote whichever way, but 'Goat' aptly describes Kerry's eventual moniker come November 3rd. Feeling confident out there in DemLand? I wouldn't be if I were you.

Don't be overly encouraged by the hordes of raging lunatics currently spreading their particular brand of self-aggrandizing flatulence through the streets of New York City. This ain't the '60s and we're not drafting anyone and sending them to far-off jungles. Grace Slick is old and fat, and Hanoi Jane is old and borderline anorexic. The missing WMDs do not smack of The Gulf of Tonkin incident, and wish as you may, there ain't no Tet Offensive II coming any time soon. Instead of being mired so deeply in the anti-war romance of the 60s, it's time to wake up and sniff the new-and-improved Geritol.

The Republican National Convention is finally at hand which begins the race for the presidency in earnest. In other words, for Kerry's delusional faithful, it's all downhill from here on out. Sorry, kiddies, but the "Anybody but Bush" primaries delivered directly to you a candidate who's message is little more than bluster and he's gonna get whomped on.

What's Kerry got left in his rhetorical arsenal? Bush lied? Bush was AWOL? Bush is in bed with Halliburton? The tired 'war for oil' bullspit? The same old accusations have been repeated to death for a freakin' year and they haven't delivered much according to the polling data. What's next for John Kerry? More of the "smarter, better, faster, and more sensitive" hodgepodge of misinformation? Or even more "Bush lied?"

In case you've forgotten, Kerry has ridden the anti-Bush wave created by the 527s, Michael Moore, and other motley groups for the better part of a year. The accusations that have been hurled against him are disappointing and disturbing when you consider that this is our own president being dragged through the political mud. The guy couldn't fall off of his mountain bike without some goofball somewhere spotting a new conspiracy theory as a result.

But...while the lunatics were wildly spouting off at the mouth, Dubya pretty much ignored much of the often hateful non-stop barrage on his character. Dumb like a "misunderestimated" fox he is. And the once deafening crescendo of "Anybody but Bush" is apparently beginning to fall on either deaf, our just plain tire ears. Check the latest polling data from the battleground states and you'll quickly discover that replacing an actual agenda with unadulterated hate gets old after a while while the country faces many real challenges. Sorry, kiddies, but "Vote for me, I'm not George Bush" was fun for a while, but as the election draws closer, people will now begin to actually think about the important issues and what the candidates are saying. And what is Kerry saying? I was on the Mekong for four months???

Face it. While some of you and your ilk were talking crazy and acting hysterically every time Michael Moore spit on someone's microphone, Bush took it all in stride and rarely, if ever, commented. And now, nearly all of your political capital has been spent.

It was a crazy summer reminiscent of the "Peace & Love," "Make love not war" days, but it's over. It was probably almost as good as Woodstock was for those of you that weren't acid-fried back then, but it's over. And the political counter-attack is about to begin in earnest.

And what should we expect to learn on the third morning in November? Let's see here. An enhanced majority for the GOP in the House. Hmmm. A few more Senate seats for the GOP. Oh, yeah. And a second term for Dubya.

If you're a John Kerry supporter, I've got some really great advice for you derived straight out of your beloved 60s. Ready?

Duck and cover.

And NO! You can't get a freakin' Purple Heart if you bust a knuckle while ducking and covering.

Guys! Guys! Guys!...

...do we really need to be hacking each other's nuts over spelling and grammar on a blog page?

I used to get e-mails with no other purpose than to point out that I managed to misspell 1, maybe 2 of the 5,000 words I had posted the previous night. My usual reply was to ask the sender how the word "prehensil" could be applied to their mouth while in a crowded locker room shower. Whatever.

As for myself, I could really care less if I spell anything correctly. I'm up early. I hump 4 miles on the Stomper. I work hard all day as in physically hard. Then it's 4 more miles on the Stomper and finally...an hour or so on the expensive 'puter keyboard. If I happen to be beat and spell McGroarty with a few Ks mistakenly sprinkled in, so be it. And if I put a comma where some other fandangled thingie who's proper use totally escapes me was supposed to be...bummer. That's the price I must pay for being a disinterested slacker in both high school and college. I can live with that. Or as Frank Zappa once said:

Miss ya, dude. But...I usually do chuckle when people post all of thirty-five words or so on the forum page and muck up a large percentage of them. I mean, if you're gonna post a single paragraph on the internet for all of the rest of world to see, shouldn't that single thought-provoking paragraph be near flawless, if not outright remarkable? I don't know. I guess it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Who cares if some redneck from some remote coal town in West Virginia logs on, reads our mostly useless rantings, and ends up thinking the folks in Wilkes-Barre are fargin' ignorant?

And if I managed to muck up anything of note during this completely useless exercise, please, please refer to the aforementioned "prehensil" before bothering to point it out. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.

How many Ks are there in McGroarty?

Editor's note: Larry, I know you normally eschew national politics, but check these out. We now return you to your regularly scheduled internet nonsense.

Here's my favorite blurb...

...from John McCain's spirited speech last night:

. Our choice wasn't between a benign status quo and the bloodshed of war. It was between war and a graver threat. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not our political opponents. And certainly -- and certainly not a disingenuous filmmaker who would have us believe...

AUDIENCE (Booing filmmaker Michael Moore who attended the convention):
Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!

MCCAIN: Please, please, my friends.

That line was so good, I'll use it again. Certainly not a disingenuous filmmaker who would have us believe, my friends, who would have us believe that Saddam's Iraq was an oasis of peace, when in fact -- when in fact it was a place of indescribable cruelty, torture chambers, mass graves and prisons that destroyed the lives of the small children inside their walls.

BANG! ZING! It's about time somebody higher on the food chain than the callers to WILK took a hefty shot at the 911-pound leftist slob. How old is that Euro-sped, anyway? Did you happen to notice that he can't even grow a proper beard?

And then there was this...

...from our next Republican President:

And since September 11, President Bush has remained rock solid.

It doesn't matter to him how he is demonized. It doesn't matter what the media does to ridicule him or misinterpret him or defeat him.

They ridiculed Winston Churchill. They belittled Ronald Reagan. But like President Bush, they were optimists. Leaders need to be optimists. Their vision is beyond the present, and it's set on a future of real peace and security.

Some call it stubbornness.

I call it principled leadership.

President Bush has the courage of his convictions.

Here! Here! Buy that man a Gibbons. Rudy Giuliani in '08? He could defeat Hillary Clintonista going away.

This was a breath...

...of fresh air coming from Commywood no less:

Even though I am a well-recognized liberal on many issues confronting our society today, I find it ironic that many human rights advocates and outspoken members of my own entertainment community are often on the front lines to protest repression, for which I applaud them but they are usually the first ones to oppose any use of force to take care of these horrors that they catalogue repeatedly.

A member of the elite acting fraternity busting on his fellow leftie weenies??? Holy revelations, Batman!

Now we've got French journalists

...being taken as hostages in Iraq.

Yup. They are being threatened with only Allah knows what if the French government doesn't rescind it's head scarf ban in all French schools. I can follow that. Very nice. Muslims will kill innocent people over a f**king school dress code? Very peaceful religion. At least, that's what our politicos keep telling us.

Let's see here. Crosses are also banned in French schools. Are any Christians out chopping heads off? They also banned those tiny skull caps the Jewish dudes wear ( I don't know what they're called. I asked wifey and she said: "A Jewish Beanie." She's f**ked up for sure.) on top of their noggins. Have you seen any Jewish terrorists sharpening any over-sized Ginsu knives lately? I thought not.

Whatever. Stick with the politically correct program or you'll get your sorry self in some serious trouble with the overzealous language police.

Repeat after me: Islam is a peaceful religion. Go ahead: Islam is a peaceful religion. Again: Islam is a peaceful religion. And keep repeating that over and over while we continue to ignore reality.

This is interesting...

...albeit, annoying as all hell. There's no media bias at NBC, ABC, CBS, or CNN? They wouldn't try to shape the stories they are supposed to be objectively covering, would they?

A buddy of mine was in New York City over the weekend. He's no political junkie, but he thought it might be interesting to take in the protests and whatnot. From what he tells me, an overwhelming majority of the bedraggled protestors looked as if they had just escaped from the Freakdom Hall of Fame. That's about what he said. The Lesbos that Hate Women Society. The Muckawaw Falls Anarchists for Peace. The Anybody but Americans Club. The Spindle Up the Butt Party. You get the picture. The kooks were definately on the loose.

Anywho...when the usual media suspects decide to interview some protestors for the nightly news, who do they pick out of the crowd? The guy covered head-to-toe with tattoos? The guy who spray painted his entire body and marched in the buff? The 60 year-old bald guy who tucked his long hair in the back into his thong? The girls with so many facial piercings they will be killed instantly if they ever get within 2 clicks of a magnet? The kids with the spiked purple hair? The folks parading around in the nude? The jerks lighting floats on fire in the middle of the street? The people who beat the NYC motorcycle cop into the closest available emergency room? The idiots intimidating visiting convention delegates? Or how about the throng of energized "activists" screaming: "Get the f**king GOP scum out of our city?" I know. How about the "activist" that tried to attack Dick Cheney inside the Garden? Who did they choose to interview?

Why, they found a middle-aged couple from Michigan that look normal, speak well and hate George Bush. There we go. That'll create the illusion in living rooms all over middle America that these protestors are not the freaks that they obviously are. That'll work.

There's no link to a rent-a-mob temp service at the Green Party web site. Nah. These were hard-working, tax paying, God fearing average folks that simply detest Bush's very existance.

That's it from New York City. I'm Lying F**k. Back to you, Peter.

Mr. Rendell...

...came a callin' on Tom Leighton again today.

$4 million for two parking garages to be erected near the Percyplex and $3 million for the Hotel Sterling. How 'bout them Ginger Gold apples? Anybody wanna make any more stupid cracks about "fiscal responsibility?" Huh? Any takers? A brainiac maybe? Have you figured out yet why one mayor couldn't get as much as a kind word from the state and then another could very quickly find himself drowning in a sea of state aid?

Anyone?

Whatever.

CYA