Santa mucking Maria!!! In local gridiron news, Happy Valley West spotted Berwick a 21 point lead???

That unimaginable situation must have had the newly rabid football fans at HVW just about sh*tting on themselves. I wish I could have been there to see the stunned disbelief on the faces of the Kingston folk. Oh well.

To their credit, the HVW squad came roaring back and put the undermanned Bulldogs in their place by scoring 42 unanswered points. George Curry will no doubt receive the lion’s share of the credit since he’s a legend. But as far as I’m concerned, the legend ran away from what would have been his worst season in years at Berwick by shocking the world and jumping ship to HVW. He had 1 returning starter on offense and 3 returning starters on defense, so he beat a path out of Berwick, like pronto.

As a graduate of Coughlin, it has been fashionable for 20 years or so to root against Berwick, but no longer. Well, that is to say, I will be their biggest fan for one night from here on out: when they play Happy Valley West.

Whatever.

Hey! What happened to the plan to build a spaceport on the square? And how ‘bout the plan to convert the Susquehanna’s brownish waters into syrupy marmalade mix for all to enjoy?

WILKES-BARRE – U.S. Rep. Paul E. Kanjorski foresees the day when sailboats will glide on the Susquehanna thanks to an inflatable dam. Floating trains propelled by electromagnets will speed cargo and freight between Northeastern Pennsylvania and New York City at 200 mph. Wall Street firms seeking satellite offices that can keep money moving after a terror attack will help create hundreds of thousands of high-paying jobs in the region. It could take 20 years, the 69-year-old congressman says. And the 11-term Democrat won’t rule out that he might still be in Washington to see it all happen.

The Wall Street plan makes sense. If New York City disappears under a mushroom cloud, many of the most important financial firms on Wall Street can revert to plan B by shifting their base of operations to our area. Nifty. Sounds like our economy could be immediately retooled and only skip a few beats. (As if.)

But wait a freaking second. According to the opponents of the proposed 9/11 memorial, it would be inherently wrong to benefit from the misery of others, wouldn’t it? Or in this envisioned scenario, the death and destruction of possibly a million people or somewhere thereabouts.

So, if the terrorists finally have their sinister way and vaporize most of Manhattan, tens of thousands of high-paying jobs (sounds eerily familiar) will be recreated in our area, and Cong. Paul Kanjorski will be able to stick another feather in his political cap. Or put a whole other twisted way, yet another Democrat honcho is poised to benefit if and when unspeakable things happen to America.

Vote for me, I brought you the high-paying jobs of the recently deceased.

Creepy.

More from the good congressman:

Kanjorski would not commit to a debate sought by Leonardi, saying he rejected one debate proposal from the League of Women Voters because of a prior commitment. He said Leonardi was “not a fully qualified candidate” because he hasn’t filed a financial disclosure form required of all Congressional candidates whose campaigns generate more than $5,000 in financial activity. “That’s like taking some guy off the street who wants to call me names for an hour,” Kanjorski said.

Boy oh boy, he’s an arrogant god-like creature, ain’t he?

First off, the supposed illegitimacy of Dr. Leonardi’s candidacy is complete bullspit. Then again, the “all-inclusive” national Democrats have demonstrated a propensity for having candidates thrown off the ballet and working to have the absentee votes of our deployed military members tossed out. To be fair, they do fight for the rights of convicted felons and illegal aliens to cast their dubious votes.

And isn’t a moot point to whine about the financial disclosures of a candidate long on energy, but horribly short on any campaign funds to speak of? Why, that Leonardi…he’s just “some guy off the street” and certainly not worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the self-esteemed god-like incumbent.

Is it too late to get another public question on the November 7 ballot? Somebody get Anne Bergold on the blower. I say we put it to a vote. Should Joe Leonardi be publicly flogged for displaying such apparent insolence and disrespect by suggesting that he should replace the living legend? Better yet, off with his head!!!

There is not, nor will there ever be another congressman capable of representing this district. On November 7, write in “Kanjo in perpetuity.”

We don’t want “some guy off the street.”

All too often, my many anonymous detractors have chosen to belittle my profession. And that’s fair since my industry has a bad reputation due to the piss-poor training of the many franchisees and tiny firms that make of much of it’s work force. Conversely, my outfit trains and retrains to the point of absurdity, and that’s why the current game plan is to expand very aggressively into new markets and dominate our industry all across the continental states. We do not merely offer pesticides, fungicides, termiticides or larvicides. What we offer is an expertise which is second to none. We are no longer content to dominate the eastern seaboard, and I see my company’s rapid ascent to the top spot in our industry as an inevitability.

And to demonstrate what happens when superior training, experience, expertise and professionalism congeal very nicely, I offer the following video as proof of my undeniably superior pest control skills.

I have only one question about the news that Sue Henry has been invited to the White House to interview Dubya’s closest underlings.

Can I tag along?

Local talk show host Sue Henry will interview members of President George W. Bush’s cabinet later this month when she broadcasts live from the White House. The conservative-leaning Henry, host of WILK-AM’s The Sue Henry Show, was one of more than 50 local and national radio personalities invited to the Oct. 24 Radio Day, a daylong event that will give her access to some of highest ranking officials within the Bush administration.

Can I? Can I? Can I come?

Picture that, if you will?

MC: Dude, like what’s up with the hearts and minds girlie man bullspit? Either the Iraqis opt to be Yankees’ fans, bake a few apple pies and start humming John Cougat Mellonhead tunes on demand, (Funny, Sue) or we ship the entire populace off to Abu Gharib and force ‘em to watch “The View” until the suicide rate tops out at 100%. If the insurgents will not relent to the pressure of the American military, why not unleash the ultimate doomsday device, the ultimate Weapon of Mass Dysfunction: Rosie O’Donnell.

Donald Rumsfeld: (Looking towards the Secret Service goons) Who is this guy? How did he sneak in here? Huh? Wilkes-Barre what? Get him the hell out of here!!!

MC: ( Being dragged away) Sorry, Sue! I’ll try to blog from Gitmo Bay. Go to www.gitmo.net/markie! Don’t ever forget me!

So? Can I come?

I’ll buy lunch.

I’ll…uh, behave.

What‘s the latest from City Hall? Let’s put it this way, it won’t make Walter Griffith happy in the least. You see, it’s all good news and he continually dwells on the negative.

Let’s see here, we’re getting 11 new police officers and a balanced budget for 2007. Again, I might add. It’s been a long time coming because of the former mayor’s mountain of red tape gaffes, but the new-and-improved Coal Street and Coal Street Park are close to jumping off of the drawing board and onto the local landscape. Can’t wait. Oh, yeah. This is a good one. One of the heroes of 9/11 points out that some among us are totally clueless, if not totally confounding.

I love it.

Bloody good read, mate. No plonking about going on there.

Wow! You sure got me by the underbrush of the Short Forest, man. If it’s more than a rumor, it ought to make the newspapers sooner or later. Er, if it’s true, it’ll make the pages of the Times Leader. If it’s true, the Voice will surely sit on it. You see, the Citizens’ Voice would have to be presented with a mass murder to dare print anything remotely negative about a local Democrat higher on the political food chain than a mayor. Stay tuned?

Thanks. I was pretty happy with them. If nothing else, they present a picture of the square from a completely new vantage point. I dunno. I see, I shoot. I take pictures nonstop, and every once in a while I get a keeper.

The latest from “some guy off the street.”

I gotta go. Wifey and I are going to enjoy a lengthy walkabout pretty soon. We need important stuff like Q-tips and aspirins, so we’re going to wander through the downtown. I figure I’ll stop by Gallery of Sound and grab me a CD or two. And on the return trip, I might stop at Musical Energi since they are offering some sort of ‘buy 2/get 1 free’ deal.

Wait, scratch that. Wifey will be there, so can that program. I guess I’ll have to behave myself. Drat!

And tonight? Why, um, how ‘bout some Master of Puppets?

Metallica? BANG!!!

Somebody e-mailed me a while back and credited me with introducing YouTube.com to the local area, although, I cannot verify the accuracy of that claim. Anyway, when MTV launched way back on August 1, 1981, (Peace’s 2nd birthday) I could not get enough of it. Of course, before very long at all it got all putrid and whatnot by playing abject filth such as “Cop Killer.” Needless to say, at that point MTV ceased to exist for me.

But, what YouTube allows me to do is to create my own MTV when I’ve got nothing else to do. I sit here and call up ancient music videos and in effect, I’m the disc jockey. Me. No ghetto rap. No talentless hip slop. No chicks with fake boobs doing the vibrato thing with their vocal chords one after another after another. Works for me.

Here’s one of my all-time favorites.

Institutionalized? Reminds me of my Mom and I when I was 16-years-old. She meant well. I hope she’s where she always believed she’d end up at.

All I wanted was a Pepsi!!!

CYA