"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation." --Adolph Hitler (Mein Kampf)

I got damn near clubbed to death in my fantasy football league match-up last week. Yup, 118-50. Who knew both Drew Brees and Stephen Jackson would have their rare nightmare games during the very same week? And who knew that The Beast himself, Frank Gore, would be held in check at the same time? They said Plaxico Burress had a broken leg, arm, nose, finger, tongue, back and penis. They also chronicled how he did not practice or play a single down in any preseason game. So I benched him in favor of a clearly inferior wideout. Then he went out, played and scored the highest point total of any wide receiver in our entire league.

Rats!

With that drubbing firmly ensconced in my rear-view mirror, I am feverishly optimistic about my chances later on today.

You know, I have often wondered about the legality of such a thing. I mean, if a guy pays his debt to society and is paroled, who are we to tell him where he can and cannot reside? Seems kind of discriminatory to me. Although, I’m no seasoned lawyer. But I did sleep at a well-stocked homeless shelter last night.

Being that parolees typically leave the hoosegow with little more than the clothes on their tattooed backs, a buck fifty in quarters and a half a pack of breathe mints, I serious doubt they have the hefty resources to undertake any legal action as a result of these sorts of feel-good ordinances.

With that said, illegal aliens don’t seem to have much trouble finding pro bono legal resources, so I suppose anything is possible. Imagine being on the hook for a couple of million or so only because some scumbag of a repeat criminal studied the right law books when he was idling away in prison. And also because some city council somewhere tended to pass legislation without fully researching it beforehand. With the right sequence of disastrous events, a slimy pederast could bankrupt a cash-strapped municipality?

Scary.

With all due respect to the esteemed author of the Lu Lac Letter, I don’t really care what he thinks about the proposed, proposed again and re-re-reproposed yet again child predator ordinance. With the advent of the internet, opinions are like Access Cards in that everybody’s suddenly got one.

Despite what some may mistakenly believe, I don’t need anyone to tell me what I think.

And suggesting that I ask the grief-riddled parents of children killed by sexual predators is patently unfair, if not unproductive. What else would they say? No, we’re against the passage of these ad-hoc legislative stopgaps?

And correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Jessica Lunsford yanked from her parent’s trailer in the middle of the night by a neighbor?

Oh, wait. We have a politically correct speech advisory from none other than Steve Corbett of WILK on the use of the word trailer. In the future, please replace the word trailer with “mobile home.” It sounds so much nicer, doesn’t it? We wouldn’t want to offend anyone, would we? Thank you. Oh, and full compliance is not only expected, it is mandatory.

YOU BETTER LISTEN!!!

In addition, what good are reactionary safety nets when they happen to be riddled with gaping holes?

Anyway, a child predator law in Jessica’s hometown wouldn’t have done a thing to save her from her eventual grotesque fate. Not a damn thing. Oh, but it would have kept the perverts away from her school. Yeah, and newts can fly F/A-23 Black Widows.

On a personal note, I absolutely detest grieving families creating yet another new fund or foundation every time a family member dies well before their time. Trust me, if something evil or completely unforeseen happens to one of my brood, you won’t see me on Good Morning America “raising awareness” about anything. Bad things do happen to good people with frightening regularity, and nothing I do will ever change that fact. Thing is, the Good versus Evil war will trudge on no matter how motivated I may feel about ending any minute part of it. And grief, no matter how searing or heartfelt, should note generate ratings.

And I’m of the firm opinion that the passing of wide-ranging legislation that is supposedly worthwhile “if it saves just one person“ is the ultimate in the self-abnegation of reason. Although, with that said, the ongoing molestation of defenseless children seems to be approaching epidemic proportions. It suggests that ours is a sick, sick society. Well, that and many, many other things.

I also think this epidemic needs to be addressed by a legislative body much more powerful than any city council anywhere. The state, the feds…either or. And I think the punishment should be unflinchingly unforgiving. If you molest a child, you are then incarcerated for decades on end. First strike, gone. If you molest and then kill a child, you are sentenced to death and your case is expedited and then some. Again, first strike, gone. No ifs, ands, buts or any effing ACLU mucking up the societal works. And at that point, recidivism is no longer an issue to be further dealt with or worried about. Gone. Done.

BANG!

But…I do not believe that telling the parolees where they can or cannot live will curb their insatiable desire for more of what they seem incapable of resisting. In other words, I see “predator free” zones as the ultimate in foolhardy wishful thinking. I also think the ordinances are next to unenforceable in any practical sense. And I think they are big on high-profile publicity, but horribly short on tangible, provable results. Although, who could be against any legislation that is for the children? That’s just mean.

We have drug free zones, smoke free zones, gun free zones, etc., etc., but no pervert free zones?

Do we really? Do we?

Whoa! Dude, if we have drug free zones, I have yet to find them. Illicit narcotics permeate every segment of our society, no matter how we may slice and dice the demographics and the socio-economics.

And smoke free zones? You’re looking at (well, not really) probably the only guy in all of NEPA who smokes in the back of the theater where practically no one notices. And if they did happen to notice and rejected to it, I’ll say something to them that would probably make a terrorist’s mother/sponsor blush. A smoke free zone is inherently a place where people still continue to smoke, albeit, when nobody is looking. Don’t kid yourself in this respect.

And a gun free zone? Um, you sure got me on that one. Where might that be? With 1,700 plus residents in this county in possession of a permit to conceal a firearm? And those good folks moving here from the bigger cities and bringing their big city ways with them, i.e., gunplay?

Think about it. We live in a city where armed tow truck drivers dispense street justice as they see fit. And, from what I’m reading of late, the powers that be are powerless to reign that jeopardous nonsense in. And the imperceptive radio talk show hosts cheer him on, no less. And the city council--your outfit--passed an ordinance banning weapons from city hall all on account of one lone vigilante.

Gun free zones?

Yowza!

And whether anyone wants to hear it or not, I think it’d help if young women dressed a helluva lot more conservatively. With perverts lurking seemingly everywhere, does it make much sense to be tempting fate by running around three-quarters naked all the time?

I raised two beautiful young girls, and never once…not even once did they leave this modest adobe looking like a slut. Nor did they want to.

You might be able to outlaw the predatory types from loitering around the preferred haunts of children, but you can’t legislate away the stupidity that pervades much of our rapidly slipping society. A stupidity that obviously appeals to the bellowing claque of witless followers of those who purport to be doing what they are doing “for the children.” Or worse yet, the “common good.” Possessing a smug sense of fundamental rightness should never be confused with having smarts.

Determining which streets the perverts can reside on will not end the perversion. Rather, getting them off the streets--permanently--will do the trick. And in that respect, you might want to dispense with the oft-toothless local lawgiving and push the state legislature to seriously address this unsettling issue.

Keep in touch.

For those of you who find it so stylish, so cutting-edge hip to trash-talk your president to the point of absurdity, you might want to take a look at these two reports:

From the dreaded FoxNews:

From the DebkaFile:

It must suck to be so cephaloproctological all of the time.

For those of you too lazy to educate yourselves, that means it must suck to be you.

You’re welcome.

Oh boy. Just what the local internet needs: Yet another anonymous blogger

You have to give Kayak Dude points for his dogged determination whereas this ridiculous inflatable dam is concerned.

From today’s Times Leader:

And renowned river rat extraordinaire, David Buck, stars in this WNEP-produced video about the Susquehanna river.

Well, that’s about enough of all of that circumlocuting. Gloriously, it’s just about time to make with the football widow routine. Yeah, I love you, honey. Just not today. Now get me a beer and shake that fu>king thing, will ya?

‘Til next time.