At 3:31 PM yesterday afternoon, the list of marauding grandrodents grew to five with the addition of Avery Jayce Cour. Everything worked out fine. Mom is fine, albeit, pooped. The boy is fine. In short, it couldn’t have gone better. And in this respect, I consider myself blessed. We’ve done this eight times now. 3 kids, 5 grandkids, and not a single complication worthy of notation. And with all of the tumult that visits some other people’s lives on a semi-regular basis, why bitch?

Why bitch? Got me. Why the hell not?

Thanks to my forays into trucking and pest control, I’ve been inside of most of the prisons and lunatic facilities throughout this side of Pennsylvania. And I have to tell you, Geisinger’s maternity ward has more stringent security requirements in place than do many of those aforementioned warehouses for the morally-deficient, the mentally-deficient and those who would piss themselves in public while muttering sweet nothings to themselves all day long. And at times yesterday, I not only felt as if I was back on the loading dock at Retreat, I felt as if I was doing something wrong damn near every time I twitched. And those nurses…

Those nurses up there are to being friendly what Vlad the Impaler was to being outwardly civil.

So there it is. I bitched. Life sucks and then you become a Marxicrat and make it all better.

As if.

Yeah, I know. Just what the world needed, another Cour. Sucks, I know. By the way, if anybody bumps into my AWOL father, tell him he’s now got 3 grandkids and 5 great-grandkids he’s never laid eyes on.

Whatever.

I see that the Great Corbett of WILK fame was whining yesterday afternoon about people sending him nasty e-mails. And, he even singled me out, although, not by name. Hey Steve, you can use my name any which time you wish, since I’m one of the few that always attaches a name to my comments.

I’m paraphrasing here, but he said something about how I’ve been busting his chops for months and that I send him “these wild, vicious e-mails” and how he invited me to train with him at his “dojo” and how that’d make me feel better and more offensively worthless twaddle such as that.

This, after he spent a half-hour trashing the 109th Field Artillery. Yeah, he went off on this anti-military tirade and how the 109th is “indoctrinating” our children in the ways of making war and other seditious claptrap such as that. Meanwhile, the 109th is readying for another deployment overseas.

Yeah, our newfound, self-appointed member of the white intelligentsia hates the military, as if by rote. He’ll staunchly deny his secret leanings to the bitter end, as do all of the left-leaning, rudderless do-gooders. But, it’s not completely their fault, since those on the left side of the equation seem to be so defenselessly vulnerable to the pernicious groupthink that distorts their world.

Yeah, in lockstep, these closet Marxists constantly howl about how “The Right” wants to control our behavior. You know the deal, you cannot have sex with your bestest buddy, you can’t have sex with your bestest buddy’s girl, you can’t have sex with the neighbor’s cow and, as near as I can tell, you cannot even cop a feel without the invite of your local padre.

Okay, I got it. No sex, no thought of sex, no fun at all, or we all go to some burning tar pit somewhere and are forced to wallow away in pain in perpetuity. I got it, now leave me the hell alone. My prick is going, begrudgingly, into forced retirement. Whew. Glad that’s over.

But these leftists, these arrogant know-it-alls, these people want to control your thoughts, if not your wallets. Yep, they will tell you what to think, what not to think, and then set societal, as well as unconstitutionally legal penalties for those who resist the incrementally debilitating groupthink. Give it up, kiddies. Resistance is futile. Bow down on a bent knee and swear your undying allegiance to Mr. Carbon Footprint himself, the poster boy of the mentally disheveled, Al Gore. If CNN said it over and over and over and over and over again, it must be true. Besides, my favorite hopelessly partisan blogger said it, too. Trust me, it’s been certified as being 100% accurate.

Here’s the scoop. If 3,000 howling anonymous bloggers agree that Global Warming is not only happening, but it is killing the moss on our tree stumps, then you had better agree, or be forever targeted for insults about your lack of intelligence from the easily-led know-it-all hordes. Dissent of any sort is not allowed, and a sure sign that you should be rounded up and returned to your obvious point of origin…the Happy Incest trailer park.

It’s really that simple. You either go with the moronic flow, or you clearly have one chromosome too many. You’re either a member of the quasi Marxist Borg, or you’re a big dummy. What’s to argue about?

And what’s more insidious? What’s more frightening? A group of quasi tyrants telling you what you can or cannot hump? Or a whole other group of quasi tyrants telling you what you can and cannot think? What’s more inherently dangerous? Penis control? Or thought control?

While they claim to revile the Nazis, they learned the lessons taught by Goebbels very, very well.

As far as I’m concerned, I’d rather catch a sexually-transmitted disease from a little green monkey than be infected with the stifling docility that is enforced conformity by way of authoritarian regimentation. Either comform, or admit your inferiority. That’s a helluva program. Well, that’s a helluva program iffin’ you want a second-rate country run aground by elitists given to unprovoked outbursts of snobbery.

Oops! Too late. Thanks to political correctness at the stained hands of the cream of society--the patrons of income redistribution--the glitterati of morale bankruptcy--the US of A has already arrived at the destructive point where incrementally ingrained mediocrity undermines our underpinnings.

We’re probably screwed, but, don’t sweat it. You will receive your “free” health insurance just as soon as we coronate our first ever queen and attach Markie‘s paycheck a bit more.

Look what’s happened to our third-rate schools and our third-rate colleges. When I was but a sprat and history was being told to me, they picked a famous character from history and taught me about what he thought and how that motivated him to do whatever it was that he did. Now, they take that very same character from history and tell us what to think about him.

Harry Truman was a guy with some serious brass balls suddenly morphs into Truman was a racist for nuking Orientals, i.e., non-white peoples. Where once you might have admired him, or been fascinated with the monumental scope of what he faced, the millions of lives in his hands, now you are told to look down upon him, or else. And that’s utter hogwash. You can’t learn from history if it’s being intentionally distorted for you.

Getting back to Professor Corbett, he does exactly what his fellow leftists at WILK do. Namely, they express this unfettered love for police officers and the selfless members of our military right up to the point where they have to ply their skills. And just as soon as a high-velocity round flies, the counterintuitive second guessing and the beyond useless speculation begins. Sure, they tell us they support our military and our local law enforcers at nearly every turn. But, deep down, they just don’t like them--authority figures--and very rarely support their decisions to act. Hence, on a slow news day, Corbett feels the need to unfairly trash the 109th. And I will not stand for that. Not on my watch.

And, remember, you cannot abruptly hang up on me in this forum.

So I sent him an e-mail. So what? No, it wasn’t harassing or threatening. Rather, I tried to point out that, in my opinion, he is the intellectual and ideological equivalent of something that never did survive the primordial soup. I try to remind him that he frequently rambles on and on as if being an intellectual scrooge is a virtue of some demented sort. I try to help him get over his nonsensical fantasies about him being a revolutionary leader of the deranged drug culture flock. Steve, the 60s are over, man. And no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to bring about whatever anti-American drivel it was that your Marxist-leaning professors taught you to strive for. Indoctrination? Yeah, look who’s talking. One of the original sheep.

So here’s what I sent along. With “Dork” typed in the subject line, I sent this: “YAWN!”

And from here on out, my e-mails were a reaction to both his e-mail responses as well as what he was spewing on the air.

Then this:

George Banks?

Gee, you're much too clever a prevaricator for us clueless hicks.

YAWN!!!

Then this:

What's it like to go from a 'swingin' dick' to a worrisome, overwrought and compassionate chick?

And then this:

See, chick! The chicks agree with you.

And this:

WOW!

"Macho bravado...from men who don't hold up their end of the child-rearing bargain."

(???)

Um, my three kids and five grandkids are flourishing and then some.

And yours?

And still this:

The dojo?

Isn't that where risk-averse people go to pretend fight?

Don't lecture me Mr. Worldly. While you were being fitted for dime-a-dozen black belts, I was out there on the front lines putting down the very worst that humanity has to offer.

The dojo?

Yeah, if you're impressed with that sort of non-combat, that's all that matters.

Wax on, wax off.

YAWN!

This:

A pissing match?

Hey...I do like that, except for having to flee the scene at 3 in the morning before the cops get there to help the 'karate kids' lying on the broken tarmac bleeding and crying away.

Rutro!

"Real men?"

Sorry.

We will forever defer to your undeniable status as the only real man in NEPA. The overly feminized man, but a man just the same.

I guess.

Save the whales. Kiss the protected snails with an open mouth. Interview the worthless bums. Chastise the hard-working men raising families. Bleed from the commie-leaning half-heart. Sound like a chick. Pretend fight. Do the dojo in lieu of real, streetwise exercise.

Whatever.

Slice and dice it any which way you wish.

All I know is, your worthless hippie generation is quickly heading on out to Sunset, so this country really does have a chance after all. It does.

And as I have always told my son, nothing says dork quite like a fifty-something with a ponytail.

America's worst generation? Uh, that would be you.

The dojo...um, stick to your aged ilk, the pretenders.

Markie in Merritville (formerly Nord End)

(***********************End e-mail funfest.*****************************)

As is always the case with Corbett, when challenged, he reverts back to reminding us that he could kill us with his bare hands. He says it in a roundabout fashion, but he says it just the same. And, Allah forbid, if you correctly point out that he whines on cue like so many clueless bleeding heart chicks, he goes right to his predictable fallback position: I know karate.

In conclusion, when a guy poses as some sort of all-knowing intellectual heavyweight, but mistakenly thinks the threat of fisticuffs is a debating tactic, he is obviously an intellectual lightweight.

As for his “dojo,” why in the hell would I want to hang out with people that look like Charles Manson and sound like howling curmudgeons? Sorry, but the combination of posing, and dancing around in my pajamas coupled with some sort of namby pamby inner-reaching meditation sounds about as enriching as marching to someone else’s political and ideological drum. People that still point to the Gulf of Tonkin incident as proof positive that the absolute worst thing in the world is this country. People that don’t even know they’ve been manipulated from the get-go. People that equate Capitalism with unchecked evil. People that chastise me for the failings of others. People that wring their hands from dawn to dusk. People that have much more in common with the Club of Rome than they do with average, hard-working Americans. People that want to emulate anything and everything except what made this country what it used to be. People that want to control my wallet as well as my mind.

Steve, it’s people like you--that live in a state of perpetual upheaval--that cause unrest. Unrest, that for the most part, is unneeded. Unrest that your generation is famous for. Unrest that amounts to little or nothing, except for the next rant borne of unrest.

And as I said to you before, YAWN!!!

And I still require an answer to the following:

What's it like to go from a 'swingin' dick' to a worrisome, overwrought and compassionate chick?

Yeah, “wild, vicious e-mails,” he called them. So tell me, is there anything more wild and vicious than telling me what I am allowed to think? And is there anything more pernicious than speculating as to the motivation of the 109th while so many of it’s selfless volunteers are packing up and readying themselves to once again be trumbelled into another war zone?

Stick a sock in it and smoke it. After all, that’s what your generation is most known for, right? The skyrocketing proliferation of illicit narcotics in America?

Come to the dojo? Do like you do and I'll "feel better" about myself?

How arrogant is that?

Oh, yeah. It seems that one of these many various and sundry upstart bloggers are promoting a boycott of sorts of Corbett’s advertising sponsors.

While that is certainly doomed to being completely ineffectual, it clearly suggests that Professor Corbett is quite adept at annoying those he is preaching to. Or, should I say, preaching at?

But don’t hold your breath.

Remind me, will ya? How many of those hapless souls voted a straight Democrat party ticket on election day?

Wasn’t it something like 10,000 of them?

Yeah, well make sure they take a lengthy gander at the following:

Awesome!

This one sounds like fun, too:

Interest payments are projected to cost up to $66.6 million. The final payment on the new debt will be in December 2027. Up to $19.9 million will be borrowed to finance a projected deficit in this year’s $140.8 million budget. The 2007 deficit is expected to be $13 million to $14 million. The new debt will add up to $6.4 million to next year’s debt service cost, records show. The cost to pay debt will now cost up to $22.2 million in 2008.

$22.2 million to cover the debt service? Is that what you thought you were voting for? Much has been said about this county being a one-party county, but just how smart does that one party seem right now?

If you’re a card-carrying Democrat in Luzerne County, the very last thing you should do is to admit to it right now.

Hey, I know. Why not call Corbett and complain? You won’t have to admit to voting that straight party ticket. In fact, you won’t even have to reveal your true identity. Yeah, do it. Give him a buzz and find some far-fetched, hack-kneed…totally convoluted way to blame this potential financial Waterloo on George Bush. That’ll work. Bush did it. For the mentally denuded, that works every time it’s tried. Bush did it. Right!

All I know is, pack up the secret family potato pancake recipe, box up those K-Tel polka collection albums, give your dead Uncle Jiggy one more visit, and turn off the lights at the courthouse, if you’re the last one leaving Culm County.

No sense running up the electric bill.

Coming soon: My ten-part expose on how diversity training causes genital warts.

‘Til next time.