I took the day off. John McCain is in town, but that nothing to do with my sudden use of a sick day. No, once again, my lower back feels as if it took a couple of rounds from not so far downrange. I toughed it out Monday and Tuesday, I really did. And one of my coworkers even called me a tough old coot, or something thereabouts.

The fact is, denying the obvious and playing tough guy for the umpteenth time only annoyed my lower back even more. So, today I’m reduced to flooding my personal version of a combined sewage outflow with more electronically-driven sludge, and not much more. Your loss.

I found the following on the local internet this morning, a shout out of sorts to those of us that do generate original reporting when we feel like it, when we get around to it, or when things juts happen to fall into our laps via those anonymous birdies out there.

From Another Monkey:

Alter weasels out of being held to this statement with the qualifiers "rarely" and "often." Oh, folks like Gort and Mark Cour and David Yonki go out and do their own research, conduct their own interviews, establish their own networks of contacts? Blog entries that they write are regularly pirated, plagiarized, and republished as "exclusives" and "scoops" by the local mainstream media? Well, pshaw, they're the rare exceptions! Them, and hundreds of thousands of other hard-working bloggers like them.

He was referencing a story in which a member of the media excoriates bloggers for being little more gadflies who republish what the media first published, and other such things soon to be reclassified as being intolerable crimes against humanity.

A snippet:

Bloggers rarely pick up the phone or go interview the middle-level bureaucrats who know the good stuff. It's a lot easier to chew over breaking stories and bash old media. Where do they get the information with which to bash? Often from, ahem, newspapers.

For the most part, that statement is true. But there are exceptions to every rule. Trust me, I know. When members of the local media congratulate you for the scoop you published first, or for the photos you published and they didn’t despite desperately wanting to but failing to, you know that aforementioned statement is not aptly describing you. Whatever. Bitter, clingers all.

As far as doing my own research is concerned, I spent a goodly amount of time studying charities, religious-based and otherwise. And I even paid for an online course offered by a Christian ministry concerning how to take a pile of nothing, a few of life’s perennial losers or parolees, do some creative grant underwriting and then supply yourself with a sizable salary as a result.

And I used this knowledge and more when the holdouts, the remaining good folks on Park Avenue needed some good advice when a glorified drunk tank was proposed for that neighborhood. What I told them was to bus all of the outraged neighbors to the Zoning Board hearing and to make sure to mention the adjacent churches, schools and playgrounds. You know, the children.

The result? The zoning variance was denied and the drunk tank folks, er, the phony baloney Christian ministry moved on to another unsuspecting, undeserving town.

All of which leads me to this, this time, a Methodist ministry working it’s much-lauded do-gooder magic right here in Wilkes-Barre. Without using names, which I have every legal right to do (public records in my hands, including court and prison documents) in this case, here’s the do-gooder story.

We have a local church helping women at their most vulnerable. We have a local church that is, by night (7pm-7am), a homeless shelter for women. And there’s no better way to put it than by saying these are, for the most part, women at their most vulnerable. Some are just down on their luck, or riding out a rough patch. Still, some have been documented to be drug abusers, alcoholics, or mentally questionable and the like. And here’s the part that should upset all of us. Here’s the part about putting the fox in charge of the henhouse.

Now, if you’re the man of the cloth overseeing this operation, why would you petition the courts to put a guy on work release and then have him in close contact with these vulnerable women after hours? Why would a guy originally charged with rape, involuntary deviant sexual intercourse, sexual assault, simple assault and false imprisonment, but who pleaded guilty to lesser charges amended to aggravated assault and indecent assault, be put anywhere near women at what would have to be called the lowest points of their lives?

My point? Well, for the enterprising young reporter, there’s yet another “scoop” for you. And if it goes to print, somebody owes me a case of beer. And cold, mind you, or no more scoops.

My other point is that not all of these do-gooder missions should be embraced with impunity, and without some sort of governmental oversight. Yeah, I know the feel-good line. They help to employ those deemed by the rest of society to be barely employable, if not downright unemployable. And that’s all wonderful and all and is sure to win a few do-gooder awards, if not, countless private donations as well as public financing. Yeah, America’s missionaries toiling away here in America seemingly have nothing but the best of intentions, and are all sure to have guaranteed VIP access to the best seats in heaven.

But you tell me. Should doing good include the petitioning of the courts to put those who plead guilty to sexual crimes in close, unsupervised contact with the most vulnerable of our women?

Make your checks payable to…

I hear that part about Lynn Versus Rodham Corbett. Since Corbett’s untimely re-arrival in these parts, the movement to have a historic marker denoting Kevin’s home as the birthplace of the one-and-only anti-Christ has withered and died. Compared to Rodham Corbett, Kevin is now this close to being added to my internet Buddy List. If I had a choice between passing Rodham Corbett in a crowded hallway and being stranded on a remote Pacific atoll with Lynn for a year, I’m thinking I could develop a taste for shellfish and coconuts lickety split. That is, as long as Wilson comes along.

And Lou Barletta going on Kevin’s show was a mistake. Kevin did his level best to drown out Barletta’s voice. Although, Barletta did the adult thing and pretended not to notice. Good for him.

As far as Rodham Corbett’s online column is concerned, it closely mirrors the hand-wringing ineptitude that was his newspaper column. He’d sit on the square with a hobo for an hour, and then launch into how you and I and the rest of society failed the hobo who was obviously allergic to alarm clocks, time clocks, schedules, bathing and having a boss. I think what plagues Rodham Corbett’s usual flapdoodle is that he tries and succeeds at trying to sound like a militant feminist all of the time. Oh, and the do-as-I-say, not-as-I-did brimming confidence that everything he now says is the truth no matter what and not subject to appeal on our parts.

All of that aside, my main problem with him is his relentlessly unfair tarnishing of Wilkes-Barre, simply because Mayor Tom Leighton will not spread mayonnaise and Kaopectate all over his massive, out-of-control ego.

Check out Rodham Corbett‘s latest over-hyped swill in which former Wilkes-Barre mayor Tom McGroarty once stroked Corbett‘s massive, ever-widening black hole of an ego, therefore he deserves kind things to be said about him, no matter how much of an incredulous stretch they happen to be.

From Lou's Movin' On Up:

Replacement Mayor Tom Leighton will not be nearly as memorable. Some people have already forgotten him even though he remains at the helm of the city government. His only accomplishment is the “I Believe” slogan that amounts to little more than bureaucratic graffiti in a town that needs far more than a lame jingle to get the town jangling toward a better future. Leighton is a real estate agent turned public official who was better off selling abandoned buildings than trying to fill them with business people or tenants. Scranton’s Republican and Democratic mayors are another story. They have been more capable and include lovable character Jimmy Connors, Vietnam veteran Dave Wentzel, carnival barker Jim McNulty, capable manager Gene Peters, and current business leader Chris Doherty, whose connections to powerbrokers on a state and national level will secure a continuing place in the sun for Scranton.

There is no way you could attach any journalistic integrity tag to any of that. Long and short, it’s personal for Rodham Corbett. And until Tom Leighton starts kissing his fat ass, it’s Scranton good/Wilkes-Barre bad…simple as that.

I told my mayor he should kick Rodham Corbett’s ass, but he’s having none of that sort of talk. What would Rodham Corbett do? Use some of his non-fighting fighting techniques on him? Sorry, but that’s wrestling, not brawling. Besides, since his willing conversion to womanhood, fighting is anathema to the karate man/kid.

And that one paragraph love letter to Scranton mayor’s past and present? Talk about filth. Boy, if we got to responding to that with numbers and facts, it’d come off like a profusely bleeding child trying to fend off an army of starving Great White sharks. In short, when nailed with the financial facts, his undeniably laughable position that those mayors were or are “capable” would be indefensible. Still, all that matters to him is his “truth.”

And to this very date, he has still made nary a mention of the coming layoffs/forced retirements of dozens of first responders employed by the City of Scranton. So let’s see here, Rodham Corbett. Your mayor built an ill-advised $300,000 handicapped-accessible tree house, but he can’t afford policemen or firefighters? You want free swimming pools on practically every block, but you can’t afford policemen or firefighters?

And Leighton can’t fill buildings?

Yeah, and that Steamtown Mall isn’t treading water, is it? That Southern Union building sure reminds me of McGroarty’s ill-fated, revenue-draining call center. It sure does. And then there’s the millions upon millions in outstanding debts. Did that slip your mind while you were so enthralled with bashing Wilkes-Barre? I chortle quite violently at your expense. The truth? He wouldn’t know or even admit to the truth if it suddenly lurched forward and clamped on to where his nuts used to be.

He’s on something? You sure got me on all of that. But he is a product of the beginning of the end--the sixties, so that’s never to be counted out. These are the very same people who encouraged us to smoke banana peels at the love-in.

And Entercom and WILK’s ratings? Again, you got me. Although, as the lone earthly talk radio outlet throughout this entire area, despite the oft-vacuous content, they can’t be doing all that bad, can they? What else have the senior citizens got to listen to? On average, seniors don’t do the internet or satellite radio. So, if talk radio is what floats their boats, they’re kind of stuck with the fast-fading survivors of Generation LSD, no? I dunno.

What I do know is, Rodham Corbett is to objective truth-telling what anal sex is to procreation. And the similarities to anal undertakings don’t end there.

Stay in touch.

Nifty. In other words, they will tell those of you who call yourselves progressives what to think and what you should publish. And what’s new about that? Hell, that’s been going on for many a year.

War for Oil? That was a clever one. Only problem is, we ain’t got enough oil to make it affordable.

And whatever happened to invading Afghanistan so that American “Big Oil” could built an oil pipeline from Pakistan all the way to Sugar Notch?

Remember, you are for abortion. No matter what, you are for abortion. As we all know by now, it is a woman’s right to kill.

How about gun control? You have to be for that. Don’t want those bitter/clingers running loose with a gun and a bottle of Mad Dog. Why, they ought to put fences up around those trailer parks.

Yeah, right up until your home is invaded by lightly-armed thugs. Then you might want to reconsider what the limp-wrested continually tell you, that stuff about sheepishly doing whatever the intruders command that you do. So they punch you around a little bit. Okay, maybe they knock out your teeth and break a rib or two. All they want is the plasma television, so be a good little unarmed boy and they’ll go away. After they’re gone, you can call 911 so as to report it for insurance purposes.

Although, it could be after they also use the wife and the two teenaged daughters like a sperm bank, but hey!…it sure beats having guns in the house, don’t it?

And don’t forget that all obesity everywhere is the fault of the McDonalds Corporation. Remember back when you were a kid and McDonalds hadn’t been invented yet? Remember? There were no fat people in this country. Not even one. Blog about that.

And a reminder, bash Catholics no matter what the fu>k they do. But never, ever type an unkind word about any other religion. And especially not the favorite new-found religion of America’s 1,000,000 or so incarcerated criminals. You know which one I’m talking about.

For the remainder of his term, blame George Bush for practically everything. And make no mention of the fact that our 535 elected legislators are under the direct control of the various and ultra sundry paid lobbyists. It’s not what Bush wants. It’s not what Congress or the Senate wants. And it’s certainly not what we want that rules the legislative day. It’s what the lobbyists command them what to do, what they were bought and paid to deliver. Remember, whatever it is, Bush did it.

You should not own, train, wear or eat animals. Animals are people, too. And since the mass-consumption of beef is helping to destroy what little is left of the world, try throwing some insects in the pressure cooker. No more pot roast. No, progressives see the intrinsic value of slug roast. Do it. You’ll be glad you did. And so will Dr. Al Gore.

Possessing gobs of unearned self-esteem is more important than certifiably earned self-worth. Accomplishments mean nothing, and are usually the direct byproduct of having rich (evil republican) parents. Life got you down? Feeling unworthy? Express yourself, man! Stick steel rods through your nose, lips, teats and dicks. And have your temple tattooed. And dye your hair a nice shade of chartreuse with stripes of blue mixed in. What the hell, your mother does it.

What? Nobody will hire you? Just keep pulling that straight party ticket on the democrat side, and things will magically come to you and absolutely free. Why work when you can drink, smoke grass and ball your half-sister all day long when you could be working hard like those stupid republicans. Forget that silly notion of pride. Drink all night, sleep day. It’s the progressive way.

Lemme see. Oh, yeah. Heterosexually should be discouraged at nearly every turn. It’s antiquated, overrated, boring and proof of homophobia. For more on this enlightened thinking, go to MTV and get the latest on how to vastly shorten your life expectancy.

No matter what ails you, look to fast-dying Europe for the cure. Yep, everything that sucks here is done much better and more efficiently in Europe. They can’t afford to power air conditioners, can’t afford cars or gasoline, can’t afford much of anything under the crushing weight of their overrun welfare states, but we should use Europe as the model of all that is good and right and efficient.

Lastly, do not single out the Republicans, the Democrats nor big business to the fedrule govmint having turned a blind eye to border security for decades on end. The truth is, illegal immigration is your fault, you enlightened progressives. See, you white progressives refuse to have children. And so, a fast-aging America was heading down the path of Europe, wherein, the indigenous population slowly dies off and is replaced by immigrants that the indigenous folks do not really care for.

As a result, we have an estimated 20 million illegal Hispanics in our country. And unlike you white folks, they procreate with the very best of ‘em. Birth rates will noticeably rise, and America’s future will be ensured. So, in effect, what we’ve managed to do is pick which race we wish to be replaced by. And at least they are Americans, be it central and south Americans.

So, being too completely self-centered to have and raise offspring, illegal immigration is your fault. Never mention that. That it’s all your fault.

A progressive? Me?

Nope, not me.

Later