1. Make sure you have some anti-virus programs. I'm not saying that there's any viruses lurking around my pages, but it's better to be safe than sorry! If visiting my web site causes damage to you, your computer, and/or your house, I can not be held responsible.
2. It's better if you browse through my pages blindfolded. You have a better chance of finding what you want that way.
3. Pack 3 weeks worth of supplies before you enter my site. You may be stuck here for a long time.
4. Tell a friend that you've gone to my web site, so they will know where to look when they find out you've been missing for 3 weeks.
5. Young children, the elderly, pregnant women, people with heart problems, illegal aliens, the President of the United States of America, cattle, and figments of my imagination should NOT enter.
6. Always wear clean underwear!
7. Look both ways before crossing a busy page.
8. If problems occur, consult the manual.
9. Test all dangerous objects by sticking them in your mouth.
10. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THIS SITE! SHHH! IT'S A SECRET!
11. When following any link, cross your fingers and say "There's no place like home(page)" over and over. If it doesn't work, swear loudly. If it does, jump around the room and sing.
12. Don't use this web page at night. That's when the ghosts come!
13. Pronounce Uranus like YOUR-ANUS.
14. Get a tattoo that says Born to Navigate The Masked Author's Writing Studio.
15. Get something special for your favorite pet.
16. I've forgotten the point of this list. Send answers here.
17. Recite the phone book backwards and look for hidden messages.
18. See if you can fit your fist inside your mouth.
19. Buy The Masked Author Action Figure! Only $19.99! ACT NOW! Call 1-800-LUV-SPAM for details.
20. Spend the rest of your life pondering the meaning of life. When you finally figure it out, get really drunk and forget.
21. Blackjack!
22. Do not pass GO! Do not collect $200! Go straight to jail!
23. Try to swallow your own tongue.
24. Do something useful! Stop reading this list!
25. Create a imaginary friend. Then kill him!
26. When you go to a restaurant and they ask you Smoking or nonsmoking?, say Both.
27. ALWAYS SAY ALWAYS!!
28. Do the Macarena!
29. Ignore 1-28. Only obey 30.
30. SEND ME MONEY!!!!