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please, Sir
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previous posts ... small thing, big impact: ... candles ... me: my webpage, which includes contributions from friends email:
yes, please :) ... tiny pic of the scene collar and leash that i put on the cat ...
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"Opportunities are often things you haven't noticed the first time around" - Catherine Deneuve Sometimes, in this lifestyle, i find people have a habit of "ignoring" a submissive. What i mean by that is some people seem to discount entirely that a submissive has an opinion, or feelings about a subject, preferring to address and listen to his or her Dominant instead. Or a request might be made of the Dominant, with the assumption that the submissive will do as they are told, no matter how they are involved in that request. Which of course they will. But how they feel about it, how it might affect them, or their relationship with their Dominant, seems to be discounted as not important. An example. Master was asked to housesit/dogsit for a very good (vanilla) friend while she is out of the country. She invited us both over for dinner one evening, gave us the "grand tour" of her home and then asked us *both* how we felt about doing this favour for her. Details were sorted out and we will be staying at her home for a short time in May. But my point is, she understood that this event will affect us as a couple. So it is important that we both feel comfortable. And even though vanilla, i believe she also understands there is a power exchange occurring between Master and i, yet still respected me as a person. On the flip side (is there such a thing?) Master was approached recently by another Dominant who is also leaving town for a few days and would like Him to *look out for* His submissive. i was not included in this conversation. i was not asked for my opinion or my feelings. The assumption (as it appeared to me and that doesn't mean that i am correct) seemed to be that my input wasn't necessary. Master makes the decisions, and as His submissive i accept them. Which is very true. (But Master takes the time to ask my opinions.) i believe that this event, like the one above, will affect us as a couple. Master and i are equal parts of a whole. Of a circle. Therefore, aren't my thoughts on the subject valid ones? In fact, *looking out for* another human being, another submissive, could have a large impact on several days of my shared life with my Master. As large an impact as it might have on Him. This is not a dog that we can pat on the head, feed, and send outside to play. This is someone whom we might not hear from the entire time, but could just as easily have a crisis to be dealt with instead. And yes, i would wait patiently while Master handles things as He sees fit, but i will see the anxiety. i will live with His reactions. Sometimes it is difficult to sort out all the conflicting emotions of this lifestyle. i accept the power exchange that He and i have. But He treats me as an adult with opinions that count. When He makes final decisions i know that even if it isn't how i would do things, He has listened to how i feel. i'm allowed a "voice". i'm not treated like a puppet on a string, a drone sub who's only function is performing nicely and being well-mannered. So when a Dominant discounts me as valid, i feel insulted. my first response is often "now hang on.... i am part of this too!" Another aspect that is difficult to sort out is my protective responses toward Master. When we were first learning about each other there was more "distance" in how we dealt with each other. i was learning about the lifestyle, about myself, and smaller bits about Him. He was teaching and guiding, learning about me and most likely about Himself as well. But as we grew together, and our bond tightened, my instinctive response of protecting someone i love kicked in. Now i find myself confused about what to do with that instinct, about where it belongs in this lifestyle. When Master hurts, i hurt. When He is depressed or happy or sad or content, all those emotions affect me. So when He makes decisions and acts on them, those decisions affect me too. Shouldn't i at least be asked my opinion then? ... shadoe March 9, 2000
This Bloodstone site
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