The Age of Chance

Okay this is how it works this week. We have a bunch of winners. I flipped a coin for each winner. Heads and the post got 10 tokens. Tails and it got 25 tokens. If the coin didn't come back down, or if it hit me in the eye, the post got 15 tokens. As you'll see,
I lost a lot of coins; the highway tollbooth attendants will just have to settle
for checks this week.

Tosses one, two, and three--heads. Sal, Repeatr, and SoupEater get 10 tokens.

Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From: DrSalina
The Rosebowl! Proving once again which college football team can handle their balls the best.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
I have also suddenly found some self-confidence. Unfortunately, the only thing I'm confident is my ability to sleep.
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Subject: Re: Espanol
From: SoupEater
>>Tengo sopa de tomate en mis pantalones.<<

I am NOT Eating that.

Tosses five, six, and seven, also heads. Jamie, SunDewlady, and an ANT get 10 tokens. At this point I begin to think I have a trick coin. . .
Subject: Re: Jl's not-so-random stuff
From: Jlbkwrm
You know why so many of the new religions fail? It's because their gods don't impregnate enough followers. That's why.
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Subject: Poor Sonny
From: SunDewlady
First Michael, now Sonny. When the hell are they gonna cut down that tree?
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Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: ANT Aktar
I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.>>

>>I'm not a doctor but I operate on people anyway.

I'm not a terrorist I just demolish things

After a closer examination of the next toss, I catch the coin with me eye. I guess I examined it too closely. 15 tokens to Bloodguilt.
Subject: Re: the song that never ends
From: Bloodguilt
>>Look if it doesn't end soon I am going to have to have LAMB CHOPS for lunch. (actualy it tasted realy good)This is the meak that never ends and it goes on and on my freind some people started eating darn well knowing what it was an cept on eating forever just because,This is the meak that never ends and it goes on and on my freind...>>

I believe this post needs a translator from Moron to English. Luckily I speak fluent Moron, having associated with them most of my life. "Meak," in this case, means "meat" rather than "meek," as it may appear to some. "Cept" means "kept," not the acceptable shortening of "except" to " 'cept," and it makes no reference to "septic," although that is where this post should probably be. "Freind" and "actualy" are just "friend" and "actually." I hope this helps everyone understand the futility of trying to understand this post.

Left with blurry vision, I don't see the next coin come down. . .or the coin after that, either. I don't think they did. 15 tokens to Kosmo and Tova.
Subject: Re: Kosmo's Milking Bucket Returns
From: CowKosmo
Okay, it's time for this weeks "Kosmo's Post-A-Thon"
So get ready to be reading for hours...

Well, That's all for this weeks post-a-thon, be sure to read next week.

Next week The post-a-thon will be shortened due to other programming.
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Subject: Re: Kosmo's Milking Bucket Returns
From: Tova100
>> Okay, it's time for this weeks "Kosmo's Post-A-Thon"
So get ready to be reading for hours... >>

This is how dumb I am: on reading your post, I honestly thought my computer had deleted if or something (it tends to do that a lot, or I tend to delete stuff a lot; I'm kinda trigger-happy), and I took about 15 minutes trying to figure out what my computer had done this time, so I called up IBM, and after waiting for three hours, finally got to talk some guy (who had this REALLY hard-to-understand Dutch accent, plus he had a lisp), and he couldn't figure it out what was wrong over the phone, so he came over to my house, and after six more hours of frustration, we got married.

But now I realize the mistake.

Visiting the eye doctor, I am not available to catch the next four coins. So, 15 tokens to Snipes, Brian, The Kat 4u, and a different ANT.
Subject: Re: C.O.P.S. Was Filmed On Location In Snipesville
Matchbox 20.
Giants 17.
Damn! The Giants can't beat anyone!
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
Sure, the Grand Canyon may be breathtaking but so is lung cancer.
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Subject: Re: PEZ
From: The Kat 4u
>>Say...if you choke on Pez, isn't that kind of like having a heart attack immediately after successfully performing CPR? TkatI>>

speaking of CPR. time to renew my CPR card. just a way to leach another twenty bucks, and waste 8 hours of my life. the high point is i get to change the actual card. right now i have CPR for profesional rescuer. there are a bunch of other types i can get. i know the name of some of them:

CPR for professional heath care
CPR for medical personal
CPR for professional health mantainace

there are tons of them. the key word is profesional. i was thinking of some other various other CPR cards for people who aren't in the medical field. here are some of them:

CPR instructor for guys who want to cop a feel on the hot female students
CPR for AOL members who are traped in front of thier computer.
CPR expressly for chicks with large breast.
CPR that you'll never use, even if someone is dying right in front of you.
CPR for sweaty guys, who walk around waiting for chicks to pass out, so they can have female contact, and not get sued, due to the good samaritan law. (cough hack cough)

me, personally, i want CPR for guys who like to drive ambulances real fast.
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Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: ANT Zornog
When life gets ya down, just make sure it doesn't rape you and steal your wallet.

Just then, I realized this coin thing might not be the best idea. So, getting out of this whole thing before any tail jokes are made, I'll just give the rest of the winners (Carly Caie, Lavoris, SkaBasser, and XFoTwenny) 25 tokens.
Subject: Re: Another fantasy...
From: Caie Mac
>>Alot of people think sex is bad.. it can turn into a bad case if your not careful..where have you been that you've never heard that???>>

Ooooh, I wish I could think of a good smartass comeback to this! I will, don't you worry. I'll stay up all night to think of one if I must. But it will be done!
* * * *
Subject: Re: Another fantasy...
From: Caie Mac
>>Alot of people think sex is bad.. it can turn into a bad case if your not careful..where have you been that you've never heard that???>>

Oh really? well....your mama smells like rotten NYAH!

Mission accomplished.
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Subject: Re: Puffins, puffins, puffins a bag
From: Lavoris49
>>OHMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAV!!!!!!!!!! JEAN!!!!!!!!!!! WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LONG TIME NO SEE!!!!!!!!!! Wow, you made me post in all caps........
Stay awhile.>>

I think I will stay, because I've decided that not playing the RG has actually made me dumber. I, honestly, never expected that.
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Subject: I'm one sick bastard
From: Lavoris49
Since I got sick a year ago, I've been eating very healthful food. And the food has become even more nutritious since my mother bought a book entitled Eat Right 4 Your Type. We now own a food dehydrator. Although I still crave sweets (I haven't eaten refined sugar since last March), I feel very good about my current diet. You know what they say, you are what you eat. My new motto is, "Eat right and have a nutritious tasting corpse." I'm going to put it on a bumper sticker. Guffaw.
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Subject: Re: Can an up an coming Newbie spin a decent thread?
From: SkaBasser
Good Idea: Using SpellCheck

Gooder Idea: Using Grammar Check
* * * *
Subject: Re: Can an up an coming Newbie spin a decent thread?
From: SkaBasser
According to a recent survey by the Academy fo Incomplete Research, nine out of ten
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Subject: Re: Windows in bathrooms--absurd or just plain stupid?
From: XFoTwenny
>>>Subject: Windows in bathrooms--absurd or just plain stupid?>>>(spiffigirl)

>insert joke regarding the all-pervasive nature of Microsoft and Bill Gates here>
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Subject: Re: This subject box puts too much pressure on me
From: XFoTwenny
>>>I think it would be more random if you looked down at your socks, studied the color for a while, ran to the nearest Crayola factory, got a patent for the exact color of your sock, sold the color to Crayola, made a million dollars, and ran around barefoot on the deck of a great big ship that you bought with your own million dollars.>>>(Funky Munky)

I can see it instant hit among 6 year olds everywhere...that sensational new color, "Sock".

That's all of the winners this week. Tell me, what is the ratio between the chances that I would lose my vision because of the Random Game, and the chance that it wouldn't be while reading posts? Phone Harper's Magazine, I think we got a killer addition to the Index.