The Oz Eon

I'm becoming too easily swayed. Ozma thought an Oz age would be appropriate this week for reasons that were overwhelmingly unconvincing; but, lacking any other ideas, here it is. So, let history record the fact that we, uh, posted a lot about the Wizard of Oz, this week. This is just the type of freaky occurrence that could define an entire generation. For her part, Ozma doesn't get anything.

On to the 10-token winners. We don't have a "Hank, the Angry Drunken Dwarf," but who needs one when you have a real swingin' midget?

Subject: Re: Psychosis Central ::moo::
From: Bumppis
>>Nah, length doesn't matter.>>

Tell THAT to the hanging midget...
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Subject: Re: Stuck on stupid
From: Carcazed
>>Run Forest Run!>>

What a cruel thing to say to a bunch of trees.
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Subject: Re: accents
From: LndonSleep
>>new zealand is in oceania. which, technically, is classified with australia.(sleep)<<
>>I always thought Oceania was a region, not a continent...any geography majors out there?Khalethra >>

okay, i'll ask my sister's brilliant college-dropout neo-paganistic boyfriend...
new zealand, he says, is in africa.
nevermind.
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: Smasher69
>> One of the local car dealerships is giving away a free jeep at their location this weekend. They sent out this mailer with the phrase "Come Out & You Could be a Winner" in big block letters. Wow..I wonder if this jeep is going to come with a pink triangle sticker on the back too..>>Goo

actually, I heard that Ellen will be there now that her show's been cancelled... Don't worry about her having financial problems, she's already been signed for a new show called, "Going back 'In'."
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Subject: Re: Krissy Lin's corner of the assylum
From: Krissy Lin
know whats so cool about pi? it's almost 3.2, but not quite.

I'm a little surprised that with a last name of "Good," he would be making a post about "Jr. Mints;" but here's a few 15-token winners.
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
If I were a sports agent I'd have my clients sell their nicknames to corporate sponsors such as Karl "The FedEx Delivery Man" Malone and Ken Griffey, Jr. Mint.
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Subject: Re: Don't Ask Questions
From: SGood42
>>how do i do that?
OHecklerO === no i DO NOT work for Hecklers.. stop I.M.ing me...<<

SGood42: Hi. Do you work for Hecklers Online?

OHecklerO:no i dont...

SGood42: Thanks.

Hee hee...that was fun....everyone should try it.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
Failed pick-up line #1: There's a lot of beautiful girls in the world, and then there's you. Noo, I didn't mean it that wa....::SLAP:: Damn.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
I was listening to some music yesterday all sorts of little keyboards in the background and whispering voices and such. Needless to say, I'm looking for place to hide the bodies.
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Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: ZYX
I was thinking about that Wiz de Oz/Dark Side o' de Moon dealio and I wondered......

Has anyone ever watched the Wall while playing the Wizard of Oz Soundtrack?
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Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: ZYX
You can't imagine the emotional bonding between my dad and I and the life lessons learned this past weekend as we replaced the wax gasket underneath the toilet.....

Hmm, cheese, pizza, nudity, Playboy, a rainy day, and...a blender. Make up your own jokes, but these are the 20-token winners.
Subject: Re: Cheese Filled Doughy Thingies!
From: Puterweeny
Grammy's Babysitting Tips:
When filling one end, be sure the other end is securely wrapped.
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Subject: Re: Cheese Filled Doughy Thingies!
From: Puterweeny
Grammy's Babysitting Tips:
When putting the baby in the blender, be sure to remove the little knitted booties. The threads might jam the blades.
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Subject: Re: FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
kat's news flash:

nekkid navy officer in playboy, getting kicked out. i bet a ton of veitnam vets are pissed they didn't think of that idea sooner....
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Subject: Re: FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
never let a rainy day get you down, that's what bills are for....
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Subject: Re: Whats that?
From: LKiller007
I went to a minor league baseball game tonight and saw the strangest thing there, they have this thing where they give "The most enthusiastic fan" a free pizza. I think they should call that fan what they really are, "The person most willing to make a fool out of themselves for a lousy pizza"

Buy the way, I got a free pizza tonight
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Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: LKiller007
>>"Have you seen "Titanic?"
"Everyday in the shower, baby."<<

Look out! It's goin' down
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Subject: Re: "Momentary lapses in Judgement" or "I came back for THIS?"
From: InsaneInOR
I put a garden in for my wife this weekend. Since we both work, have two kids, and 4 million other projects to tend to all we are going to grow is weeds. Hey it's the thought that counts. Judging from the lawn we're gonna have a bumper crop of dandelions.
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Subject: Re: If you........
From: InsaneInOR
>>If you had the choice to look at someone
Naked
Who would it be?
If I had the choice? Yes. (mmm, Pia)>>

I'm changing my name to Yes right now.

Little did Pia know when she made that post, that she'd given such a perfect set-up. Well, maybe she did know; I don't know. 15 tokens to Chris...and to Zornog -- yes, crack is still funny.
Subject: Re: If you........
From: Chriskolak
>>If I had the choice? Yes. (mmm, Pia)>>

The whole band?
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Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: Zornog
>>Ack!!!! I found the mouse! Does anyone else see the mouse? I'm serious!
Ok, everybody, hit reply and look for the mouse. Do you see him?
Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found two more mice!!!!!!!!!!>>

I got it! "Things a crack addict would say in Disneyland!"

And who could remember this post? Especially since most of us passed over it after reading the first line. But, Bob and Gorp not only read it, they replied. I don't know if their posts are any funnier than the original, since I didn't read any of 'em, but they each get 25 tokens for the effort.
Subject: Re: Why
From: Odaeyss
>> Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?>>

You don't, you just need ID... and sometimes, you don't even need that, just something that'll look like ID to a camera.

>> Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?>>

Because it is Greek in origin.

>> Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?>>

Government money, military bases, yadda yadda.

>>Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?>>

Even if you've got a chute on, the landing might kill ya. Especially if you're in a plane that's going to wreck -- too high, too fast. Let alone getting sucked into the engines.

>> Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?>>

Where else would they be sold? And frankly, I don't see many shooting ranges in gun stores, or barbeques in butcher shops, or anything like that.

>> Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?>>

No. You do need rounds capable of penetrating an invisible-box, or at least need to pretend you do.

>> Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?>>

Ya know, it sounds like it, but that's no paradox, horseface.

>> How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?>>

In his plow. Though normally a plow driver will be on his way to his plow, if it's not at his house, when it starts to snow pretty bad. That's why you'll see a plow out at any time of day.

>> If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
doors?>>

After a burglery, it's their policy to lock up.

>> If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?>>

Cows do not laugh. A cow's udders and respiritory system are in no way connected.

>> If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?>>

Teflon doesn't stick to the pan, it's anchored there. Like a pebble in concrete -- the pebble isn't sticking to the concrete, but it's held there because the concrete is covering most of it up. Then the successive layers of Telfon are added to that, because Teflon WILL stick to Teflon.

>> If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?>>

An awful mess.

>> If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn
on the headlights?>>

Impossible. If you were going that fast, you wouldn't be able to see anything outside your craft anyway, and if you did, the light would just not do anything.

>> You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere-else"?>>

Open it somewhere else, hoser.

>> Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?>>

So blind people don't have to rely on others for that -- though to drive they do. It's called a taxi or relatives, but perhaps not trustworthy relatives.

>> Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?>>

We do. No one ever claimed that English was a language of logic.

>> Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?>>

Pantie is also a word. Brassiere is of French origin.

>> Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?>>

To confuse you, midget.

>> You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?>>

You know that little indestructible black box? It only doesn't break because it's relatively small and heavily armored. It can and will be destroyed -- and if the plane was built on the same scale as the box it either wouldn't fly or would, but would still blow up upon impact anyway.

>> Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?>>

The radio is a distraction. Distractions are distracting.
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Subject: Re: Why
From: GORP007
ok, here is my incredibly not funny response to a not so funny, and horribly unoriginal post

>>Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?>>

Just to show them that if you wanted to, you could kill their children and pets.

>>Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?>>

To confuse the illiterate

>> Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?>>

How else are they supposed to drive from California?

>>Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?>>

What good would a parachute do you when you are drowning in the Atlantic ocean?

>>Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?>>

Impulse buying, gotta fuel the habit.

>>Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?>>

You don't NEED a silencer to kill anybody.

>>Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?>>

No, I haven't

>>How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?>>

If you can't drive in snow, what are you doing driving a snowplow?

>>If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
doors?>>

Air Raids

>>If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?>>

If I bludgeoned you with a Louisville Slugger, would cheese come out your ears?

>>If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?>>

Have you ever cooked eggs without any cooking spray?

>>If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?>>

If it's high enough, the cat would die.

>>If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn
on the headlights?>>

You'd explode, I hope

>>You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere-else"?>>

Then run outside and open it there.

>>Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?>>

They're blind, not poor.

>>Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?>>

Just to confuse idiots like you.

>>Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?>>

would you ever buy a panty?

>>Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?>>

It works the other way too, you know.

>>You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?>>

The lid on those things are really hard to open, don't tamper with them while the stewardess is there.

>>Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?>>

I don't do this.

Hello again, this is the end. Congrats to all of the winners.