I Can't Believe It's Not Funny!

Much like "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" looks and tastes like the real thing, this week's winning posts resemble humor. I actually prefer "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" to real butter and, well, I've read the Random Game for well over a year.
There might just be a parallel

Let me show you what I mean. Take Decupcak's post. There's something funny in it if you look at it the right way, long enough.

Subject: Re: The random ramblings of a newbie poster-child
From: Decupcak
I'm just trying to keep my lame little thread sort of alive, just for a little while longer, so, well, I feel like rambling just a little bit. I need a job this summer, and I'm hoping to work at Taco Bell, because I beleive in aiming high, and having dreams. Who am I kidding, I'll probably have to work at Mcdonalds ::shudders:: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It doesn't really matter what I say here, you don't really care, and you're probably not even bothering to read this. Wow, I'm kinda pessimistic when I don't have my medication. Ah, well, I can always blame PMS. Or something. Yeah, it's THEIR fault! THEY gave me a negative outlook on life when THEY showed me THE THING. This is me on maybe six hours' sleep. I'm probably gonna read this in the morning and cringe, but my self-restraint is one of the first things to go. That's why I don't drink. Then I'd be an idiot 90% of the time, instead of my usual 85%.

It usually also helps to be tired and/or drunk and/or medicated and you get the picture. 15 tokens to Decupcak and 15 tokens to all of this week's winners, except for Bumppis, who gets 25.
Subject: Re: My CHILD-ish thread...
From: Bumppis
I swear, if I keep getting booted off AOL, I'm gonna keep signing back on.
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Subject: Re: Kosmo's Thread. Yup. It's kind of like Yarn
From: Bumppis
>>There's nothing quite like a really big hamster...

Except of course a really big gerbil....

or A really big mouse...

Or a really big rat....>>

For crying out loud, why don't you just sit on a puppy and be done with it!!!!

Back to the rest of the 15-token winners, which I'll group together in some logical way. Look Random Game posts about Random Gamers:
Subject: Re: La day dee la day daaa
From: Twi1ite
>>Random Game. Post. Fence. Picket. Line. Coke. Pepsi. Cheesburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. Belushi. Dead. Meat. Murder. Redrum. Black rum. Captain Morgan. Tim Curry. "It". Gore. Al. Tipper. Censorship. Religious Right. Priests. Exorcisms. "The Exorcist." Violent projectile vomiting.

And there you have it. 26 degrees of seperation between the random game and violent projectile vomiting. What does this prove?<<

That Lndonsleep was actually on to something?
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Subject: Re: Carc's Place
From: LKiller007
>>"Absence of Malice" was a good movie. "Malice's Restaurant" was a good song. Songs are good, except when they're not. Good songs are on the radio. One time I had a clock radio, but I took the radio part out. It was too noisy. I didn't change the name, though. People know you by your name. I know a lot of people, so I have a lot of names. I have a home name, and a work name, and a musician name,

a bowling name. I don't bowl, though. Cereal is good for you, especially in a bowl. One time, my cereal stayed crisp in milk. Then it got soggy. Sometimes, bread gets soggy. Especially when you leave it out in the rain. Someone left a cake out in the rain. I think they were busy writing a song and forgot.=Carcazoid=<<

Whats this Carc? Trying to be a newbie again? Or did you forget what screenname you were on?

And here's posts that I almost follow:
Subject: Re: Jl's not-so-random stuff
From: Jlbkwrm
Stupid is as stupid does.

So if you is stupid, then so is what you does.

Okay, there was only one of them. But here's winning posts that end in question marks:
Subject: Re: one thing that really bothers me
From: Atani7
>Geez, Your nuts to let little things like that bother you.>bbills22

Subliminal cry for help?
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Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
What do these symbols mean? They stand fer some obscenity, i'm sure...but which one?

And these three all have numbers in their names:
Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
You know something's messed up with your family when you die in an accident,and a family member tells the paper, "He was a very good person.",yet they refuse to be identified....
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Subject: Re: Is Athleates foot really as bad as they try to make it out to be
From: RavenWord7
HOWW DARE YOU im not him he's not me were both just tall and white. People get us confused at school now on the DAMMM internet BLAAAA a pox on you whole house BLAAAA. Do you think the SAME person would listen to STP and WU-TANG but you dont know this because your a moron MORON. FAGITTTTTT>> (Wu-"person")

That doesn't even deserve a reply. So, naturally, I'm replying.
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From: The Kat 4u
kat's tip on life:

always look on the bright side of thing, because you can't see a damn thing when it's dark...

These logical groupings are getting less and less logical. Next thing you know I'll be lumping some newbie in with USAmen.
Subject: Re: Esther Logic
From: MWWils
>>When it's conveniant for you, the rest of the world is getting smacked in the face with a wet knap or aimlessly drawing stick figures with chalk on the sidewalk while it RAINS.

Go take a nap, your mother's calling you....>>

oddly enough, as I read this post, she was... damn second phone line....
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Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: USAmen
>>What the hell is a Dillards? We're supposedly getting one here at the Boise mall. I hear they sell clothes. What is it?

Dillard looks and sounds way too much like dildo to me.<<
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Dillards is your typical large department store like Macy's. Clothes are the objects produced mainly from woven fabric which are commonly used to cover the body for warmth, comfort, modesty and fashion. And now that you mention it, Dillard does sound a lot like dildo, but then again, most people sound like dildos to me.

Speaking of newbies, he's one:
Subject: Re: Critta's pimpin' new thread
From: I M Critta
Next SNL: Remembering Phil Hartman.

Next SNL: Remembering David Spade. (Hey, he's not dead yet, but why not get a head start?)

There, I publicly fixed your gender. Happy? (Wow, that almost resembles a faux funny, funny.) If you've read this far, you're probably waiting for some digression from the 15-token awards. Then you'll be happy to see, your instincts are wrong.
Subject: Re: Kosmo's Thread. Yup. It's kind of like Yarn
From: CowKosmo
If every time Wiley Coyote tried to kill the road runner he got hurt, then why didn't he just try to shoot himself in the head, then he would have ended up killing the Road Runner. Duh!
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Subject: Re: La day dee la day daaa
From: AutoKaotik
It has come to my attention that I have a short attention span, and I plan to...Oh, look! Men in Black is on! I love this movie!

I think I'll go for a drive.

Finally, with the token deadline approaching, I couldn't forget to give Paul some tokens so that he'll play a few more weeks hoping to add to his total, only to have them taken away...then leave the Random Game for several months...and... Paul? You know I have nothing to do with the token reset, right?
Subject: Re: America's Ugliest Senator Contest!
From: PaulCrash
>>Gotta be Jesse Helms...not only is he a real bastard, but his eyes are in two different states.<<

Al D'Amato has my vote. His eyes point in 2 different directions and he talks out of both sides of his mouth.

Okay, that's all folks. And here's a little disclaimer, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" did not consent to its name being used in comparison with the Random Game--do you blame them? But let me just say that "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" is a very fine product, even if Fabio is its spokesman. I stand behind "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" and their products one-hundred percent. The Random Game, on the other hand. . . (Do I even need to finish this sentence?) . . .Well, it doesn't spread as well on toast.