The PreOccupation

It doesn't matter when you read this file, you can assume I'm tired, have a migraine headache, and still have another hour to go before I can take more Tylenol PM. As for the winners, I'm sure there could be very good reasons why the following posts won tokens this week, but I don't feel like making those reason up now. I'm also sure there are multiple logical reasons for this week's "age," sorry again Jaime.

Jaime does win tokens this week, though. Here's some 10-token winners.

Subject: Re: Psychosis Central ::moo::
From: RiottAngel
Y'know all those posts that get tagged? Like "Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway." All the things that get newbie idiots tagged, whacked, and told to bite people... I wonder, when they were first thought up, and first posted, were they actually funny? Were people like, "Wow, that's really interesting." Or did people just go, "Bite me."
It really makes you think.
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Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: ZYX
Failed pick-up lines:

Hey baby, you're daddy musta been a thief, 'cause I think I did some time with him in county.....
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Subject: Credit Cards
From: Ndecisive1
On the back of my credit card there is a number to call in case your card is lost or stolen. Thank god the company is smart enough to put that number on there, because if my card is ever lost or stolen I'm really going to need that number. Of course, I'll probably also need the card with the number on it.
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Subject: Re: uhhh
From: USAmen
>>>something random. (xtheloserx)
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It seems to me that the "something random" post is turning out to be 1998's version of the infamous and well-worn newbie "give me tokens" posts of 1997. 1999 will probably be something like "will kill newbies for tokens", and the most common year 2000 post will be :::crash:::

The big winner this week is Atani7, with 25 tokens. He went an awful long way to for this first post, too far actually. And, come to think of it, ditto for the second post.
Subject: Re: Atani's Love Shack
From: Atani7
So I was downtown at a club last thursday night and my friend had already had about ten drinks and he was getting pretty sloshed. He had his normal attire on which is the same type of outfit everyone else there had on (You know the type, the all too popular highly flammable outfits that they sell at the upscale shops inside the upscale malls that cost almost as much as a small nation's budget and somehow pass as
He had just bought another drink when he decided to get out on the dance floor. Then he stepped out there, and his polyester shirt brushed up against a lit cigarette in this girls hand as he was starting to dance. Well to make a long and very amusing story about carnage and pyrotechnics short and boring, the shirt caught on fire instantly and he ran around screaming for someone to put it
out. Needless to say he didn't get to dance that night.

What's the moral to the story?

Trends don't let friends drink and jive.
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Subject: Re: Atani's Love Shack
From: Atani7
I think I'm gonna sue Pepsico, inc for false advertising.
I drank a full 12 pack of Caffeine Free Pepsi before realizing it contained no caffeine, much less free caffeine!

Now, even if I were giving reasons for each of this week's winners, I'm still not sure I could justify 15 tokens to TyleredOne and Intergral46, let alone 15 to Chris and MWWils.
Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
I think opportunity would be a lot more successful if instead of knocking, it rang the bell.
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Subject: Re: Rejected State Mottos
From: Integral46
>>>Je ne deteste pas le francais. Chienne.
>>Mais, je n'aime pas toi maintenant, ton noir chienne.>>

>>Et vous pensez que que je m'inquite?
Que comique vous etes...<<
>>Ferme ta bouche.
Je deteste Francais et Paris,
Je deteste filles avec bouches tres grande,
ce la,
Je n'adore pas toi.>>>

It's bad enough that I don't know what is going on when people post in English....
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Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
Ty's tips on moving:

Believe it or not,having a crackhead helping out actually slows you down.
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Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
I'm not gonna say my daughter has a pre-occupation with ice cream,but she just got a little too excited when she heard her father and I discussing "fixing a tin roof,Sunday."
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Subject: Re: turn to wils's thread
From: MWWils
my neighbor told me that opportunity was knocking at my door. turns out, I can become involved in the exciting field of tupperwear sales right at home! I am looking over the papers he gave me now.

if you read the fine print, it says something about the possibility of alienating your friends and family, annoying complete strangers, something about microwave safe products......

now my question is, how long have I been selling tupperwear?
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Subject: Re: Chris's little thoughts
From: Chriskolak
I think it would have been alot funnier if Martin Luther King Jr. had finished his "I Have a Dream Speach" with "oh and there was this short blue guy who was chasing me around with a dead fish"

It's been a while since The Random Game recipe book was updated. I think we only had one recipe -- one for Chocolate Chip Cookies, without Chocolate Chips. I'm allergic to meat and don't eat water...wait, I'm don't eat meat and I'm allergic to water...uh yeah, so only 10 tokens to Mitch and Chacro.
Subject: Sig Test
From: MitchRK
I was lying. This ain't no sig test. It's a glass of water recipe.

Glass of Water

1 glass
8 oz. water (tap or bottled)*

Place water into glass.

Serves 4

*spring water may be substituted
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Subject: Re: Sig Test
From: Chacro
Mmm.. this is a wonderful drink to accompany my Meatballs recipe.

Chacro's secret Meatballs

Put meat with balls

These two 20-tokens I'm sure I could justify, it'd be something about plays and forcing you to scroll...and um...pez.
From: Zornog
>>I got it! What about Bob? A board devoted to MEEE!>>

>>Praise the Board! ::showers Bob with praise and Pez::>>

::Reverend Gonroz steps up to the podium. Yes, in case you were wondering, Reverend Gonroz is Hispanic. More power to 'em. And no, he's not a muppet::

Friends, I come here to tell you of a place, a magical place, a wonderful place, a... ::checks Thesaurus::... spectacular place, where people live with the utmost respect for sinning and sexual inuendos, where brutal brawls spring out to and fro, and sarcasm is just a way of life. AND I TELL YOU, I tell ALL of you, this board... THIS GAME...


THIS GAME WHERE PEOPLE ARE NOT PERFECT! This place, where heaven is a scary place where no sex happens, and PEOPLE ARE WHO THEY ARE AND ARE DAMN PROUD OF IT!

I call this place... World Cup Soccer. PRAISE THE FUTBOL!
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Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "Zornog" as:

"No articles were found that match what you entered."

Let that be a lesson to you all.
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Subject: Shakespeare my ass.
From: Conade
I present to you... OMELETTE, a play in, uh, one act and one part (I'm too lazy to write any more than that).

Omelette, played by Chriskolak:
How long does a guy gotta lay in the dirt until he rots? Including folks I have given mouth-to-mouth to?

First Clown, played by Mr Onliner:
Well, uh.. if he's not rotten already, as in the case of most lawyers, he will last you a couple of weeks before he starts to smell. Oi, let me tell you about it! Hiding dead bodies isn't as easy as it used to-- nevermind.. [chuckles nervously] Here's a skull now! It's been here for a couple of years.

Omelette: Whose was it?

First Clown: Whose do you think it was?

Omelette: Dunno.

First Clown: Come on. Guess.

Omelette: MagicClams?

First Clown: Yeah. Right. Guess again.

Omelette: CaieMac?

First Clown: No.

Omelette: Tocadisco?

First Clown. No.

Omelette: I give up.

First Clown: Yeesh, someone's not very persistent.. He's the guy who poured a bottle of vodka on my head and lit me on fire just because he didn't like the way I smelled. This same skull, sir, was Nyello's skull, the king's jester.

Omelette: This?

First Clown: Yeah.

Omelette: Let me see. [Takes the skull] Alas, poor Nyello! I knew him, HOratio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. In other words, a hell of a guy.

HOratio, played by Stotan9876: I wanna see the skull!

Omelette, clutching the skull to his chest: Mine. No.

HOratio: Yes.

Omelette: No.

HOratio: Yes.

Omelette: No.

[HOratio's head falls off.]

First Clown: Can I have the skull now? I need to put it back. I'm not supposed to be digging up graves until the Second Clown comes back.

Omelette: No.

[First Clown's head falls off]

Omelette, exiting the graveyard: This will make a wonderful bookend.

Finally, saving the, wait again, saving the least easily explained for last, here's the rest of the winners of 10 tokens.
Subject: Re: USAmen's Hard Drive
From: The Kat 4u
>>I got dragged to one of those for my last birthday. The onions were raved at by my hick aunt (the old hag's taste buds are probably dead anyway), the line dancing blondes were applauded by my father, the steaks and the sizes of the beers were enjoyed by all... the catch? I don't like onions, my father's enthusiasm took the enjoyment out of watching the blondes, I was the only one smart
enough to order steak and the rest of the company suffered for hours, and no one would buy me a beer...>> sal

the thing is, you have to be really drunk to line dance, or inbreed. so count your blessings...
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Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: Smasher69
Last night I went to a baseball game... I had to get all dressed up...

You know you're either a Yuppie or White Trash if you have to get dressed up to go to a baseball game.

man I wish I owned a yacht.
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Subject: Re: Stotan's Thread o' Crap
From: Stotan9876
There a few things I've learned in life. And here they are.

1. Even though those little poodles look like their just waiting to be kicked, doing so will cause nothing but trouble.

2. Tennis balls smell just about as bad as anything can smell.

3. Repeat number two, replace "tennis balls" with the name of any given farm in any given area.

4. Never ask anyone what nugat is. It's one of those things that just isn't meant to be known.

5. Any game of Truth or Dare is bound to turn into a big perverted mess.

6. Repeat number two, replace "tennis balls" with "Nursing homes".

7. No matter how hard you look, it is impossible to find anything even mildly entertaining about an episode of "Full House".

8. Urinal cakes are not for eating.

That's about all I got right now.

Oh, and 10 tokens to CowKosmo because Dante303 would have wanted it that way...hold on, she came back from Spain, didn't she? Get your decoder rings out, the secret code is TRGF. If that means nothing to you, forget I even brought it up.