On the Brink of Destruction

Welcome to a very special winners file here at the Random Game. In the past, I guaranteed you absolutely nothing. But, this week I personally guarantee that
all the winners contained herein sound like they *should* be funny.
Read along while the RG brings you to the verge of laughter.

Let's start off with a couple winners of 15 tokens. For those of you playing
along at home, the keyword in this first entry is "bloody."

Subject: Re: FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
kat's tips on the RG:

random acts of violence will win you no tokens...
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Subject: Re: FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
ever notice that when you walk down the street with a bloody sledge hammer, people respect you?
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
>>I fixed all the spelling errors in this piece of drivel. Damn illiterate kids...tax dollars at work, my ass...>> (Carc)

Great, there goes my theory that Carc is really Dan Quayle.
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
Mary had a little lamb. Any chance she's related to that 35 yr old school teacher who just got arrested again?

And, the keyword in Paul's post is the RG's ol' comedy standby: cheese. 10 tokens to these fellows.
Subject: Re: Missing Randomers
From: PaulCrash
>>I wonder where all of the lost and missing Randomers go, like USAmen, Hackism and others.<<

I don't know if I am considered one of the missing Randomers, but I was busy waiting on line at the bank. The lady in front of me had this huge boil on her neck. I was gonna pop it but didn't have a pen and the bank pen was attached with that stupid little chain that prevents you from stealing it or using it to pop a boil on some lady's neck. Anyway, I got my check cashed and was on my way to buy some cheese.

The End
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Subject: Re: SKAAAAA backwords is AAAAASK!
From: SkaBasser
So I was driving down the street, and I saw a van.

On the side it said AirExpress Shipping.

I am begining to wonder if it wasnt a really small wingless Airplane.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
I went to funeral home and saw a book laying around called "Necrophilia and You". Needless to say, I'm not letting them handle my funeral "arrangements".

The next winner is Pia, who should thank her brother for being the original inspiration for her replies. She gets 20 tokens; her brother gets none.
Subject: Re: The Latino Beat
From: PiaLatte
>>All of the sudden I hear my sister saying something to my mom and I decide to turn around. I plunge into the freezing cold salt water up to my chest. As I get out I hear my sister laughing. Now here's the part that I find funny. As I'm making my way back to the beach my mom yells out to me "Why don't you just jump into the water and swim back?" It was at that moment that I finally found out exactly who I inherited my drug problem from.>>

My favorite part is when my mother screamed, "Oh my God, he just fell in the water!!!" I turned around and there was nobody there. The first thought that popped into my head was, "Oh my God, he might die!" The second was, "I'm NOT going in there after him!"
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Subject: Re: Happy Valentines!
From: PiaLatte
>>Can't get a nice American girl, eh?(Zoid)>>

Nah, I think all the American girls are off having sex with Bill...

10 tokens to these people. Again, to those taking notes, "mousie" seems much funnier than "mouse" or "rodent." Now, if only Cloe could have worked in "gerbils," we'd have a post for the ages.
Subject: Re: angels
From: CloeAbear
>>Of course it's true that every time you hear a bell and angel gets its wings, but what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap an angel gets set on fire>> (Chiky)

Hmmmmmmm...and I always thought it just meant some poor mousie was getting his spine broken in half.
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Subject: Re: Miss Aimee's underwear drawer
From: Miss Aimee
proposed campaign slogan for the Republican party in 98:
"The Democrats got a full-blown sex scandal, and all we got was this stupid Oral Roberts."
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Subject: Re: Missing Randomers
From: InsaneInOR
>>Maybe they are with all those left socks that come never come out of the drier....

Ok, you seperate your socks into lefts and rights. A bit anal but it says alot....
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Subject: Re: somethings wrong
From: SunDewlady
A friend of mine, who had a major gambling problem, called me in a hurry today, just to tell me that he is going to church tonight so he can talk to a priest about his problem. He hung up right before I had the chance to tell him tonights bingo night.

I didn't read beyond the first line of Sal's reply. But, if her inspiring use of "May 4th" isn't worth 25 tokens, then it doesn't much matter because she claims she's leaving AOL soon anyway.
Subject: Re: People assume too much!
From: DrSalina
>>Sal? It's sig abuse!>>

Ok... just to make it clearer before I shove off... under the Sig Protection Act of May 4, 1998, no sig shall be wrongfully harmed (mentally of physically), held against it's will, made stationary against it's will, conformed against it's will, forced into idle chatter against it's will, or forced into any practice AGAINST IT'S WILL. Furthermore, no Sig shall be mistreated or discriminated against based on it's locale, user, design, or color, and all Sigs shall have rights equal to those of the posters themselves, considering they make up half of the post. All Sigs shall be treated with the same respect due to a poster. The penalty of violating this Act is death by small styrofoam objects.

PHISH gets 10 tokens.

Subject: Re: Phish's Schtick
From: PHISH903
And now, an important message from the Resident Guru: Toes have no other purpose, but to be stepped on and run over.
Thank you for your patience and cooperation.
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For these two posts, ChiaDork gets 30 tokens because it seems like way too much. It's been a while since there's been a 30-token winner--I'm just showing that the prize is still up for grabs.
Subject: Re: Khalethra, dragon of haikus
From: ChiaDork
And Khaleth thus spake:
>>Where are all the RGers going, anyway?!>>

Those dorks. Don't they know it's a SCAM?! You can't make $10,000 a week working from your own home stuffing envelopes!
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Subject: The rules, or lack there of.
From: ChiaDork
Here's the rules for the Random Game after being translated from English to French, then back to English, then to German, then back to English, then to Italian, then back to English, then to Portuguese, then back to English, then to Spanish, then back to English. Whew.

Here the direction, that one that works: it has a reference guide and it
did not have chronometer here or the programs for the production, but
that has prices.

There ya go.

And, last, 15 tokens go to MadDogMick and TootLoops now, because I forgot to give 'em to them earlier.
Subject: Re: Dante's Infernal
From: TootLoops
As a new member of UnderTheDeskLand, I will try to perform my duties as Magistrate In Charge Of Research And Development Of Drinking Games to the best of my ability...I know that I may not have very much ability but I will certainly try...

My first drinking game involves shots, poop, and the good old TAG!!!!!!

If you TAG somebody you get the great honor of taking a shot of tequila.

If you use the word poop in one of your posts you have to have a flu shot.

The first person to pass out is the winner, and the first person that has no more places to stick a needle is banned from TRG.

The rules are simple, the shots are free, let the hilarity begin.
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Subject: Re: For the love of God Help ME!!!!!
From: MadDogMick
>>I mean, what the hell are those cement things in parking lots that stop your car called anyway?>>

We call them buildings.

That is all. Wow, a whole winners file without one mention
of El Nino; well, without two.