Subj: History of the Random Game Part II
Date: 30 May 1997 15:41:32 EDT
From: Mr Onliner


Dancing is a lot like standing still......except faster. (MagicClams)

With that, MagicClams was born unto the Random Game. At first post, he seemed like another one shot player, but this was just the beginning:

Rational thought should be left for the monkeys. (MagicClams)

Only man can be true irrational. (MagicClams)

Escatalogical is a really long word for "pee". (MagicClams)

Pee is a really long word for "P". (MagicClams)

I'm a lot like Muhammad Ali......except
without all that boxing stuff.... (MagicClams)

Vegas isn't so much a city as it is a monument to evil.... (MagicClams)

Was it a coincidence or fate, that just days later yet another Random legend was introduced:

I once met somebody in Jersey, a real old guy, farted everytime he walked into a room. Then one day, poof, he died from Post-Fartem Stress Syndrome. Think about that the next time you go for chile. (Tocadisco)

Call me paranoid, but my real name is Reynaldo. (Tocadisco)

And with that, the final pieces of the future Magnificent Seven were in place. But first, they had to go through much feuding. It started with this:

Ok, so I'm playing the random game and I can't help thinking that the real joke is on us, the AOLers, or, if you will, the citizens of this fine nation. You must think you are so clever, don't you Mr. HO? After all, you developed a little game to drain everyone's money, you capitalistic bastard. So what happend, HO Theme, if that's really your name, did you attend a Heckler's board meeting one day empty handed. Instead of admitting your
shortcomings (and I'm not talking sexual innuendos here, bub) you said to your boss, "Hey, lets give these SOBs a blank page. They will spend hours of AOL time filling, thinking of something cute to say, we don't even have to read it." I'm onto your game, HO boy, I know the rules and how to play. In fact I know your style so well, that you are not even going to post this, because you don't want the public to get wind of your communist
program. You know what? I never met somebody who actually won this friggin' game.
Never actually saw this so-called "Biochick", you hear that Biochick, I'm calling your bluff. E-mail me, if your real that is. Attention HO Theme, I'm pulling the plug on your little conspiracy here. In fact, in my next two responses, I will laugh in your face! (Tocadisco)

HA HA HA HA! Whew, weee! (Tocadisco)

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hardy freaking har har. (Tocadisco)

To which Biochick1 responded:

Y'know Tocadisco, it hurts, it really hurts that you don't think I'm real. Sure, I try to be cool and sly and cocky, but inside I'm just a scared little girl, holding on to reality like a 16 year-old boy holds on to the VCR control when he's watching a porno movie and his parents are home. And here, you come along and make me question myself. For if the all-knowing Tocadisco doubts my existence, maybe I *really* don't exist. What right do you
have to make me question my very being? As if life on this spinning globe isn't tough enough. Damn you Tocadisco, damn you. (Biochick1)

Books not to buy:
Biochick1's Efective Spelling Tips
WLW Troub's guide to dating
Tocadisco's Existential Treatise
The Story of Sporq
How to Pick a Good AOL Name - by ELYN42
Humor Through Repetion - Heckler X

Too which, Tocadisco responded, again:

Look, Biochick responded to my cynical view of Random game.

(Subj: Oh yeah baby - I'm real, really really real!
Date: 96-08-06 17:10:25 EDT
From: Biochick1
To: Tocadisco
Call me silly, stupid or lame.
Call me a mean hurtful name.
Tell me I'm ugly or short or fat!
But question my being?? - oh don't do that!!)

I'm sorry, real sorry Biochick. I should have never doubted your existed. I want to know more about you, Biochick, and your Biochick ways.

Then all hell broke loose:

Tocadisco - I send you a poem, written from pain and sorrow and you post it for all the world to see? What kind of heartless monster are you? Geez, give a guy a little credit for comin' up with a dang "Three line novel" topic and he becomes a madman. You've hurt me for the last time Toca. (Biochick1)

Biochick, if you think you are so smart, then why are you waste your time in Heckler Online, trying to win a free hour when you can go to someplace else where you can answer a stupid question and win BMW car or million dollars?
(Sour Soda)

Hey SourSoda - let me ask you something. Did I ever say I was smart? Did I ever claim to be smart? Did I ever say, "Oh, my I am so smart?" I think not. If I may be so bold as to play armchair psychologist (although you'll excuse me if I remain seated in the actual seat rather than perching on the armchair, won't ya? Thanks.) you, my little friend, are feeling insecure and taking all your frustrations out on me. And it's not fair dammit!! Besides
I have a BMW. (No, not really.) (Biochick1)

Listen, Leonard, Murray or whatever your name is. There is no "feud" between me and Troub. If I may be so bold as to speak for him, we have a healthy respect for each other and admire each other's prolific writings. So, go try and start your wars elsewhere, Spockgirl. (Biochick1)

Troub and I are not the same person, he just wishes he could be inside a 25 year old woman. (Biochick1)

Hey WLW Troub! You Joke like my grandma! Why don't you go home and make a dress?!! (MagicClams)

Plus I wanted to make some of LeonardABC's paranoid delusions about internal rivalries become real..... (MagicClams)

MagicClams (oh excuse, me, I mean Senor Itchy) you're not really a 16-year old guy are you (and if you are, shouldn't you be starting down the road of chemical dependency and denial in a slower vehicle like, say beer, rather than the Porsche of Kentucky Bourbon? Oh, by the way, when you get to the V in the road, and you can take - Smack St. or Weed Way, tell that guy Jimbo there "Jo says hey!") ? And here my friend, Troub (identity stealer
though he may try to be) is 17. What is going on here? I'm "hanging out" with high school boys. I haven't hung out with highschool boys since...well..since high school. Please, please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. Or that there's at least someone in their 20s! Ooooh, my arthritis is acting up...and the goiter...the goiter's killing me...and my eyes...I CAN'T SEE SO GOOD (should I bring all my shoes?!). (Biochick1)

Hey Tocadisco, I was never good at minature dissection. So your tool is safe (I can hear the collective sigh of girls across this great nation of our's. "AAhhhh, Tocadisco's love poker is safe. Thank God!!"). And if I was a guy, I would NEVER have a lame name (little rhyme for y'all out there) like Herbert. Gosh, that would be like having a name like, umm...I don't! (Biochick1)

Who's WLW Troub? And who cares? Biochick and MagicClams are by far the funniest on here (begrudgingly placing myself at third[I know when I'm beat]) so just go away because you just aren't funny. By the way, thank you Biochick (I think I scored some points with her [nudge nudge wink wink]). That is all, I'm saving the best for Friday. Bye. (IZZO)

Hey WLW Troub, (Insert biting sarcastic joke here)!!!!!!!!! (MagicClams)

Ok. I am usually a nice guy but listen BIOCHUNK, I did not steal your ideas! I don't read other people's posting unless MY NAME is in them, otherwise, everybody's postings are tedious and boring. If we happened to be on the same wavelength for once, well, lucky you for being as funny as me. How's it feel to be licked by a teenager? (Not licked in a sexual way, in a beat your butt way because I wouldn't want to touch your 25 year old hiney
with a 25 foot pole. Thank you).
(WLW Troub)

HEY, Meaty Clam---------you might want to review the game and it's rules. Not all entries have to be funny, in fact, funny is not a pre-requisite at all. Therefore, if I don't make you laugh, that's just peachy. At your age, I'm sure some of my joke go over your head any way. (Afterthought) Your Grandma must be really funny. Eat it. (WLW Troub)

Hey IZZO! Yeah you, you dumb cracker head. The Tocadisco Theme Song is property of "WRITE YOUR OWN MATERIAL" MUSIC INC. It is a felony, FELONY, to sell it for 19.95 when people can get it for free off HO. You capitalistic pig, you make me glad to be a commie. Wait, I didn't mean that, I mean, in theory communism isn't that bad. It's all in the execution, really. I think someone like MagicClams would make a good dictator. I mean look at
the guy, he's a friggin' loon, but hell, he has a lot of ideas. Mr. Clams is probably at home right now on his 29th Miller Light reading this, but I could care LESS! LESS!
Tocadisco no want no more no want no more no want no more of this GAAAARBAGE! (Tocadisco)

BIOCHICKY, CHICKY. I love you, I send you flowers, I slaughter meese (the plural of moose) in your honor. Yet all you do is insult me and my family. Not to mention my name. Where is this anger and hostility coming from? Who done you wrong, Biochick? Who done you harm? If I were a doctor, which I'm not, I might diagnose you with have a bad case of the mumps. But I know better, you need help little girl. See a shrink. Get a psychic
reading. Get more clams in your diet (a comment that relates to a certain FUDGE remark) and ride a plane. See the world from the eyes of a child. Just SHUT UP if you ain't gonna respect the Tocadisco. Chicken tonight. Ha. Bye.

Just how can I get in the middle of this MagicClams/Biochick1/WLWTroub/Tocadisco fight? (Skidmo1)

Then, miraculously, everybody made up (sorta):

I received a lot of mail the other day. People said, "HOW COULD YOU QUESTION BIOCHICK 1's existence?" And I have only one response, "She's too cool to be real!" (Tocadisco)

Sorry Troub, I didn't really mean that. It's all this testosterone running through my veins. It makes me really competitive and aggressive. That's the same reason why I challenge people I see on TV, even though I know that can't hear me. (Example: "HEY GILLIGAN! Why don't you get off that island and come here, so I can kick your sorry ass!!!") (MagicClams)

Biochick, please don't be angry at me, I was just trying to help. I thought I noticed some tension, but I guess I was wrong. I am very sorry and humbly repent. And, by the way, I am not a spockgirl, i happen to hate star trek. Please forgive me oh earth friendly one. (LeonardABC)

Tocadisco - The only way I can bear the thought of not seeing you on a daily (nay, hourly) basis is by convincing myself that we are not meant to be. So, I try to pretend I don't want you, don't need you, don't care. But you have broken me out of my world of lies. You have made me say, "Life is not worth living if I cannnot be honest with myself and others about this raging inferno of passion I have for Tocadisco." Please, please forgive my
false protests of your love. Let's be together, Tocadisco. I cannot bear another moment without you, my sweet. (Biochick1)

Oh Leonard, let's have a tea party. Us gals need to stick together in this raging sea of testoserone. Mmmmm...testosterone. (Biochick1)

Why dont we all stop bickering and worship Mr Onliner? He is the true lord and god. Quick, females, strip off your clothes and dance naked before him! I will prepare his taxes! (MagicClams, Biochick1, Tocadisco, WLW Troub, Sour Soda, LeonardABC, and IZZO collectively)

Okay, so I made that last one up.

So the mag seven were formed.
MagicClams: The ringleader of the group. A tough heckler on his way up. Biochick1: A tough veteran who didnt take no crap from nobody. Tocadisco: A new kind of heckler with his own style. WLW Troub: The oldest of the players and the
pioneer of true randomness. (
Is this starting to sound like the intro to a circa 1970s crimefighter show to anybody else?) IZZO: Just there for the pizza. LeonardABC: The peacemaker of the group. SourSoda: How the hell did he get in there?
With the 7 together, it looked like nothing could stop them. But HO had an evil scheme...

(look for part III)