Subj: History of the Random Game Part IV
Date: 30 May 1997 15:43:11 EDT
From: Mr Onliner


With the Mag 7 gone, new members were quick to pick up the slack. ArrowsDeja, JaneDoe68, Kheetah, JaguarMel, BadOmen79, Shortsigh, and a rejuvenated LtJG RJ2 all blossomed in the post "
Who is this mysterious and hilarious Jane Doe?" BabyLamms, PrettiOne, CurlyAnnT, and BoO Ignite followed. Then, after almost two weeks or so with no problems, this was posted:

Once again the Random Game is at the forefront of controversy. We here at Hecklers Headquarters received this letter, and thought it not inappropriate (in other words, appropriate) to post it here.

< Onliner, but I couldn't make it to that said piece because Mr. Onliner just happened to bore me to death with his non-wit!!!!!!!! SEE??? You could be making me miss out on some potentially interesting entries...Umm..thanks for your time. >>

Now the only effect this post had on the game was that it PISSED ME OFF! I had only posted a few times in the Random Game, and someone was taking a cheap shot at me! I still dont know who sent it, but if I ever find them Ill rip their heads off and feed it through my printer.
Anywho, after that I was inspired. I started posting much more frequently. And after a few weeks, I was set as a regular gamer, and the Lawless Period was over.
The next period was dubbed the Age of Law and Order, and it was just that, a boring, uneventful random period. The first post was led off by this:

Well, folks, there's an unnamed new deputy of mine in town. Chicago's still in charge here, but my deputy will be taking his broom and cleaning up around here... Don't mind the dust, and by all means, watch out for the broom - he's a bit of a demon when it comes to cleaning up...

Since this was about the time that AOL 3.0 came out, this was one of the first few times that you could type in bold letters, leading to the nickname of "Bold Letter Guy".
The Age of Law and Order passed quickly, without many problems or major events. Big names came and went. BlueWaffle, TheSawTrik, SupRMeGgin, Rusputin2, ADTYLER and MPWxRaBiD1 became semi-popular, LtJG RJ2 became Lt RJ, BoOIgnite became MooGeneric, IZZO returned as IzzoO, ChrisIzzo, and COOKY10, BioChick reappeared as HIPR and other friendss screen names, and the Halloween entry contest was won by Shortsigh, BadOmen79, and Pretti One. So
quickly, the most BORING age of the Random Game ended.
After the random skid, it was time to get back to business with "The Deluge Strikes". In the first post, WLW Troub returned as TroubWLW. Soon after, I reappeared after a month of modem trouble, and Tocadisco came back after a couple months break. Now the Random Game was starting to gain popularity as the "Alternative Game". This meant that people who played had to listen to Nirvana while watching Pulp Fiction and drinking Snapple with
Steve Buscemi. Ha ha. Like...alternative heh...
More and more names were being added to the Random List. Kaziganthi, Madcat and Madcat 2, Buuuubye, ToddG03, Forty9erss, JeDaPa, AltControl, and Shilorider to name a few. More old names like BabyLamms, CivilWar49, HECKLER X and MagicClams were coming back. At the end of "The Deluge Strikes", the Random Game was "movin on up" to quote the theme song of one of those shows about presidents or something.
In "Generation Random", even more names were breaking through (Kumantes, JH Probe, MissScully, Spongewthy, PaulCrash, MutantYoda, Rits12345, MOSHALOT, SIM Being, Calvinbert, SQUEEGY1, and WJHSmile). I was becoming more popular, and it was starting to go to my head:

Well, folks, here are the latest batch of winners picked by the brand new patented exclusive Random Game winner-selection hardware (yeah, right...)

Anyway, from now on (until folks complain or I get tired of doing it this way), I will give 10 tokens to 2-3 folks who I personally have kept up an either high quality-level of entries over the weeks prior, a high quantity-level of entries over the weeks prior, or both (it helps if you fall into the latter, but it's not necessary). Anyway, purely on my judgment, 10 tokens go out each to Mr Onliner, Shilorider, and Tocadisco for their entries as
a whole over the prior few batches. Samples of their entries are listed below to lend you an idea of what got them to this high and hallowed spot in Random-dom...

Will give you a free rectal exam for tokens.
Will pet your ferret for tokens.
Will prank call Steve Case for tokens.
Will refrain from knocking the crap out of you for tokens.
Will throw a diaper at you for tokens.
Will eat really old dead things for tokens.
Will have someone "bumped off" for tokens.
Will promise not to abduct your children at a stoplight for tokens.
Will hit my computer with a big ole' pumpkin for tokens.
Will break a bunch of things that look expensive for tokens.
Will become addicted to several hallucinogenic drugs for tokens.
Will do something highly illegal for tokens.
Will ask Geena Davis to go out with you for tokens.
Will type the word "ejaculate" over and over for tokens.
Will eat a worm sandwich for tokens.
Will ask Pamela Anderson Lee if "them thangs is real" for tokens.
Will pretend to have a conversation with a pair of bunny slippers for tokens.
Will stick a thumbtack through my eye for tokens.
Will sing "lova me, lova me SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME!" for tokens.
Will laugh like a big ole' fat guy at a John Candy film festival for tokens.
Will tell Dr. Dre that his momma B-stank for tokens.
Will bite a moving bike tire for tokens.
Will eat a printer ink cartridge for tokens.
Will hawk a luggi on an old woman for tokens.
Will head-butt a mailbox for tokens.
Will yell at my toes for tokens.
Will tear up a picture of the pope for tokens.
Will eat a flaming Tickle-Me Elmo for tokens.
Will unleash an army on Canada made entirely of Origami swans for tokens.
Will punt the head of the Venus Di Milo 90 yards for tokens.
Will demand that my dog brushes her teeth for tokens.
Will go to the mall and spend all your money for tokens.
Will sell you a black-market kitten for tokens.
Will you just hurry up and give me the damn tokens.
Will type exactly 2050 letters in my entry for tokens.
Will give you rabies for tokens.
Will contemplate suicide for tokens.
Will promise not to do this anymore for tokens. (Mr Onliner)

My modem's got three lights. FOUR LIGHTS! ITS UP TO no, It's down to three again. Yep. Watchin the modem li FIVE LIGHTS! FOUR LI FIVE LIGHTS! AAAANNNnnnd down to three again. Hooboy. (Mr Onliner)

i'm gonna bake christmas cookies soon...and make chex mix. then i have to shop. maybe i'll just give cookies this year. (Shilorider)

no, what am i thinking? the cookies are mine! (Shilorider)


we made vials of crack in science today. i don't think that was the point of the experiment, but we've always done things our own way. my friend is a crack queen. we'll give her a crown and she can rule the crack kingdom. all bow to the queen of crack. (Shilorider)

author's friend is not really on crack, nor is she a queen. Ni! (Shilorider)


By the way, I have a patent on all binary code jokes, so i'm afraid i'm going to have to sue you, Mr. Boldletterwriter. You have to be pretty BOLD to write in binary. (Tocadisco)

Yuck!! If you have ever dated a girl with peanut butter breath, you'll know what I'm talking about (Tocadisco)

What's the point of a buddy list if none of your buddies can get a working access number. What's the point of a buddy list if it never works? (Tocadisco)

At the beginning of "The Renaissance", Bold Letter Guy was replaced by Ms. Darkfont, or HO Myrrh, as we now call her. Now some of the names we know now were emerging, like Abazar P, ScorpioAsh, Docmoron, MitchRK, KrazyK242, JamiJR, Conade, and Alias AKA. The Random Game was truly in its renaissance period. More and more people were playing so much thanks to the new flat rate, that the game was starting to overflow. Sometimes two or
three pages were posted a day, and people were getting their entries cut off.
I had tried to post an entry called MOLR, or Mr O.s League of Randomness. It was to be a team, like the Mag 7, of the best randomers around. When they refused or were unable to post it, I got angry. I then sent in my announcement that I was running for Random Game Presidency. They refused to post it at first, too. Finally, after sending entry after entry to no avail, this got through:

Okay, if you erase my message again, I'm gonna grab a shovel and a .44 and come after you, Nancy!


(for the 3rd time!)

Lately the Random Game has made me like, sick and stuff. I tried to form a backwoods militia to stop this nonsense, but everybody got lost in the woods and we had to eat this guy that froze and another guy got bit by a rabid squirrel and we had to chain him to a tree to keep him from chewing his leg off and then it was just me and this guy named Butch and I said "Well, Butch, I guess this little militia to take over the Random Game didn't
work!" and he was like "Well, I'm gonna kill you, Mr O." and I was like "Oh yeah? Tell that to my gun!" and I shot him and then I had to eat his liver and then a rescue helicopter found me several days later naked and cold.

the horror...

the horror...

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Anyways, I figured that this game needs leadership. This name needs responsibility. This game needs a chimpanzee whore. Then I thought "Wait a minute! I'm responsible and a leader! And I know a chimpanzee whore! Her name is Kiki and she's really nice if you get to know her!"

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. So that is why, I am announcing...MY CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE RANDOM GAME! That's right, Steven, I'm running for Random Game Presidency! Vote for me, good random citizens! Vote for me! Vote for me! Vote for me!

Uh, thank you.

(Mr Onliner)

This, if you didnt realize it the first time around, was going to be my own attempt at taking over the Random Game. Why?
In the name of Random Gamers who had come before me, they would finally have their revenge on HO! Plus I was bored. I had been meeting with unnamed members of the Mag 7 through E-Mail for a few weeks, and we had decided that if Random Game was to be taken over, it was to
be through boycott, as the Mag 7 had once tried. The first thing to do would be to rally our players:

Day two of my candidacy for President of the Random Game...

My campaign slogan: "Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet!"

Political Party: I am the official nominee of the Archdeluxican Party.

Cabinet: My cabinet will consist of the following people if elected:

Tocadisco: Department of 100110101

Shilorider: Queen of Crack

Industrry: The Department of Wondering Too Damn Much

TroubWLW: Department of Witchcraft

Kaziganthi, Kumantes, and Krazyk242: Head Wizards of the KKK (get it?)

MooGeneric: Department of Burning Them Damn Scots

Beergutt and MitchRK: Department of Typing Reeeeeeeeally Long Stuff

JamiJR and ScorpioAsh: Department of Lots n Lots of Energy

BabyLamms, UzeTheFors, and MutantYoda: Department of Scaring Me

SIMBeing: Department Of Microsucking

BioChick1: Senior Advisor

The remaining Random Veterans can serve in my Congress.

(Mr Onliner)

After that, it was simple. I had a few opponents, but no real threats. It was all in my reach. On February 14th, I would win the presidency and a New Random Era would start. Only one thing could stop me...

(look for part V)