[Oddly enough there is no storm here, yet a half-hour ago the power goes out while compiling this week's winners. You are free not to believe it, but I lost the full "winners file." So, if you feel I overlooked your more than worthy entry, I have an excuse waiting for you. In fact, I'll test it out right now: "Oh yes, that was a good entry! I had it in my original draft of winners, which I did not save before the power blinked and surged. Too bad for you, try again this week." Think anyone will buy it?]
[Going back through the Random entries of the week, I noticed something. Did Nyello post half of all the entries this week? Or does it just seem that way now that his entries stand out with all the flair that having a background color would entail? Whatever, 25 tokens to him.]
Subj: Nyello questions old sayings
"You are what you eat"
Then why do parents encourage their kids to eat their vegtables, but if they sit and watch TV all day, they yell at their kids for being vegatables?
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease"
Then why do only funny entries get tokens?
"Don't be a stick in the mud"
Of course, why be a nonconformist?
"I hope that all of your dreams come true"
IS that supposed to be comforting? Are the people who say this to me hoping that I turn into a carrot and am dropped off the Empire State building with a sponge in my backpack?
"You can't have everything, where would you keep it?"
If you had everything, you would have unlimited storage space.
"Squeegy! That's what we need, more squeegy!"
* * * *
Subj: You know you have bad luck when ...
. . . . you get a letter from Publisher's Clearing House saying "There is no chance of you winning".
"Take my wife. Hey! Give her back!"
[Ah, song parodies. You've gotta love them, even when beats don't match up correctly. I love them as much as quiz and list entries. Well, maybe not that much, but DJCDACE and JamiJR parodied theme songs that I actually know. Therefore, they made at least me smile. 15 tokens to you both.]
Subj: Re: Name Ideas for Rock Bands
just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
a tale of the random game
that started with hecklers on line
some say it's kinda lame
the mate was the mighty magic clams
the skipper, toca k
some passengers set sail that day
the random game to play
the language started getting rough
some passengers were TOS'd
if not for the courage of the fearless myrrh
the randoms would be lost
the randoms would be lost
the ship's aground on the shore of this
uncharted random isle
with scorpio, ashcorvn too
usamen, and paul crash
diva, tansa, and curlyann
here on random game isle
DEFENDER OF ALL THINGS JAMI
PRESIDENT OF THE JAMI FAN CLUB
(but you can just call me don)
* * * *
Subj: HO and the Myrrh
They're HO and the Myrrh,
Yes, HO and the Myrrh-
One is over-worked, the other's a blurb.
They're AOL rats, who are treated like crap-
They're HO and the Myrrh, Myrrh, Myrrh, Myrrh, Myrrh!
Before for each night is done, their plan will be unfurled, by the dawning of the sun, they'll take over AOL.
They're HO and the Myrrh,
Yes, HO and the Myrrh-
Their twilight campain, is easy to explain-
To prove their HOy worth, they'll over-throw Steve Case.
They're HO and the Myrrh, Myrrh, Myrrh, Myrrh-
Jami JoAnne Russell
(^_^) <---Yes, that's still a mask.
(DJCDace is SO sweet!)
Jami's Home Page
ANT C Rose's Home Page
I Need Help! (Nothing like TOS to make your day complete!)
[For the record, Jami had links in her signature, but I couldn't get them to copy right. Ooo, now list entries. 10 tokens to Repeater621 and CurlyAnnT. I think list entries should work like Name that Tune. "Repeater? I think I can enter the "General Life Rules" post with only 20 rules." "Oh yeah? I can do it in 10." "I can do it in 5." "Damn! Okay, you just try it and I'll laugh at your struggle."]
Subj: General Life Rules
1. Always leave the toilet seat down.
2. Never jump out of a window during school, even if it is a first-floor window.
3. Make sure you're not home when the truancy police show up at your door. Preferrably, make sure you're not home when your parents get abducted by aliens.
4. Don't go into a record store and proclaim "Hanson sucks". Many irritable teenagers will become angry and chase you, throwing Marilyn Manson CD's at you.
5. Don't go into a record store naked. I believe that's self-explanatory.
6. Don't go into an ESL classroom shouting racial slurs. Again, self-explanatory.
7. Don't say "You can touch it for a quarter."
8. Never make change for someone if you say that.
9. Don't kill people. It's not fun.
10. Always make sure the shower door is closed.
11. Don't type really long Random Game posts. You will be considered idle.
12. I forgot what rule 12 is.
13. Always remember what rule13 is.
14. Always remember to forget.
15. Don't forget to leave home without it.
16. Always cut off your lists at 20.
17. Never throw large objects when in a social setting.
18. If you don't swim in toilets, don't pee in pools.
19. Always pay attention in sex ed. You never know when the teacher may say something funny.
20. It's okay to violate rule 16.
21. You can have too much cheese.
22. Don't slide around the floors of your local mall. You may get dirty.
23. When necessary, bribe or flatter or both.
24. If you are getting picked on by a bully, tell him you'll get your friends from the Random Game to beat him up. Hey, unless he is a Random Gamer too, he won't know any different.
25. Rule 25 has been censored for the good of national security.
26. You can never totally get away from the government, even if you are a sepratist.
27. The Hale-Bopp comet comes around very rarely. Always have your applesauce ready.
28. Stop reading this list.
29. Never trust someone who reads beyond 28.
30. Don't trust anyone on AOL whose screenname starts with "User". It's a conspiracy I tell you.
31. See your local chamber of commerce for rules 31 (a)-(f). Request form BS-05274.
32. Except for 33, we can't list anymore rules.
33. Always remember these rules. You never know when they'll be a quiz.
34. We are allowed to lie. You are not.
35. Always bring fresh water. You never can tell when you'll get stuck in the desert.
36. Always wear clean underwear.
37. Don't cheat.
38. Stealing is okay occasionally. Don't steal cars, though.
39. Never get a hamster mad.
40. Never fall asleep in history class. Well, you can in Mr. Kuneman's class, but that's a different story.
41. Never blow dry your hair while in the shower.
42. Always rewind video tapes before you bring them back.
43. Never listen to Hootie and the Blowfish.
44. You're still reading, aren't you?
45. Always go to sleep early. That way, you can go to sleep later the next night.
46. Always type with two hands.
47. Always skip ahead to rule 50.
48. Never ignore rule 47.
49. Never shop at the Gap. If you do, your whole life will be ruined.
50. The one you've all been waiting for:
Always have fun.
(Your screen name here)
51. Always bow down to Repeatr621. Give him all your tokens.
* * * *
Subj: 10 Fun things to do
I made these up myself. So you can't "TAG" me ha ha ha ha ha ::::evil laugh::::
1. Next time you get a "Junk E-mail" hit "Reply" and type, "Please remove me from your list. I'm not interested in your shannigans and whatnots."
2. Kellogg's Corn Pops have a great characteristic. If you lick them, you can actually stick them to your forehead, and they'll stay there for quite a long time.
3. When life gives you lemons, make sure you ask life to give you some money too, because hey, why is life giving you lemons and no money.
4. Put on a bike helmet, tie yourself to a jungle gym, and eat lots of chocolate. Only eat chocolate if you aren't hyperactive and hypoglycemic. If you are, you shouldn't eat sweets on account you'll go mental. You are also a hyper-hypo. (SNL bay-bee)
5. Cram your mouth with pop rocks, and drink a whole can of soda. When you start foaming at the mouth, either yell "Hey look! I have mad cow's disease!", or "Oy! Mira! Tengo la diseaso de una cowia!"
6. Build a fort in your living room. Sit in your fort as if it was your real house. Don't forget to put your stove, microwave, and fridge in the fort. Sing show tunes.
7. Next time you go shopping, position yourself next to someone who seems very stuck up and snobby. Start meowing. Continue following them and continue meowing until he or she askes what you are doing. Reply with "Duh, I'm meowing you idiot".
8. Tell your mailman that you will be changing your name to "Walla Walla Gop". If you ever get any mail addressed to Walla Walla Gop, you know it will be a love letter from your mailman, because he's the only one who knows your new name.
9. Call your repairman and have him or her pay a visit to your house. Tell your repairman that you are having problems with your CD player. Make sure before your repairman comes over, you have super glued your CD player shut. Your repairman will struggling like a madman to open your CD player. This will be fun to watch.
10. When you're in an elevator, and a rather large man says "Hit the floor", he means hit the button of the floor that you would like to go to. He does not mean get on the floor with your hands behind your head and give him your wallet/purse. My grandmother's friend actually did this. She also found out later that it was Eddie Murphy. He sent her roses, and said he was sorry, and "Thanks for a great laugh". Another true story.
[I think the less said about the next 20-token winners the better. So here they are.]
Subj: Re: Mr. Onliner-I AM THE FIRST RANDOM GAME REBEL, i think...
I think I am the original rebel, but that's only because I started playing this game by typing with my penis.
(President of the I HATE HANSON FANS CLUB- "In a hale bop they're gone!")
"That chap has some moxie.."
* * * *
Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
You know, I'll bet if you hear deaf, and mute, and blind, and you had no hands or feet, your only way of communicating would be flexing your buttocks rhythmically...like Morse code or something maybe...
NOTICE: Persons attempting to find a motive in this entry will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
* * * *
Subj: How to Keep an Internet Idiot Busy
Want to know how to keep an internet idiot busy for hours?
If you'd like to see some hot, nude women that will cost you nothing then click here
\ - /
C r a k e r z 1 2 3
[Some 10-token winners. Look at this--JeffDopey's first entry and he wins. If I had won the New York Lottery, I might have been less generous with a newbie. But, because I was a big loser in the lottery, I decided to not award the big 30-token jackpot this week, but rather pick some extra 10 token winners.]
Lets see......If theres 16000 entries, and i post one, that makes this a 1/16000 chance of winning how many tokens? Is it really worth it? Let me ponder for a sec....Hmmmmm
I've come to a conclusion.
YES.ITS WORTH IT!
THE ODDS ARE BETTER THAN THE NYS LOTTERY(which was 70 million this week....Think about that 70,000,000 dollars....The things I could do with that!!.....But then again, I'd rather just have a few measly tokens)
* * * *
I have a friend named Morgan. She is always very confused! I think it may be spreading. For one thing, that must be how she got it (I know she was not this confused when we met two years ago), and for another thing, I am starting to show symptoms. I am writing this to find out if there is anyone out there who can help me, or at least tell me how much time I have left. Please.......
* * * *
Subj: Re: I REFUSE TO BECOME A LAWYER
>>I REFUSE TO BECOME A LAWYER!!! I will not become boring and monotone
* * * * *
As much as I hate lawyers (and I am one), I have to admit that trial lawyers have some of the most colorful personalities in the world, and are generally fun to party with. Business and tax lawyers are much less interesting, but more like real people. Estate lawyers (wills and such) and patent lawyers are generally boring and dull though. I used to call the estate lawyer area of the firm that I worked at
"death row"....and it wasn't because of the type of work they did. Now accountants, on the other hand, are truly the dullest people on earth. They all dress the same -- in $119.95 suits -- and for the most part have bad haircuts if they even have any hair. Personality removal is a prerequisite for getting a C.P.A. and they are all cheap as hell. And since we're talking about the professions, doctors get the award for the ugliest neckties, and
engineers are the professionals that are least likely to utter a coherent sentence.
Only Wears Hand-
Stitched Italian Suits
* * * *
Subj: Need help with your signature?
Are you without a catch phrase or in need of a new one? Don't waste your random energies on "phallic symbols" or roses for that special someone. show you care with these special little ditties. (That's d-i-t-t-i-e-s you sickos)
If wetter is better, i'm one hell of a chick right now.
There's ants in my pants and I think I like it.
Just voted Inmate of the Month!
I'm sorry but I don't play that way.
If stupidity were money, I'd be rich.
It wiggles and jiggles but sure as hell it ain't Jello.
So crazy the French declared me a genius
[Last comes Mr Onliner. I didn't so much save the best for last, as I saved the longest for last. So, no disrespect to Mr Onliner, but the rest of you can stop scrolling early if you wish. Regardless whether this post took a long time to think of, it obviously took a while time to type. So, 25 tokens to ya. It might have been good for the 30, but he made a big error. I'm from Hickville, New Jersey, not Dummyville, Vermont. However, I admit it is an easy error to make.]
Subj: Mr Onliner Plays the Feud
From: Mr Onliner
I was watching the Gameshow Channel, which, if you've never heard of it, is a gameshow channel, and Family Fued was on. I was kicking ass from home, and I was thinking what it would be like if the Onliner family played the Myrrh family. It would probably go something like this:
Host: On this side, from Dummyville, Vermont, The Myrrh Family! (audience boo's) And on this side, from Cooltown, Alabama, The Onliner Family! (audience rushes stage, rips my clothes off, SWAT team is called in, the game starts 4 minutes later)
Host: Okay, now, you both know the rules, we f...
Mr Onliner: Hey HO Myrrh, Im gonna feed it to you Onliner style! (audience cheers)
Host: Now now, Mr Onliner, we all know youre not supposed to taunt other contestants...(leans over and whispers to me) Kick her ass, Mr O!
Host: Okay, lets get the team leaders up here...(Mr Onliner and HO Myrrh walk to the buzzers). Okay, our first category is "Signs a little kid has gotten in a fight"
Mr Onliner: (hits buzzer with the speed of seven fat guys) The kids...crying like a wuss...no, wait thats HO Myrrh (audience laughs).
Host: Theyre crying like a wuss...survey SAYS..."Crying like a wuss" is the #1 answer! The Onliner family will go first...(audience screams wildly)
Host: Okay, Mr Onliners Dad, you go first...whats a sign a little kid has gotten in a fight?
Mr Onliners Dad: Hes...got a black eye!
Everyone in the studio: Good answer, good answer!
Host: Survey SAYS...(ding ding ding) "Hes got a black eye" is our #2 answer! (audience starts a mosh pit out of excitement)
Host: Okay, Mr Onliners Mom...whats a sign a little kids gotten in a fight?
Mr Onliners Mom: Umm...his clothes are torn?
Host: Okay, his clothes are torn...survey SAYS...(ding ding ding) "Clothes are torn" is the #4 answer! (audience starts a riot, injuring or killing several security guards)
Host: Mr Onliners Brother (I dont have a brother, but lets pretend I do) whats a sign th...
Mr Onliner's Fake Brother: Hes a dumbass...yeah...(audience stares in wonder)
Host: Uhh...okay..."The kid is stupid"...survey SAYS...(bzzz)...Im sorry, thats not one of our an...
Mr Onliner: Dammit, Mr Onliners Fake Brother, you screw up everything!
Mr Onliners Mom: Dont yell at your fake brother!
Mr Onliner: Stay out of this, Mr Onliners Mom!
Mr Onliners Dad: Dont you talk to your mother like that!
Mr Onliner: Shut up, old man!
Mr Onliners Sister: You shut up, you egotistical jerk!
Mr Onliners Mom: Dont talk to your brother like that!
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Well its true, man!
Mr Onliner: Why dont you shut your (BLEEP)in trap, you lazy, pot-smoking bum! If it wasnt for you, we would be kicking Myrrh ass all over the place!
HO Myrrh: You dont know that!
Mr Onliners Family: Shut up!
Mr Onliners Sister: Would you all please shut up? Ive got a headache!
Mr Onliners Dad: Thats not surprising. Youre up all night listening to that crap music!
Mr Onliners Sister: Its not crap music! "Hanson" is a very good group of young musicians!
Mr Onliners Dad: They look like a bunch of girls!
Mr Onliners Mom: Youre one to talk, Mr Onliners Dad! You and your Hank Williams Jr.!
Mr Onliners Dad: Dont you talk about Hank like that!
Mr Onliner: Please dad, give it a rest with the Hank Williams bull(BLEEP)!
Mr Onliners Dad: You want a piece of me, you little mother(BLEEP)er! Ill show you how its done!
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Look, could you both shut up before I kick both of your asses!?!
Mr Onliners Mom: Yeah right, Mr Onliners Fake Brother! This is the first time youve even moved your lazy ass of the couch in three years!
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Im looking for a (BLEEP)ing job, they just wont hire me when I tell them my last name!
Mr Onliners Dad: Dont you dare insult the family!
Mr Onliners Sister: Hes right, Mr Onliners Dad! Were named after a (BLEEP)damn AOL screen name!
Mr Onliners Mom: You watch your mouth, young lady, or Ill (BLEEP)ing watch it for you!
Mr Onliner: Oh go drink a (BLEEP)ing cocktail, you old drunk!
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Hey, real bro, dont talk that (BLEEP) to Mr Onliners Mom!
Mr Onliner: Are you trying to tell me what to do?
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Maybe I am!
HO Myrrh: Umm...I dont want to intrude in family problems...but...maybe if...
Mr Onliner: Wait wait wait...now youre trying to tell me what to do?
Mr Onliners Fake Brother: Yeah, youre trying to tell us what to do?
Mr Onliners Sister: Why dont we come over there and kick your ass?!?
Mr Onliners Mom: Yeah!
Mr Onliners Dad: Damn straight!(Mr Onliners family beats the hell out of HO Myrrhs family, wins game)
Remind me never to take my family on a game show...
M MRRRR OOOO
MM MM R R O O
M MM MRRR O O
M M M R R O O
M M M R R OOOO
"ONE HELL OF AN AMERICAN!"
[You stayed till the end of the file. How nice. But, there's nothing extra here, so get goin'.]