[The Random Game may not be going through a drop in attendance, but one can never be too careful. Baseball had its own "Age of Alienation," and look at the shape it's in now. It finds itself corrupting the purity of the game in order to lure back alienated fans with gimmicks like Interleague Play. The Random Game is not going to wait until it becomes necessary; bring on the gimmicks now!]

[First, we have the Designated Hitter versus Pitcher Batting problem. I have designated the two Designated Hitters as GORP007 and CurlyAnnT. GORP007 went undercover this week as MsConfiner, urging all to guess the real identity of the Ms. CurlyAnnT was the only one to guess correctly; although it should be pointed out that many didn't really care. Anyway, both DLs will be benched and no posts of theirs will be displayed in this winner file. They will, however, still receive a generous one-time payment of 15 tokens for doing nothing, but for doing it very well.]

[Batting in the clean-up positions are Nyello and Mr Onliner. Although only highlights of their posts this week will be shown, both are every-day players who spend too much time trying to master their game, and have the number of posts on the message board to prove it. 30 tokens to both.]

Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner

Why do people always IM me? I mean, I know I come across as "sexy" and "attractive" and "suave" and "debonair" and "brilliant" and "sophisiticated" and "intellegent" and "handsome" and "loveable" and "unbelieveably gorgeous" and I "turn you on" and you think I'm "the most amazing lover in the world" and I'm "hung like a horse" and people "line up to touch my amazing body" and "women beg me to autograph their huge breasts"
and...uh...what was I saying again?
* * * *
Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner

I think a really good prank to play on the internet would be to just make up a complete lie about yourself. And then base a website around it, then make friends and lie to them. This would go on for about 13 or 14 years. Then you would tell them the truth, sit back, and watch the comedy unfold.
* * * *
Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner

Every so often, like after 5 or 6 hours, those little fish on my screensaver will flap their fins in Morse code, saying "We are Satan's minions. Soon you will swim alongside us in your watery pit of hell, and drown in the pain and suffering of a million deaths." That's when I go get a snack.
* * * *

Subj: Now I will try to type upside down!
From: Nyello

ispuekeem uo o_|_ ew!_|_ yw e_|_o^ep ! _|_ `oHm s! s!H_|_ i!H
* * * *
Subj: Celebrate good times! C'MON! And celebrate ...

From: Nyello
In honor of my making to the margin, I will throw a one man party:

Nyello: Congats, Nyello.
Nyello: Why, thank you Nyello.
Nyello: Where's the can?
Nyello: This isn't my house!
Nyello: Well it ain't mine!
Nyello: It's mine!
Nyello: Well where is it?!
Nyello: You're not the one who asked.
Nyello: The hell I'm not!
::punches himself in the face::
Nyello: Oh, you punk, the things I'm gonna do to you . . .
Nyello: Hey, look, here comes Gomer Lord with his right hand man, the late Grey Gomer.
Gomer Lord: Hi, everyone.
The Late Grey Gomer:
Nyello: Hey, Grey, long time, no see.
The Late Grey Gomer:
Gomer Lord (whispering): He's dead.
Nyello: Well I'm sorry to hear that.
Nyello: But it does explain that smell . . .
Gomer Lord: This is some party.
Nyello: Yeah . . .
Nyello: Someone punched the spike!
Nyello: Rats, I thought I spiked the punch. Back to the drawing board . . .
Gomer Lord: Eeewwwww . . . Nyello's DOUBLE DIPPING!!!!!!
Nyello: What's the difference, we're all the same person!
Nyello: Don't be a smart alec, boy! Go to your room!
Nyello: Okay, but then, technically, we'd all be going toour rooms.
Gomer Lord: Then so be it.
* * * *
Subj: Dane: A man
From: Nyello

There once was a man named Dane.

He had a lot of stress in his life and decided to reduce this high level of stress by buying a cat. But, after a few months, he realized that the cat just wasn't doing enough for him, so he devised a new use for this cat. He had it neutered and now, whenever he has a stressful day, he sits next to the cat and says "You'renever gonna score. You lack the hormonal drive. You're never gonna get any." And he
does this for hours on end.

And so ends the tale of a disturbed man name Dane.

[You may have noticed that Mr Onliner's famous flag signature and Nyello's less famous multi-colored signature are not present. Unfortunately all signatures suffered hamstring pulls and will be rested today. Please notice that I could have said the sure-fire laugh: groin pulls. However, I much prefer the underdog, unfunny way of doing things. Lummox JR, a rookie, is also an underdog, but still manages to get 20 tokens this week.]
Subj: Lummox JR vs. the Computer
From: Lummox JR

This is, unfortunately, more or less a true story.

Lummox JR: Turn on.
Computer: Ok. Running. Booting. Booting. Still booting.
Lummox JR: Tum, te tum. (Taps fingers.)
Computer: Uh-oh! ERROR.
Lummox JR: Turn on.
Computer: No.
Lummox JR: (Hits machine.) Turn on!
Computer: No.
Lummox JR: (Reboots.) Turn on!
Computer: Sure. Booting.... Nope.
Lummox JR: Okay, try this. (Inserts emergency rescue disk.)
Computer: Ha ha, bad disk!
Lummox JR: Bad disk?!?!
Computer: Bad disk! Bad disk! I won't turn on!
Lummox JR: Try this, then. (Does something else technical.)
Computer: Trying it....Nope.
Lummox JR: All right, let's do this......


Lummox JR: All right. You've booted. Now, let's see what's wrong.
Computer: Nothing.
Lummox JR: Oh, come on!
Computer: No.
Lummox JR: (Uses a diagnostic tool.) Now what's wrong?
Computer: I'm a few files short of a root directory.
Lummox JR: I could have told you that! Boot normally, you stupid thing!
Computer: No.
Lummox JR: Why not? Find some files! Make something up!
Computer: You didn't back up my root directory, did you?
Lummox JR: No.
Computer: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, that's funny. Ha ha ha!
Lummox JR: Shut up and boot!


Lummox JR: All right, you've started. The OS has been reinstalled as lightly as possible. So now nothing's wrong, right?
Computer: Guess again. I've screwed up all your settings and put back icons you didn't want.
Lummox JR: Get rid of them!
Computer: I kind of like them.
Lummox JR: Just fix the system!
Computer: Well, all right.


Computer: 2
Lummox JR: 1

[You can tell Tocadisco is thinking about his post-Random career. Just in the last week he tried his hand at poetry and art. Yet, he still keeps up the kind of posts that will someday get his face on a instant lotto ticket.* 25 tokens to Tocadisco.]
Subj: Remember....
From: Tocadisco

Life without Toca is not life at all.

Hmm, well, that holds true for me anyhow.

[Let's take a break from the Interleague Trial to observe how we came to be. I think MitchRK discovered the missing link that delivered us from nothingness to randomness. Observe--we go from the film work of these guys: ]
Subj: Marx marks the spot
From: MitchRK


(o) (o) @
(_) @


_ _


(( ( o) ( o) ))
\ (_) /

[To this: ]
Subj: Re: I agree with Mr. O completely
From: MaLkNoX420

Some people think I'm weird. But I just tell them, "Hey, if the Almighty Hamster didn't intend shoelaces as food, He wouldn't have made them go so well with spray cheese!"

[I think Random may have found its origin. 20 tokens to MitchRK and MaLkNoX420 for their participation in the presentation of my hypothesis.]

[Last this week, I would like to take a moment to propose another gimmick. The 10-run mercy rule: College and other non-pro Baseball leagues use it already, I think. One side goes up by 10 and we call the whole thing off. An interesting idea. Enforcing the "mercy" rule as it can apply to the Random Game, the following posters get 10 tokens this week. I think they'd tell you it's a nice idea to have. The first winning post under the Mercy Rule may need the added explanation that Lavoris49, a Jamie, is replying to the addition of our newest "Jamie."]

Subj: Re: Well, how 'bout this
From: Lavoris49


Man, how come you just couldn't spell your name differently? And why do you have to broadcast it in those big, purple letters? I've been Jamie here since February. You don't see me with my given name all inflated across the screen, in royal purple like I'm some kind of nobility. And I want to be special. Sorry, that was selfish. Go ahead. I'm just a mouthwash, anyway. Who cares what my real name is.
Nevermind. Carry on, carry on.
* * * *
Subj: who really cares
From: CortJstr

I would like to relate my adventures in exam land today. For my english final, after the essays there were 3 extra credit questions:

1. Define the universe. Give 3 examples
2. Write a Pulitzer Prize winning novel then fly to New York and collect your money. You have 30 minutes.
3. Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Why I Hate Plaid
From: ARTochsen

I attended a Private, All-Girls, Boarding School which used to be a seminary.<<<

I went to a girl's school once. They kicked me out. I also once saw a sign in a clinic window which advertised breast examinations. I entered and asked to examine some and got kicked out again. Life was tough for a teenager at that time. So we all got mohawk haircuts, wore blue jeans and tee shirts and pretended we were James Dean.
* * * *
Subj: damn
From: ScorpioAsh

i was gonna bitch about something, but now that i've hit the "create subject" button, my mind, as usual, has failed me. um......

oh! yeah! i was just about... wait.. that's not it....


yes! i rememb.... whoops. damn, not again! ....

um.... i need new shoes. that wasn't really it. but i just decided to share that fact with you. Mine are dull and ripped. They're like vinyl and glittery but they look like crap in their present state. it's sad. i may just have to have a random funeral for them.
* * * *

Subj: Conade attempts to understand the Chaos Theory
From: Conade

I tried and failed. I did, however, gather some useful notes:

the chaos in chaos theory is the very essence of order
minor changes cause huge fluctuations
predicts that complex nonlinear systems are inerently unpredictable
post no bills
almost any chaotic system can be readily modeled
Ted Kennedy's got man boobs
cycle expansions are a way of computing the properties of chaotic systems

OH MY GOD. I just posted something... educational! And in all different colors! What is the world coming to when random gamers actually post something that belongs in a PBS documentary?

I feel faint.. somebody hold me..


Did anyone actually understand me?


[You can all decide what definition of "mercy" I was using in picking those winners. *Re: the instant lotto reference. It's meant to be a compliment. The New York lotto is doing this promotion with 5 area baseball legends right now. And, in my mind, having your face scratched off by pennies has got to be one of the greatest compliments you can receive. Oh, and the Interleague Trial? Seems to be a success in baseball; but I think my clumsy commentating makes it an utter failure in the Random Game. So, what gimmick can we try next week?]