[This week, the number of replies to "MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy" grew. Random Thoughts made a come back. Mouthwash molecules continued to appear, as keyboard letters disappeared. Newbies joined, with one already assimilated. The line of "good taste" was crossed several times. So, in many ways this week was similar the week before, and the week before that. I couldn't say that this week wasn't a pleasing one; but there were no giant leaps, forward or backward, for Random-kind. Then again, maybe I wasn't paying attention. Here are the entries to which I did pay attention--at least enough to give tokens to them.]
[Let's start off the winners with our welcomed newbie and the familiar appearance of a veteran. 15 tokens to BudMooreJr and Mr Onliner.]
Subj: The Knobby Knees Contest
From: BudMooreJr
Close to where I live there's a real popular German restaurant. It's my favorite place to eat. The food there is all authentic and the atmosphere is just like some of the places I visited when I was in Germany a few years ago.
Every year they have an authentic Oktoberfest, and I make it a point to go. Anyway, they always have this Knobby Knees contest. Now normally I'd never get up in front of a crowd, but about 3 years ago I had about twice as many St Pauli Girl Darks as I usually do. My pal Ron and my brother in law Henry convinced me that I could win.
So, what the hell. I got nothing to lose but my pride. I went on stage.
There were about 18 or 20 of us up there and I was about in the middle. They started at the end to my left, and each guy would pull up his pant legs to various amounts of applause. They were getting closer to me and I couldn't roll up my pant legs high enough to show my knees. Damn jeans were too tight!
They called my name, so I did the only thing I could think of: I dropped my pants right there on stage. Lucky I remembered to put on clean no-holes underwear that night. The crowd laughed and applauded and my sister Linda almost fell out of her chair.
And you know what? I won that damn contest! Got a real nice beer stein for it.
I like Oktoberfest.
Bud
* * * *
Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
I'vvvvee gottttt yooooooooooou...under my skinnnnnnnn...EWW! GET OUT! EWW! GROSS! EWW!
M M RRRR OOOO
MM MM R R O O
M MM MRRR O O
M M M R R O O
M M M R R OOOO
"ONE HELL OF AN AMERICAN!"
* * * *
Subj: Re: MagicClams' Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
In the future when we all live in outer space, you're going to have to be more specific when you talk about the "space bar".
And it's all true.
M M RRRR OOOO
MM MM R R O O
M MM MRRR O O
M M M R R O O
M M M R R OOOO
"ONE HELL OF AN AMERICAN!"
[Next, some 10-token winners. Special note to Repeatr: Cute idea, but use it wisely (ie. sparingly), or I may have to find you and hurt you.]
Subj: Now introducing....
From: Repeatr621
========================Random Game Auto-Post=====================
This is what you get with the product of too much time on your hands.
Blarb. Blarb.
This is what I think:
Exactly.
=======================Random Game Auto-Signature==================
What?
(Your screen name here)
Random Game Auto-Post Software Ver 1.00
Humor Level: 2
Randomness: 5
Intelligence:0
Reply: Off
Coherence: 0
Auto -Signature: On
Style: Witty
Color: Black and Paul Brown
Thank You.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Random stories
From: ARTochsen
I hadda dis order one time for some chews. 17 a pairs of chews. I soiched an soiched but cudn't fin 17 a pair. Finely I a send 13 a pair ana dey a send em back siad they a wanta hole 17 a pair. I tella da boss we no a got 17 a pair. He a fird me. Now I a no gotta job causa dem 17 a pair chews. Dam. An you thinka you gotta dis order now. Hopa you a finda 17 a pair.
ARTochsen
hate chews
* * * *
Subj: Rain
From: ActForever
Imagine the life of a raindrop... Born unto a new world. Free falling through the air wondering about his hopes and dreams and then...
SPLAT!!!
ActForever: The Cereal Writer
* * * *
Subj: The Revenge of the Random Thoughts
From: Krazyk242
- acid, effective though it may be, is not a good zit remover.
- if you are housing a bored inmate from Uncle Skippy's Insane Asylum O' Fun, it is best to hide all automatic weopans and chainsaws.
- Be careful dating in Kentucky. Your date may not only turn out to be your cousin, but your grandmother, aunt, and daughter.
- Never speak pig latin in front of a fat person.
- Mildew makes a lovely housepet. It's cheap, won't give you sass, and comes in a variety of colors.
-Art is cool only if the artist is dead. Save your money. Buy an ashtray.
KRAZYK242
-------------------
gung ho for HO
[To further reinforce society's standards, 25 tokens go to slim Lavoris49 and none go to her not-as-slim, but still thin, friend.]
Subj: Ever do weird stuff?
From: Lavoris49
That question kind of answers itself, but I'll tell you a story to illustrate what I'm getting at.
Early this morning, I was in my room, lying on my bed, and my room's pretty messy, so there's this belt laying on my chair. Then I remember exactly which belt it is. It's a really small kid's belt. About a year ago, my friend and I tried to fit this tiny belt around each of our waists at different degrees of tightness. For no apparent reason at all. I don't remember why we were doing it (In the words of David Letterman, "How do you
start doing something like that) I only remember that it became an unspoken competition. To see who was thinner, of course. Anyhow, I was amazingly skinny -- I had no difficulty donning the belt at any level of tension -- and I recall this sick feeling of glory at my small waist. And sicker to me yet, since my friend is not heavy -- I just happen to be very little. And I think I blame society for our contest and my reaction; I blame myself for it.
This has been an introspective moment by Lavoris49.
"'You should marry one of us because we are so good.'"
L49<----mouthwash molecules
[People offended by talking body parts which are located below the waist and above the knees may object to this week's 20-token winners. To those people, I say--well, I have nothing to say. I personally have a weak spot in my heart for a talking penis; and, the talking crotch is thrown in as a misguided attempt at equality.]
Subj: A Conversation With My Penis
From: USAmen
Penis: So, what are we doing tonight?
USAmen: We are going to the bar to throw some darts.
Penis: Cool. Jennifer is working tonight, I'm going to go for it!
USAmen: No you're not, she's engaged.
Penis: Oh shut up -- I'll do whatever I want. You'll be drunk anyway. And besides, you
are just jealous because you know she wants me.
USAmen: You say that about every woman we meet.
Penis: Oh right, you think they are interested in you when your talking to them, but
they are really looking at me the whole time.
USAmen: Shut up or next time I'm at the drugstore I'll buy those really tight condoms.
Penis: You wouldn't.
USAmen: Try me. (dumps ice water on lap)
Penis: Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh...I'm shrinking I'm shrinking I'm shrinking!!!....
Penis: Haha....fooled you. I actually like it when you do that.
USAmen: You're sick. I can't take you anywhere.
Penis: Hehehe...Okay, I'll be good this time, I promise.
USAmen: If your not, you'd better duck the next time I zip up.
Penis: Okay, okay already. So, how come you never let me get a suntan?
USAmen
It's Got A Life
Of It's Own
* * * *
Subj: A Conversation With My Crotch
From: CurlyAnnT
Well, I could't think of a nice way to say it.
CurlyAnnT: So, what are we doing tonight?
Crotch: I don't know. I'm tired.
CurlyAnnT: Well we could always go dancing. I like dancing.
Crotch: Fine. Go dancing. But you better not take anyone home.
CurlyAnnT: But...but...why not? I haven't gotten any POA in months! (peice of ass, for future referance)
Crotch: I don't care. You should be practicing abstinance until you get married.
CurlyAnnT: Oh my god...look at that guy. He is so fine. I want him to take me home tonight.
Crotch: No.
CurlyAnnT: Yes! And you can't do anything about it!
Crotch: Oh yes I can. Are you challanging me?
CurlyAnnT: Yes. I'm gonna go over there and ask him if he wants to do something tonight.
Crotch: Okay, you have struck my last nerve. This is war. Prepare to suffer for approximately 4 days.
CurlyAnnT: YOU STUPID BITCH! I HATE YOU!
The end. True story.
CURLYANNT
Voted a Random Titan...yay!
[All that is left are the 30-token winners. Not strangers to the big Random Prize, MitchRK and Nyello both win it this week. While Nyello went for the Funny Ha Ha, Mitch went for something else which can still be filed under the heading of Funny.]
Subj: Re: Remember....
From: MitchRK
>>* ScorpioAsh*
kill people.>>
I agree.
Kill People.
Kill Time.
End Life.
Waste Money.
I hate those magazines.
___________________
MitchRK
The Liberty Bell isn't all it's cracked up to be.
* * * *
Subj: omebody top me
From: MitchRK
Jut the other day, I lot the "" key on my keyboard. I don't know what I did with it, but I am pretty ure I aw it everal day ago. I think I'm really beginning to mi it. ometime I ee other people' keyboard and they have the "" key and I get a little jealou. I ak them if I may borrow their, but they jut ay "orry, but no." Will omeone lend me their? I mean if you won't be uing it for a hort while. Hopefully mine will how up oon, before I go
tark raving nut.
Thank goodne I don't need very many for my ig.
___________________
MitchRK
The Liberty Bell in't all it' cracked up to be.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Yoinks and zingers
From: Nyello
That was a pretty good post, though tasteless at some points and that file was uncalled for.
-Nyello
Ha! I tricked you! There was no post called yoinks and zingers!
* * * *
Subj: If the Random Game formed a band ...
From: Nyello
. . . I think it would look something like this:
HO Myrrh: Okay, is there anyone here who doesn't play either the slide whistle or the kazoo?
GreenMist: I play the organ.
HO Myrrh: Please demonstrate.
GreenMist: With pleasure ::unzipping fly::
HO Myrrh: I TAKE IT BACK!!!!
GreenMist: Awww . . . .
KrazkyK: I play the piano.
HO Myrrh: Really?
KrazyK: Yeah ::mashing down keys with fists::
HO Myrrh: Oh . . . .
Abazar: I can--
HO Myrrh: Let me guess, blow the bugle? Finger the saxophone?
Abazar: Yeah . . . .
MagicClams: I play the castinets.
HO Myrrh: I should have know you were gonna say that.
CortJstr: I can amuse us all with me dancing ::dances::
HO Myrrh: Could you please do that in the other room.
CortJstr: Sure ::dancing out of room::
ScorpioAsh: C'mon, et's go!
HO Myrrh: Okay, let's try and play the "1812 Overture". From the top.
(Everyone begins to play, but they all start at differnt points in the piece. Krazy pounds the keys on the piano while Gorp sings, despite the fact that the 1812 overture is a symphony and has no words. Then all the slide whistle players ma nthe cannons for the grand finale)
Mr Onliner: Fire one! ::aims canon with eyes shut and fires, blowing a hole in the wall::
Tocadisco: Fire two! ::shoots canon at the floor::
Dante303: Fire three! ::pulls out uzi and begins picking off the Wise Asses in the next room::
Tick: Fire four! ::loading himself in the canon and firing::
Conade: Fire five ::shooting throughroof::
Ashcorvn: Fire six ::shooting at Lilhills who is walking outside the window::
Lav: Fire seven and eight! ::firing both canons at each other::
USAmen (setting down can of beer): Fire nine! ::the canon spits gun powder out and US remember that he forgot to load in the ball. He compensates for this by throwing the ball and hitting HO Myrrh in the head::
(The entire band stops "playing" and crowds around HO Myrrh)
Crash: Do you think she's dead?
Tansa: No, she's still breathing.
Carc: That's gonna leave a scar.
CurlyAnnT: Look, there's still 12 unfired canons!
Babylamms: Waht are we waiting for?
Five minutes later . . .
Fireman #1: You guys managed to wipe out an entire block!
MetphistoM: GreenMist did it!
MrMrsStry: Yeah! So did Abazar!
Policeman #1: C'mon you two, get in the car.
Abazar: But we're innocent!
Policeman #2: Tell it to the judge ::hitting him with night stick::
GreenMist: He's right!
Policeman #1: Shadup! ::geting him in the side with tazer blast::
Fireman #2: Spicy cajun my ass!
-Nyello
We're playing Carnagy Hall next week!
[Congratulations to all, but in particular I'd like to congratulate Nyello for not scaring me this week, but for still scarring me with what I think may be an all too accurate portrayal of a Random Game band.]