That's right--"The Age of No Dots." Well, Nyello asked for it. Forward complaints to him. Of course, if you're pleased with its naming, you can mail me. Hmm, already three sentences in and no mention of Mr Onliner, I'm beginning to think this had nothing to do with him.

Let's bring him into the picture by starting off with the 20 token winner...who he is not. TyleredOne is.

Subj: Re: words to live by
From: TyleredOne
1)Nothing attracts every kid in the neighborhood to your backyard like a campfire.
2)There is no way to mask the fact that you do,indeed,have a fire going in your backyard.
3)Some parents don't see anything funny in asking children if they'd like a few "cold ones",even if you're kidding. The same parents are offended when you use the sentence "How about if I burn you?" to children,even if you explain that it's a private family joke.
* * * *
Subject: Huh?
From: TyleredOne
I'm not sure,but I don't think it's ever good news when the gas company shows up unexpectedly with a backhoe in your front yard.

Mr Onliner is also not the 25 token winner; it's SGood42.
Subj: Re: Goo's Life.......please leave yours at the door.
From: SGood42
I believe in America! I Beleive in the Consitution! I Beleive in the Right To Arm Bears! wait....thats not right
* * * *
Subject: Re: Goo's Life.......please leave yours at the door.
From: SGood42
You know what> You can't add the ADD THIS WINDOW TO YOUR FAVORITE PLACES button to your Favorite places.........and they say AOL is up to date

The 30 token winner? You guessed it, it's not Mr Onliner. The 30 tokens go to USAmen this week.
Subj: Corn Will Kill You
From: USAmen
Do you realize that 99.99% of the people who ate corn between the years 1850 and 1900 are dead? Moreover, nearly 100% of the people suffering from terminal cancer and AIDS have eaten corn or corn by-products at some point in their lives? Corn is not my daddy, escarole is. Unlike the misguided eaters of the foul yellow seed, only about 10% of the people who die this year will have ever eaten escarole. Leafy green vegetable-eaters will inherit the earth!
* * * *
Subject: Re: Any winners out there?
From: USAmen
>>Has anyone actually ever ordered and received a "prize" from HO?I ordered a Quake add-on months ago...still nothing.I asked about it in the "Feedback" section...still,nothing.
I'm beginning to think it's all a crock.>>
* * * * *
I ordered Address-Fixer about a month ago. Nothing happened. Then I ordered three dozen Domino's pizzas with mushrooms and anchovies to be sent to Steve Case's office . I don't know what happened there either.
* * * *
Subject: Gravity
From: USAmen
So, I'm just sitting here staring into space when it hits me: Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary and a small replica of the Liberty Bell. I should have used longer screws when I installed that bookshelf.

So, did Mr Onliner win any tokens this week? Why yes he did. Mr O gets 15 tokens. . .as do a bunch of other people.
Subj: Investigative Reports--Random Style!
From: Nyello
Southern Americans have "Southern Accents", but do other countries southern parts have seperate accents? How about France? Let's see:

Northern French person:

"Le Jaque du le swede"

Southern French person:

"Le Jaque du le swede, y'all"

A-ha! Now let's see about Germany:

Nothern German person:

"Der Oootenbreuton und Weiner Schnitzel"

Southern German person:

"Der Oootenbreuton und Weiner Schnitzel, y'all"

Egads! How about Cubans?

Northern Cuban person:

"I hate Americans"

Southern Cuban Person:

"I hate them dang ol' Americans with their technology and what-not"

Wow, so it isn't an isolated incident!

Next time on "Investigative Reports--Random Style!", we'll explore the feild of international private part jokes.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Miss Teen USA
From: LndonSleep
I got this card in the mail advertising auditions for the Miss Teen Minnesota preliminaries, and in the 2nd paragraph it says, "There is no talent competition. Contestants are judged on the basis of poise, maturity, and beauty of face and figure."
SO...I guess I'll have to find another arena for my rendition of "Annie Get Your Gun" on harmonica.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
If I posted my phone number, I wonder how many of you would make obscene calls to my house. Probably none of you. Oh well.
* * * *
From: MitchRK
Whenever I see where it says "WIN PRIZES AND LOOT HERE" I always wonder which one I should do first.
* * * *
Subj: Re: Mr Onliner's Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
A conversation in ADVANCED, I repeat, ADVANCED World History today:

Redneck: Mr. Bonds? If you wanted to today, could you still just take over a country?

Mr. Bonds: Yeah, you could.

Redneck: So why don't we just go, like, get Canada?

Mr. Bonds: Uh...

Redneck: I mean, the United States is awesome. Can't nobody stop the U.S., boy! We'll just go take over one of 'em rich countries!

Mr. Bonds: You realize people actually DIE in wars? That real lifes are taken and real blood is shed?

Redneck: So what? We'll just send all our serial killers over their! BLAMBLAMBLAM!

Mr Onliner: ::weeps::
* * * *
Subj: Re: Mr Onliner's Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner

Okay, okay, so Mr Onliner had two posts listed there; he's not getting anything extra for that last one. It just happened to catch me at a silly moment, so it's there. Here's another post that caught me while in a silly mood, yet this one is actually getting tokens--10 of them in fact.
Subj: Re: Please Dont read this or post anything funny
From: Puterweeny
>>Reverse psychology muhuhahahahahahahahha>>


Mr O got his tokens, and now I'm thinking I should have saved him for last. It's all anticlimactic now. There is, however, some other 10 token winners. Here they are. Oh, and LeonardABC and MrMrsStry don't have to share those; you both get ten.
Subj: Re: Leonards Trip O' Fun
Original From: LeonardABC
Reply From: MrMrsStry
>>I went to Atlanta from Thursday to Sunday, and I met some really intersting people there. I was alone in this mall, and this old man started following me, seriously. He kept on saying, "Hey little girl" over and over. I was getting pretty friggin scared so I went in The Gap, trying to lose him, but he came in too. He followed me through the whole store, until he saw a really pretty dress and went to try it on. It distracted
him, thank God........>>

Shoot..did you see which way he went? Grampa has been missing for weeks now.
* * * *
Subj: What an exciting day.
From: Conade
Today, I went down to the store and grabbed a bottle of Mello Yello. Naturally, showing my loyalty to the Random Game, I scribbled a little "N" in front of the word "yello." Well, maybe it's not loyalty to the entire game, but I thought of everyone while I threw up in the backseat of a car.
* * * *
Subject: Random Game: The Infomercial!!!!!! Take 3....
From: ShavedYak1
This is pissin me off incredibly. 3rd try on this informational commercial. First, the board reset and deleted my almost completed infomercial. Then, I got a "Hey you bastard, you got no carrier!!!" 10 minutes after the second try. Thus, take 3. I'll be saving this periodically, so my work is not completely lost the next time Myrrh finds some way to kick me off. Oh hell, I can't save posts. Dammit. Last try...

CortJstr: The following is paid advertisement for Big Steel Blades Incorporated. The views expressed are those of the company, and are not necessarilly our own. Share and enjoy.

Carc: Rarely in this field is a product produced which revolutionizes the way you mow your yard. Enter the Phantom Mower.

Dawn: Yes, the Phantom Mower. It cuts, it slices, it even removes your grass and sprays it literally 4 feet back into your yard so you can't possibly bag it. Never has a lawn mower so changed the world of lawn mowing as the Phantom Mower does. Allow me to demonstrate.

Dawn: That was simply amazing. Can we get a replay of that?
Carc: No.
Dawn: Excuse me?
Carc: No.
Dawn: Damn. Well now I forgot what I'm supposed to say. Anybody got cue cards.
Cameraman Kosmo: Nope, I'm grounded.
Cameraman Baldie: Sorry, I'm busy playing with myself.
Dawn: Can I help?
Baldie: Sure!
Carc: Hey, we've still got 20 minutes left of this!!
Dawn: Shouldn't take longer then that.
Carc: That's not what I meant! You've got to finish the show!!
Dawn: Play the interviews.

Dawn: Did you like the Phantom Mower?
Curly: No.
Dawn: Why the hell not?
Curly: I don't have a lawn, so I used it to shave my bodily hair.
Dawn: Did it work well?
Curly: I lost 3 fingers and my right leg below the knee.
Dawn: That's a shame.

Dawn: Those scientists have done wonders for reanimation! Nyello, did you like the Phantom Mower?
Nyello: Yep. It was real powerful so I chased all my neighbors around with it.
Dawn: Did you catch them?
Nyello: Yep. Eased my homicidal tendencies, until about right now.

Dawn: So, how did you like the Phantom Mower?
Ragnartin: I mowed my carpet.
Dawn: Did it work well?
Ragnartin: The celery stalks at midnight!
Dawn: Umm, yes.
Ragnartin: Q!
Dawn: Wanna go back to my place?
Ragnartin: Kitchen fBLEEPin utensils!
Dawn: Okay!

Carc: Umm... Dawn?
Dawn and Baldie: Go away!
Carc: Crap. Anyone want to buy a car?
people gnaw through their arm straps, and hit the person next to them for fun. When the police raid the auditorium, Lamms is able to take out 28 cops before she is taken down.>
Ganjaa: Put your arms back down slaves, or you get no dinner this week!

Ganjaa: You aren't gettin any food anyway, hah!

Dante303: I'm just here for a cameo appearance. See you later.

Dawn: Joining us?

Ganjaa: Ummm, buy the Phantom Mower. It'll mow your lawn.

Suggestions or comments? File em up your ass!

Oh, and after the next show starts, Myrrh kills everyone that's not already dead.

I wanted so badly to give Yak nothing this week. You know, just for irony's sake. Ah, maybe I'm just fattening him up before the kill. In any event, that's it this week; and in honor of Mr Onliner, I'll end this week with no dot