The Age of Cheese

[You can just smell it in the air--the Age of Cheese. Why the Age of Cheese? Do you really have to ask? Please don't. If you start to ask, I may just have to say to you, "Shut up!" Why "Shut up?" Do you really have to ask?]

[Shutting up and moving right along: Tokens. The first tokens go to entries that don't deserve them. The people, however, do deserve them. So, 5 tokens to each.]

Subj: Re: Look...up in the sky...
From: Carcazoid
Sticks and stones, bricks and phones, yada, yada...

Carcazoid...I'm not mental, I'm just eccentric...
Subj: Re: Overstimulation is...
From: CortJstr
. . . an hourglass on my screen, a busy signal on my phone, Full House on the tv, and the Macarena on the radio

This signiture has been censored as it has been shown to cause cancer in lab rats.

-The management
Subj: In the interest of random...
From: Bloodguilt
Friends, Randoms, Countrymen:
Lend me your ears. I really need a whole bunch of them.

[After the milestone "emaG modnaR ehT" entry, we were all starting to wonder how one could come up with something totally new. Consequently, most contestants just copied; but, one contestant was not satisfied. 8 tokens to ScorpioAsh for 1) pushing the Random envelope and 2) being modest enough to wonder is she really had stumbled upon something original.]
Subj: i was wondering how long the subject line can actually so they stop you from writing at a certain point or can it go on and on for, like, paragraphs, without stopping? Apparantly it can continue for a while cause i've written alot and it's still letting me write. i only wonder if it will all show up to anyone else ever again? Ok, i'm done.
From: ScorpioAsh
(The Rainbow Gomer who
doesn't hate Nyello)

>>>>Rah Rah Rah!<<<<

[I have nothing to say about the following entries, because Nyello still frightens me and Abazar P still frightens everyone else. 5 tokens to each.]
Subj: The captain is speaking
From: Nyello
When I went to Disney World, the Captain on the plane said "Welcome aboard Delta Flight 306 to Orlando, all is expected to go well, so enjoy your fight, oh, and by the way, [In muted tones] IhavenoideahowtoflythisthingandthereisabombonboardandIjustswallowedfourhorsetranquilizersandIjustgotoutofprisonforterrorizm. Have a great flight!"
Is that a good thing or a bad thing. I am sending this via my laptop on board the plane and, hey, why is the ground getting closer?

Nyello--The Spankiest Guy I Know!
Subj: Re: HOPD Crimebusters
From: Khaleth
You see, I was kidnapped by a bunch of people with weird accents, who told me that if I didn't stop posting to the Random Game for a while they'd fit me for a pair of cement shoes so I could go swimming in the lake. But I decided I wanted those nice shoes and came back and started posting again.

* Khaleth *
Member, Guild of Invertebrate Liars
Motto: "So I'm spineless, so slug me."
Subj: Re: huh?
From: PaulCrash
you know, I had something really, really profound to say but I forgot it. Oh, crap! It was something about world peace or penguins. It'll come back to me.
Subj: Sailing
From: Niancul
The only nautical commands my crew understands are these four:
1)"Pull on that thing."
2)"No,the OTHER thing."
3)"No,the thing over THERE,dammit!"
4)"Never mind."
Subj: Re: ARE YOU sick of NEVER getting Tokens? Join the CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: Abazar P
You are at the first stage of token withdrawl. The next stage will be to not post anything for a really long time. Once you realize that you can't win anything by not posting you will go back to playing, only less formally. You will realize the flaws of Hecklers and learn to live with them just as you have learned to live with life's flaws and unfairties. You will learn to play the games of HO for the enjoyment of harassing other members and
causing more work for the people that run the games.
Abazar P
(Oh, so THAT'S how you make a signiture)
@} { )
| \_/~\_/ | Let's Dance!
| | | |
//\\ / )
///\\\ / |
////\\\\ \ |
Subj: Nothing
From: ARTochsen
I used to have a cousin who lived in Nothing. Nothing used to be in Arizona until it burned...leaving nothing. The Nothing fire was put out by the volunteer fire department from Nowhere. Nowhere really was somewhere but my cousin, coming from Nothing, could never find it. Well, anyhoo, 'ol cousin says that after the fire Nothing was rebuilt, mostly with materials donated from Nowhere. This is a nothing story taken from random ramblings of
a retarded reporter reluctantly reminiscing rudimentary reconstructions of something or other in the hope of receiving a "token" gesture of something or other, or other or other or zzzzzzzzzzz.

[The next entries--they deserve a bit more than the previous um, 6 to each. That was predictable, wasn't it?]
Subj: Re: My math assignment
From: MitchRK
>>If it takes 1/2 of a chicken 1/2 day to lay 1 and 1/2 eggs, then how many frogs does it take to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?
The answer is 13... but don't ask me why.>>

I'm sorry, we can't accept that. You forgot to phrase your answer in the form of a run-on sentence that ends in a prepostion and has a bunch of commas that don't belong.

TOS happens.
Subj: Take a Tour Through My Sickly Body
From: Tocadisco
Hello all,
i am here at home right now because i am sick. Now if you could come this way please, yes YOU......just follow me.
Here are my feet...notice that they are clammy and sticky....these feet have gone everywhere with me but have never taken a beating such as this.
Moving along, we can move across my legs......take note of their jello like feel....there will be a quiz on this later.
Put on your galoshes as you cross the sweaty banks of my chest.....quite a few people have drowned here...keep going straight though....we wouldn't want to lose you to the dreaded arm pits....
We have finally reached my head and feel free to move around....the gift stand is located in my can buy salivatory beverages in my mouth and please take the kiddies to my ear where they can witness the huge pain that i am feeling right now.
Subj: How to be evil and get away with it
From: Krazyk242

1) worship the almighty Bataalazeneer. For he shall be thy guide.

2) drink the last of the milk. and put it back in the fridge.

3) eat only red m and m's. they have erie powers.

4) take over your neighborhood and proclaim yourself Grand High Ruler.

5) send in nonsensical entries to the random game about rat eyed poodles and random thoughts.

I thought I smelled something krazy

[I want the next two posters to feel like they've been cheated. So, yes, both are worthy posts. But, they are both so long you probably didn't read them the first time. And, by under-awarding them, you won't feel the need to read them this time either. 7 tokens to Mr Onliner and McLeigh.]
Subj: Re: VOTE HERE!
From: Mr Onliner
PLEASE, citizens of Gotham, read this note...

Id like to thank the people that took the time out to vote for me, and the people that voted for Mr. Bill, Scott Baio, and JoJo, the monkey dancer. That is why it is sad to make this announcement: Regardless of the official outcome of the election, win or lose, effective immediately, I am retiring from the Random Game. If I officially win the election, I resign my post to Scott Baio. If I lose, good luck to whoever wins.
Id also like to thank HO Myrrh, HO Chicago, and the mysterious Ms. Darkfont. Even though you destroyed a once great game, you did reward me a lifetime total of about 15 tokens, and I thank you for that. I would also like to thank Toca, Magic, MISS Bloodguilt, Khaleth, JamiJR, BabyLamms, Forty9errs, and everybody else for playing.
In the spirit of randomness, here are my last random thoughts for the surviving members of The Random Game to ponder.

If you scratch a modem, does it not stop itching? Capn Crunch is muh good luck charm. I kiss him everyday. I sorta like Darth Vader. That and Vanilla ice cream. Im such a rebel. Why do cats like to claw when they could just as easily dropkick? Wes Craven is a scaredy cat. May I see your tan line, Mandy? L is for Lucky Strike cigarrettes. O is for ovulation. V is for vowel. E is for easily perturbed. Pepsi is Is Pep? spelled backwards. One
time I was in Algebra class and my teacher S=X and it almost spelled sex! What makes a drive so hard? Id sorta like a tootsie pop right now. Quickcam is mean. If you see him in the street, point and yell Meanie!. My chair is broken. Damn these chairs, son! If I look into the crystal ball, I see my other hand. Whos cardboard, and what does he want from me? I like to scroll. It makes me feel good. Check out this word: XUPER! Its super spelled
with an X! Pretty neat, eh? Will pet your ferret for tokens. Whats your name? Liz. Short for Elizabeth? No, its short for lizard. Yeeeech! Why is Texas shaped like my house? Who am I, and what am I doing with a rubber chicken? Gee, it sure is stretchy. I dislike you, mildly. Maybe Ill call you and tell you. No, I only call people I like. Why are the T and the U keys close together? Coincidence? I think not! Whatsa matta, you no lika da
sauca? Sometimes I feel like Aaron Neville. You know what I mean? I want milk. I want milk. Theres a rat at my toe and his name is HISS. Dont ask me why, thats just what he told me to say. I think hes a calico. I went to KMart, but they didnt have any U2 tickets. Who needs em? Just Euro trash anyway. When will that cappucino get here? Ive been waiting for half an...ahh...foamy... I like foam. Makes me feel snug and safe, like a newly
delivered stereo. Ill call you what I want to call you, and youll like it, Jim Beam. I like Jimmy Dean better than James Dean. Sausage rules! Shrimp SCCCCCAMPI! Casey is a whore, I heard it on VH1. All his life hes pretended...but theres one thing he cant pretend! Jack Palance is a dirty old man. My modem still itches.

Gee, that was fun. Reminds me of times before this awful message board. Anyway, I am now leaving the Random Game, and let it be known that YOU, Ms Darkfont, and the HOs involved, forced me out with this new format. The Happy Funtime Campaign is over, and so is Mr Onliners involvement in the Random Game. But mark my words, Darkfont AND Myrrh, I will have my revenge. I bid you all, a fond goodbye.

Mr Onliner
Subj: Random IQ Test
From: MacLeigh
In honor of my new online home and the inhabitants thereof, I now present the RAND area with a way of gauging their online productivity and social skills. Please choose the best response in each scenario. Since there are no time limits in RAND, you may take as long as you like. However, in keeping with the house rules, you may answer only in suitable random order. Enjoy.

1) Who wrote the Iliad and the Odyssey?
a) Homer b) HO Myrrh c) Kevin Sorbo d) MacLeigh

2) Ewes give birth to _____.
a) Lambs b) BabyLamms c) Rams d) MacLeigh

3) Bananas are red.
a) False b) Nyello c) Only on male Ferengis d) MacLeigh

4) Which is the main ingredient in chicken soup (besides the water)?
a) Chicken bones b) ChknGuts c) Frank Perdue d) MacLeigh

5) Which goes best with the soup we just made?
a) Matzo balls b) Crakerz c) Frank Perdue d) MacLeigh

6) A real performer who entertains the king is the _____.
a) Court jester b) CortJstr c) Sister of the queen d) MacLeigh

7) Toucan Sam is the spokesperson for which cereal?
a) Fruit Loops b) TootLoops c) HO instant d) MacLeigh

8) What is it called when a man uses a Penn Station, NY urinal while standing on his head?
a) Typical b) Abazar P c) Bad plumbing d) MacLeigh

9) How old is the actor who played the engineer on The Next Generation?
a) Don't know/don't care b) Lavoris49 c) Dammit, I'm a doctor Jim, not a carnval attraction d) MacLeigh

10) A man points his camera at a model. Within seconds, her likeness is displayed on his computer screen. This is known as _____.
a) Digital photography b) ScanMagic c) Technical ecstasy d) MacLeigh

11) Long before Hercules and Xena, the gods got together to create mankind. Zeus explained, "The one without the handle is a _____."
a) Stationary model b) GirlMortal c) Riblet d) MacLeigh

12) The most popular figure in the Old Testament is _____.
a) Moses b) Khaleth c) George Burns d) MacLeigh

13) On the last hand of the RAND Poker Club, Carcazoid had a flush, Jakal1 had a straight and TootLoops had 3 of a kind.
a) Carcazoid won b) Jakal1 c) the hand was called because of card counting d) MacLeigh

14) A tree fell in the forest. The only other object around was a dead animal. The _____.
a) Law of Gravity is to blame for this incident b) Carcazoid c) tree said "ouch" d) MacLeigh

15) Doug Henning turned his seafood dinner into a beautiful woman. He performed this illusion using _____.
a) Mirrors b) MagicClams c) It was no trick d) MacLeigh

16) John left the record store with the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. He _____ record.
a) went to jail because he hadn't paid for the b) TocaDisco c) enjoyed the d) MacLeigh

17) Which is a new movie about a neurotic martail arts expert?
a) Don't be silly now b) BloodGuilt c) Sensei & Sensibility d) MacLeigh

18) Robin Williams was lost in a board game in which movie?
a) Jumanji b) JamiJR c) who's she? d) MacLeigh

19)Which was a character on F-Troop?
a) Sgt. O'Rourke b) Krazyk242 c) Corp. Acorn d) MacLeigh

20) Where is much of the US gold supply kept?
a) Fort Knox b) MaLkNoX420 c) The school of hard knocks d) MacLeigh

10 pts. for each a) answer
5 pts. for each b) answer
2 pts. for each d) answer
0 pts. for each c) answer

101-200 pts.- You're too smart for your own good and probably don't have a lot of friends.
41-100 pts.- You're no brain surgeon, but you know what's important and are well liked.
21-40 pts.- Thanks, but flattery will get you no further than this level.
0-20 pts.- Honorary Lifetime Member of the Random Game.

In the end,
there can be only
/ |

[At least one reason why the "new" format kicks ass--would these two entries have ever been posted without being cut off or lost completely? No! Is that a good or bad thing, I'm still not sure. But, Mr Onliner and McLeigh surely wouldn't have gotten 7 tokens each... Oh, and if you are still scrolling down for more tokens to be given out--stop.]