The Epoch of Nausea

[How was everyone's April Fool's Day? Did anyone get tricks pulled on them? I did; my whole town did. In fact, the trick we were subjected to began on March 31st. It snowed a foot or more--isn't it Spring? Okay, so I'm a crybaby. But, then at 12:15am on April 1st, the power went off. It remained off until exactly 12:00am April 2nd. Coincidence? I think not.]

[Enough about whiney ol' me, there are tokens to be had. First, 7 tokens to the post that will surely be turned into a board game coming to a store near you.]
Subj: 6 steps or less:
From: Ifandorbut
Here it is in a nutshell-name a food and tie it to Bacon in 6 or less steps:

Swiss Cheese starred with Rye Bread in Grilled Cheese;
Rye Bread starred with Bacon in BLT.
(2 steps)

Green Beans starred with Parmigian Cheese in Three Bean Salad;
Parmigian Cheese starred with Veal in Veal Cutlet Parmigian Hero;
Veal starred with Beef in Meat Loaf;
Beef starred with Bacon in Bacon Burger.
(4 steps)

Matzo Balls starred with Chicken in Chicken Soup;
Chicken starred with Wine in Chicken Marsala;
Wine starred with Carbonated Water in Spritzer;
Carbonated Water starred with Eggs in Egg Cream;
Eggs starred with Bacon in Breakfast Special.
(5 steps)

Practice for you:

A) Tuna;
B) Paprika;
C) Watermelon.

Have fun!!

I EXIST therefore I EXIST!!
To USE ME is to LOVE ME!!

[Next, 5 tokens to each of the following people whom I have yet to figure out for reasons I have yet to figure out.]
Subj: We're sorry...
From: MacLeigh
We're sorry...

..but the host computer is too busy reminding people thet they've been online for a multiple of 46 minutes to reply to your request.

;-0 :-) ;-0 :-) ;-0 :-) ;-0 :-)
We ain't CARCing up the wrong tree!
Subj: My Theory
From: RbdWombat
My theory on why aliens give us the world's supply of cotton.

Cotton used to be picked by hand until the invention of the Cotton Gin.
Gin is half of Gin and Tonic
Hair Tonic is used to Grow Hair
Bald People Need to Grow Hair
Archie Bunker was a Bald Person
Archie Bunker was on All in the Family
All in the Family was on TV
I have my VCR on my TV
My VCR eats Video Tapes
My dog eats Video Tapes
My dog eats anything
Real Fat People eat anything
Real Fat People can't go up flights of stairs
Crippled people can't go up stairs
Crippled people are in wheelchairs
Wheelchairs have wheels
Bicycles have Wheels
You can race bicycles
You can race turtles (Although it isn't that popular of a sport, YET)
Turtles are in shells
Seas have shells
She sells seashells by the seashore
Who was She? She was an alien.

It's that simple.
--The Rabid Wombat--
"For only $9.95!"
Subj: Shopping with the Amish
From: Krazyk242
How art thee this fine morrow? Thou art most kind to cometh to Zeke's Quilt and Hex Shoppe. Our prices art insane! Hither, one shalt find only the most glorious creations on God's earth. The quilt to thy right was most verily hand made by Rebecca down yonder road. It only did take 2 blessed years! Wilt thou like for me to deliver it to thee in mine carriage? I shalt do it verily before milking the cows and churning yon butter. Well, Bless ye,
sir. Have a sin-free day!

Run, my little smurfs!
Subj: Re: Oldstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!!
From: Lavoris49
Sometimes I think that other people are way too nice to me. Whenever I'm sick they're always worried and they want me to get better. And they seem to all think that I'm a really nice person, even though I'm not. Take my family: they never talk about me behind my back when I'm not around, but whenever one of my brothers isn't there, the other brother and I promptly start ripping on him. And I know they aren't lying to me about this. They
just don't think there's anything wrong with me, even though lots of stuff is wrong with me. I guess they prefer to cut me down to my face. I don't know. And my little brother is generally accused of being manipulative in my family -- my mom and my older brother are really paranoid about that -- but I'm probably the most manipulative one. I pretend to be nice, but I'm really a snake, and I seem more trustworthy that way to my mom and my
brothers, causing them to always take my side over each others'. Boy, I'm a bastard. Pretend you didn't see this. It'll ruin everything. I really am nice. I am.

"Here they come, freshly made, look at those cookies on parade."
room room room room roomL49 room room room room room<---- mouthwash molecules
Subj: recipe for cookies.....they're REALLY good!!
From: Unykorn13
Non-chocolate chip chocolate chip cookies

1)recipe for chocolate chip cookies, minus chocolate chips

1)add everything together that the recipe says to except for the chocolate chips
2)mix with whatevers lying around (or your hands)
3)cook until done
4)enjoy! :-)
Subj: Re: games......he he he
From: ARTochsen
nobody ever IM's me, I feel so unloved, and when I feel unloved you shall feel my rath!!!<<

Anyone know what a rath feels like? I think it's something like an old Irishman or something. Why would anyone want to be felt by an old Irishman? Well, but then maybe an old Irish woman might. Guess it might beat Hell out of peeling potatos all day. Or is that "potatoes?" Wait a minute. Is Dan Quayle Irish? And do the Irish peel potatoes? Or was it feel potatoes? Potato field? If potatoes were magnetic, would this be a magnetic
potato field? I wonder if anyone has ever been feeled in a potato field. Has anybody feeled a potato? I wonder if the Irish do that too. Maybe they DO peel their potatoes! I don't really know too much. I seem to forget lots of things when the sun goes down.

Honor Graduate, Fool School

[I'm not quite sure why Jami is getting 5 tokens for this post. The content of her post is quite serious; however the guy was caught, so there's a bright spot. She also complimented either the Random Game (unlikely), Hecklers Online (possibly), America Online (yeah, right), or the interaction that is possible with a modem. You can choose your own answer to that; Jami, on the other hand, will be out celebrating her return to the winners list.]
Subj: Yet another reason why humans suck........
From: JamiJR
Are human beings just naturally stupid or do they practice it? Some drunk drivers just crashed thru our fence and hit the trailer in which my brother Todd was sleeping. He could've been killed. Luckily, he got out without a scratch.
And not only that, but where they crashed isn't all that far from my bedroom where I was at the computer.
I'm just glad Todd's alive and unhurt.
God, is this the only place I can find decent human beings?
A Sad and Disillustioned,
Jami JoAnne Russell ignore
Oh for the love of a masked man!
@}--->-------- (^_^)
valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid valid
(If you look at it the riet fence.)

[The following winner would not have been possible without the contributions of both entries. I was thinking about making them share 6 tokens; but, I feel somewhat generous so 6 to each.]
Subj: Back In High School
Original From: MrMrsStry
Reply From: MaLkNoX420

The Ms. asked these questions:
1. Why are all female gym teachers lezbians?
-'cause all male gym teachers are dorks
2. Why do photographers print the pictures of us giving the finger? You'd think by now they'd be wise to it and look for it.
-they "fuzz" out the finger in the pictures you can get at Disneyland or Carowinds of yourself on the ride; I think that sucks.
3. Why is it that you can't smoke on school grounds, but the teachers have a smoking lounge?
-because smoking is bad for kids but good for adults, imparting valuable vitamins and minerals grownups need to survive.
4. What is the point of taking the Constitution test?
-to prove that the school system has successfully fooled you into thinking that the government really cares about the individual's rights.
5. What is the point of taking gym class?
-gym class was devised to traumatize fat kids.
6. Why was I made fun of for being in the Media Club?
-because you were a big dork ;)
-because you went to school with a bunch of ignorant jocks and preps who should have been lined up and shot before they bred.
7. Why should I have attended my reunion when I hated all them people 10 years ago?
-to line up and shoot the ones who have not yet bred.
-to make them all jealous or your incredibly successful career, incredibly toned bod, and incredibly fabulous life.

[Just this week in the Random Game, there have been missing signatures quotes, signature quotes that have symbols unfit for aol2.7 eyes, and signature quotes with sexual innuendoes. Among them all was Conade's 5 token winner.]
Subj: Re: Random Game Roll Call
From: Conade
I'm Conade. Got a problem with that? Read the damn profile!

I never discuss religion, politics, or toast.
Shoes are required to eat in cafeteria; socks can eat anywhere

[The final winner this time around is MitchRK. He gets 10 tokens; and to find out the reason why, read the following two posts.]
Subj: Light reading
From: MitchRK

Whenever I work out at the gym (note: I am a big, fat, lazy, slothful, tubby, fat, jellybutt who never works out in real life, so this is just a load of stuff) I like to get into a bit of a competition, on the treadmill, for instance, with my best friend Willard Thayer (there is no such person, actually). About a week ago he and I took my lawyer (non-existent) to my father's restaurant (my father doesn't really have a restaurant) and we all
had a contest to see who could eat the most fried shrimp (my doctor has ordered me not to eat fried food) in an hour. I have only lost twice in maybe twenty such contests (never happened), but this last time I was feeling rather full after my salad (salad? I don't think so), so I gave up after about six shrimp (not possible). The prize for winning this contest is $1000 from the losers, which I fortunately had in cash (sure). Yesterday
Willard and I played a match of one-on-one basketball (see first note) and I almost lost my Porsche (what, are you kidding? they won't even let me have one of their keychains). Maybe I get a little too competative sometimes (you got boardwalk? forget it, I quit), but we only do these things for fun (I hate sports).

La la la la la la la la la means I love to say la la la la la la la la la.
Subj: Re: Quote this!
From: MitchRK

>>I'm trying to expand my quotation collection, so if anyone knows a great quote--here's the place to post it. If you know the source, please put it.>>

My favorite quote is by a man named Preston G. Hidzerwiller IV who said, and I quote, "Ham!" Well, at least that's the gist, anyway.

I went to meet my maker, but I was stood up.

[Well, I suppose the reason for his token amount may not be initially evident. However, he did quote a man who said "Ham!" rather than "Spam!" so those 10 tokens are quite well earned. Congrats to all the winners! To hear me whine more about my 24 hours without power be sure to look at the Random Board. If you happen upon this winners list 5 months after its posting, don't worry, I'll probably still be there whining.]