Epoch of Stupidity

Well, I was going to name the Epoch of Stupidity "A Taxing Epoch," but I figured you've all had enough with taxes and may not be in any mood for a pun. So, why Stupidity? Oh...I don't know why. But, Mantooine inspired it; so blame him. But, for the time being he gets 5 tokens for his {insert adjective of your choice} post.

Subj: All you stupid peoples
From: Mantooine
{a personal note to a friend}
Hello Brian Wang,
Well I went out into the american public again. They do not amuse
me, they are still brain dead morons, that find whatever the certin type of
media there watching to be the truth. I went to go see "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" A good little movie you may of heard about, it has to do with a group of space "cowboys" and some cheerleaders, anyways before the show starts some ya-hoo pulls out a beach ball, A BEACH BALL. So you know the crowd had to go crazy at that point, seeing as none of them have played CATCH before I was about to lean over and tell derick how easly amused the general public was, But he was standing up screaming, "throw it over here". Well after the crowd destroyed all the self confidense in the ushers, who by that time we just
holding each other crying, the curtains opened, and drew attetion away from the "holy" beach ball. I thought good, atleast that display of meandering was over, but then the previews came, Batman and Robin, this was what I thought to be a comidy, but those things in the audience where taking it seriously. For pete's sake, Mr freeze is Arnold swartzeneger, Mr freeze is supposed to be a decrepid old man who freezes himself to stay alive!!! Not a austrian super model, with a thick accsent. Again I leaned over to make fun
of this so called movie, and dericks eye's where glazed, I swore I saw a tear.
The movie when well, with just a few wookie jokes, and everyone
gagging when luke and leia kissed, redneck jokes abound. The screamed when luke first showed up, then for han, but dropped off when the wookie and the droids came on screen, What Am I the only one who likes the droids? A few more yelps of joy found its way over the booming sound track for fett. I even picked up a few thing that I missed due to the size of the screen. One thing was I finally got to see IG-88's broken up worthless body in the scene when those pigs play keep away with chewie. I got to see 4-lom and zuckus, but I missed Dengar. The wampa was good. The best part I would say was just being able to hear the Tie's screaming up behind you on the bad ass speakers at the hastings ranch, the screen was freaking huge too. That's all I think I should go now,
Brian Lee Jones

Now, I don't know if the following posts are stupid, but they are receiving 7 tokens in the Stupid Epoch, so you can be the judge.
Subj: Re: water.... uh ohh... not the keyboard!!!!!!!!
From: ScorpioAsh
My keyboard is dishwasher safe..now if only that old printer had been...
* ~ScorpioAsh~*
* * * *
Hopefully the future
Mrs. Disco/Nox

Now accepting applications-
Required: celibacy, crew cuts, Nikes
Subj: How to Play The Random Game
From: ARTochsen

1. Put your head up your ass.

2. Compose a post that indicates you have complied with rule number 1. This is easily accomplished if you follow the method that has been developed over the last, oh...30 seconds or so:

a. Hear no sense.

b. See no sense.

c. Speak no sense.

If you follow this method properly, then your readers will know that you Have no sense. Your post will then be classified as Nonsense.

Only two very simple rules to follow and you will be a "certified" player.

Simple, ain't it?

39.23 % Pure
Subj: Random Game Supermarket
From: Khaleth
In conjuction with Bloodguilt's garage sale, we now have the Random Game Supermarket, featuring the Diseased Foods Aisle.

"Black Light Special, on aisle 3..."

Oh, look! Mad cow beef!

Ooh, and hepatitis strawberries...

Just what everyone needs, insecticide-laced vegetables!

And to top it all off...red M&Ms!

* Khaleth *
Member, Guild of Invertebrate Liars
Motto: "So I'm spineless, so slug me."

MitchRK and Crackerz123 fair one better and are receiving 8 tokens each. This amount proves once again that posts do not need to be long in order to receive tokens...Or maybe it proves the opposite; I was never good with common sense.
Subj: Suds 'n' Duds
From: MitchRK

Last time, on "The MitchRK Dynasty" . . .

MitchRK: What do you mean he's not my real father?

P. I.: I'm afraid it's true. Your father isn't your father.

MitchRK: I just can't believe it. Then who? Who is my real father?

(Camera zooms in on the P. I. as the music swells)

(Fade to black)

(Fade in)

P. I.: Before I tell you, Mr. RK, I'm afraid the information is going to cost you. A lot. Lots and lots of money. Big time cash payment. Cha-ching, open that cash register. Break open that piggy bank. Rip open that mattress...

MitchRK: WHO?!! Money is no object! I must know! Who is it?! I have to know! Now!! Who is it?!! You must tell me! We're talking about my flesh and blood here!! How much money?

P. I.: Thirty dollars!

MitchRK: WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIRTY DOLLARS??!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have thirty dollars! Geez! Thirty dollars?!! How am I supposed to come up with thirty dollars?!!

P. I.: I don't care how you do it. Just do it. Perhaps you could sell something.

MitchRK: I don't have anything that I can sell!

P. I.: Well, maybe you could get a loan from a friend.

MitchRK: I already owe most of my friends money. They're not about to lend me any more.

P. I.: All right, well, then, perhaps you could ask your father, I mean, the man who isn't your real father.

MitchRK: No. He always gives me a lecture whenever I borrow money from him.

P. I.: How about asking your mother?

MitchRK: She'd just tell me to go ask my father.

P. I.: Hmmm. Well, perhaps you could pick up aluminum cans or---It doesn't matter! Thirty dollars is my price. Until I see the money in my hand, no information.

MitchRK: Aluminum cans? Like, where, out of trash cans?

P. I.: Or maybe on the side of the road. Or at a park or something, maybe?

MitchRK: I might have some laying around the house somewhere.

P. I.: You should try the park.

(Music swells)

(Fade to black)


I'm ready for my extreme long overhead crane shot, Mr. DeMille.
Subj: Super Artwork Fixing Kit Offer
From: Crakerz123
Don't you really hate when your pictures come out like this?

| (o) ( O) |
| |
| /_ |
| |
| _____ |
| |VVV |
| \___/

Don't you cringe with fear when your picture turns out to be like this?

\ | O O |
| " |
| (------) |
| \___/ |
_______ ___

Well don't live a life of AOL turning your works of art into ungrateful pieces of crap. Get the one and only...SUPER ARTWORK FIXING KIT!!!

This once in a lifetime offer by Jack Inoff Industries includes the following:
-a box
-styrofoam peanuts
-a couple pieces to assemble
-twenty disks showing you "How To"
-a live monkey
-an authentic OJ glove
-nude Steve Case pics (to be discontinued)
-a 24 hour video from a 711 hidden store camera showing you a days work at 711
-coupons, coupons, coupons
-the artwork fixer 2000 disk
-a frozen hamburger (please do not eat if shipping takes more than 4 weeks for delivery)

All you have to do is call
or visit our website at

Please ask the phone sex coordinator to let you speak to Jack.

SUPER ARTWORK FIXING KIT, it's even better than the time you burned the house down!

(All the above is not real. If you do call or try to visit the website then all I have to say is you are a retart. Did your mom drop you when you were little? Or is that just the way you are?)

I'm the Crakman
o o
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({- -})
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C r a k e r z 1 2 3

The next posts are definitely NOT stupid, so I don't know why they won. But, 6 tokens each.
Subj: Re: What to say to pushy salespeople.
From: MrMrsStry
Salesman: Hello, are you the lady of the house?
Me: Now I am, after they removed my penis and formed a vagina with my testicle skin, I guess now you can call me a lady...
Salesman: Um, Okay. I am calling tonight because you are a holder of a Mongomery Wards charge card, and we are offering life insurance to all the members.
Me: Heh heh heh..he said, "member"
Um...life insurance? What would I do with life insurance? I'd be dead!
Salesman: Well, Typically, life insurance helps your family by helping pay for your funeral and burial costs in the event of your death.
Me: You mean it's cheaper if they do it while I am still alive?
Salesman: What?
Me: Never mind. So you're telling me, I should pay you money so you can pay my family money when I die...is that what you're saying?
Salesman: Basically, yes. It will help take the burden off them, financially, when you die.
Me: They never helped me before, why the hell should I give them money when I die? Besides. I killed all my family members.

Dawn, President of the Repeat Offender Fan Club
Subj: Simon Sez
From: Jakal1
1. Print the words FIVE-CENT CUCUMBER __________________________
2. Eliminate the seventh consonant. __________________________
3. Replace the U's with I's ( i ) ___________________________
4. Insert an L between the N and the T. ___________________________
5. Change the M to a P. _____________________________
6. Switch the F and the N. ____________________________
7. Drop the tenth constanant. ______________________________
8. Switch the sixth and eighth letters. ____________________________--
9. Replace the T with two K's. _________________________
10.Delete the fifth consonant. __________________________
11.Change the B to a L ___________________________
12.Replace VE with A. __________________________
13.Move the fourth consonant to the left of the first L. _________________
14.Reverse the order of the eighth through twelfth letters. _________________________
15.Move the A to the left of the N. _______________________
16.Switch the sixth and seventh letters. _____________________
17.Remove the second I ( i ) __________________

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok
i hope you are happy again chris i changed it just for you....

The final winner this week, taking his place in the Stupid Hall of Fame, is Tocadisco. Toco teaches us so much that I'm not sure if Toca should actually be inducted into the Hall of Fame, or if it's simply a coincidence that he'd be the big winner of this age. Well...10 tokens to ya.
Subj: The Wonderful World of Acot Ocsid (The Quintessential Author/Poet of the 1970s)
From: Tocadisco
Possibly the greatest writer of the century is a man named Acot Ocsid. Born in Turkey in 1911, he immigrated to Paris, France during the 1930s. There he learned how to be chimney sweep, among many other things. Unfortunately, nobody needed the services of a chimney sweep. Poor and heartbroken, he decided to go swimming in his bathtub. It was there that he came up with the idea for his first novel, "The Incandescent Bulb". This
horribly written piece of literature made an excellent substitution for toilet paper and so Mr. Ocsid came to America in 1934.
Arriving at Ellis Island, Acot immediately got beat up. When the police arrived, they too beat him up. Acot thought that this would make an excellent idea for a book, but decided to swim in his bathtub instead.
Acot Ocsid spent more and more time in his bathtub. And, after spilling soap in his tub one afternoon, he discovered the bubble bath. He thought this invention would make him rich, but much to his chagrin, the bubble bath had already been invented by a Mr. Bubbles.
Acot decided to take another swim.
In spring of 1967, Acot had his first book published: "How Mr. Bubbles Ruined My Life" or as it was published, "Bath Water Sex".

Excerpt from Bath Water Sex:
The angel flutted her wings, and yellow crept in the tub from my innards. I am pissing in the tub, but nobody knows. Not even she, Queen Neptune, knew my dark secret.
I made a bubble in the water.
Somebody died in the alley.
It was only a coincidence.....

In the following years, Acot Ocsid went on to write a plethora of perverted tales and poems. Over the next few weeks, we will take an in depth look at the wonder, beauty, and myth that is Acot Ocsid.

100% Lover
From: Tocadisco
Sometimes when there is nothing to do on AOL, it's nice to cruise through what makes this online service so unique - it's chatrooms. Sometimes you can find some weird kaka.

OnlineHost: *** You are in "Hell" ***
Beelzebub5: Hey there Toca!
Dante666: damn it's hot in here, cool it there maphisto...
Tocadisco: What's going on here?
Beelzebub5: A roast of sorts....ROFLMAO, LOL, LOL...
OnlineHost: GUiLTY548 has entered the room
Tocadisco: huh?
GUiLTY548: Hey guys!!
Dante666: OJ!!!
Beelzebub5: Hey OJ!!!
OnlineHost: *** You are in "Self-inflicted Torture" ***
Beatmehrd: ::cutting my fingers off with a razorblade::
H8myslf: I want to beat my head with a lead pipe, cuz i'm such a jerk
Slaptastic: Good one Beatme, IFYP!!!
Tocadisco: IFYP?
Beatmehrd: Thanks, ::pouring lemon juice into my open wound::
Beatmehrd: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That smarts.
Slaptastic: Toca, IFYP=I Feel Your Pain...
Tocadisco: Oh, i see....IFYP, Beatmehrd
H8myself: I'm outta here guys, i found a new scalper, gonna play some
OnlineHost: H8myself has left the room
OnlineHost: *** You are in "Put Others Down(in the style of Abbot and Costello" ***
YouSuck: Get out of here YouMoron.
YouMoron: I'm not moving.
Tocadisco: Hi, what's going on here?
Biteme: Toca, we like to put others down, it's a little group here, we meet
Biteme: On a regular basis and put each other down.
Tocadisco: Can I join?
YouSuck: Sure, Toca.
Tocadisco: Thanks, YouSuck
Biteme: Who sucks?
Tocadisco: Nobody sucks.
YouSuck: You said I suck.
Tocadisco: No, you moron, i said YouSuck.
YouMoron: Oh, now i'm a moron?
YouSuck: Oh, bite me!
Biteme: What do you want?
YouSuck: Nothing, I was talking to Toca.
Tocadisco: WAIT!!! I was just calling you by your names.
Tocadisco: I said thanks, YouSuck.
YouSuck: Nice attitude, bite me.
Biteme: Nothing, you moron.
YouMoron: Leave me out of this.
Biteme: Toca, who are you talking to?
Tocadisco: I don't know!
BiteMe: Third Base!!!
YouMoron: 3rd BASE!!!
YouSuck: thirdbase
OnlineHost: Tocadisco has lost his mind

Of course, I know that no one will be offended at my open use of the term "Stupid" this week. I mean, these guys won tokens--how can they mind? And, what, non-winners are going to start complaining that they are stupider?