Ugh--April. We're one-third through 1997. Are you used to the "new" year? Bored of the new year? Wouldn't you like some motivation to continue onward? Well, I can only help with the Random portion of your life. (Which, for your sake, I hope is only a very, very small portion of your life.) How can I help? More tokens! You earn them, you get them.]

[First, people who didn't earn them. But, you can't blame 'em; they didn't know there were higher amounts to which they could aspire. Besides, 5 tokens isn't something to be ashamed of.]

Subj: Re: The Stuff I Get In My Email...
From: Khaleth

Taoism: !@#$% happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "!@#$% happens."
Buddhism: If !@#$% happens, it is not really
Zen Buddhism: What is the sound of !@#$% happening?
Hinduism: This !@#$% happened before.
Islam: If !@#$% happens, it is the will of
Judaism: Why does this !@#$% always happen to
Shintoism: Everything except Japan is !@#$%.
Sikhism: The Indian caste system is a bunch of
Catholicism: !@#$% happens because you are bad.
Eastern Orthodox: Rome don't know !@#$%.
Presbyterianism: Let !@#$% happen to someone else.
Lutheranism: If !@#$% happens, have faith, and it
will stop.
Anglicanism: Henry VIII didn't take no !@#$%.
Pentecostalism: !@#$% happens in tongues.
Seventh-Day Adventism: !@#$% happens every day but Saturday.
Jehovah's Witness: Want to buy a subscription to our !@#$%?
Christian Science: If !@#$% happens, don't worry, it will
go away on its own.
Jainism: !@#$% happens, but don't step in it.

Born Again: !@#$% happens, but I'm saved.
Scientology: This !@#$% is expensive!
New Age: Crystal power counteracts !@#$%.
Jesuitism: If !@#$% happens and no one hears it,
did it really make a sound?
Hare Krishna: !@#$% happens, Rama, Rama.
Satanism: !@#$% rules!
Atheism: !@#$% happens, so God doesn't exist.

Agnosticism: Maybe !@#$% happens, and maybe it
Stoicism: So !@#$% happens. Big deal. I can
take it.
Hedonism: When !@#$% happens, enjoy it!
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this !@#$%.
Native American Church: We want our !@#$% back.
RLDS: Brigham's full of !@#$%.
Mormonism: It's evil to say "!@#$%."

* Khaleth *
Member, Guild of Invertebrate Liars
Motto: "So I'm spineless, so slug me."
Subj: The Highway Patrolman
From: Conade
A Minnesota Highway Patrolman pulled me over the other day.
As he approached the car, I stuck my head out the window and said,
"I guess you stopped me to make a contribution to the Policeman's
Ball." He said, "Highway Patrol Men don't have balls."
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone.
From: ARTochsen
Rant. Rant. Rant. Rent. Rent......Oh Hell. I forgot to pay my rent.

Giraffe Painter
Subj: Free XXX pics...
From: Quiteman25
E-mail me for xxx rated pics of your next door neighbors having sex...

Include address, phone number, and dark clothes with a black beenie.

All I ask is a bus ticket.

[Because of his "black beanie" remark, I'm assuming Quiteman25 is joking. But, I can't vouch for him, so please don't assume that just because he won, he is running a legitimate operation. Now, if you have a keen sense of observation, you have noticed that in the past 10 tokens went to the "big" winner. And coincidently, to win that amount, you had to post something fairly long. But no more! Now people like Malarke can come away with 10 tokens.]
Subj: Naming body parts can help you assert yourself in life!
From: Malarke
I have a cyst named Bob. I have a colon named Cherie. I am a CEO. And do you know why? You said it -- because I have that self-confidence one can only get from acknowledging the special relationship between one and one's organs. Naming one's organs can give one a special closeness and intimacy with one's body. Isn't that right, Herman? (That's my small intestine, my large intestine is lovingly christened Sarah-Jane.) Getting downright
personal with my body and all its 2000 parts have gotten me to where I am now, the CEO of a software company. You too can become successful in life, career, and the opposite sex (they love when you refer to your "Willy-Pete" or "the twins"). Just remember that next time when you are gaxing at your toe or your knee, you are looking at a close friend, closer than you might think.

[But, wait, there's more! VicFirth00 is receiving 15 tokens for making very little sense! Can this be possible? I'm afraid it is.]
Subj: Blue
From: VicFirth00
I'm just going to put this ham sandwhich here. UP! THAT WAS RANDOM!


Hi yodelers, wanna kick my cow? UP! THAT WAS RANDOM!


Hijacking is not an option on the inflight service 900. UP! THAT WAS RANDOM!

And now, more randomness.

Random Dictionary!

Glaciate: To subject to glacial action
Natick: A dialect of Massachuset
Priedieu: A low desk with space for a book above and with a foot piece below for kneeling in prayer.
Zymurgy: The manufaturing chemistry of fermentation process in brewind

Vics 2 NEW WORDS of the WEEK!

Poystrandiumnism: The art of walking on melted plastic, then eating cardboard.
Msinmuidnartsyop: The art of walking on cardboard, then eating melted plastic.

Vic's QUOTE of the WEEK


Vic's Cool sound of the week:
Owwturnnnnnn Pinium

/\/ / \/\

[In the past, Krazy had to win big two weeks in a row to receive 20 tokens. But, now Krazy can win that amount in just the amazing amount of time of one week. And, look, she does! Now, *that's* incredible.]
Subj: Did you know.......
From: Krazyk242
Did you know......,

that monkeys prefer blondes?

that 4 out of 5 cults don't make it a law to floss every day?

that when kiss the Blarney Stone, you kiss everyone else who's ever kissed the Blarney Stone? ( pray that Micheal Boton has never beenm to Ireland)

that those who worship Bataalenizasua shall be rid of acne, have glossy hair, and be able to fly?

that if you answer the phone on the first ring, Satan will be on the other line?

Happy days are here again!
Subj: The gods must be Krazy
From: Krazyk242
Now that Heaven's Gate has met their fate with the aliens, a new cult has taken the world by storm- the Holy Order of Krazy. We are a simple lot, no different from other religions, who enjoy beating up Jehovah's witnesses (who doesn't) and worshiping our many gods. Hear is our heirarchy of the holy ones who shall lead thee to the cherished path of Insanity.

Krazihepatina- goddess of insanity, mother to all randomness

Coorslitius- god of drunkeness

Vegasorium- Lord of the holy gambling grounds

Anticorporationo- defender of the unions, god of strikes

Isanitopieaas- ruler of the afterlife-the Holy Asylum of Padded Walls

Lazyonicaar- god of goofing off, patron god of the Senate

Leperswissiunir- god of really horrible diseases and cheese

Happy days are here again!

[Remember, you must enter to win. And, the more times you enter, the more time you must have on your hands. MitchRK had enough time on his hands to win 25 tokens. Count 'em--25! And, Mitch truly deserves them all. Look at his posts. They have some creativity. They have some sarcasm. And, there is this brilliant reply.]
From: MitchRK
>>it's amazing that out of all the subjects and posts nearly everyone replies to this one, just to say shut up like everyone else... NOW that has to be random! what a bunch of sheep!
people like you just bother me, what away to be, the convenient conformists, don't have think for yourselves, don't have to pick out your own clothes, just need to look at the next guy to see what he is wearing, and while your at it might as well get the same stupid hair cut and slap some dorky baseball cap on it, what ever happened to originality, being an individual, hasn't anyone noticed that the apparent uniqueness we all are supposed have
is turning into a myth? Everyone has to run around and do and look and talk like somebody else. What's all this talk about clones... WHAT IS THE POINT!?! Human nature is to try to COPY somebody else, we ARE clone like, and we didn't need any government conforming scientists to figure out how to create more, well most of us didn't, there are test tube babies, which is Soooo un-natural, what kinda place is that to raise a baby anyhow?>>

Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop.
[. . .You know I had to let someone win in the "SHUT UP!!" thread sooner or later. Anyway, continuing:]
Subj: AOL-14
From: MitchRK

Could someone help me find my [TOS], because I was just [TOS] and I seemed to have lost it. If any [TOS] in this game has found a [TOS], I would be willing to offer a [TOS] as a reward, or possibly a [TOS]. Oh, [TOS]! I hope I haven't forgotten how to [TOS]. [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] and maybe a little [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] to everyone. And to the [TOS] who [TOS] me over, I hope you [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] [TOS] (no offense), you
[TOS] [TOS]!!!

I know the language is a little coarse, but I hope AOL doesn't mess with my letter. Hopefully they will stop being [TOS] for once and not [TOS][TOS][TOS][TOS].
Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop.
Subj: Re: Romeo and Juliet
From: MitchRK

>>Oh for Bob's sake! Get a dictionary! It's GRIEF, not GREIF!

That was your most repeated mispelling. Here are a few more of your gems:>>

I wonder, is "misspelling" one of the most often misspelled words?

>>Its really a funny post, but I could barely understand it.>>

Its really? What is a really, and where can I get one? Or was that supposed to be "It's" (It is)?

Also, you forgot to ask if his (or her) blood is Type O.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop.

[Just think, you really *could* earn enough for that jockstrap by July. You just have to win every week from now until then. But please remember, MitchRK came up with the "yeah" reply. It's over, it's not going to win anything for anybody else. Whatever you do, *don't* make it the next "emag modnar eht."]