Marijuana. (MooGeneric)

--

Walrus-looking cop. (MooGeneric)

--

I personally like the Vanilla Ice music. (MooGeneric)

--

Dunno if elementary schools still check students for lice, but I know junior highs still check students for scoliosis. You're welcome. (MooGeneric)

--

Random hooligans! (MooGeneric)

--

I'm a mailman, I dont get mad I go postal (Zman fm MI)

--

Ever wonder why old people don't brush their teeth? (GoodBhavyr)

--

I will jank you and jank you hard... (Pwall79)

--

Hey guys... In New Hampshire, there was a guy running for governor or something...and his name was Dick Swett.... And he lost by 1% of the vote too. I bet people voted for him because of his really cool name. I would have if I lived in New Hampshire. (CurlyAnnT)

--

Hey..there's a guy walking by my house right now...and he's really cute...gotta go! (CurlyAnnT)

--

I drive a HUGE van. (BadOmen79)

--

I mean really big, a 353 big block Dodge Ram Van. (don't know what that means, but it sounds impressive) (BadOmen79)
They are definitely impressive...as I found out when I backed into and decapitated the door off a 1979 Aries K Chrysler car not too long ago...not a single scratch on the van

--

No, wait. There's a story to go with this van... (BadOmen79)

--

I was in the drive-thru to KFC, ordering their Honey BBQ wings (yummy), and I find out that they've replaced the window with the VITTLEVEYOR. (BadOmen79)

--

The VITTLEVEYOR is a little elevator for your food, similar to the pneumatic tubes at the drive-thru. (BadOmen79)

--

You put your money in the cup, press a button, and the elevator disappears. A couple minutes later it comes back down with your food and change. (BadOmen79)
Whoa, I'm kinda' surprised they're aren't any Vittleveyors in fast food places near where I live...

--

Guess they had too many drive-bys. (BadOmen79)

--

Anyway, they put the VITTLEVEYOR really close to the ground, to aid people in their little sub-compact cars. (BadOmen79)

--

Nice thought, but not too helpful if you drive a 353 big-block Dodge Ram van. (BadOmen79)

--

I had to lean out of the window past my waist to put my money in the damn cup. (BadOmen79)

--

And the guys in the car behind me apparently found the sight of a poor girl leaning so far out a window really amusing. (BadOmen79)

--

They rolled down their windows and started laughing at me. (BadOmen79)

--

Embarrassed, I tried to get back into the van, but caught my boob on the lock release and almost fell headfirst out of the window. (BadOmen79)

--

They laughed even harder. (BadOmen79)

--

So I threw my trusty big van into reverse and started backing up. (BadOmen79)

--

They stopped laughing. (BadOmen79)

--

Later, I saw a Dole-Kemp sticker on their bumper and felt truly vindicated. (BadOmen79)
LOLOLOL, Bad...that'll show them!

--

to neutrilize the odor of cat urine pour acid on it. (Shabuda)

--

tater
tomater
alligater
bloviater
masticater
spectater
generater
crater (ELYN42)

--

Hi mOo...ur such a PoO...what would ya dO... if i didnt tell U....?! (Rozey1001)

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ud cry...yep! just like this..waahhHHHhhhhh...ya big baaaaby! (Rozey1001)

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i want a shiny head like mister cleen (SupRMeGgin)

--

i'm going to cry...then you're going to cry and we're all going to cry...i not winning any free hours at HO :( (SupRMeGgin)

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PLASTIC PINK FLAMINGOS AND OTHER TALES OF HORROR (Ntrely)

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alalalalalalalalalalal <---frums sdrawkcab a m'i (SupRMeGgin)
Wouldn't it be great if they created a Smurf cartoon a la an old Star Trek episode where the universes reversed - you could have all the Smurfs knocking each other off to try to rub out Papa Smurf, and they're symbol could be a sword through Gargamel's head (of course, those who don't watch Trek or who hate Trek won't have any clue what I'm talking about...)

--

YAY!!! now i can put the random game on my favoritist places list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (SupRMeGgin)

--

littl bunnie foo foo hoppin threw the forrest scoopin up da feeeld mise an boppin em on da hed (SupRMeGgin)

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itz all dat otkum baced edukasion krap...dats y i cuch a gud speelr (SupRMeGgin)

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tweedley dee tweedley dum my life is compleete now that i have found my random game once again (SupRMeGgin)

--

hey, what will i complain about not winning when we get unlimited time????? (SupRMeGgin)

--

Flying down a road at 60 miles an hour where it should on;y take 14 pancakes to fill a manhole except today is easter so Jaba the Hut won't be in the flower shop. (Cybogopher)

--

OK, I see it now. I can't believe it was so simple. Anybody should be able to figure it out. There's nothing to it. The answer was there all the time. If it was a snake it would have bit you. It's amazing something can be so obvious and yet so hard to see. (Croaker34)

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escape into the wild abyss, she says huh ? he says a blank look is all he gets then a yawn hold on mabey a tickle will get me a little nope a slap what a smile a giggle i might just get lucky a kissssssssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssssssss
see yyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(Ntrely)

--

I could respond to this oddball contest, but I think I'll discipline my primate or throttle my domestic fowl instead. Just forget I was here. Thanks. (Bucktil4d)
Throttling your domestic fowl has been found to by the Surgeon General to help lower your blood pressure...oh, wait, Clinton doesn't have a Surgeon General....hmmmm...

--

Wouldn't it be funny if Wyle E. Coyote actually caught the Roadrunner one day and eviscerated him right in front of millions of unsuspecting kids? I'll bet you would see alot more psychiatrists driving Rolls Royces. (Bucktil4d)
Yes, those money-grubbing Warner Bros. folks sure know how to extend a cash cow! Dammit, in the very first cartoons, the Coyote should have roasted the Roadrunner, Sylvester should have thrusted Tweety down his throat not to mention Speedy Gonzalez, and Elmer Fudd should have blown off Bugs Bunny's bunnyeyes out with his shotgun. With the way the WB Network is going, however, you just wonder how the WB people DIDN'T screw up on their cartoons...LOL

--

EXTRA! Ross Perot got 538 electoral votes his comment," I couldn't of did with out those pigs flying last night." (DHoward595)

--

PePe La Pu his stench makes you faint or gives you a flew stinky old pepe la pu. if you were like him you would get hit i dont give a shit (JDick66)

--

I really wish I could make more sense when I speak. Lately i have been running off a constant stream of conscious and no one really understands me. Today, for instance, I was in the dark room for photography and some one asked me where the Squeegees were and to this I replied: "never pack apples in plastic bags, I forgot my housekey, why are the trees red and yellow, i still haven't turned back the clock." Of course I knew what I was talking about, but the person just kinda looked at me weird and left. I guess its just been one of those weeks. Sorry to bother you all with my pointless babbling, but don't you think this example exemplifies randomness?? no? Fine! I didn't want to be your friend anyway. (SMAC48)

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While sitting in the hall
I saw a roach on the wall
with no @!*#*
ain't that a bitch (DanChoate)

--

Huey Lewis still has a full head of hair. (MooGeneric)
Is it real...or is it spray-on...Enquiring minds want to know...

--

Nothing like a good, old Bobbitt joke, so here goes (stop me if you've heard this one)....THE BOBBITT HILLBILLIES! (BadOmen79)

--

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts. (BadOmen79)

--

Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub. (BadOmen79)

--

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence. (BadOmen79)

--

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long.
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Even seam. Straight stream. (BadOmen79)

--

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case Closed. (BadOmen79)

--

Y'all sleep on your stomacks now, ya hear? (BadOmen79)

--

Greeeeeeeen Acres is the place for me,
Fa-arm living is the life to lead
~I just prefer a penthouse view,
Darlin' I love you but gimme Park Avenue!!! (ELYN42)

--

As you all know...computer viruses run rampantly....so I thought I'd help you all out by warning you of some that could have detrimental affects:
BOBBITT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it.
OPRAH VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old the file is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first seek a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It's will be back!
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Their is sumthing rong wit ur kompuder, ewe jus cant figyour out watt!
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half, blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your program stops every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow & lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Subtracts money from your Quicken account or other money program you may have and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases on Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Sorry, if this was too long, but I would not have slept tonight, knowing I had not warned all of you on these impending viruses! My purpose on Earth has been served! (Pretti 0ne)
How about the Pretti 0ne VIRUS - no matter what contest entry you edit, the Pretti 0ne VIRUS puts in at least one or two great entries in - LOL, Pretti :)

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You know what I think a neat trick would be to play on someone to see if they are a good friend? While they are at your house, visiting, pretend to die. Not too dramatic or they might not fall for it...just sorta look at them with a perplexed expression and just kinda slump over in the chair. If you feel really motivated, you could fall to the floor, but be careful, you could really hurt yourself. Anyway, so your sitting or laying there "dead". See how long it takes for them to respond. Sure their initial reaction will be of shock, but I think it may surprise you, how many of your friends really don't care. It's also really cool to see if they start snooping around your personal belongings. Like if they get up and they starting looking through your drawers...sneak up and stand right behind them and yell "see anything interesting?" But be prepared to duck, cause they will probably swing at you or something. Of course, you could ruin a perfectly good friendship this way, especially if they respond by calling 911. Try explaining to the authorities that it was just a joke! You could probably persuade the cops to let you go, but that all depends on their mood. Although, most will admit that they see "this kind of thing" all the time. Yeah, SURE they do!! Like it wasn't your OWN original idea. Geez, sometimes you just don't get the credit you deserve. (Pretti 0ne)

--

I know Halloween has passed, but I heard this joke. I thought it was hilarious, but then again...thats ME we are talking about...anyway, here it goes...
What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet!

TADA!!!!
(Pretti 0ne)

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what (Andy9257)

--

Q: How do you know when you don't live in reality and you have no life outside of AOL? A: Your Buddy-Lists are longer than your Christmas card Lists, and your address book pu together (Darcymom)
Or how about, you send your friends christmas card e-mails bought at the newly opened up AOL Hallmark E-mail Card shop...

--

!!sruoh eerf dnes esaelp (Edna8me)

--

(to be read in cheesey poetry-reader-voice)
And the sun and earth crash. Oh try no will the but sun can't. No, could not it earth the power have until. Alas, no more can sun be not but now to earth the sun not go. Yes. (Edna8me)

--

this sucks turkey doinky (WakcyKKLO)
But I already throttled my backyard fowl already, just like Bucktil4D mentioned above...those turkey doinkys are buried along side the rooster combs now...

--

What is the definition of an insominiac, dysslexic, agnostic ?
Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog! (Kk3430)

--

my toenails are dry, I can live again!!!! (Eebie2)

--

P to da I to da M to da P (Pwall79)

--

oooohhh DOC it hurts when i pee (Ntrely)

--

what is this? (KK VEG)

--

Arousal Gap-Where yuppies shop for kink:) (Mz Hoffa)

--

Have you ever wondered why grass is green? Me neither... (AltControl)

--

If Calvin and Hobbes were back in the daily comics section, the world would be a hell of a lot easier to take. (Croaker34)
Agreed, Croaker, totally agreed...

--

i really wont the free hour for doing nothing (MzzLili)
Only on AOL - type a few keys on a keyboard, win a free hour. What more could you ask?

--

(_!_) butt I really need some more free hrs before they are all free... (WolfieOne1)
Well, to paraphrase the Dockers commercials - "Nice Butt!" ;)

--

Circles and circles and circles and circles and circles and circles and diaxxianess.....whhy?!!? I coulda had a Calvin Klein add, now I'm off the heroin. I hate the new Nesan commercials; that old guy scares me. . . my brain and I just don't get along anymore........... (EKJ128)

--

I love the fishes cuz they're so delicious... (ArrowsDeja)

--

How many of you think Bob Dole needs to take Remedial English?
(BIG SKY553)

--

Hurray, Hurray
It's the first of May
Outdoor f**king starts today (KurdtCb773)
Hmmmm...trying convincing those who live out near the Great Lakes area that it's the first of May and that it's allright for outdoor f**king (why do I think of that movie A Christmas Story when the kid gets dared to stick his tongue on an ice-cold electrical pole...except it ain't the tongue that's gonna' get stuck here LOL)

--

Bob Dole is a very, very old man (MrJasperJr)

--

He's older than my Grandmother (MrJasperJr)

--

My mother said he is very old, but she calls him elderly (MrJasperJr)

--

He lost because he will die very soon and it would be sad if the President died (MrJasperJr)

--

Bill Clinton won't die soon, unless he is killed by a Russian (MrJasperJr)

--

JFK was killed, but no one is very sure who killed him (MrJasperJr)

--

when JFK died my grandfather cried, he said it was the saddest day of his life (MrJasperJr)

--

But then my grandmother died and I asked him, "Is this the knew saddest day of your life?" (MrJasperJr)

--

And he said "yes it is" (in the last one, I meant new) (MrJasperJr)

--

Rich Kotite is a dick
Him and his Jets make me sick
Seems like noone can help the Jets
Now N.Y.'s got two losers: the Jets and the Mets
I live in New York home of the f*gs
Thank god the Yanks won or out come the bags (Insane10)
And to think - this is probably a mild complaint compared to some of the others the Jets get at their home office these days...

--

Is there life on other planets? (JSho9950)

--

Random...
Game...
Uh, what? Um, wanna here a joke?

This guy walks into a bar. He picks up a telephone and says "hello, I smell like cheese". The man on the other end says, "no you don't, your mom smells like chicken".
Ha Ha! Gee that was funny. FORTY9erss. Is my name. Chat. Chat. Pick up shovel. 912310984. Random. (Forty9erss)

--

"Damn-all terrifying, I'd call it," McCoy said. (Sevores)

--

No I don't want to marry you! (HO Dingy)
You didn't give those virtual flowers to Hazieblue down below, did ya?

--

OK WHAT EVER (Sulpy)

--

I tried that oracle trick, but my teacher was Gallagher... (ChrisIzzo)

--

I drank a whole bottle of Nyquill once, that ruled, I dreamed in Dolby Surround Sound. It was a nice effect. I awoke 37 hours later. (ChrisIzzo)
The last time I did that, I turned on my stereo and it sounded perfect...once the Nyquil had worn out, I realized that the Surround button had been on the whole time

--

I'll be here a while, I have about 40+ free hours to waste, heh heh heh... (ChrisIzzo)

--

I am back to answer your questions about life. (ChrisIzzo)

--

I know that the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator door. I live in there. I should know. Next question! (ChrisIzzo)

--

Like what kind of prizes??? (GT Blooz)

--

What am I supposed to do? (JVespoli)

--

HI (THEO 71)

--

Hey, aren't virtual flowers lotsa fun? (Hazieblue)
Along with the virtual diamond ring and virtual prenup agreement, you can't go wrong...LOL

--

Did it ever occur to you that I might WANT a ferret on my head? (Hazieblue)
I can see it now, the new fashion trend of the early 2000's - small furry rodent hats (gerbils, hamsters, guinea pigs, ferrets, weasels - you name it, all the Paris designers have it...)

--

the last time i walked down the tree calender, i fell spit into a smile, it was so green i couldn't far away go. where is phil anyway, nobody can elepant fart - or is it just my peg board telling me to umbrella german goat grime. call me a speaker of the cowboy envelope, but i am totally a paper clip lover, what can i say? i drink puse lemonade out of my glove compartment, doesn't everybody? my turkey stamper, judy jetson, trees everywhere, even at 2:47 in the doorway. that is mega degree super stair. print me a dream marshmallow. and copy not a single cat only candelobras. aint that a greedy word to even udder, basketballs eat pancakes and golf balls are square, what is mars bars gonna even beware. november is a gripy diaper. and i have to sell flower television = why?? i got worm prints all over my scanner. but you think that that is white, let me glove a banish. i have new socks on!! meow panda time yummy boogers....i hate to change my lense tylenol, but it markers.so call me a porch torch don't be a schmark lark adcya (DAISEYoooo)

--

Roses are red, violets are blue, please shut the toilet lid when you are through. (Edna8me)

--

My shoe hurts. (MooGeneric)

--

New, por favor. (MooGeneric)

--

that's cool (Spike1919)

--