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Want a good insult? Just put the name of any animal after "butt". for instance, "Buttsloth" or "buttarmadillo" or even "buttdolphin"- Why? Just why? Heckler X (HECKLER X)



Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the
volume properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complementary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal
Machine Music".

Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.


only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/
OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up",
and repeat.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
"real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that
you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers'
brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr
Rogers theme song.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being
first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that
people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it,
announcing the results.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal
Howard Cossell voice.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.



There once was a farmer who lived by a crick
And every morning he'd play with his....

Banjo by the moonlight for the lady next door
And you could tell just by looking that she was a......

Pretty young lady who rolled in the grass
And when she rolled over, you could see her bare.....

Feet. She looked like a horse and she walked like a duck.
She promised the farmer and new way to....

Raise the family, teach the girls how to knit
While the boys in the backyard were shoveling.....

Dirt for the flowers which were doing quite well
And if you don't like my story you can go straight to....

Sleep. (DRS1123)


There once was a girl who was in a click,
And every five minutes, she'd play with her.....

Etch a sketch, cuz in her pocket it fits,
And when she was done, she would play with her.....

Watch because at the hour, it would change really fast,
When she went to the principle, she'd show him her....

Really cool pencil that she bought at the store,
And she'd tell him about how she was a...

Vegetarian who would only eat duck,
And every so often, she liked a nice....

Shower, but once she slipped and she fell,
And if you don't like my story, you can go straight to

Sleep. (DRS1123)


Persephone pecks pomegranates poring over pornos. Satin7 Satin Seven sweetly sends stories so she spends a free hour online....o.k. so I puckered out towards the end. Satin7 (Satin7)