Okay, I play something called da random game on AOL. I won a couple
times, so i thought I might share some of those times with ya all.
Note: It's REALLY late now, so there's gonna be a lotta weird stuff
on this page. Another Note: Things in ( and ) mean that's da
previous post, and da other part NOT in () is a reply. Thank
yaaaa. And fer those who wanta play, yer outta luck, as da RG was killed on AOL and is now wandering nomadically like some large woollen beast.
(Yo, disclaimer or somethin. If yer offended by profanity, pagan sacrifices,
numerous sexual references, obscenities, necrophilism, and gratuituos
meaningless violence, don't read on, wuss. Hey, I warned ya. Besides,
most of it is funny. Really. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!)
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
I notcie when i spell something wrong on purpose, people think it's a
typo, and that just ruins my whole life.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
I brought my stuffed cat ta school one day. People kept hugging it.
Then when I got home I found human head hair on it. I then thought
"People are shedding on my cat." I then realized something else.
"That's something ya don't hear everyday."
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
The Random Game is like a high speed computer which was kicked down
the stairs several times, painted black, and then sold as a toaster.
Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
I never shop in Target, cause I think that would be too logical a
place to drop the nuke.
Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: TyleredOne
As Thanksgiving rolls around, I'd like to remind everyone that it's
much easier to pluck a turkey if you kill it first.
Subject: Re: Random, Schmandom
From: Mikey30413
What do I think about the Random Game? Its like a huge mansion with
a lot of secret rooms and passageways, with dark mysterious residents
who never come in contact with one another. And the only
communication is by leaving notes attached to the fridge.
Subject: Re: hello
From: MitchRK
(ashjdlflliea-w0dbfjd;sa;sfgbfdu)
I think I rode in his cab once.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Snow is lots of fun. especially when yer going 20 miles an hour and
ya knock some lady into a window.ahhh.....too bad it never snows
where i am....i can only dream....and use ice instead...
Subject: Re: Carc's Thoughts on Random Subjects
From: Carcazoid
Idaho: Where Mr. Potato Head hangs his hat. And arms. And nose...
Subject: Re: kat's eye
From: The Kat 4u
ever have your parents walk in, while you were having sex with
someone? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with
your self? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with
you dog? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with
the thanksgiving turkey? no. well then, i guess i have you all beat!
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
If I grabbed a pedestrian, put a bomb on his head, and parachuted
him into enemy territory, with only a pistol, with a conspious
warning about da bomb, i would be laughing SOOOO hard.....
Subject: Re: Monopoly
From: PTSNIPES
(MissAimee
anyone know any good ferret recipes?)
I do. It's called jam the ferret up Miss Aimee's rectum. Want it?
Subject: Re: Snipesville
From: Jlbkwrm
(This kid came to my door on Halloween dressed as a pez dispenser. He
is currently reconsidering his decision after I snapped his head
back and ripped out his throat.)
Yeah, yeah, poor kid. Whatever. Thre important question is what flavor
was he?
Subject: Re: Uphie's Threads -n- Needles
From: U Phamism
[Time:12:47 EST]
I think I'll throw myself a surprise party in about 2 minutes...I
hope I can keep it a secret from myself.
Subject: Re: Uphie's Threads
-n- Needles
From: U Phamism
[Time: 12:50 EST]
Oh! Myself just did the sweetest thing! I threw me a surpise party!
Wow, I wonder how I kept it a secret from me.
Subject: Re: The Random Game: The TV Series
From: RavenWord7
"Well, this is just great," Hack said. "We're bound to a contract that
is forcing us to make outrageous changes to our original idea--"
"Hey, what do you mean, 'make the women hotter'?!" Rav interrupted
indignantly. "I'M PLENTY HOT ALREADY, BIATCH!"
"Rav, settle down..."
"NO! YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?! COME AND GET IT, FATASS!"
And so Rav and the head network exec did battle, and Rav did
bitchslap the head exec into a coma. The other network people
whimpered and ran into the executive washroom, locking the door
behind them.
"Rav, that was... frightening. You've got some serious issues..."
Erik began.
"Okay, now that those people are out of here, let's do something
about this contract," Katie said. She looked at the document on the
desk in front of them. "Hmm..."
Just then, the Taco Bell Chihuahua snatched the contract in its tiny
jaws and bolted out the door of the office.
"HEY!" Rio shouted. "Come back here! We need that contract to get our
show on the air!"
Rio began to chase the little dog down the hallway. Then she tripped
over a plant and sprawled onto the floor.
"Owww..."
"Is there something wrong, Miss?" a voice asked. Rio looked up, and
the was Dave Matthews with the chihuahua in his arms, standing there
beside her.
"AIEE!" Rio screeched. "I LOVE YOU ILOVEYOUILOVEYOU!"
So Rio and Dave had sex in an elevator.
"That's all well and good for them," Kos said, "But our contract was
destroyed in that bout of steamy lovemaking. NOW what're we going to
do?"
"Yo quiero Taco Bell," said the chihuahua, and it began to chew on
Hack's leg.
"Ya know, the dog has a point," said Krissy.
"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too... maybe something interesting will
happen at the closest, most convenient Taco Bell location." Katie
said.
"OH DEAR GOD IT'S EATING MY FLESH--" Hack cried.
"Awww... does wittle puppy-wuppy want to come to Mommy?" Rav asked
the dog. She picked it up and carried it as the little group exited
the building and went off in search of Mexican food.
Tune in next time, same Rav-time, same Rav-channel.
Subject: Re: back by lack of popular demand
From: AutoKaotik
those little elastic
hair ties make lethal projectiles. I bet I could take out my dog's
left eye from 20 feet away. And I bet she wouldn't even notice.
Dumb dog.
Subject: Re: My CHILD-ish thread...
From: RavenWord7
(Brad: Youknow? I really HATE it when you have one of those really
slow moving farts that tickles your butt when it comes out...)
Bumpp, your family sounds a lot like mine...
Dad: So, if you don't lean to the side when you fart, man, it's
*really* loud, and would probably cause enough vibrations to knock
down those ceiling tiles...
Bro: Dude!
Me: I bet none of my *normal* friends are talking about farts over
dinner...
Dad: Okay, so let's talk about diarrhea.
Subject: Re: Runaway Grandma
From: Chacro
Eyyo, so i was all like chasin a mouse around in my home yesterday.
I saw the bastard scurry across the hall and I was all sayin "What
the hell? How the hell did you get in here?" And then the mouse sorta
saw me and was like "EEEEEE" and so I chased the thing down the hall
and like in and out of rooms and stuff. I was all goin "Man, these
things are fast!" And he was all like "EEEEEEEEE." So that
pissed me off. So I got some gloves and a box and I was gonna like
catch it or something. So I was all like "Yeah, I'm gonna get you
now you damn mouse." And he realized I was back or something and he
all goes "EEE EEEEEEEEEEE" and stuff. A letter that's like, overused
in the english language. So I chased him for awhile and almost had
him, but then he ran down into the basement where half the bulbs are
burnt out because I'm all lazy and stuff. So I
was all like, "Damn, I gotta find a flashlight" well then the mouse
goes "E" and it pissed me off again, because the single 'E' made it
hard to distinguish the timbre of the sound and stuff. So I found
the damn flashlight and went down there and was sayin "Yo mouse, I'm
gonna find you!" and then he got scared and was like
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" which was pretty annoying because the pitch was
not properly established. I finally found the rat bastard and
was all like "Take that!" and I smashed it with the flashlight.
Then, he was all like "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
But there's no endquote because I killed the bastard. SPAGHETTIOS!
Subject: Re: Runaway Grandma
From: Chacro
Band Teacher: My daddy is the greatest trumpet player in the world.
I learned everything from him.
Me: OHHHHHH REALLY MY DADDY IS THE GRRRRRRRRRREEAAAAATEST TWUMPET
PWAYA IN DA WOORLD I AM SO HAPPY. YIPPITY SKIPPY!
Band Teacher: Well kids, I have to go change a contact, this thing
is bugging me...
Me: OOHHHHHH I HAB TO CHANGE A CONTAT CUZ I'M A FILTHY BITCH AND CAN
NO TEACH GOOD! AWWWWWW
(much later)
Band Teacher: Sorry, that took longer than expected, my eyes are
stubborn.
Me: OOOOOOHHH MY EYES AW STUBBOWN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO OOONOOOOOO
AWWW
Band Teacher: That's quite enough from you, you're distracting the
class.
Me: OOOHHH UH OH YOU AW DISTWACTING DA CLASS WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH
YOU? AWW MY DADDY IS THE GREAAAAAAAAAATEST TWUMPET PLAYER IN THE
WOOOOOORLD.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: ZYX
JasonG2ot: hey, are u bi or bi curious at all?
ZYX: No. But would you like to stay for some cookies, anyway?
JasonG2ot: huh?
ZYX: No, I'm not bi or bi curious. Would you like some cookies instead?
JasonG2ot: cookies are good
ZYX: Damn straight.
I just realized how ironic my last statement was....
Subject: Re: back by lack of popular demand
From: AutoKaotik
As I was driving home I was hit by a sudden
realization. It was a pretty big one, too. I need a new fender.
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
I've always wished that I could have Carmen Sandiego's travel agent.
That agent must be expensive. One minute Carmen's in Romania and
next thing you know, you hear her talking about South African hats.
Subject: Re: The Emerald City
From: Ozma22
Ozma22: I'm a little teapot.
AutoKaotik: short and stout...
Ozma22: Here is my handle...
AutoKaotik: kinky
Ozma22: ...now shove it up your ass.
Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From: DrSalina
DrSalina: BASTARD
person: BITCH
DrSalina: SKANK
person: YOU LEAVE MY MOTHER OUT OF THIS!
DrSalina: FINE!
person: GREAT!
DrSalina: OKAY!
person: PERFECT!
DrSalina: GODDAMN YOU!
person: TO HELL WITH YOU!
DrSalina: SCREW YOU!
person: UP YOURS!
DrSalina: F[edited] OFF!
person: Uh....no? NO!
DrSalina: YES!
person: PERHAPS!
DrSalina: PFFFT!
person: HRMPH!
DrSalina: ::bursts into tears:: I'm calling my
mother!
person: Want me to get her? I mean she's right
here.
DrSalina: ::gasp:: That's it! I'm calling YOUR
mother!
person: NO!
DrSalina: YES!
person: She has a weak heart!
DrSalina: SHE DESERVES TO KNOW!
person: YOU'LL KILL HER! YOU HEAR ME!?!? YOU'LL
KILL HER!
DrSalina: So WHAT?!
DrSalina: Hah! Can't think of anything, can you?
person: I WAS WATCHING TV!
DrSalina: LIAR!
person: Okay...it was a porno. It was on TV though!
VCR has got to run through something!
DrSalina: You chose a porno... over my mother?
person: Actually, it was the one we made last night.
We have such a loving relationship.
--Sal
one of these days I
WILL call his mother.
THEN he'll be sorry.
Subject: Re: back by lack of popular demand
From: AutoKaotik
If I was Pope, I'd have the Vatican turned into a
theme park. There'd be games like Bop The Bishop and a ride called
"The Road To Hell." And fried dough communion wafers.
Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From: Puterweeny
Ever try to add granulated sugar to a glass of cold iced tea?
3 hours of stirring later you still have unsweetened tea with a
pile of sugar in the bottom of the glass. (Vert)
mmmmm that's the best part
Puter ~ ::boing boing boing::
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: RavenWord7
I think the girl with the gym locker next to mine is a lesbian.
To test this, I now complete each class with a slow strip-tease. So
far, no results. Except I think the chick on the other side of me
wants to kick my ass.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: RavenWord7
(Hey, I have a better idea. LET'S PRETEND WE'RE BETTER THAN OTHERS.
I'll be Professor Plum.)
(Please. Do it in the kitchen with the hollowed out pipe.)
My friend has a teacher who likes to take out a piece of lead pipe
in class, wave it at people, and say, "IT WAS MISTER MCDONALD IN THE
CLASSROOM WITH THE LEAD PIPE! AAAHHHHH!"
He also took his class out to get donuts one time. Damn, I wish I
had his class.
Subject: Re: Post New Message
From: Carcazoid
Out of sheer boredom, I dropped in on the Hecklers Hangout tonight.
I met a charming little monkey called BoBo...
Carcazoid: Hello, Monkey boy...
BoBo1187: do you like to spend yur time thinkin about me?
Carcazoid: No, I like to spend my time making money, but the banks
are closed. This will have to do for now.
BoBo1187: Have i made u fall in love?
BoBo1187: you honkey bitches do like to stay around after gettin
slaaped the f&*% up in reality huh? LOL
BoBo1187: OK leave now...i have things to do...
Carcazoid: Why? Are you lonely? I can't believe that such an
attractive personality as yourself hasn't snagged some really hot lover...
BoBo1187: it is attractive huh? to bad i had to attract a whore like
you
Carcazoid: Sorry. I'm bored, and you're the evening's entertainment.
BoBo1187: OK bye
BoBo1187: i dont wanna give you wut you want
Carcazoid: What is it that I want?
Carcazoid: And why can't you spell?
Carcazoid: Punctuation would be nice, as well.
BoBo1187: you damn honkey...
Carcazoid: Chulo.
BoBo1187: BYE f@$#% Redneck
BoBo1187: ??i dont want yur damn compliments
Carcazoid: Sheesh...if you're going to curse me, at least do better
than that.
Carcazoid: I've been called worse than that today.
BoBo1187: Doesnt that tell you something? SHUT UP and bye little
whore
Carcazoid: Having trouble with a snappy comeback?
Carcazoid: I'm waiting...
Carcazoid: Drawing a blank?
BoBo1187: Shut up i dont talk to whores like u u f#$% Bitch
BoBo1187: besides you can't handle this thug's love!!..LOL
Carcazoid: Aw, come on. You were so witty in the Hangout. Zing one at me.
Carcazoid: Throw me a heater.
BoBo1187: Shut up u Honker I dont wanna talk i have othersw to talk 2 u bitch
Carcazoid: I have a confession...
BoBo1187: wut?
Carcazoid: SMILE! YOU'RE ON ABSURD IMs!
BoBo1187: ok bye you honkey
Carcazoid: You'll have to do better than that if you want to be famous...
BoBo1187: if i were a honkey i would be excited...so please leave me alone
Carcazoid: Why? It didn't bother you to muck up a chat room.
BoBo1187: biaaatch
BoBo1187: my womans here now..Later
Carcazoid: Besides, I'm having fun. You wouldn't want to deprive an old honky
of a little entertainment, would you?
And with that, the moron was gone.
Mission accomplished.
Hello. I'm Jay, and I'm an Air-aholic.
It started small...a little oxygen here and there absorbed from
amniotic fluid...but then I was born, and it went downhill from
there...
Now I can't stop breathing for more than a minute without turning
blue and passing out from withdrawl.
Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From:DrSalina
Of all the places to have the big religion argument, my mom picks
the drive-thru of Burger King...
Mom: "So, what do y'all want?"
Me: "I'll take a double cheeseburger combo..."
Mom: "It's a friday during Lent. No meat."
Me: "I'm not fargin' Catholic."
Mom: ::chokes:: "YOU'RE NOT WHAT?!"
Order Guy: "Would you like to try one of our combos?"
Mom: "Butt out!"
Me: "Hey, leave him alone!"
Order Guy: "Umm..."
Mom: "I SAID BUTT OUT!"
Me: "HE'S TRYING TO TAKE YOUR FRICKIN' ORDER!"
Order Guy: "Uh... uh... ladies..."
Mom: "She wants the fish."
Me: "I SO DO NOT WANT THE FISH!"
Mom: "WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE MEAT!"
Me: "So help me, I'll get out of the car..."
Mom: ::grumbles:: "She wants the double cheeseburger combo."
Me: "With a diet coke."
Mom: "Don't push it, young lady."
Me: "Eat my EucherASSt!"
Mom: "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GROUNDED!"
Order Guy: "Erm... would you like fries with that?"
Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From: DrSalina
Friendperson: I wish I wasn't sick.
DrSalina: I wish I wasn't sick, tool
Friendperson: Excuse me??
DrSalina: er, too
Later on in the conv.:
Friendperson: I think you're a little head though.
DrSalina: I have a big head, thank you very much
Friendperson: Ahead... I meant ahead
I hate Sundays.
Subject: Re: The Random Game: The TV Series
From: Sonofspahm
(This starting to sound like a cross between TRG and Resident Evil.
But the acting is better in this. Needless to say, I'm riveted. I'd
like to see the next episode have Pia get a rocket launcher and then
the other two can get attcked by zombies nad they have to fight them
off with the lunchmeat...ohhh nevermind. Continue.)
That would kick arse..
"Pia, take this 'lock pick', maybe YOU, 'the Master of Unlocking'
could use it.."
"What IS this?... What? What is this?... WHAT? IS this?"
"Pia, huh huh, don't scare me like that"
"I'm going to find out what caused Nyello's death; it looks like he
was killed by crows, or something"
"that was too close, you were almost a Pibble sandwich!"
Yep.... the possibilities are endless...
Subject: Re: The Random Game: The TV Series
From: Conade
(...landing their foot directly on the lock,breaking it off with ease)
Their foot or the lock?
Subject: Re: The Random Game: The TV Series
From: RiottAngel
Hack turned around to see a big-ass desk. The large chair behind it
had its back to the desk, facing a large panoramic window.
"Uh, yes... uh...sssir?" Hack stuttered. The wholechair-facing-away
thing was creeping him out. He noticed that the lighting in this
corner of CRE was really dark and spooky. The other members of
Hack's writing team noticed Hack standing in a dark, spookily lit
corner and ran over to see what was going on.
"What's this all about?" asked Krissy.
Hack had somewhat regained his composure, and was about to speak
when Rio knocked him to the floor.
"Oh," sorry Hack. I was trying to pry Rav away from Nyello, then
she knocked me over."
Screams were heard coming from elsewhere in CRE. "Forget Teá!!!
I'm the one for you!!" Then, a door slammed, and Nyello was seen
running out onto the street, his clothing torn to shreds.
Rav staggered over and collapsed onto the big-ass desk. This
reminded everyone that there was still that spooky dude back there.
"Hack," Stotan said nervously, "who is this?"
"I think I know," said Sarah. "It's--"
Just then, the lights in CRE went off. In the distance, Zorn shrieked.
Krissy said calmly, "Okay, who just groped my ass?" and Stot snickered.
The lights came up as suddenly as they had gone off. "This is
getting ridiculous," said Rio. She pulled Rav off the big-ass
desk. Rav came to for a moment, mumbled something about David
Duchovny, and went back out, drooling a pezzy drool onto the floor.
Then, Rio walked around to the other side of the big-ass desk and
spun the chair around. Everyone gasped.
Sitting on one arm of the chair was a gray cat. Poised above the
cat as if frozen in the act of petting it was a disembodied metallic
arm with a spiked bracelet. The source of the creepy voice was a
speaker embedded in the chair's upholstery.
Sarah said, "It's like that dude, and that cat from..."
"Inspector Gadget?" supplied Krissy.
"Yeah," said Sarah. "That's it! What was that dude's name? The
scary one... you always just saw his arm..."
They pondered over this for a while, but their ruminations were
interrupted by static coming from the chair's speaker.
"Psssffssshhht... Tssshpfft."
Rav woke up suddenly, and tilted her head. "It says the cat holds
the key."
Everyone looked at one another, wondering what was going on. Rio
spoke up. "Rav's got a metal plate in her head. Probably allowed
her to decrypt that message, or something."
Just then, Far ran up with a pencil in his hand. Before anyone
could stop him, he shoved it up the cat's ass. Everyone started
yelling at him, because he had destroyed their only clue. Ashamed
(but still on the cat-raping rush) Far pulled the pencil out.
White stuffing fell onto the chair. "It's a fake!" exclaimed Hack.
"Duh!" exclaimed everyone else.
They all turned away from the big-ass desk, very disappointed,
figuring it was a joke, but Rio stopped them. "Guys, if Rav was
right about what the static said, the cat is still important. We've
got to figure out how!"
Everyone else turned back to the big-ass desk saying stuff like, "Oh
yeah."
They started looking around and under the cat, checking its collar,
looking for a message hidden somewhere. Stot was sifting through the
stuffing that had fallen out of the cat's ass. "Hey!" he said.
"There's paper in here! Maybe there's a note up the cat's ass!" Rav
reached over and tore the stuffed cat open. Sure enough, inside was
a note, with three letters printed on it. They were...
[I now leave this to whoever the hell is next.]
H TY ZYX OZMA BUMPP VERTIGO DAFT CARC NYELLO CAIE USA RUGGY KAT CHRIS TANSA MR O BOB HOMYRRH CORT CRZY PIA KHALETH FAR MEPHISTO SDL MITCH IJIJI PHISH CONADE ZARLA AIMEE SAL SOUP DANTE SNIPES ATANI KOS GOO ZORNOG KELLER INSANE RAV CHACRO RATTY STOTAN KRISSY INTEGRAL/PAUL/AMY/REPEATR LEIGER FISHY RIO SUZ AUTO kZINTI WAKY KRAZY CRITTA FAIRY HACK LNDON SOPHI SOWILO CZERA SHNYPENNY MAGI MWW BLOODGUILT JUAN BABYLAMMS CURLYANNT DAWN ALEXIS BEANER ARROWSDEJA BRIAN PROY YAK TOCA JLBKWRM LAVORIS FRGPUFF