Subject: Re: Sal's Caprice.
From: DrSalina
It Came Upon a Midnight Bar
A Random Game Production.
Chriskolak, our hero, tries out his moves in a bar one night.
Chriskolak: ::slurp::
SoupEater: Oh, yeah, touch it right there.
Chriskolak: O.k. then, your place? say 'round 11
SoupEater: I'm not gay, I'm just hungry.
CortJstr: but I can dislocate my shoulder at will!
SoupEater: Does that work?
CortJstr: of course
SoupEater: Woohoo!!!
SoupEater: I have He-man teeth.
Chriskolak: ::sacrifices a goat::
Chriskolak: Sorry, the OTHER thing I do to releave stress
SoupEater: Nah...
Second time's the charm, right?
Chriskolak: So, wanna make love till we end up collapsing in a sweety pile?
Dante303: ::looks::
Dante303: Oh...damn...think fast, dante...
Dante303: How about HO Murray?
HODarkfont: Oh, thanks.
SGood42: even though he shiot himself a few years back hi is still in good working order
Chriskolak: I have morals you know
CortJstr: well, I guess you're not that impressive then
Dante303: Da hee hee...
CortJstr: I'm always up for a good orgy
Another hit and miss for Chris. Turning to the bartender, he says...
Chriskolak: I'm still waiting to get laid you know
Conade: With a bung?
Chriskolak: It works
CortJstr: it doesn't work
CortJstr: don't be gross
Conade: Rats.
Conade: No, I suppose corks work better that rats..
CortJstr: don't make me poke you w/ sticks
Conade: Oh, you love it.
CortJstr: you must be lots of fun at parties
CortJstr: even more so at orgies
Cort won't leave him ALONE! What is up with this guy?
Chriskolak: LLAMA!
Zornog: What does that CONSIST of?
CortJstr: aw shit
CortJstr: it's horrid
Zornog: YOU'RE MAKING ME ALL FRUSTRATED!
Mr Onliner: It makes me wanna ROLL AN' MOAN!
CortJstr: it makes me want to kill
CortJstr: could you just puncture my eardrums or something?
Chriskolak: I was going to but the add said 18 or older
Mr Onliner: What a boring sex life.
RiottAngel: but i love yours!!
Krazyk242: and I rule them all
Lavoris49: Whoa. No wonder I was screwing up so much yesterday.
Farheim: S'because yer a bleedin' idiot
Krazyk242: O IS MY BITCH!
Lavoris49: Liar.
Krazyk242: you so crazy
Lavoris49: Dink.
Krazyk242: bitch
MephistoM: SHUT UP!
Mr Onliner: You want your ass beat, clown?
Krazyk242: yo mama
Mr Onliner: You're weird. Weird lil' bitch.
Krazyk242: aww
Mr Onliner: I'll give you something to pout about!
Krazyk242: yeah, that gerbil was pretty worried
Mr Onliner: Damn kids.
Dante303: ::sheepish grin::
Krazyk242: ba ba black sheep. have you any methenamines?
Mr Onliner: Now that's just silly
Farheim: Dellsional?
RavenWord7: Who?
Krazyk242: Katerine Hepburn! She's behind everyone!
RavenWord7: Yep.
Krazyk242: i thought i smelled something burning
Krazyk242: you ass f[edited]d Katherine Hepburn!!!!!!!!
RavenWord7: ::cries:: it's true, it's true..
Krazyk242: of you horrid, horrid, evil temptress of the golden actors of yesteryear!
Conade: Yeah! How'd you know?
Krazyk242: oh. just checking.
About to leave, Chris thinks he's failed when...
ZYX: Hey, can I borrow your penis?
Chriskolak: ::offers ozmas::
ZYX: Ummmmm.....she's not online, and I need it really badly.
Chriskolak: oh dang
Chriskolak: ok
Chriskolak: Only if you get the whipped cream
ZYX: YAY!
RavenWord7: Uh... be gentle?
RavenWord7: And avoid the shower, for God's sake.
Integral46: This is it...
Odaeyss: uh.. ::panics::
Dante303: ::G-string explodes::
Looks like he finally got laid... or did he?
MephistoM: ::awkward silence::
MephistoM: You got laid?
Chriskolak: yep
MephistoM: and?
CortJstr: you lie!
CortJstr: but just in case you aren't, are there pictures?
Chriskolak: LLAMA!
CortJstr: ew, that's not what I meant
MephistoM: sorry. that was gratuitous.
Zornog: Ew
Krazyk242: bigot
Zornog: I'm totally secure in my sexuality
Farheim: I have a nice ass, don't you agree?
Zornog: Yep
Farheim: I have a god
Farheim: His name is FARHEIM
Farheim: FARHEIM
Farheim: FARHEIM
Farheim: AAAAAAAND FARHEIM
Zornog: You thought things out, didn't you?
Farheim: Eat me.
Zornog: YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT
!
Farheim: WHATEVER
Zornog: BEEEETCH
Zornog: I'll just take this, then
Farheim: Hey, that ass gets me women
Farheim: GIVE IT BACK
Zornog: no
Krazyk242: whore
Dante303: Hey...CDeVillon is on...maybe the other half of her brain has finally kicked in.
Krazyk242: where?
Zornog: Hey, cool
RavenWord7: YAY!
Mr Onliner: bye bye
Krazyk242: ta
RavenWord7: Byebye.
Lavoris49: Nid.
Zornog: Buh-BYE
Farheim: WHORES
A story with a happy ending! ... or is it?
Chriskolak: Sal... I'm STILL waiting to get laid
Subject: Re: Ratty's *Dryer o' Love*
From: Moloko462
So I was sewing after I read the board today...and I couldn't get
the name "Thready McBobbin" outta my head....you people have
seriosuly affected me...
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: BrianJ718
(Note to self: Make the clock stop looking at me.) (Zorn)
Punch it in the face.
Just Brian
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: RavenWord7
(Zornog: My penis says hello
Farheim: That was good
Farheim: I don't want to say hello back, tho
Zornog: HEEELLLOOO FARHEEEM
Zornog: THIS IS ZORNOG'S PENIS TYPINGGG!
Farheim: Eww
Zornog: I WANT TO BEEE YOUR FRIEEENDD!
Farheim: Syfic's being a bitch again...
Zornog: BWEEE THE PENIS SAYS
Farheim: Syfic is a pain in the ASS
Zornog: PEEEEENNNNIIIISSS
Farheim: ASSSSS
Zornog: THAT'S WHERE YOU WANT MEEE, FARHEEM
Farheim: You're making me laugh rather hard
Zornog: ONE PENIS IN THE BUTT IS WORTH
TWO IN THE ORAL CAVITY!
Zornog: THAT'S WHAT MOMMA ALWAYS SAID!
Farheim: LMAO!!!
Zornog: MOMMA THE 'GINA
Zornog: My penis loves to type
Farheim: He's a good typer
Zornog: He's quick
Farheim: I can't believe I'm talking to your
penis...
Zornog: He wants to say hi again
Farheim: Do you abuse him? Sexually?
Zornog: As much as possible
Farheim: If my lungs collapse from laughter, I'm
blaming your penis
Zornog: That's ok, he loves the attention.
Farheim: He may have to "appear" in court
Zornog: BWEEE, I GOT OUTTA JOSH'S PANTS SO I COULD
SAY HI TO YOU AGAIN!
Farheim: But I'd be dead.
Zornog: SOMETIMES I LIKE TO BE PETTED, IF YOU GET
MY DRIFT
Farheim: By your mother, I assume
Zornog: My penis is a little slow
Farheim: You're stroking it, aren't you?
Zornog: not yet
Zornog: AHEEHEEHEE
Farheim: Do we have to continue talking about
your penis?
Zornog: No. Lets talk about yours
Farheim: MY PENIS SAYS KOO KOO KACHOO!
Zornog: Sounds like he's sneezing
Farheim: =====D Oo:=| OH NO! THE CHEF IS GIVING ME
A BLOWJOB!
Zornog: Oh now that's sick
Farheim: How can that be sick? You're the one who
started talking about penises.
Zornog: Oh, but it is)
SEE? SEE? YOU ALL THOUGHT I WAS
CRAZY WHEN I SAID I REMEMBERED THE TIME ZORN'S PENIS WAS TALKING!
Woooo it's not good to read old FarH posts for long periods of time.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: Silver3309
(DO YOU LIKE AMERICAN MUSIC? I LIKE AMERICAN MUSIC.
AAAAAAMMMMMERRRRICAAAAAAN MUUUUUUSSIIIIICCCCC)
This made me laugh simply because I imagined Farheim prancing through
a flowery field yelling it at the top of his lungs...naked...except
for a little pink ribbon around his neck....and a cowboy hat...
Mmm...
Subject: Re: Temporary Insanity
From: InsaneInOR
I got this call to day at work:
Mr. Customer: I need to cut down a tree in my yard.
Me: OK, so you need a chainsaw?
Mr. Customer: No, I want one of those hand thingies. With the real sharp end.
Me: You mean an axe?
Mr. Customer: Yeah, but with a motor on it.
They let these people breed. How sad...
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
Me: "I feel lousy."
Adam: "Just remember. No matter how down you're feeling, somewhere
out there a clown is laughing."
Me: "I hate clowns."
Adam: "Oh. Well, then somewhere out there, a clown is dying."
Me: "My Uncle Jack was a clown, you insensitive bastard!"
Adam: "WELL I BET HE'S LAUGHING IN HIS GRAVE."
He was right...it cheered me up.
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
What? What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is SATURDAY?
Goodbye, I'm going out to play...
IN TRAFFIC.
- Shel Silverstein, the blue period.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
MadMazurk: Don't complain about having to
sit to pee...I got two words for you...multiple orgasms.
PsykoFish: MENSTRUATION.
MadMazurk: Ya got me.
MadMazurk: Wait, no...
MadMazurk: All you have to get sex is say
to a guy, "I'm horny".
MadMazurk: A guy has to buy dinner and do
all this other crap.
MadMazurk: And you still don't get any.
PsykoFish: 9 months of pregnancy and the
feeling that you're shitting a watermelon.
MadMazurk: Ah, fuck it.
PsykoFish: I win.
Score: us - 1, them - 0.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
(Our school had a giant roll of paper they cleverly called a "card"
that we were supposed to sign at lunch to send to those poor people
at Littleton. I don't know what's more sad; the shooting itself, or
the aaftermath of dumbass people who think they can sympathize with
those kids. Sheesh. It makes me as mad as a HOT DOG.)
Amen. I'm not the only person on this planet with no soul.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
BSKBBEW:
From: Astronia
I brought all my stuff from Ceramics taday. Naturally Magi insulted
them.
(Next time, I'll stick da scorin tool
right up his nose!)
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: VERTIlGO
"So, do you think you'll take the bet?"
"Yes, I lick my own armpits frequently!"
"WHAT?!"
"uhmm ..you didn't say "do you like the taste of sweat".. did you?"
ACTUAL CONVERSATION PEOPLE.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: CloeABear
(Everyone else, go post, I'll respond and mock you and drive you to
homicide. Then we can laugh.)
Teehee...
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: Farheim
As much as popular opinion and polls have shown that lewd sexual
jokes and bestiality are rather amusing, the fact is, they get
tiresome.
Which is why Farheim Industries, in conjunction with
We'llBurnTheDamnRainforestAndThere'sNotADamnThingYouCanDoAboutIt
Incorporated, is presenting a new, Kindler Gentler Farheim.
What improvements has been made over the old Farheim? Take a look!
-All new name, to promote morality and family values: Closeheim
[it was the best damn thing we could think of]
-No more incestual and beastialitic sex! From now on, good,
hard-working, All-American Whores!
-All lewd jokes relating to genitalia and various squishy body parts
have now been changed, and profanity is non-existent. Example: "So I
was walking down the street, mindin' my own business, and there was
Jim, the good natured minister! And he was all like, "HEEYYYY DUDE, I
GOTS SOME ROSARIES!" And I was like "DUUUDE! ROSARIES! I THINK I'LL
GO SPREAD HAPPINESS ALL OVER THE WORLD!"
-Even Smiggy, the dead stick figure, has recieved changes! See for
yourself!
O+< "I love to read the bible."
So, you see, the New Farheim is suitable for all ages!
Farheim Inc cannot be held
responsible if Farheim breaks free of his morality bondage and starts
drive-by humping the population of New Brunswick.
Farheim Inc is also silent partners with the Christian Coalition and
Dirty, Dirty Republic Gun Nuts.
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: TyleredOne
it's .. uhmmm sometime areound 11:15...
do you know where your mother is?(Vert)
I sure do...she's sitting on my bookshelf....which reminds me,I
really need to dust.
Subject: Re: Dante's Inferno Revisited Revisited
From: Dante303
Gee, if you add "on a stick" to anything, it makes it sound that much
better.
SEX ON A STICK!
See?
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
I had a nice pair of breasts. Then I broke up with her.
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
Three snowmen jumped me the other day and tried to stick twigs down
my shirt and a carrot up my nose all while yelling, "Let's see how
you like it, buddy!"
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: RavenWord7
Me: Do you ever have a day where you lose faith in the entire human
race?
Guy: WHOA! I just bounced the ball off that dude's crotch! Dude...
uh... he's kind of big... tell him you did it, okay? I don't want my
ass kicked.
Me: Stop proving my point, or your crotch is next.
Guy: Bitch. ::leaves::
Subject: Re: Ratty's *Dryer o' Love*
From: Khaleth
(Rookie. My record is 54. I stay up 36 hours straight a few times
a month, usually.
(ok. How many of you that know me just knew I'd have to say
something here?
Better question: how many of you actually know me that well?))
Someone once told me that if you're awake for 96
hours straight then you're no longer legally responsible for your
actions. I think I'm going to try that.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: Farheim
Yanno, Made for TV Movie Titles ain't so hard to think up. After all,
look at "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" and "To Honor, Serve,
and Betray." It's all a bunch of family value motherisms turned
around into something evil.
I have come up with my own, I have.
"Early To Bed, Early to DIE"
"Eat Your Vegetables Then DIE"
"If All Your Friends Jumped Off A Cliff, And You Jumped Off Too, You
Would Certainly DIE"
"Home Is Where The DEATH Is"
"Hush Little Baby, Don't Say A Word, Lest You DIE"
And so on, and so forth.
Subject: Re: Chris's little thoughts
From: Chriskolak
"The good news is your wife is fine"
"What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that was top secret, we're going to have to kill you
now"
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
An apple a day keeps the doctor away if you have good aim.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
A conversation betwen me and Magi. I was trying to confuse him.
Ast: What's 5 and 2 and eggs?
magi: uhhh...uhhh....(five minutes pass)
Ast: come on!
Magi: 7?
Ast: no. 5+2+eggs doofus.
Magi: that's what i said! 7 eggs!
These conversations happen commonely. I don't make them happen.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
I love having strange conversations. One went like this.
Ast: if I wasn't such a pessismist, i would probably be happy
Nightemarr(my friend WOW): is da glass half full or half empty?
Nightemarr: or do ya guzzle it down or fill it up?
Ast: it won't matter when i break it.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Magi: it is time. Time ta KILL YA!
Ast: Again?
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Ast: Who took my pistachios?
Magi: Sheena.
Ast: Nuts.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
My cat actually said this ta me.
"I'm mad. I'm mad because ya exist. And I'm gonna STAY mad. And
nothing ya ever do will change that, because I'm a cat.Now get me
some cat food."
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Bricky broke a window. They think I did it on purpose. Those losers.
I mean, it is my house.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
(necrophillia. I think Phillia means somethng like friend in latin.
No wait.....fillia means girl in latin. Does that mean i'm a dead girl
? I better stop syaing that in public....)
(Let me ask you something.. have people been looking at you strange...
er than normal lately?)
yes indeedly dubidably do. I thin It hasta do with my high sugar
content.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
isn't it strange when ya talk about shredding a fly, no one gets
upset, but when ya talk about shredding a kitten, eveyone yells at
ya? and if yer shredding a cantaloupe, everyone thinks yer nuts?
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Sigh...life is so depressing. ya eat a gummy bear, and it flies from
between yer teeth inta someone's eye. Life is so depressing...
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Ya know, in one game, a mouse with a skull fer a head said "Come
closer Rosella....closer...." Freaked me out. I did get closer. then
da weird stuff started ta happen.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
ya know that philosophy? that people in glass houses should always
wear clothes? Well, I don't agree with that, ya know? cause i mean,
if ya don't like seeing them naked, ya don't look. I mean, that's da
reason tehy bought da house in da first place, ya know? Ta be
graphically explicit and pretend not ta notice?
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
I love ta shuffle cards. I love ta deal cards. Why can't people just
accept tht card flew in their face? I mean, I enjoy shuffling and
dealing. Cards SHOULD be going everywhere.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
ya know, in da mornings, sometimes when ya rub yer eyes they REALLY
REALLY hurt, because someone shoved sharp pokey things in em. I SAID
I was sorry Magi! Jeez!
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
I was slamming my head into a table shouting "TOO MUCH SUGAR! I HAD
TOO MUCH SUGAR! SUGGARRR!" When I realized i hadn't EATEN any sugar.
It was a very odd day.
Subject: Re: MAgiAlex1's magic tricks!
From: MagiAlex1
I pity da fume dat makes me gag
:) Be Happy or I will Hit you with a chair
Subject: Re: MAgiAlex1's magic tricks!
From: MagiAlex1
That's my Ronald
Little girl: (playing the piano): "This is hard."
Backround singers: "Who's that clown wearing big red shoes?"
Little girl: "That's my Ronald!"
Backround singers: "Who always knows fun things to do? That's my
Ronald. He knows the wackiest ways to play, he puts a
smile in every day, that's my Ronald, my one-and-only Ronald, that's
my Ronald Mcdonald"
Little girl: "(giggle,giggle,giggle)"
:) Be Happy or I will Hit you with a chair
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
Oh, before I go... I just wanna post the two funniest things I've
EVER read on the Random Game...
1)Subj: A little story i wrote
From: Tocadisco
Well i didn't actually write it (just enhanced it like the new Star
Wars Movie):
The administrator of Hecklers Online's Random Game is believed to
have recently gone insane, according to reports. Not to mention,
I'm a freakin duck....quack quack quack....hey, is that cocoa?
The mysterious figure known only as "that Random
guy,"<--------------(THOUGHT HO MYRRH WAS A CHICK??? WHAT GIVES)
has not been seen or heard to emerge from the Random Office for
some three weeks. Repeated attempts by THE Hecklers Staff to
contact the Random Administrator through use of the intercom,
inter-office e-mail, bicycle messaging services, and simply knocking
have proved fruitless. WE TRIED TO LICK OURSELVES, BUT THAT'S JUST
TOO DARN GROSS.
"PERHAPS HE'S IN THERE STROKING HIS MONKEY," SAID DARKFONT. "OR
STROKING MY MONKEY. OR MAYBE I'M STROKING HIS?? WHO KNOWS?? I
APPARENTLY AM NOT THE ADMINISTRATOR OR MAYBE I AM. I LOVE TOCADISCO."
"I always knew something like this would happen!" says WG Scott,
chain-smoking nervously. "Did I tell you? We NEVER should have
brought in that guy!"<-------------(GUY???!!! Darkfont got a sex
change?? I no longer want to make sweet love to her if that is the
case.)
According to Hecklers Staff, TOCADISCO HAS A GREAT BUTT and the
Administrator had gotten into a pattern of "just showing up for
work, going straight back to his office, and closing the door behind
him/her all day."
"WE SHOULD HAVE HIRED TOCADISCO. HE COULD FIX THINGS, HE'S GOOD
LIKE THAT. MESSAGE BOARD, WHAT A HORRIBLE SYSTEM. COCOA ANYONE?"
says columnist Owen "my name ain't Jerome" Fulrice. "I like to
write columns. I'm cool like that. COOLIO."
"We first noticed something was up when the Random Game regulars
began complaining," says HO "Don't speak to me, i'm busy" Chicago.
"That made us REALLY sit up and take notice. I mean, the Random
Gamers SOMETIMES complained before this, but we would spank them
till they understood....RANDOM IS GERMAN FOR WE WILL KILL YOUR MOTHER!
But then again, i never listen to them anyhow. I'm very not
sociable. Kind of like a banana, you can eat it but
don't expect it to talk to you."
A random sampling of the posts on the Random Game Message board
verify Chicago's comments:
"The new format SUCKS," says one gamer. "And so do all of you
(except Tocadisco of course, he rules) EVERYONE BUT TOCA
SUCKSUCKSUCKSUCKSUCK!"
From Random Gamer Charon66: "I THINK EVERYTHING AND ALL OF YOU
SUCK. I'M OFF TO CHEW MY FINGA....SSSSSSSSSSSSSASSSSSSSSSSY"
"It's sheer madness! Bring back the FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNk BRING BACK
DA MUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCC" says URion23.
"I hope you all understand i never bath," said another, signing his
comment with an intricate ASCII drawing of a middle finger raised at
the reader.
Surprisingly, no elephants died in the occurence.
Hecklers Executives are not going to like to read this post, ehhh???
ehhhhh???
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS
"We're thinking of breaking down the door," says Wise Guy Sean. "But
to be honest, that's a big door, and Tocadisco is god. I like when
he heckled me. He's cool like that. I can't wait to go home and
listen to Snoop Doggy Dog, he be the mutha in my crib, see?. And,
let's face it - i'm not as cool as Toca. My butt ain't as purty."
Housed in a small basement office previously used as a Whore
house, the Random Game office has always been very much removed from
the bustling activity of the main thoroughfare of Hecklers cubicles.
COCOA ANYONE???
"This is HO Chicago's area," says WG Scott. "To be honest, I don't
even go into that part of the building anymore. Because i'm afraid
he'll eat me. Arrrrf Arrrrrf Arrrrrrrrf, sorry, sometimes i think
me be a dog. Woof?"
Woof is correct, Sean....woof your way to the bank.
"Random Game? I love that Tocadisco....so perfect, yet so firm." says
WG Mike.
When asked when was the last time he'd been in contact with the
Random Game Administrator, HO Chicago admits that it has been weeks.
And then added that he is always in contact with himself, if you
know what i mean.
"He goes around pretending he's a female. I mean the fake boobs were
scary enough, but now he tries to make mad love to me.," he says,
shaking his head sadly. "I kinda like it too."
The game has always been at the forefront of controversy, flaunting
it's "no-rules, blank slate" format since NO RULES ALLOW THIS
jflefjsfjewpfkewpfk;efkepfkpekf';oekfel;joihwafoiwejflakwjflsfjw;alfj
w;elkfjwel;fkjwalekjfwlafwethe beginning. Rigid game formalists have
long protested its inclusion in the roster of other, more sensible
Heckler Games.
"It infuriates chess players in particular," says Chicago. "They want
order, and a formal system of rules - not chaos. We don't have that
in the Random game. They prefer the work of Tocadisco. And man,
what a great butt toca has."
Talking to Hecklers Staff reveals that the Random Game Administrator
has always been the "office mystery." Pretending to be a female.
"Sure, Toca has a great butt," says WG Sean. "Long, stringy hair.
Then Darren steps in to and whispers in his ear. "Sorry, that was
Chicago," corrects Sean. "Yeah, Toca has the nice butt."
"One time I'm almost positive I heard the bleating of an animal as I
was passing by his office," reveals WG Scott. "And when I hear that
kind of thing, I just turn around and walk the other way. I don't
want to get involved. Well maybe i am just curious at times."
What tipped the scales towards a probable slide in the Random
Administrator's mental stability is the recent change of the game
over to a message-board format, away from a more traditional
daily-article style.
"I've always said Random means Felix Unger," says Darren. "But i
ain't no fungus Roger. I ain't no fungus.
POOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPs."
__________________________________
Toca K. Disco
"Too lazy to change underwear, i'll just change my signature instead"
2)Subj: Mr O's IM Etiquette
From: Mr Onliner
As someone who gets a lot of IMs, I must say it's about time that we
make some rules to make these conversations better. These rules will
not only be easy to follow, but they can also be fun for the whole
family!
Rule 1. ALWAYS CHECK YOUR SPELLING!
When you're chatting through IMs, you have plenty of time to worry
about your spelling and puntcuation. Don't cut any corners, or
madness could ensue.
Example:
Mr Onliner: So how's your sister doing?
ExampleGuy: Ah, she's giving me major head.
Mr Onliner: WHAT?
ExampleGuy: Oops! I mean she's giving major payne head!
Mr Onliner: Uh...
ExampleGuy: Dammit! I meant to say, she's giving me major head pains!
ExampleGuy: Hello?
Rule 2. Don't answer questions til they're asked.
This is a really annoying occurance that happens all too often, and
can drive you crazy. If not fixed, it can destroy a perfectly good
conversation.
Example:
ExampleGuy: I'm doing alright.
Mr Onliner: How you doing?
ExampleGuy: That was weird!
Mr Onliner: Was that weird or what?
ExampleGuy: Stop what?
Mr Onliner: Stop that!
ExampleGuy: Oh, I won't do it anymore.
Mr Onliner: Answering me before I ask.
ExampleGuy: No, don't go!
Mr Onliner: I'm leaving!
ExampleGuy: Screw you too, pal!
Mr Onliner: Screw you!
Rule 3. Don't give too much information.
Sometimes you may feel that you need to tell your IM buddy personal
information. If you feel you must, at least wait until you know them
better, or you could scare your buddy away.
Example:
Mr Onliner: BRB
Mr Onliner: Okay, had to go take a leak.
ExampleGuy: I have tiny genitals.
Mr Onliner: Uh...
ExampleGuy: I think it has something to do with my masturbating
constantly.
Mr Onliner: I...um...
ExampleGuy: I haven't seen a female in 2 years.
Mr Onliner: I gotta go...do something...
ExampleGuy: That's okay. I was just about to go shoot up a post
office.
Mr Onliner: You take care of yourself...
ExampleGuy: I'm gonna kill my mom.
Rule 4. Don't get your IMs mixed up.
Sometimes you have to carry on mulitple IM conversations at once. If
doing so, always make sure that you don't get the writing fields
mixed up, or people could get hurt.
Example:
Mr Onliner: I've been having a really bad year.
Mr Onliner: My fiancee broke up with me.
Mr Onliner: My dad died from a liver disease.
Mr Onliner: Still there, ExampleGuy?
ExampleGuy: Yeah, I just had to answer another IM. Go on.
Mr Onliner: And then I got kicked out of school.
Mr Onliner: I lost my job at McDonald's.
Mr Onliner: Our family had to file for bankruptcy.
ExampleGuy: Yeah, the guy's still here. He's a real loser, telling me
a big sob story. He got dumped by his ugly-ass fiancee, his drunk dad
kicked the bucket, he got kicked outta school, fired by friggin'
MCDONALD'S, and on top of it couldn't even support his family! I
wish he'd just go away, but what am I supposed to do?
ExampleGuy: Oops! Wrong IM! Boy is my face red! Heh heh...
Rule 5. Try and be interesting.
The worst thing you can do is be boring and hard to respond to. If
you can't think of anything interesting to say, at least try to make
good responses.
Example:
Mr Onliner: So what's up, ExampleGuy?
ExampleGuy: Nothin.
Mr Onliner: Doin' anything today?
ExampleGuy: No.
Mr Onliner: I'm thinking about robbing a bank. I don't care about laws
anymore. You think I should?
ExampleGuy: Yeah.
Mr Onliner: I might commit suicide. I mean, my wife's a nude model,
but all she wants is sexsexsex! What would you do?
ExampleGuy: Don't know.
Mr Onliner: I did some research and found out where you live. I'm
gonna come to your house and cut your friggin head off. You like that?
ExampleGuy: No.
Mr Onliner: I'm coming for you, you little sonofabitch!
ExampleGuy: Ok.
Mr Onliner: YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! DIE!
ExampleGuy: Yeah.
Rule 6. Cybersex
Alot of people like to have "cybersex". This activity is perfectly
harmless, but if you break the mood it can turn out disastrous. Not
that I would have cybersex...heh heh...that, that's just pathetic...
heh heh...
Example:
Mr Onliner: I'm taking off your clothes.
ExampleGal: Ooh, you're turning me on...
Mr Onliner: I'm slipping off your bra...
ExampleGal: I'm taking off my panties...
Mr Onliner: I'm pulling down my pants...
ExampleGal: BRB
Mr Onliner: Wait, we were...
ExampleGal: Okay, had to go poop. I've got explosive diarrhea.
Mr Onliner: Um...
ExampleGal: I can feel you rubbing my back...
Mr Onliner: Maybe we should do something else...
ExampleGal: Oooh, I want you to lick me all over...
Mr Onliner: I don't feel so good.
ExampleGal: TAKE ME NOW!
Mr Onliner: I gotta go do some stuff...
I hope you've all learned from these 6 simple rules. And just remember
, if you feel like you need to IM me and thank me, always follow
Mr O's IM Etiquette. Thank you and goodnight.
Good God I bet this post'll be huge...
Subject: Mr Onliner tries to help
From: Mr Onliner
I knew the second I heard the name, this girl had a problem, and it
was up to me to help the less fortunate:
Mr Onliner: Do you like dogs?
BSKBBEW: uh yeah
Mr Onliner: Cause they'll eat you if you look at 'em funny.
You hear that, Sparky?
BSKBBEW: huh?
Mr Onliner: You catch my drift, there, BSK?
Mr Onliner: You seein' what I'm gettin at?
BSKBBEW: uh no
Mr Onliner: Listen to me you kid. You tell me "I can't hang with
your jive, man, your part of the fuzzzzzz" Well I got a tip for you, girl.
BSKBBEW: sure uh huh whatever
Mr Onliner: I used to think like you "Look at me...sitting on the top
of the world...got gum in my pocket and my hopes and dreams..."
Well one Chiuaua can change your life forever!
BSKBBEW: uh, who are you and what are you talking about?
Mr Onliner: Who am I? I'm a bastard out of Carolina...and I've got two dogs...
BSKBBEW: and?
Mr Onliner: And I'm gonna warn you something joyboy before you take that
long walk off a short peir...you stay off the drugs, you hear?
Mr Onliner: Maybe after you put down the doobie there you can respond..
.or maybe you're just to high on the crack cocaine
Mr Onliner: Are you on ecstacy? Hmm? The date rape drug?
ARE YOU TAKING THE DATE RAPE DRUG?!?!
BSKBBEW: Who are you?
Mr Onliner: I'm BatGirl.
BSKBBEW: ha ha ha
Mr Onliner: You scoff at me? You test the power of Alicia
Silverstone? Well you must be CRAZY! I mean, talk about
LIVING ON THE EDGE! This is just AMAZING!
BSKBBEW: where did you get my screen name?
Mr Onliner: The batcave. We've got a truckload down there.
BSKBBEW: what do you want?
Mr Onliner: I want you to listen to me...
Mr Onliner: Are you listening?
Mr Onliner: Look at me...look me in the eyes right here...
BSKBBEW: who are you? what do you want?
I don't even know you
Mr Onliner: Pay attention...
Mr Onliner: You listenin? Hmmm?
BSKBBEW: yeah sure
Mr Onliner: Bridget, I want you to put down the crackpipe...
BSKBBEW: WHO IN THE WORLD ARE YOU!!!!!
Mr Onliner: Damn you, Bridget, that's not the point I'm trying to make!
BSKBBEW: WELL I WANT TO KNOW!!!
BSKBBEW: How Old are you? what is your name? what do
you want?
Mr Onliner: I told you already...I'm Poison Ivy, Gotham City's most
feared and beautiful villain
Mr Onliner: And I need you to listen to what I'm saying...
Mr Onliner: Mr. Freeze wants you dead. I'm not threatening you,
I just don't want to see you hurt, ya hear?
BSKBBEW: uh. you need to lay of the movies 4 a wile
Mr Onliner: Whats a wile? Is it a "drug" thing? A type of bong?
Mr Onliner: Damn you, Bridget, get your head out of the gutter!
BSKBBEW: leave me alone
Mr Onliner: Oh sure! Leave you alone so you can drink yourself to an
early grave!
BSKBBEW: I'm only 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr Onliner: You know when I had my first drink, Bridget? DO YOU?
BSKBBEW: NO!!!
BSKBBEW: WHO ARE YOU?
Mr Onliner: I was 2 years old. Stole myself a six-pack, drove out back,
and knocked down the whole thing. Ain't been right since.
Mr Onliner: It ain't too late for you, Bridget
BSKBBEW: who are you? what do you want? how do you know
me? where did you get my screen name? and why are you bothering
me?
Mr Onliner: Okay here's the truth...
Mr Onliner: Are you listening?
BSKBBEW: nothing about gotham city
Mr Onliner: Are you catching my drift?
Mr Onliner: Eyes on me, Bridget, Daddy Onliner's got the floor...
Mr Onliner: I'm a hitman. There's a contract out on your life.
BSKBBEW: Leave me alone now,
Mr Onliner: What are you going to do? Hit me? Pop a cap in me and go get
wasted? Bridget, I don't want to see this happening again. Not to you...
BSKBBEW: leave me alone
Mr Onliner: Fine. You want to go huff the paint thinner, don't let me get in
your way! I'm such a drag! Can't "keep up with you"!
BSKBBEW: Who in the world are you!!!!
BSKBBEW: leave me alone
Mr Onliner: I was sent by Conade. She said you needed help.
Mr Onliner: Bridget, don't hide from your FEELINGS!
Mr Onliner: Are you drunk again?
BSKBBEW: Listen 2 me
Mr Onliner: There are 12 steps in my program, Bridget.
BSKBBEW: why are you bothering me?
BSKBBEW: I know you are like Conade's friend, she just told you I was her
friend, Not to BoThEr me!!!!
Mr Onliner: Step one is admitting you have a problem...
BSKBBEW: ok that would be you
Mr Onliner: Say it Bridget: "I, BSKBBEW, have a problem with alcohol
and/or drug abuse"
Mr Onliner: The truth will set you free.
Mr Onliner: This is going nowhere
Mr Onliner: Okay...you can leave...but tomorrow when you wake up,
you're still going to be a junkie.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
><))*> Inc. is proud to present:
Really Long Thing That You Probably Won't Read and I'm Hoping
Includes Everyone, Even Though it Probably Won't!
So sit back and enjoy the RLTTYPWRIHIEEVPW!
Our story begins one swelteringly hot night in Club Random. Bob is
prancing around, shirtless, showing off his nipples to anyone who wants
to see. As some sort of turn-on, he rubs his bare nipples against a
potted plant in the corner of the room.
Ratty: Dood, that makes it even hotter in here. ::licks Bob::
Rav: Dood!
Rio: RATTY WANNABE!
Bob: Tell me what you want, what you really, really want!
Ratty: Dood, he's singing Spice Girls!
Rav: Put him out of his misery!
Bob: Ggggshsgsgaaagghahaaahh!
The three LauRioRatty sisters kill Bob. Little do they know Bob carried
in him the dreadful Teenyboppermusicbola virus. The carrier, upon
hearing any trigger words begins to sing teeny-bopper music...uncontrollably.
Ratty, Rio and Rav leave Club Random to dispose of Bob's body.
Only about five seconds later, Goo, Dante, Ty, Far, Zarla, Carc and
Pia shuffle in. Goo slips on a small puddle of congealing blood on the
floor.
Goo: Ack! I think I broke my ankle!
Carc: What else is new?
Pia: Here, let's have sex. It'll make it all better.
Goo: Okay!
Pia: Mmm...
Goo: ...BOP! Yeah yeah! In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm
bop they're not there. In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop
they're not there!
Pia: Goo, darling. Hanson does not become you.
Goo: I will come to you...ohhhhh, I will come to you...
Pia: Umm...on second though, let's not have sex.
Far: Hello! I EXIST!
Dante: Did you hear something?
Zarla: No.
Goo: ...I don't want no scrub...
Ty: Someone kick Goo...let's see if we can get him to sing Aerosmith
instead.
Goo, infected with Teenyboppermusicbola continues to sing, to the
dismay of the rest of the room. Ratty, Rio and Rav re-enter, wiping off
their hands with moist towelettes.
Rav: Hey.
Goo: Hey...hey...Spice up your life!
Ratty: Oh no! Not HIM too!
Dante: What do you mean, "too"?
Carc: too (adverb)
Dante: Kiss my ass, Carc. Can someone PLEASE explain?
Far: Besides, also, as well...
Dante: ARGH!
Zarla: I think Dante means ta say, "What's going on here?"
Rio: We don't know. We were just sitting here, enjoying Bob's nippleness
when he started to sing Spice Girls.
Ty: Well, what did you do?
Rav: We killed him.
Pia: WHAT?!
Far: Good, his penis was too small anyway. All the wimmens pitied
him and it detracted from my sex-getting.
Rio: No, we just don't like you.
Far: BURN IN HELL.
Rio: Bitch!
Goo: I'm a child, I'm a lover...I'm a sinner, I'm a saint...
Zarla: Argghh...what's wrong with him?!
DrSalina: I'm a doctor.
Dante: Sal! When did you get here?
Sal: No time to explain. When did Goo start acting this way?
Pia: After he slipped in this puddle of catsup...
Rav: Oh, whoops. That's not catsup, that's blood. Here, I've got a
moist towelette...let me take care of it.
Sal: Hmm...I think I know what's going on. We've got a tough case
on our hands...
Goo: Are small I know...but they're not yours, they are my own...
Sal: Now I know it for sure! Goo's got...aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Suddenly, Sal falls into the giant plothole she came from. Out of it
come Zorn, Nyello, Meph, ZYX, Ozma, Khaleth, Soup, Chris, Stotan,
Chacro, Kos, Puter and Vert.
Rav: Damn, that was one big plothole!
Zorn: It wasn't as big as it looked. I think Nyello's foot was up my ass
the entire time.
Vert: No, sorry...that was me. You feel asleep and started to snore.
Zorn: Well maybe if someone had shared their COFFEE...
Vert: Don't tread on the sacred ground, Zornog...
Chris: That Dante, I'd do her.
Meph: What about me?
Chris: I said I'd do you.
Dante: No, she's Meph.
Chris: Well then...menage et trois...
Far: Hello?! Sex? Me? Any time now...
Ratty: Dood, we don't have time. Something's wrong with Goo!
Carc: MmmmBop, ba duba dop ba du bop, ba duba dop ba du bop,
ba duba dop...Yeeeeeah yeeeeeeah!
Rio: It's got Carc too!
Carc: Huh? Oh, no...I just thought it was catchy...
Far: Look, there's always time for sex with Farheim.
Khaleth: Enough about the sex!
Kos: Actually...I'd like some.
Stotan: You would.
Kos grabs Rav's moist towelette. She's about to yell, "No, don't!" but
he throws it at Stotan, who ducks. It ends up hitting Soup square on
the nose.
Soup: Son of a bitch!
ZYX: You rang? Whoa, it's Nyello!
Nyello: Uhh...no it's not.
ZYX: Dude, you're standing right there...I see you.
Soup: I feeeeeeel you...that is how I know you...go on...
Rav: Damnit, Kos! Look what you've done!
Kos: What? What'd I do?
Stotan: You threw like a girl...
Kos: I'll kill you!
Ozma: Uh oh...you've made Soup go native...
Chacro: Well, at least he's not pretending to be Tom Green.
Puter: Agh, he licked me!!
Ozma: Soup licked an old lady!
Chacro: There goes that idea...I mean...BWEEEEEEEEEEE.
Khaleth: Hey...wait a second. That isn't Nyello!
Rav: Huh? Then who did I just have sex with?
Far: ARGH. There was sex? I thought there wasn't TIME for sex.
Natty, O, Krissy, Caie, Al, Kat, Paul, Paul, Smasher, Aimee, Killer, Bumpp,
and US enter, looking like they're searching for something.
Nat: Has anyone seen Yak?
Stotan: No.
Khaleth: Yes. He's right here.
Nyello: Damnit. I hate you, Khaleth.
Ozma: Of course! I get it now!
Smasher: What's that?
Ozma: Nyello never comes back when we think he will.
O: That ass.
Caie: Why, thank you.
Goo: ...India...thank you Providence...
Aimee: Oh yeah, like any of you guys are around.
Smasher: I wouldn't talk, AIMEE...
Rio: Has anyone else noticed we've gotten slightly off topic?
Killer: What topic is that, anyway?
Zorn: Kos and Goo won't stop singing crappy songs.
Kat: Oh, is that was it was? I thought we were just listening to VH1.
Bumpp: I think I know what's wrong...Paul, hand me a flashlight.
Paul and Paul: Okay. Hey! Stop that. She meant me!
Soup: ...and I was meant for youuuuuuu...
Paul1: Rot in hell, Rutgers boy!
Paul2: Okay, PAULCRASH, for whom I can think of no witty stereotype.
Paul1: ANYWAY...here's your flashlight, Bumpp.
Krissy: So what's wrong with them?
Bumpp: Huh...what? Oh, I just wanted the flashlight for its batteries.
I'm fresh out.
Al: >:|
US: Your face might freeze like that. But on second thought, it's an
improvement.
Dante: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IN THE NAME OF BOB IS
GOING ON HERE?!
Magi: I do.
Dante: Not you, Zarla.
Magi: Damn.
Puter: I've called in a team of scientists. They should be here any minute
now.
Through the door come Frogger, Auto, Krazy, Crzy, Ruggy, Conade,
Mitch, Cort, Brian, Insane, Dewalt and Snipes, all dressed in white lab
coats.
Auto: We've come to help.
Cort: Yeah, and we brought fried chicken.
Soup: ...you have a drumstick and you're brain stops tickin'...watching
X-Files with no lights on...
Crzy: And pie!
Ruggy: What seems to be the problem?
Rav: Well, in short, Bob began to sing Spice Girls music, so we killed
him, then we came back and Goo was singing crappy music after he
slipped on some of Bob's blood which I cleaned up with a moist towelette,
but then Kos threw the moist towelette at Soup who began to sing
Celine Dion and act like Tom Green, and since then, all hell has broken
loose since there are TOO MANY GODDAMN PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM.
Rav suffocates and dies.
Frogger: Well, that takes care of one of them.
Krazy: You'd think people could remember to breathe while they speak...
Conade: Maybe they've been listening to too much VH1.
Ty: Hey, stop the VH1 bashing! They play Aerosmith!
Mitch: Who touched my breast?!
Far: Enough! From now all, all foreplay and sex will be directed through
me!
Insane: I think he was talking about the chicken.
Far: Oh.
Brian: Hey guys...anyone else have the feeling we're being watched?
Snipes: Actually...now that you mention it...no.
Suddenly, the ceiling light blows, leaving the Randomers in complete
darkness.
Dewalt: Hey, I'm tall...I'll get it!
When the lights come back on, Czera, Daft, ArtKity, Mohawk, Hack,
Juan, Buttmint, Erik, Kiwi, Bartoli, Spahm and Zix are standing in the
room as well. Suddenly, Bartoli and Spahm die...just because.
Chris: Hey, I think Hack's got it too...that song thing!
Hack: No I don't...
Chris: Too late. Kill him!
Czera: Well, that was pointless.
Mohawk: Is Hacksim's death EVER pointless?
Juan: Yes. That's what makes it more fun.
Daft: Hey look...it's Crzy!
Goo: I lie awake...and drive myself craaazy...drive myself craaaazy...
thinking of you...
ArtKity: What in the world is wrong with him?!
Kiwi: I don't know...it's kind of catchy...I mean...uhh...
Buttmint: This is just getting really long and boring now.
Psyko: Go to hell.
Buttmint dies.
Erik: Umm...sometimes I worry...
Goo: Sometimes I cry...sometimes I'm scared of you...but all I really
want it to hold you tight...
Zix: Whoa, what's glowing over there?
Pia: Dear BOB, it's BOB!
Bob: Hi guys.
Ratty and Rio: Umm...hey Bob...sorry about that...killing you thing.
Soup: Killing me softly with his song...killing mee soffftly...
Bob: No problem. I've just assured your places in hell.
ZYX: Do you know what's going on here?
Bob: Sure do. They give you these complete physicals before you
get into heaven. Err...never ever ask, "What are you going to use
that rod for?" God has cold hands.
Ratty: Dood, sick!
Vert: So what's happening?
Bob: Well, Soup and Goo've got Teenyboppermusicbola. I think you
can tell what's happening from the name, their symptoms and THIS
INSANELY LONG TEXT THAT SEEMS TO GO NOWHERE.
Zorn: But how'd it come to CR in the first place?
Nyello: Err, I think I can answer that.
Khaleth: Shut up, Yak.
Yak: But I'm right here.
Kos: Me too.
Goo: Just the two of us...we can make it if we try!
Meph: It's the real Nyello!
Ratty: But...why, Nyello?
Nyello: It wasn't my fault! In the time I took off from TRG, I started
having...a life.
Everyone: Gasp!
Nyello: And I started hanging out with kids my age...and...well I guess
I contracted it from there. When I came back, I realized I wasn't well,
and that's why I left again. I've been hiding in this potted plant in CR
ever since.
Bob: Bastard!
Stotan: Hey, anyone notice something?
Dante: What?
Stotan: Only the guys seem to be affected by this. I mean, Rav was
holding that moist towelette for a while, but she was fine.
A wide grin begins to spread over the face of every female in Club Random.
They each do a quick game of eenie-meenie-mynee-moe in their heads
and, coming to the same conclusion, tie Nyello, Goo, Soup, Far and
Zorn to chairs, wiping Far and Zorn with Rav's old moist towelette.
Far: Aw, crap.
Zorn: THANKS A LOT, STOTAN.
Dante: Ahem...you are...
ZornNick: ...my fire...
GooKevin: The one...desire...
AJSoup: Believe...when I say...
HowieNyello: I want it that way!
FarBrian: Tell me whyy-eeeee...
Rio: Baaaaaahahahahahahaha! I could get used to this...
The End.
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: VERTIlGO
(Speaking of movies like that, guess what I just saw previews for?
Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow.
::DROOLS::)
Ichabob Crane as a new york detective checking out murders? Some
floosey on horseback falling for him? JOHNNY FREAKING DEPP AS
ICHABOD?
when they screw up novels, it annoys me, when they screw up history,
it annoys me even more, but where you SCREW AROUND with Washington
Irving, you just have to DIE.
(if it wasn't based on the story though, it would be cool)
Subject: Re: Tortoise in the road
From: Odaeyss
(I went out with one of my friends and one of her friends who obviously
has self-destructive tendencies. So while she is driving 45 through
25 zones)
:::GASP!::::
that SPEED DEMON! )
::beams:: I've done 75 in a 25, JUST TO SHOW OFF AND HIT
THAT DAMN OLD LADY IN FRONT OF ME woo boy did she feel
that.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: Farheim
So I was walkin' down the street the other day, and this guy, but not
really a guy, you know, the other kind of guy that isn't really a guy but
he's a guy for all intended purposes and all, and he's (metaphorically
speaking of course) like "DUUUUDE! ANAL SEX FOR A QUARTER?"
And I'm all like (in the hyperbole sense of course) "HEY MAN, WE
DON'T SELL WALRUSES DOWN THIS ALLEY. MOVE ALONG."
And that's how nuclear war broke out with Kampuchea.
Or Cambodia. But no one really calls it Cambodia, do they? Damn
right, bitches.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: ZixTheYeti
(Maybe *I* should run for Florida's state bird. ::scratches::)
Well, you certainly have the legs of a bird. Har har har.....whatever.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: RavenWord9
Okay everyone. Well, at least everyone with AOL 4.0. Look at your
buddy list. See the picture at the bottom on the far right, advertising
"buddy chat"? Note the three little people. They all appear to be male,
which is sexist (or they might be bald women), but that's not my concern.
There's a talk-bubble above them, and they all appear to be saying "------",
which to me suggests profanity, but that's not my concern. What *is*
my concern is that the little guy in the middle with the yellow shirt isn't
saying anything. What's up with that? Is he mute? Did he get knocked
cold by that little wrench in the button just to the left of his, and that
dude on the "locate" button is really running for medical assistance?
I think I should email Steve Case about this.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: Khaleth
(Hey Khaleth... does anyone have the ICQ number 666IAMTHEDEVIL?)
No, Rav, you can't have letters in your number. It wouldn't be a number
then.
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: Zornog
(actually, it's kinda sad that any of us respond at all. least back in the
day, there was a tokens to be had...)
JESUS CHRIST KAT! YOU'RE RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL ARE
WE STILL DOING HERE?!
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: MephistoM
See the Fox Mulder action figure shine his flashlight into the darkest
nooks and corners...see the Fox Mulder action figure brandish his
miniature FBI badge with grim authority...see the Fox Mulder action
figure dance across the keyboard... poiiiuuynyutrvreewqrtryiuyuyuyrewr
...see the Dana Scully action figure roll her eyes and call someone
more important on her tiny little cellphone.
Now, fer some old format fun! A long time ago, back when da Random
Game was in da OLD format (Much better!) peeps would simply send
a message, and they're name would be put in Parentheses next ta it.
So here are some from that period. Enjoy! (Zarla)
It was a dark and stromy night. The tension was so thick you could
cut it with a knife, as the rain cut through the air like a knife slices butter.
"I had better make like a tree and leave," the young maiden exclaimed.
Never before had a young lady seen such horror, as the butterfly
struggled through the air, the rain like bullets on its delicate wings.
Yet the young insect thrived in such disaster, the irony was so thick
you could cut it with a knife. He pressed on, when the times looked
bleak and meaningless, he never gave up, never said never again.
He made it to shelter, under a large bamboo tree, and the thoughts
echoed in his cranium, "Somebody stick a fork in me, cause I'm done!"
He stared hard at the sky, as the rain clouds cleared, and the moonlight
pierced his eyes like a needle pricks a finger. The young butterfly
made his way to the shoulder of the young lady, Sara by name, and
nested itself on the white silk blouse, like a bird nests in a tree. "Well
shut my mouth and paint me red!" Sara exclaimed, surprised at the
arrival of her new companion. This noise startled the butterfly; he
shuttered as if he had seen a ghost. "Don't be frightened. I'm not
gonna hurt you," Sara reassured the butterfly. Suddenly an ant
crawled on her foot, inching its way up her pink and yellow shoes.
Sara saw the ant and thought of her father, trapped forever in the
back of her mind. She could not let go of the past, the pain grew to
be too much, and she stepped on the ant, crushing its head and her
memory of her evil father. The memory of that one night, the night of
her one true love crept into her mind as the butterfly fluttered away.
-Dante Ort (Dante Ort)
In Spanish, the word "esposa" means wife. It also means handcuffs.(Biochick1)
Prickly mopy thoughts and I really drunkenly ogle the pecan pie.
My computer comes on and starts to talk to me.
"Your naked telephone will be disgruntled," it says.
"Yes, but can the gallant bug that grows wobble?" I asked.
"Any barn heard their cerebrums with some dung fear my werewolf."
it retorted.
"You jest. Our girls explode drunkenly."
"Don't worry. Your balloons are not senile." the computer said.
"And yet, your lobster under you totally psychotically have flipped you."
it added.
"However, morons that sneeze, swallow." I quoted.
I decided to lay off the pecan pie and get a life. (Dante209)
did you ever notice how noone ever blesses gravity, I mean when
was the last time you got out of bed and said, "god, I'm sure glad
when I jump up i don't fly into the sun in a horrible firey death" think
about it... (RdvarkQuen)
Random Factoid: Those little things on the ends of your shoelaces
are called aglets. How would you like to work in a factory that makes
aglets?? You could walk down the street, point at people's shoelaces
and say: Hey I did that. (SMAC48)
Coolest movie quote in creation: (from Val Kilmer's Real genius)
Mitch: Something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun
god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming
and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No....NO
Chris: Why am I the only person that has that dream? (Terpman)
does anyone know how many licks it actually takes to get to the
center of a tootsie roll pop?and does anyone else get really annoyed
with that stupid mr.owl who bites in at lick 3? does he really think
he's fooling anyone? he's not even fooling that little moron in the
commercial who came up with the stupid question. how does he
expect to fool us? and one more question, why doesn't that kid who
asks the question just do it for himself, i think if he has that much time
on his hands, the he could devote a little bit to doing that? sorry,
these are just the questions that keep me up at night, and i had to
get them off my chest. (Caromiln)
This game should be renamed. Something more along the lines of
'Spontaneous stupidity' would be better. (KenTheLuza)
I only submit things so I can see that warming message, "Your mail
has been sent."
It's another small reminder that I am alive. (CivilWar49)
The day was a gentle cool as the brillant sun shined gently upon the
windswept sand. Ocean waves crashing over the bleached sand
thundered through the air while gulls scurried over the.............
AHHHHHHH, ALIENS ARE ATTACKING MY BRAIN! (Skidmo1)
THE DANGERS OF STUPIDITY
The world is filled with idiots. You, the person that's reading this is
probably reading this. You probably have urges to run around naked
or make a website about moldy cheese. You are the backbone of
our society. If you weren't stupid us smart people wouldn't stand out.
(Me, Albert Einstein, etc.) Stupid people like you make us richer too.
You rob the bank we get the money. How stupid is that? You probably
don't understand after all you are stupid. duh! (MCrawGiant)
The shortest sci fi story ever written: Time ended. Yesterday. (TDodge8353)
A few new answering machine messages:
(Narrator's Voice): There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly
the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom
of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at
incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is
in vain. the bell hath sounded. thou must leave a message.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a
message, and if I don't call back, it's you. (Jeanne2882)
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
I find it wonderfully ironic that after spending close to a week
searching for J.F.K. Jr's body on the bottom of they ocean that when
they finally do find it.....and pull it out of the water....they decide to
bury him at sea.
Hell, if the circumstances surrounding my death involved me crashing
my plane into the ocean I'd be pretty damn pissed in the afterlife to
find out that after fishing my body back out.......they just end up basically
putting me back.
Subject: Re: ZYX
From: ZYX
JuanDEW333: por que = why
JuanDEW333: porque = because
ZYX: Porq Ue!
::makes obscene gesture::
Ta continue, go here.