Bwa ha ha ha ha! Subject: Re: S*P*A*H*M From: Sonofspahm If I didn't get an F on my Geometry final and a D in the class I could have thrown in some more puns.. Sonofspahm: (Marital Status: IN LOVE WITH A ANGLE) You're in love with an ANGLE? Is it acutie? Wutshisnut: but of corse Sonofspahm: is she fat? or would you say she's just a bit obtuse? Wutshisnut: she is skiny Sonofspahm: oh..so she is acute Wutshisnut: and whu do you want to know Wutshisnut: yes Wutshisnut: just wondering Sonofspahm: yeah.. Wutshisnut: ok Sonofspahm: you arent German are you? Wutshisnut: i am part germany why Wutshisnut: are you m/f Wutshisnut: age Sonofspahm: ok.. you're only PART German.. that would explain the misspelling.. Sonofspahm: it's Engel, bud.. Sonofspahm: spell it right Wutshisnut: ok my bad Wutshisnut: what ever Wutshisnut: angle Sonofspahm: I'm right Sonofspahm: can I ask what your GPA is? Wutshisnut: it dont know got kicked out of school Sonofspahm: Oh.. I see.. Kicked out huh.. HARSH, man.. Sonofspahm: how old are you? Wutshisnut: 16 Wutshisnut: why Wutshisnut: my angle says hi Sonofspahm: just wondering, when did they kick you out Sonofspahm: oh, tell her I said something complimentary Wutshisnut: ok i did Sonofspahm: why did they kick you out of school? Wutshisnut: fighting Sonofspahm: wow.. did you kill someone? Wutshisnut: no just got i a lot of fights Sonofspahm: Yeah.. those damn rays and lines think they're hot shit Sonofspahm: I'd like to bisect them once.. just out of nowhere, they'd never see it coming Sonofspahm: but they've always got homies running parallel and stuff.. so it's hard to get away with it Wutshisnut: no shit Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish From: PsykoFish The first IM I get upon returning? Farheim: I'd really like to have a long meaningful conversation with you, because I value the time between us Farheim: But instead, I'm signing off I LOVE THIS PLACE. Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish From: PsykoFish So, I was, like, at the mall and there was this, like, total hottie at the makeup counter and when I, like, asked for sky blue eyeshadow, he, like, gave me BABY blue eyeshadow and I was just all like, y'know, "That is so totally uncool...why don't you just gag me with a spoon or some junk." Then he said, "There is no spoon." So I jumped him. Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither...... From: TyleredOne Either someone is trying to tell me something,or I am seriously losing my mind..... The other day I was expecting my friend Bobby to stop by and borrow something...I'm getting outta the shower,and I hear a woman's voice say "Hello!".It sounded like it was right behind me,but as an open window was right there,I figured whoever it was was actually at the front door. I figure that Bob has brought over his flavor of the week to meet us..... I get dressed and walk out to the front room,Bob's not there.I ask my husband who Bob brought over,thinking that he was in a hurry and already left...nope,Bob hadn't been here yet.... Last night,I'm sitting in the front room,and I hear a woman scream "Get out of there!"...twice. I mute the tv,ask everyone else if they heard it,but no,I was the only one........... This afternoon,my cat puked in the hall.I didn't witness it or hear it though. I take a baby wipe,scoop it up,and place it back on the floor while I go over the spot with Resolve.I admit,I didn't look at it too long, but it was puke..kinda looked like a big brown runny pile of birdcrap.. (sorry)..the wipe moves a little,but I assume that it's just moving the way that a wadded up piece of newspaper might...then,as I watch... the puke filled baby wipe moves itself to the other side of the hallway! Naturally,I jump up and yell for Amanda,who,after watching it a good two hours,tells me I'm insane. It's sitting in the hallway still. I'm going to make my husband unwrap it and examine it when he gets home,lol. He's gonna love that. In other news...I'm currently trying out that "LSD diet",and I'm happy to report that so far,I've lost 7 pounds. Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread From: Dante303 LdyBug8281: oodnight cristina Dante303: Well howdy thar liddle lady LdyBug8281: yes...howdy and goodnight:) Dante303: ::waves:: LdyBug8281: gnight Dante303: Don't let the click beetles find you in your sleep and murder you. Subject: Re: Deer in the Headlights.... From: Smbartoli (From: Chriskolak) Would this be the same Chriskolak that left the Random Game? No, no. Silly me, because of course Chris left. Right?
*Ally* Serving Suggestion: Defrost>>
Hmmm... zhis tells me zomezhink... jes, you suffered unt orrible illness as unt child? Vhat vas that? Unt goat raped you? Ack, ze poor goat. Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish From: PsykoFish Give me your tired, your poor...your huddling masses, yearning to be free! WE'S MAKIN' NEEDY-PEOPLE-CASSEROLE. Subject: Re: Psychosis Central ::moo:: From: Zornog (I'm in love with my musical director. His eyes are black. Not brown, black. And it's not like he ain't a pale-assed white boy, either) ::flaunts his pale-assed white boyness:: SEE, I WON'T GET THE SKIN CANCER, UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU PEOPLE, WHO ... MIGHT! AQHAHAAHHAHAHAHAQ. Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread From: PsykoFish (I HAVE NO PRINTER PAPER.) MY PRINTER ONLY PRINTS WEIRD SYMBOLS BECAUSE AFTER WE GOT IT FIXED, IT BECAME POSSESED SO STICK IT UP YOUR ...crumpet. Yes, your crumpet. Would you like some tea? Subject: Re: KAT'S THREAD OF SUBJECTIVE OBSERVATIONS From: Zornog (kat's observation: no cool news of destruction as of late....) Mark Barton killing 13 people including himself? Two train cars crashing into themselves in India? TWO-HUNDRED PLUS PEOPLE DEAD BECAUSE OF THE HEAT? You need to get out more, Kat. DESTRUCTION REIGNS EVERYWHERE! CHAOS AND ANARCHY RULE! MWAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHACK AH CRAP I JUST SWALLOWED A FLY! HELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY I SWALLOWED A FLY, DAMMIT! PERHAPS I'LL DIE! Subject: Re: This is the part where I hate the world From: VERTIlGO (cant forget romper room) (::was on Romper Room in 1984::) (::voted for Ronald Reagan in 1984...again:: Carcazoid) CARCAZOID : Part of the Problem Since the Nixon Administration. Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish From: PsykoFish Today's question...Have people been brainwashed by modern media? Here's what Zornog has to say on the subject. Zornog: I think [people]'ve been brainwashed by modern media Well, Zornog. Let us just see. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Zornog: ::break:: PsykoFish: GIMME A BREAK. Zornog: ::BREAK:: PsykoFish: Damnit. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. dUCK Fetus: Hmm? dUCK Fetus: dUCK Fetus? dUCK Fetus: It bothers you? PsykoFish: Gimme a break. dUCK Fetus: It's a subliminal message. PsykoFish: Damnit. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Buttmint: ::::gives her a bit of his kit-kat bar::::: PsykoFish: Close enough. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. DeadYak1:
PsykoFish: Gimme a break. DeadYak1: PsykoFish: Damnit. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. ZixTheYeti: of my Kit Kat bar? PsykoFish: Damnit. Too early. ZixTheYeti: it's never too early for candy PsykoFish: Gimme a break. ReLect0: I have discovered in my travels that you know absolutely nothing about film. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. ReLect0: No, I will not dress up like Nell Carter for you! When was the last time you did things for me? PsykoFish: Freakball. ReLect0: We didn't do that. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. BACTERB: You can't have my Kit-Kat. PsykoFish: Damn. PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Odaeyss: que? PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Odaeyss: BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT KIT KAT BAAR! PsykoFish: I love you. Odaeyss: You're still not getting my bud light, Psyko PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Grover737: What? PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Grover737: Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar. PsykoFish: Yay! You got it! PsykoFish: Gimme a break. Khaleth: Gimme a break, break me off a piece of that kit kat bar... PsykoFish: Whee! PsykoFish: Gimme a break. MephistoM: ::snaps Psyko's leg like driftwood:: PsykoFish: Gimme a break. MephistoM: Um...okee...::breaks Psyko's arm in half like a piece of uncooked spaghetti:: PsykoFish: Forget the Kit-Kat bar...You win! MephistoM: Yay! MephistoM: What did I win? PsykoFish: A Kit-Kat bar. MephistoM: ALRIGHT! YEAH! ::pumps fists in air:: So what have we learned today? Some people are brainwashed by modern media. So Zorn was right. Some people are so out of touch, it's almost frightening. Some, like Zix, rush through things, leaving the person on the other end unsatisfied and without a feeling of closure, because he's a big fat jerk who left for some sweet thing with long legs and a blonde...err...anyway... We've learned that Psyko says "Damn" too much. And most importantly, we have learned from Meph that it's not necessary to be brainwashed by modern media, as long as you have the good old art of inflicting pain on other by your side. Thank you, and goodnight. Subject: Re: Buttmint's first post of July From: SithNferno Another thing. I've got names on my buddy list that I have no remembrance of. Did I really put them there? Are gnomes sneaking onto my account and putting names on my buddy list when I'm not here? These people may be the biggest losers in the world, yet there they are on my buddy list. It's very disconcerting. I once thought of these people as worth being my "buddies," worth being on my "buddy list." Where are they now? They sure as hell aren't my buddies. I never talk to them, I don't even remember who most of them are. And yet, I can't bring myself to weed them out. What if I put them on there for some grand scheme that hasn't played out yet? I could be disrupting the entire scope of the world just because I can't remember putting some dip on my buddy list. I better keep them there, just to be safe. Subject: Re: S*P*A*H*M From: Sonofspahm JOOOOOOSHHHHHHHH! JOOOOo-OOOOOOOOOOSH!!! -clunk- JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! (panting) (panting) -clunk- -thump- -fip-fip-fip-fip-fip-fip-fip. fin Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT From: RavenWord9 The Random Game: Throbbing paper cut on the index finger of society. Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT From: RavenWord9 You know when you cut yourself shaving and you don't even notice that you've cut yourself until you see the big chunk of skin go floating by in the bathwater like some kind of macabre little raft? I kinda like that. Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT From: ZixTheYeti (I was just thinking about the videos we watched in 7th grade Life Science. Especially the ones during the Sex Ed unit, where they'd have the little camera traveling up some guy's urethra, and the narrator saying, "Now we are approaching the seminal vesicles. Hee hee... inside Frank's pee-pee! PEE-PEE!" I think that operating the pee-pee camera would be one of the world's most unique jobs. And it'd look great on my resume.) In my Health class back in the 9th grade, we got to watch a film strip titled "Did Jenny Have to Die?" I found the title absolutely hilarious and the film had me laughing for a while. Suicide...is there anything it can't do? Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither...... From: TyleredOne When someone hands you their camera,and asks you to take a picture of their family,it's fun to look confused,say "Thank you " in broken English,and walk away. Subject: Re: Revolutionary (And Shockingly Stupid) Comments. From: Katauri Bree Have you seen those shirts, with the little tiny pockets up on the sleeves? My friend, Sarah and I were talking about them at lunch... and she had a revolutionary idea about their usage. Me: "Those are so damn stupid. What are they going to keep in there? Quarters? Emergency lipstick samples? "Oh my god, my shirt clashes with my lipstick.. quick, backup systems!" " Sarah: "I dunno.. hmm.. wait, y'know what would fit in those? Condoms. Those are perfect sized condom pockets! So, it's more like "Agh! You're raping me! But.. here's a Trojan, increased sensuality and pleasure, without my getting your nasty diaseses. Tehehe!" Subject: Re: Hi. From: Zornog (That is true ... but still, Mr O is older than 14 now too ... and he's ... not ... here ....) ( YOU ATE HIM!!) YES, HE WAS DELICIOUS, LIKE A SWEET SWEET CHESTNUT!
Subject: PitchRK From: MitchRK What if I were to write a treatment for a post before I actually post the full message? Maybe a brief synopsis before fleshing out the entire thing? Or perhaps I could just sum it up in a couple of sentences before beginning to write the long version. Maybe I just need to come up with a high concept post idea and get a professional postwriter to type out the complete post. Maybe I could download some kind of postwriting shareware in which I could just fill in some blanks with the basic points of the post and have it do the work. Naturally there would be a certain amount of rewriting, trying to get the bugs out, seeing what works with some test postreaders, more rewriting, setting a budget, putting in some pyrotechnic special effects, stunts, nudity (tastefully done, of course), glorification of alcohol and cigarettes, a hip hop soundtrack of songs that have nothing to do with anything, a political agenda (left or right-leaning, depending on what the polls say), and so forth. Or I could just type Woowoowoowoo a bunch of times. Then I would just have everyone improvise their parts and move the camera around a lot like some kind of pseudo-documentary. I could call it "The Blair Mitch Project." I'd better get my nose hairs trimmed. Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff From: VERTIlGO Frank : so, how was your day? Me: ::::bursts into tears::: Frank: so you lost your pen again, huh? Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff From: VERTIlGO hehe .. an old lady the other day told me that I have "a very pleasant personality" this was before I stabbed her in the eye with my pen. Subject: Re: Some such nonsense From: ZixTheYeti (josh what happened to doug?) (He fell down the well.) (Thank you, Lassie.) How dare you call me a bitch. Subject: Re: FURBALL CON CARNE From: FelixELkat SithNferno: Luv you, kat. SithNferno: :D FelixELkat: ok, like love luv, or luv SithNferno: More like I'd love a cute little kitten who shreds my socks. FelixELkat: oh, that kinda love. that's not good. i was hoping for the "i can't wait for my next rock of crack, cuz i love that stuff" kinda love... Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff From: ZixTheYeti (CHEWY RUNTS?!) (Last week, my friend and I were poking around in the candy aisles at my Target and my friend found this box of Milk Duds that was rock solid on one side of the box and completely empty on the other side.) (...........and? Did he then proceed to do something wildly funny and silly with it? Was there a comic caper of epic proportions? Did he at least make a fart joke, ferchrissakes?) He did run around swinging it like a club. I hit a few shelves with it to try and break it apart. Nothing spectacular though. Subject: Re: And Now for Something Completely Ugly.... From: ZixTheYeti Professor: Some of you have asked "When have I studied enough?" Well, what do you think? Class: ::assorted chattering:: Prof: When you're tired? No... Class: ::talking:: Prof: Going into convulsions? No... Class: ::talking:: Prof: Attempting suicide? No. You've studied enough when you hate the very ground I walk on! Student: Hey, I'm done studying! Subject: Re: Trix says.... From: SithNferno (What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?) Prolly AAAAAAGHHH HOLY SHIT I'M FALLING OUT OF A PLANE! Seeing as how they didn't invent the parachute until well after his death. Or planes, for that matter. Hrm. In that case, it would be AAAAAAAGHHH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS I'M FALLING OUT OF?! By the way, stop it. These aren't funny and they aren't even random, fer chrissakes. Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread From: BrianJ718 God's into fast food if I remember that advertising slogan correctly: "Yahweh, right away. At Burger King now." Subject: The Psychologist in the elevator From: Zornog (Man stands at elevator. He pushes a button, then waits for the elevator doors to open. When they do, he sees a large desk in the elevator, and a chair. The psychologist sits behind the desk. The Man reluctantly enters the elevator.) PSYCHOLOGIST: Hello! MAN: Hiya there ...(There is a pause, as the Man is extremely confused, but, to be polite, he turns his back to the desk. An awkward silence ensues, until finally the Man has to ask.) MAN: (turning to see the Psychologist) Hey ... PSYCHOLOGIST: (excitedly) Yes?! MAN: (a little startled) Oh, never mind ... (he turns his back to the desk again. Another awkward silence, then he turns around again.) What are you doing with a desk in an elevator? PSYCHOLOGIST: Excuse me? MAN: I've seen a few weird things in my life, but nothing compares to a desk in an elevator. Are you the bellboy or something? PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you insulting me? MAN: Why would I insult you? I don't even know you! I'll ask again: Why do you have a desk in an elevator? PSYCHOLOGIST: (irritated) IT DOES NOT MATTER! (Gestures to the chair) Sit! MAN: Sit? But I'm only going to the third floor! PSYCHOLOGIST: SIT, and tell me about your father! MAN: What? My father? Are you a Psychologist? PSYCHOLOGIST: IT DOESN'T MATTER! SIT! MAN: IT DOES TOO MATTER! Are you a Psychologist? Where's your psychology license? PSYCHOLOGIST: Um ... in my other pants. NOW SIT! MAN: (sighs) Well ... I guess I could sit for a while ... Until I get to my floor. PSYCHOLOGIST: Good (gets out a notepad) ... Now tell me about your father. MAN: Tell you about my father? Why? PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you daft, boy? I am the Psychologist, not you! Now tell me about your father! MAN: I don't even know if you're really a Psychologist or not! What if I don't want to tell you about my father? PSYCHOLOGIST: Then we shall never get to the root of your problems. MAN: MY PROBLEMS?! WHAT PROBLEMS?! PSYCHOLOGIST: SEE? THERE YOU GO AGAIN! MAN: ALL RIGHT! FINE! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MY FATHER. Whaddya wanna know? PSYCHOLOGIST: Did he ever .... touch you? MAN: (thinking) I guess ... he patted me on the back a few times ... PSYCHOLOGIST: Did he ever touch you ... inappropriately? (Waggles eyebrows) MAN: Unless you count an indian burn as inappropriate -- PSYCHOLOGIST: INDIAN BURN! (Writes in his notepad) How did that indian burn make you feel, son? MAN: I don't know! I didn't really give it much thought! PSYCHOLOGIST: Well here, I have an idea. Let's do a bit of role playing. MAN: Role playing? (Looking at elevator) I've been in here for five minutes! Why haven't we gotten to the third floor yet? PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, what do you expect? This elevator has a desk in it! MAN: So? The maximum weight capacity for this elevator is 2500 pounds! PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, well ... the desk makes the elevator move slower. SO THERE. MAN: Sheesh. PSYCHOLOGIST: So, anyway, let's role play. MAN: Fine, fine, sure, let's role play. PSYCHOLOGIST: This'll explain the indian burn. MAN: Yes, I know. PSYCHOLOGIST: I'll be your father, and you be yourself. All right? MAN: Sure. PSYCHOLOGIST: Good. You start. MAN: (hesitantly) So ... hi ... dad ... PSYCHOLOGIST: SHUT UP SON! (grabs Man and gives him an indian burn) MAN: OW! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?! PSYCHOLOGIST: (writing) You'll see ... MAN: THAT REALLY HURT! PSYCHOLOGIST: EXACTLY. (Gets up on the desk) Now! You're Bilbo Baggins, and I'm Gandalf the wizard! (The Man instantly snaps into character and hops on the desk) We're traveling to the distant elven town of Rivendale, upon a canoe made of treebark. (Points out to audience) Look, Bilbo! The elves are saying hello! Say hello to the elves, Bilbo! MAN: (waving) Hello elves! PSYCHOLOGIST: UT OH! HERE COME A MOTLEY BAND OF ORCS! GRAB YOUR DAGGER AND YOUR SLING! MAN: YOU WILL DIE, ORCS! (Man jumps off of desk, and runs through the audience, pantomiming whirling a sling.) PSYCHOLOGIST: (hopping off of the desk, writing things in notepad) Very interesting ... MAN: (returning to elevator) I killed the orcs, Gandalf! I killed them good! PSYCHOLOGIST: All right, sir, the role playing is over now. MAN: (holding an orc head) LOOK, I BROUGHT BACK THE HEAD OF THEIR LEADER! PSYCHOLOGIST: Sir, please. MAN: (snapping out of it) Huh? PSYCHOLOGIST: The role play is over. MAN: It is? PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes. MAN: Oh. (Sitting down) I was having fun, too. PSYCHOLOGIST: Now, I will ask you a few questions. Answer them truthfully, please. MAN: Will this be as fun as role playing? PSYCHOLOGIST: No. MAN: Aw. PSYCHOLOGIST: Here are the questions. (demandingly) Do you like looking at phallic pieces of furniture? Do elephants strike your fancy? Do you watch pole vaulting for "other" reasons? MAN: What? PSYCHOLOGIST: I see ... (turns to audience, makes "crazy" sign) Let's try something else .. MAN: Now what? PSYCHOLOGIST: (pulls out a picture of a dog) Here, what do you see in this ink blot? MAN: What ink blot? PSYCHOLOGIST: (points to the picture) This ink blot! MAN: (a little confused) That's not an ink blot. That's a picture of a dog. PSYCHOLOGIST: A DOG, EH? (Writing in notepad) MAN: You are a fundamental idiot. PSYCHOLOGIST: Thank you. Now, let's do one more thing. MAN: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? PSYCHOLOGIST: Perhaps. (wheels chair away from desk, and starts to take off shoes. He then takes his socks off, and hands one to the Man.) Here you go. (Then he gets out a plastic bag, puts it over his hand, and then puts the sock over the plastic) MAN: What the hell is this? PSYCHOLOGIST: Please! Such language ... This is what Psychologists call "sock puppet therapy." MAN: Sock puppet therapy? PSYCHOLOGIST: Must I repeat myself? Put your sock puppet on. MAN: But this just came off of your foot! PSYCHOLOGIST: Well ... duh. MAN: I'm not putting that on my hand! PSYCHOLOGIST: (angry) Listen, son. Who's the Psychologist here? Huh? You or me? MAN: Well -- PSYCHOLOGIST: YOU OR ME? MAN: I'm guessing NEITHER OF US. PSYCHOLOGIST: Exactly. Now PUT THE SOCK ON. MAN: WILL IT GET ME OFF OF THIS ELEVATOR? PSYCHOLOGIST: Sure, yeah, why not. MAN: Alright. Fine. (Puts sock on) PSYCHOLOGIST: Ok. The sock you are wearing represents what you want in life. The puppet I have represents Fate. MAN: What are we supposed to do with these? PSYCHOLOGIST: Tell Fate what you want in life, and Fate will answer truthfully. MAN: Fate? PSYCHOLOGIST: (pointing at the puppet) The sock puppet. MAN: Ohhhh. And then I get off the elevator, right? PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, if that's what you want. MAN: Good! Finally. PSYCHOLOGIST: (talking out of puppet) So, what do you want in life? MAN: Well ... I suppose I'd like to have a successful career ... PSYCHOLOGIST: No no, use the puppet. MAN: What? PSYCHOLOGIST: Talk through the puppet. MAN: The puppet smells funny. PSYCHOLOGIST: Life smells funny, my friend. MAN: Shut up. (Talks through puppet) I'd like to have a successful career. PSYCHOLOGIST: (a pause, then, as puppet) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MAN: What was that? PSYCHOLOGIST: Don't worry. Keep going. MAN: Um ... I'd like to have a family ... PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MAN: I'd like to go to college ... PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MAN: I'd like to play the stock market ... PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MAN: (aggravated) I'd like you to say yes ... PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MAN: All right, I'd like you to say no. PSYCHOLOGIST: (stops abruptly, thinks, then tears the sock puppet off his hand) THIS EXERCISE IS OVER! MAN: (taking off sock) Good! What am I even doing here? All I wanted to do get on the elevator, go to the third floor, and then get off! THAT'S ALL I WANTED! PSYCHOLOGIST: Wow. (Writing in notepad) MAN: Wow? What wow? What's wow mean? PSYCHOLOGIST: What you just said was so profound. MAN: No it wasn't. PSYCHOLOGIST: I think you know what's wrong with you. MAN: NO I DON'T! PSYCHOLOGIST: Don't be so hard on yourself. Go on. Tell me about the root of your problems. MAN: WHAT? PSYCHOLOGIST: Come on. After what you just said, I think you should know the root of your problems. MAN: But I don't even know what you're talking about! PSYCHOLOGIST: Come onnnnn, you can tell me ... I'm your Psychologist, not some stranger you just met. MAN: BUT ... YOU ... ARE! PSYCHOLOGIST: I are what? MAN: ARRRRRRG. PSYCHOLOGIST: It's good to get rid of your anger like that. MAN: IT'S MY FATHER, RIGHT? PSYCHOLOGIST: Your father? MAN: He's the root of my problems, right? PSYCHOLOGIST: (smacks Man over the head with his clipboard) NO! MAN: OW! WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? PSYCHOLOGIST: Tsk tsk. Such vulgarity. Try again! MAN: TRY AGAIN? PSYCHOLOGIST: The root of your problems. Tell me. MAN: If it's not my father, then it must be my mother ... right? PSYCHOLOGIST: NO! (Smacks Man with clipboard again) MAN: OWWW! STOP THAT! PSYCHOLOGIST: One more chance! MAN: Only if you promise not to hurt me! PSYCHOLOGIST: (as if he'd just heard a breakthrough) Say that again. MAN: I said, only if you promise not to hurt me! PSYCHOLOGIST: THAT'S IT! MAN: Huh? PSYCHOLOGIST: That's the root of your problems! MAN: It is? PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes! Yes! MAN: ARE YOU A MORON? PSYCHOLOGIST: Please, I'm not the one answering questions here. MAN: Ok, then explain why THAT is the root of my problems! PSYCHOLOGIST: (a moment of uncertainty crosses his face. He doesn't know why, really) Um .... well ... okay! Of course I'll explain. That's my job, right? (Nervous laugh) MAN: Apparently... PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, well ... The root of your problem centers around your childhood. Back when you were little ... (suddenly, the Psychologist grabs the Man's shoulder) SLEEP! (The Man falls to the floor, unconscious.) Finally! (Quickly, the Psychologist gets up and begins looting the Man's body. Soon, however, the Man wakes up) MAN: (waking) Wha? What the -- (sees Psychologist holding his wallet.) What are you doing?! PSYCHOLOGIST: (startled) Huh?! MAN: Why are you holding my wallet? PSYCHOLOGIST: Um ... (he holds his hand out at the Man) SLEEP! MAN: (unfazed) What? Are you trying to hypnotize me? What's going on?! PSYCHOLOGIST: Uh ... (glancing up at the floor numbers) OH! LOOK! It's my floor! See ya! MAN: WAIT A MINUTE! PSYCHOLOGIST: My floor! (He quickly exits the elevator) Subject: Re: Some such nonsense From: ZixTheYeti (C.) I like C.) Because it's for Cookie. Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple. From: Zornog Is PsykoFish a lesbian? PsykoFish: It's good pie. Yes. Yes she is. Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple. From: Zornog Bilbo Baggins, leader of the free world. Hey, it's got a bit of a ring to it. Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple. From: Zornog RETRO IM (completely made up) # 145.6: DrSalina: I wuv ou. Zornog: That's nice. DrSalina: NO, WAIT, NO, I HATE YOU NOW! AHEEHEHEHEEEHEHE HATE! Zornog: That's nice. DrSalina: No, I'm sorry, really, I love you. Zornog: I SAID, THAT'S NICE. DrSalina: FUCK YOU! Zornog: YOU'RE VERY CONFUSING. Moral: DrSalina (in whatever form she's in) is damn confusing. Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple. From: Zornog RETRO BUDDY CHAT LOG #33: PiaAdams:
Caie Mac: BUTT! BUTT BUTT! MY BUTT! Ozma22: I'm Jewish. Zornog: BROTHEL! SGood42: Stotan9876: Perchance you have a nickel to give to an old ape like myself? DrSalina: STAR TREK! AND FREAKY SORCERER THINGS! Mr Onliner: FORCES SELF ON CAIE. (<--- real line, I swear) Caie Mac: BUTT! CrzyGirl87: ME NO UNNERSTAND ENGLASH! Zornog: This is going nowhere. Carcazoid: ME = OLD! USAmen: Does my name mean USA men, as in men who live in the USA, or US Amen, as in the US is FUCKIN' AMAZING! Miss Aimee: I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT MY PURPOSE IN TRG IS! Astronia: I AM A MANIMAL! CortJstr: ::sleeps with Pia, frequently:: Dante303: MAMAMAMAMOOOOO. CowKosmo: You can't write a line for me, Zornog, for I have no distinguishable qualities. Zornog: Except that your name is CowKosmo. CowKosmo: Right. Khaleth: ME NO HODARKFONT, RIGHT HODARKFONT? HODarkfont: No. You are me, remember? We cleared that whole thing up a while back. Bloodguilt: SHHH! WAIT, I MEAN Khaleth: SHHHH! MattSC23: I like to not be in TRG. HEE FOR ME! Nyello: EVERYONE, THINK I'M 21, QUICKLY! Everyone: OKAY! Nyello: Suckers ... Odaeyss: I SHOOT PEOPLE IN THE HEAD! HEE! PTSnipes: I LOOK LIKE THE GUY IN FULL METAL JACKET! Everyone: ::silence: PTSnipes: AACH. RUGGEDCEC: Heh ... .... we already knew that, SNIPES ... .... of course .... .... um .... .... where am I going with this .... Krissy Lin: My purpose in this game is not known. Hacksim: I ATE BOY MAN WITH CHEE ZE BECAUSE HE WAS DOWNTOWN. Zornog: Right. That's all the people I can remember at the moment. YAY FOR ME!