There once was a fellow from Spain, Who came from the country of Spain. So he flew out of Spain And then landed in Spain And he realized he never left Spain! (MitchRK)
Do identical triplets ever look at their siblings and not know which is which? (MitchRK)
A nun walks into a bar. She says to the bartender, "At these prices, I'm not surprised." The bartender says, "Sister, you aren't supposed to start off with the punch line. You have to do the setup first, or none of us get paid." The nun says, "I don't want to hear it, okay, pal? I'm Catholic, and we catholics never claimed to be perfect. Sometimes we make mistakes, just like everyone else. Besides, I was supposed to be the second nun, but the first nun got called away to the hospital, and I forgot the phone number to this place so I couldn't phone ahead and tell anyone." The bartender says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Well, what happened at the hospital?" The nun says, "The first nun went into the room of the patient who called her and said 'How are we feeling, child?' The patient said, 'I don't think I can take this pain much longer, sister.' The nun then said, 'Well, at least you won't be here much longer.' The patient said, 'Why not?' Oh, no, I was supposed to deliver the punch line there as well!" The bartender says, "Can't she deliver it herself?" The nun says, "No, she can't. It's against union rules." The bartender says, "What was the punchline supposed to be?" The nun says, "I don't remember. We were supposed to get them on index cards as we went in to the hospital building to remind us. I hope I don't get fired because of all this." The bartender says, "Do you want me to fix you a drink?" The nun stands up and says, "Sure. Gimme a double bourbon, and could you send a beer to that guy at the end of the bar? I've gotta hit the head." The bartender says, "You sure don't sound like most other nuns I've ever heard." The nun says, "No, let's not try to do another one. I'm too bummed to deliver punch lines today." The bartender says, "I'm not really a bartender. I'm a plumber. I've come to fix...oh, never mind. I've given up on trying to save this joke. TAXI!" (MitchRK)
[Mitch, you are too cool. That sounded sarcastic---but I mean it sincerly.]
hey, bold-letter guy, why are all my entries out of order? they made no sense. oh well. not like they made too much sense anyway. oh, and i have to tell about walter again, because he didn't make it in there. (Shilorider)
[Please do. The Random Game is now working. Get your entry in, in the next five minutes before it goes all random again.]
oh, and i have a tiny little question... am i insane? i see NO BOLD LETTERS. is it my computer, my eyesight, or my mind breaking down? i'd kinda like to know... (Shilorider)
[It means you have a sucky version of AOL. Upgrade to 3.0...but then expect to run so slow that you won't be able open this file without pulling all of your hair out.]
one time my cousin walter got this cat stuck in his ass. he bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. it was embarassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he does it again. different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. so i see him a few weeks later at the mall, and he's buying another cat. so i say to him "Jesus, Walt, what are you doin? You know yer just going to get this cat stuck in yer ass too, why don't you knock it off?" and he says to me "Brodie, how the hell else am i supposed to get the gerbil out?"
My cousin was a weird guy. (Shilorider)
[It was worth Shilorider sending it again, everyone, wasn't it?]
the whole state of minnesota has the day off from school. a pox on all yer houses, you damn minnesoteans. i hope you all freeze. unless i get the day off, in which case...hey, i'll see you online! (Shilorider)
i kinda like the new format. however, i think you should do it backwards alphabetically sometimes, so us N-Z names can be higher up. also, it'll mess with peoples heads. (Shilorider)
ok, since i've had a topic with my name on it, now i want my name off to the side under the "hecklers ; )" can you do that for me, please? i bet you can.... (Shilorider)
[I can't even get my own name there. Well, maybe I have, and no one knew it, because none of you, including myself, know my real name...I just realized I like commas a lot. I hope I don't screw up and put a coma by mistake.]
The big black bird buys bananas busily, being the big black bird that he boasts. (SoMgIn)
dammit, my tokens are sneaking away again. guess i'm going to have to give them a stricter curfew. (Shilorider)
this game would be really random if it moved around hecklers online. then you'd have to search for it to be random. but then, you really wouldn't be random, because you'd have planned it out. so you can never win!!!!! yer never random, never! hahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!! ohmigod. i blew an artery. (Shilorider)
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it. (Quest127)
[Oh, we can't end there! It's just too much fun today! Everyone close your eyes, I have a surprise for you. Wait, don't close your eyes because you'd never know when to open them again. Okay, I found a few entries that were missing/cut from the last couple days. I'm sure more will keep popping up each day until they start developing a mind of their own, mutate, and begin to eat my hard drive. But in the meantime, let's make AIias AKA, Industrry, MC cluck, and especially Morgana166 smile.
i got a koosh ball for x-mas....it was one of the really cool ones that have hard little faces and pokey little arms....so we thought it might be kinda fun to play catch with this nice little koosh toy....but it poked me in the eye with its dumb arm....i gave it away to my sister. (Morgana166)
my engineer is trying to kill me, i think...don't tell anyone until i'm sure. he keeps pushing my copier into a big puddle of water. he says it won't hurt me...i'm not so sure, my self. i think that i once heard that electricity and water make your hair stand opn end or something. so if he suceeds in electrocuting me, call the fbi.... (Morgana166)
[This is way off topic, but who cares? A local commercial in my town is advertising that they are getting rid of their old models of things, like copiers, to make new for the ones that aren't out of date until next wednesday. So, to illustrate the point they show me that they are destroying the old models. For a low budget commercial this impressed me. But then I see a guy jumping on a desktop copier. He doesn't break the glass top (I wish he did, idiot!), instead he kinda slips off and the cover that comes down over the glass is just slightly crooked after his abuse of the machine. He really destroyed that now, didn't he? He better watch his ass.]
I WONDER: what the hell is random anyway? Is chaos random? Is the plight of mankind and our destiny random? Is one's existance random? are the odds of winning the lottery random? Is random-house dictionary really random? (no, its alphabetical) maybe nothing is random... maybe its all planned out; pre-destined.
----- pretty existential stuff..... (Industrry)
[Yeah, I printed part of Industrry's entry yesterday, but it's so good I'm printing the full thing today.]
Someone asked me this riddle:
What are the tree most hated words to hear during sex?
The answer was "Honey, I'm home."
I said, "Stop, Daddy, No."
Everyone got mad at me for that. I thought it was funny. But then again, I am a sick individual.
[I think it's funny too, maybe we should start a cult together.]
Hey Kids! What's Happy, Fun, and is Round? Why Happy Fun Ball of course,
new from WAKK-O PRODUCTS!!!!! Happy Fun Ball is fun and OHH so Happy! You
and your family can have your OWN incredible Happy Fun Ball for only $14.95!!
I know what you're asking--How can Happy Fun Ball be SO cheap? Well, I'll
tell you. We here at WAKK-O PRODUCTS don't have some fancy smancy factory
that costs YOU money! No, we use good old fashioned sweat shops in Taiwan!
The poor women and children work cheap which saves YOU money!!! What's that?
Where can I find Happy Fun Ball? Well, You can't buy Happy Fun Ball in your
local store. Due to damn government agencies like the EPA, Happy Fun Ball
can't be sold in the U.S. But if you call 1-800-555-5555 and say "The
Chickens Fly the Coup at Midnight", a Happy Fun Ball may "Accidently" arrive
at your house!!! Get your Happy Fun Ball today!
The elderly, small children, and pets should avoid prolonged
exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Do not expose Happy Fun Ball to direct sunlight.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be placed in its special package and
kept under refridgeration.
Do not let Happy Fun Ball come in direct contact with skin.
Do not look directly at Happy Fun Ball.
Do not bounce Happy Fun Ball on concrete or any other hard surface.
Do not provoke Happy Fun Ball.
Do not blame Happy Fun Ball for something you did (It will get even).
Do not sit on Happy Fun Ball.
Do not give Happy Fun Ball as a gift.
Do not give Happy Fun Ball head.
Do not play with other toys while Happy Fun Ball is present.
Do not feed Happy Fun Ball, especially after midnight.
Do not get Happy Fun Ball wet.
Do not rub Happy Fun Ball 3 times.
Do not lie to Happy Fun Ball.
Do not turn your back on Happy Fun Ball.
Do not get high around Happy Fun Ball.
Do not look in the mirror and say "Happy Fun Ball" 5 times
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if one or more of these symtoms occur:
.....Loss of memory
.....Begin watching PBS
.....Burst into flames
.....Bleeding from bodily orifices
.....Feel the sudden need to be spanked
.....Enjoy Kathy Lee Gifford's singing
.....No longer feeling "fresh"
.....Loss of appendages
.....Elongated sh*ts that rip the f**k out of your a**hole
.....360 degree head rotation
.....Unexpected lifeform protruding through your stomach
.....Wesley Crusher imitations
.....Profuse vomiting of any vital organs
.....Second genital organ formed
.....Massive brain hemorrhage
.....Find Bob Saget to be funny
.....Spontaneous orgasm (optional discontinuation of Happy Fun Ball)
.....Think Janet Reno is hot
.....Buy a Chia Pet
.....Suddenly begin saying "Mentos, the freshmaker" to passers-by
.....Soiling of the pants
.....Talk to trees
.....Constantly watch "Sweating to the Oldies"
.....Think that finding Waldo is too stressful
.....Talk to your deceased relatives
.....Always say "to go" in the drive-thru window
.....Believe the 1970's were worth a sh*t
.....Those nasty foot cramps
.....Begin keeping your computer's mouse in a cage with an exercise wheel
.....Pupils peel off your eyeballs
.....Cough up colorful mixtures of blood and mucous
.....Begin eating sh*t as well as talking it
.....Think O.J. is innocent
.....Rent Fried Green Tomatoes or Steel Magnolias
.....Believe aliens have abducted your family and replaced them with clones
.....Can suddenly breathe fire
.....Begin listening to country "music"
.....Eat, sleep, and live Happy fun Ball
.....Begin freebasing Happy Fun Ball
.....Begin caressing your Happy Fun Ball
.....An incredibly slimey wet dripping yellow fungus growing over your left
eyebrow that pulses and sprouts hair every hour on the hour and calls
out to you when alone
.....Corn in your feces no matter if you ate it or not
.....Lazy sperm (or lazy eggs for the female persuasion)
.....Start to blend in with your surroundings
.....Say "whoa" and "jeah" alot
.....Uncontrollable vibrations of the anus
.....Sing commercials about Kibbles and Bits
.....Fantasize about Roseanne and Barney doing it
.....Have meaningless conversations about nothing using very difficult and
.....Grow placenta as a hobby
Have Questions or Comments about Happy Fun Ball?
We are sorry, due to our "give and go" attitude here at WAKK-O
PRODUCTS, we have no permanent address.
(MC cluck) (MC cluck)
[If anyone is still reading at this point, let me say--I can not believe you typed this whole thing out! Wait a second. The margins are screwed up. You copied this from somewhere and just pasted it here didn't you?! I still can't believe it.]