PodrazaR thinks I talk too much. Well, I do. But, PodrazaR would like me to stop replying to everyone so much. That's my fault, I was under the impression PodrazaR liked me talking. I was only trying to make PodrazaR happy. But, instead I have piss
PodrazaR off. I never meant to piss PodrazaR off, honestly. So, I'll meet PodrazaR halfway and um, cut this off here. . .

And Now, For Something Completely Different: Oh, I'm a Lumberjack and that's OK. She's a witch! A Witch!
urn Her! Burn Her! We are no longer the Knights who say Ni! We are now the Knights who say Icky-Icky-Icky-Ptang-Bing-Bong-Wallowa!
OK, it's not much, but oh well! Now go away, English Pig-Dogs, before I taunt you a second time! (Flexidisk)

One bright day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. The turned back to back, and faced each other, drew their swords, and shot each other. A deaf policeman hear the noise and came and shot the two dead boys. If you don't believ
this lie, it's true. Go ask the blind man he saw it, too! (Ransom 606)

Um, so if I push retrun like this what will happen.


[It will return the carriage to the next line.]

I love the random Game!!!

Its the best game ever.

Hecklers online is the only thing i do ever. I just stay at home waiting for the next days HO to come up. Then i love to play thae random game over and over. Not because i like the prizes, its because i love The game and all the people running it. I
ove you guys, (Pacolie)

[Someone remembered their Prozac this morning.]

You know, I put a lot of effort and energy into this business; when nothing o' mine gets posted, that's just too too disenchanting. I take it personally. Here, take my feces...PLEASE. (MooGeneric)

And I liked the old format better, when our names were in the parenthesis. Grrr.... (MooGeneric)

[But, don't you like things to be spiced up a little? I mean we all love the taste of water, but don't you like a slice of lemon cough drops in it sometimes, too?]

What do you call 40 millionaires watching the Super Bowl?

The Dalllas Cowboys (SWoodard54)
[That's Dalllas with three L's, legally we may now proceed.]

Ableigh - On Saturday one of my favorite teachers died from a heart attack at his house. His funeral was today... What do the doctor's say, will he pull thru? (HUFMEBUNZ)

Zeroloo - Where do hamsters come from? Why your ass of course. (HUFMEBUNZ)

Milk420 - I do a body good...Well, i don't think so, I want my money back. (HUFMEBUNZ)

seluR emaG modnaR ehT (READ BACKWARDS) (XR400R)
[Thank you R004RX, I don't think any of us would have thought to do that ;o) ]

This guy, Patso, said he and this other dude were wating for GoatDough. Well... here I am, drove all the way out here, and ya know WHAT??? They ain't around. It figgers. Damn. (GoatDough)

I am omnipotent. I have just switched everyone's souls around and put them in other people's bodies. Then I modified everyone's memories so that you think you've always been in those bodies. And I'm the only one who knows the Truth. HAHaHaHaHaHa, I'm a
ot at parties. (GoatDough)

Don't ever challenge a woodchuck to chuck wood. They've heard it before and get very angry. The stitches come out next week. (GoatDough)

Today I covered my body in Little yellow Post-it notes. (GoatDough)

[Funny, I use them as wallpaper.]

Sometimes I sit and think, I wish I were a tree frog. Yeah... That would be cool (GoatDough)

Phone Books Suck (GoatDough)

Why is it that when you have a cute little screen saver that makes cute little noises, the people who share the office with you don't find it anywhere near as cute? Now I haveta buy new speakers. (GoatDough)

Sometimes, I wish I would win the lottery! Then I would buy the world, and make all the annoying people get the hell off of the planet! (OGRE 69666)

[I'm afraid lottery prize isn't the impressive amount of dollars you believe it to be. After taxes, you'd be lucky it you were able to buy a politician.]

Safety tip: autoereotic asphyxiation should really only be done with adult supervision. (GoatDough)

Why es et Thet Every teme E type e Vewel E get the letter E? Semene sheeld edvese Cengess en Thes! (GoatDough)
[Screw them, tell the prez. Hmm, the E key here types perfect.]

Modular Office furniture is truly a sign of an advanced civilization. If aliens ever vist, ask them: " Do you have modularized office furniture?" (GoatDough)

so tell me when was the last time you saw helery with out her mask on i mean holloween is over (Drago29134)

[I promised I wouldn't get on spelling, but's it's just so tempting sometimes.]

I lost my job today. I had sex in the elevator with a co worker. Guess we shoulda chosen the one that WASN'T glass.... (GoatDough)

I don't like this new alphabetical order deal...it isn't very random...and ever since this alphabetical order deal, not one of my entries have been posted! I think you should hire NEW alphabetical order gods, or go back to random order...it was a lot m
e rewarding for me.... (EvilClaws)

[Maybe the alphabetical way also sorts out all the good ones so they never see the light of day.]

I put my picture up in a place so I can meet men & suddely I'm getting tons of letters from bi-sexual females. I looked & no where does that site say it's for bi or homosexuals. I have nothing against them. One of my best friends is gay (though he acts
thing like one, he's more of a skinny, gay, bald, Rush Limbagh. Yes, he's THAT conservitive!) but I'm not into that. (JamiJR) (JamiJR)

Yo toco me chorizo todos los dies.... (GeeLo)



[Tomorrow in typing class we will learn the T key, please don't attempt to press that key before then.]

You said "ass" that's TOS violation!! (BluesRock)

[No, it's only if it is used in conjuction with Courtney Love's band, I believe.]

No really, I'm offended. I once knew a donkey, but now he's gone to a better place. (BluesRock)

Don't you just hate when grandma comes out of the closet on Thanksgiving? (BluesRock)

a.i one the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

You know who has a funny voice, that guy that I can never see, but is always telling me to kill. (BluesRock)
[Try turning around, he's behind you making faces.]

b. i two the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

c. i three the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

d. i four the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

e. i five the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

In 142b.c. the Jews won their freedom from the Roman's only to lose it again (BluesRock)

f. i six the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

g. i seven the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

i. i eight the sandbox (Fuzzysheep)

j. ha ha! fuzzysheep ate the sandbox! (Fuzzysheep)

[Why Fuzzysheep would have ate a sandbox that he one, I'll never know. Ah, I'd do it, two, probably.]

Everyone knows that if a cat falls, it will land on it's feet, but what if you launched it at the ground at speeds at or approaching mach 6.2 using an experimental rail gun that can launch a screw threw a 7inch piece of steel. Just moments after writi
this I found out that the answer is sadly no. FLUFFY!!! (BluesRock)

If you can light a fart, then in theory you could make an ass-canon by placing a tube up there with a hole drilled near the ass-side. Then shove a gerbil in the tube. Wait for the fart and light. This could be dangerous if not handled properly. (Blu
[You said ass.]

The word assassin contains the word ass not once but TWICE!!!!! (BluesRock)

[Assess is only one letter away from containing ass twice, too bad for it.]

I didn't see that someone had already put something about voices in their head, really I had been saying that thing about the killer in my head for quite sometime. p.s. THE MAN MUST FALL!!!! (BluesRock)

Wise Words: AVOID THE EGG SALAD! (GoatDough)

Quote from the Jerry Springer show: Baby, I got something to tell you, I got what you got and what he got. (BluesRock)

This is huge but worth sharing with my random buddies.....

>>>Actual article from the LA Times:


>>>"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only

>>>trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in

>>>the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his

>>>homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency

>>>treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I

>>>pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil,

>>>in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue

>>>that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come

>>>out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the

>>>light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital

>>>spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of

>>>intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's

>>>hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's

>>>fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further

>>>up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

>>>Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the

>>>impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree

>>>burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.


>>>O.K., here's the top ten things that scared me the most in reading this



>>>10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Ouch!!!

>>>9. "So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaahhhhhhh! I'm sorry, but

>>>that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use

>>>binoculars to stare at the sun.

>>>8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being

>>>shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky and


>>>7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of

>>>someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil

>>>was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's 'tunnel of


>>>6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in

>>>their rectums.

>>>5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were

>>>doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would

>>>have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends

>>>breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before

>>>I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine

>>>looking at a doctor and saying, "Well Doc, it's like this. See, we have

>>>this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."

>>>4. "First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this make the

>>>burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does

>>>one ever take a healthy poop after something like that? And the smell

>>>of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face

>>>of God's green earth.

>>>3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for

>>>'idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."

>>>2. What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?

>>>1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those


>>>(I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family...) Bucktil4d


[Okay, either 1) Bucktil4d and BluesRock got together before hand to freak me out, or 2) they are the same person and that would freak me out because it would mean they (I'm talking as if they are two...) deliberately signed on twice to look like more t
n one person, or 3) this is not a story reported locally only to Bucktil4d.]

[For the record, this entry was received twice. I'm not posting it twice. Yes, that's right, I'm leaving something out. But don't worry Buck, both will be taken into consideration when it's token time, neither will win.]

Sorry for the militant tone to the last......Patty Hearst is back in my head! (Bucktil4d)

Why oh why do I suffer the insufferable? (Bucktil4d)

Porcupines make lousy bestiality partners. (Bucktil4d)

Sometimes I feel like I need a good High-Colonic, but then I usually change my mind. (GoatDough)

Don't you just love it when your boss gives you stupid gifts at Christmas time and then blames his kid for picking them out? (GoatDough)

[If I had a boss that gave gifts, yes, I would love that. Or more like it--If I had I job, yes, I would love that.]


We get so crazy in life, with worrying about this and that. There really are only 2 things to worry about.

Either you feel ok, or you are sick.

If you feel ok, then there's nothing to worry about.

If you feel sick, there are only 2 things to worry about.

Either you get better or you die.

If you get better there's nothing to worry about.

If you die, there are only 2 things to worry about.

Either you go to heaven or you go to hell.

If you go to heaven, there's nothing to worry about.

If you go hell, then you'll be so busy saying hello to all the friends and relatives there won't be any time to worry.

I heard this somewhere, at sometime, go figure. (HUFMEBUNZ)
[But what if you feeling only so-so? What if it is non-cureable, but not terminal? What if there is no heaven or hell? And what if you were a loner?]

Why do I procrastinate?

I don't know, I'll hafta think about it later. (HUFMEBUNZ)

Why am I so fat?

I don't know, let me eat this extra large pizza and think about it. (HUFMEBUNZ)

Why am I so stupid?

What was the question? (HUFMEBUNZ)

Why do i always lose my concentra (HUFMEBUNZ)

Why do people shave off their eyebrows and draw them on? (ScorpioAsh)
[So that they can look surprised at a surprise party that they had been tipped off to.]

I wish the damn guy who always types in bold would stop responding to entries so often. One or two, Ok, that's cool. But he's gotta make some damn remark after like every single one these days. It's pissing me off. (PodrazaR)
[You know, you're right. I'm pissing me off too.]

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, that didn't make me feel any better. Oh well, at least I tried to bring myself out of my severe, unhumorous depression. Now it's up to He
lers to cheer me up by making this a winning entry. . . no pressure or anything, only my happiness. . . my sanity. . . my life. . . don't worry, I'll get over it. . . in a few million years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tbird23)