[I broke my remote control. Now, I can never change the channel again. What's worse is that anyone who comes to my home will think I watch the History Channel. But, it's not true. Honestly. I was just flipping around when the control broke.]
1. Are you: a. male b. female. c. both
2. the universe is: a. vast b. a can of Spam c. an illusion
3. the Random Game is: a. dumb b. stupid c. moronic d. the what game?
4. Do you like cheese?
(if no, why not?)
5. Do you like bold letters?
6. Camelot is: a. a myth b. made of stone c. only a model
Thank you for your time, you answers help our cause greatly (CortJstr)
ALRIGHT, straw that broke the came's back! Almost everyday I post something 20 times funnier than half the posted entries. Each day NOTHING gets on. I'm with Mr Onliner on this one. I'm convinced that all HO people are against me. For cryin' out loud, I won 30 tokens and I never got credited with even 1!! (Nokmar3)
[Does that mean your name is on the ballot now, too?]
Am I alone in saying that Scooby Doo wqas cool until that annoying little Scrappy doo came alone? What was the deal with Scrappy? His name sucks and he never did anything but get the gang in trouble. And how many times can someone say "Let me at 'em" before it's time to shoot him? Now I could take Scooby Dum and Scooby Dee every once in a while, but Scrappy just was too much. Scooby Doo was my hero until Scrappy Doo just ruined the whole thing for me. (Krazyk242)
GCard: You're just too narrowminded. I know infinite things beyond the scope of your perception.
Ender36: What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
GCard: Is that an Afican or European swallow?
Ender36: Neither. It's really a swallow from the region of Squornshellous Zeta.
GCard: Now that's absurd. (Ender36)
here is a joke i played on yhid kid.me and my friend where at a party/this guy and girl fell a slepp on this mattress. we brought the matress next to each other.(also the girls parents are upstairs)then we rolled the guy on the girl and then stuck hes hand up here shirt.we were going take pictures and tell them that got drunk and had sex.but suddunly her mom came down the steps.we jumped down and pretended we were asleep.her mom say this and kicked both their asses.pretty funny. well just got to say heckerl online rocks! (PShan89099)
How I will survive should've gone
At first i was afraid
I was petrified
I could never live
without you by my side
but then i spent so many nights
thinkin how you did me wrong
so i held your cat for ransom
and mailed it back to you
one piece at a time. (SuprDags)
I accessed this web page today. It had an embedded MIDI file playing Vanessa Williams. "Sometimes the snow comes down in June...Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon..." Now it's in my head. If you don't get any more Random entries from me, it's because I was forced to cut off the offending head. (Bloodguilt)
[Oooo, how do you make an embedded MIDI file and then, how do I get you to come to my page?]
I ate cheese. Ducks are phunnneee. I ate duCkS . theY eAT All of my cHEesE! Gimmmmmeeeeee my cheese. I am a ramblin' guy. I Justmadeapoopy!!!!!!!!! Lock! MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkfdoodasifgjua pwsofigjh. RtuiOQEHT Okhj (Grey Gomer)
I changed my desktop setting to a nature setting. Now everytime I double click on something, instead of an hourglass, I get a squirmy little bug. I was thinking that they should have Hecklers Online as an option on the desktop settings, but then I realized that idiots don't look that much different than the rest of us. (Tbird23)
I fell asleep at 7:30 yesterday! Woke up at 10:00 thinking it was morning drank two glasses of grape Koolaid and went back to sleep. This morning I woke up and saw my purple tongue in the mirror and thought I must be really sick but then remembered and knew that waking up was not a dream. (Bloodguilt)
I have a problem. I recently was diagnosed with an eye problem and I won't be able to see for about three weeks. The guy that I am dictating this to is a real jerk and I'm afraid that he is secretly adding things that don't say and not telling me. Grey Gomer is a jerk. I hate Grey gomer. He dosen't wear pants. He isn't even a man. He is small. When he is asleep I write bad things on his forehead he goes to work and everyone laughs at him. He is small. And he is taking my money and the guy that is typing this is really handsome. (Grey Gomer)
[I felt bad for you, Grey, and I was going to give you tokens. But, then, I figure if you can't see your own name on the token list...]
I know a kid. His name is Bob. He repeats things you say to him. He is like a mocking bird. I like birds. I saw a bird. It was a robbin. I knew this because of its colors. These days, gangs have colors. I don't wear colors. I wear white. Is white random? It could be anything. A good actor could be anything. I was in a play. I played the role of a girl. Actually, it was supposed to be a girl, but gender did not apply to the role. They changed the name Suezanna to Adam. I know someone named Adam. He is nice. He has America Online. It is hard to get onto America Online. Is the process by which the computer selects America Online permits your entry random? Could you form an entire game based on gaining access to America Online? I like winning games. I won at Bingo once. Only, it was in school, so I only won a pencil. It was a good pencil. I don't use pencils very much. I type. Is the position of the keys random? On my computer, if you hit a key, it dosen't type. If you tap
[Okay. I'm confused. At this very moment, I may be interrupting Jami's entry. If I am, I'm sorry, but your transitions into the next paragraph need help. If I'm not, then I've got news for you all, entries are being cut off again. This happens to be one fine entry, alas it has no owner. I'll put it in the lost and found. In the meantime, if your entry is missing as well, it was mostly likely cut off and consequently cut out. On the other hand, if you entry is printed and some of the opening lines are missing...well, I have nothing to say about that. Open invitation to send messed up entries again and apologies from the management, please have this complimentary oven mitt.]
I like the rain. I like the rain because after the rain you can collect worms and worms are good for your plants. Worms are good for your plants cause they make holes for roots to grow and air to get to the roots, they also eat dead plant matter and their poop is the world's best ferterlizer. After the rain I gather a whole bunch of worms and put them in the pots where I've planted my roses. I always put at least 2 worms in each pot because even though worms are hermaphrodites (meaning they're male & female) they still need another worm to mate with to make baby worms. I like the rain. (JamiJR)
I send you everything...What do you do???Stab e in the back! /(sob sniff sob)
Anyway....RANDOM?!?!YOU WANT RANDOM?!!?!?i 'LL GIVE YOU RANDOM!!!!bajbfjacbajcbsajkcbjaskbcjkbadjkcbjk sjbfjdkabcjjkda cjda cjasd cja cj asuchaskjdhuioewyruieb cm dsjubfjsd vjsdhfuisdhuignsdk vjsdhnfiodsnfias cikasnifosdhaiovnasdk cioasnvi dasjvjsanjviasn vkas vida vska vipskafcv
anvjadnbvjas vcjas kcv jad vja ca
svnasivnasknfv kas fv
Hope youre happy.
(coo coo ka choo..) (Astronia)
[Does all this belong to Astronia? Or is (s)he being credited with more than his/her share? You be the jury, and I'm sure I'll hear your verdict on election day.]
I spent so many years LOOKING for waldo. now that i've found him on every single page in every single book i wonder where he went,who he's with, did he ever wash his clothes?
What do you mean you couldnt find him?!? He's there! right there! LOOK! I'm pointing right at him! geez, what are you, stupid? (SuprDags)
I went and did my civic duty of voting for the president of the United States. It was amazing. I've never done it before. Now I have a nifty little sticker that says "I voted". The more I think about that sticker, the more I think it's a sad statement. Oh, well. I guess it works on the same principle as going to the dentist's office, and having no cavities. Maybe they should give out toothbrushes at the polls. (Bloodguilt)
I wish that everyone in the world could win at least one token. Why don't the people at HO just give everyone a token for playing their games. If I could give away tokens I would. Why don't we start an uprising and not play this game ever again until evrybody has a token. MUTINY is the answer to everything. Mutiny I tell you Mutiny. (Tewmbj11)
[But after one token, you'd ask for "just one more." I know your type.]
I'm a happy little onliner, yes I am. I'm a very happy little onliner. AOL is very good to me- IT'S ALL A LIE!!!!! Yesterday I got my bill for December- when I started the new unlimited service plan- and they sent me a bill for $230!!!!!!! I'M ON UNLIMITED SERVICE YOU DOLTS!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO SEND ME BILLS FOR $230!!!!!!!!! Geez! The NERVE of some people! (JamiJR)
[I believe you, and when AOL says you didn't switch, we have proof you did right here. Down with AOL!]
If you ever want a cool pet, get a ferret---they are like a mixture of kitten, puppy, slinky, and monkey. Way cool. They copy you, and love to explore, and make this funky noise, and are just really cute. and litter-trained. Very cool pet. (Bloodguilt)
just remember, everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. and
remember that we are the salt of the earth.
and NO, i am NOT suggesting cannibalism.
although, i am a bit peckish. /i want to eat your liver with some fava
beans and a nice quiante/ *blink blink*
how do you do that?
that noise with your eyelids!
this noise? *blink*
you've gotta have funk.
ohhh. . . .i've got funk!
and eyelids, space ghost.
Know what?You can't fight Fire b4267 with fire, or with water or with swords or with pens or with guns or with snot or with sticks or with stones or with voodoo dolls or with that dumb enter key that defies me happiness because if I had used it, my dumb jack in the box thing MAY have won me some of those elusive token thingies (or at least I wouldn't look like some poor bumsend). Anyway, you can't fight Fire b4267 with ANY of those things, What you can fight fight Fire b4267 with is the following-: . Thank you. (Fire b4267)
Look! I wrote this poem today, in my math class!
A dream that kissed my sleepy lips,
That bore me to the skies of starry, furry, velvet
And I awake! No nightmare-reality
Only that the dream is dead,and I, awake,
Only that my lips are red
With the bloodied taste of something that can NEVER BE! (Fire b4267)
My family just told me I'm not really related to them. I thought it was kind of callous the way they did it. I got a birthday card a couple weeks ago, and inside it said: "Happy Birthday to our adopted alien sister!" I mean, couldn't they have been a little more subtle? Just give me a few hints first, c'mon people? (Bloodguilt)
[This was a preprinted birthday card, wasn't it? If it isn't it should be.]
OK this string walks into a bar and says,"BARTENDER GIVE ME A BEER." the bartender says,"WE DON'T SERVE STRINGS IN HERE, GET OUT."so the string leaves ties himself in a knot and frays his end. He walks back in and the bartender says,"I TOLD YOU WE DONT SERVE STRINGS IN HERE. YOURE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE." and the string says,"IM A FRAYED KNOT." (Tewmbj11)
okay, here i am an i am supposed to be letting my writing flow.. we were talking about the pro life march today and i can't put into wors ho much i wanted to be there. i feel like i am no living enough. i feel like i am a prim girl in the late 1960s who sits home and wishes that she could be one of those hippies. you know, i am in high school the best times of my life and i'm not doing anything at all . i'm not protestinga abourion or winning soccor chanchampionships or having a boyfirnednthat i am completely in ove with i am not smitten swith jay and that kind of makes me sad, i am not voluntererin making a differinsce or becoming a brright young photographer. what ami doing/ i am brimming with pronise but i dont apply myself to anythin that is so sad that i hate to think about it, but do i do anything.. .no....
wow this frreewriting has become a me bashing marathon..
yeah, mitchell froom (MurdocMe)
One night, my friend and I went to Barnes and Noble. When we were getting in her car, we saw this old guy slumped over in the car across from us. He looked like he was dead, and I was worried. I pointed him out to my friend. We were examining him a little more closely, when suddenly he reached up and scratched his face. We started screaming. The dead guy was moving! (Bloodguilt)
One out of every twenty trees in the average North Carolina deciduous forest is rotted out. Learn to recognize them and you can impress all your friends by screaming and tackling it to the ground. Then follows the jumping-about and the triumphant chant of "We conquered nature! We conquered nature!" (Bloodguilt)
[Did you conquer nature, or did nature conquer you?]
PROPHECY OF THE DAY: Jeremiah 17:9-10
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." (Bloodguilt)
Q. Should balding white men shave their heads, the way many African-American men, such as Michael Jordan, do?
A. No. It's not fair, but the simple truth is that balding
African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. (Bloodguilt)
SNL isn't funny anymore. So when I'm not playing online I watch Mad TV. It's a lot funnier. Especially that donut shop skit. Where the guy will do anything you want (except create world peace- it is only a donut shop) as long as you're buying donuts. I wish there's was a shop like that. I'd tell the guy to gve me a chocolate donut & pay my AOL bills. (JamiJR)
so there was this 69 year old man, and on his 70th birthday, his friends decide to get him a really hot prostitute to help celebrate. she greets him at his door, and she says, "i'll give you super sex!" being a little hard of hearing, the man says, "what?!?", and the prostitute says, "i'll give you super sex!!!", and the old man says, "what?!?!?!?!?" and the prostitute finally yells, "I'LL GIVE YOU SUPER SEX!!!!" and the old man says, "ahh...i'll take the soup." (TODnCOPPER)
TACO! i really want one. i mean, really. well, not that badly. what am i talking about..(?) (WARPIG1000)
That would be cool if we could talk over the net like it was a phone. >babbling< Remember when they used to have party lines? Several houses would share the same phone line. Nowadays each house has it's own phone line and more and more often several. [from the mouth of WeenyWoman] (Bloodguilt)
The devil came to get this guy to take him to heck in 18something-or-other. And the guy said, "If I show you an Indian that never forgets, can I not go to heck?" So the devil says "Yeah" and they go to see the Indian. The devil greets him and says "Do you like eggs?" Then the devil and the guy go away and twenty years later the devil comes back to see the Indian. The devil greets him in the traditional Indian manner "How." And the Indian says "Scrambled." There's a joke for all you people that like jokes. (Tiger Spot)
There were three wise ass jokers and it was there birthday so they decided to pull a prank on all the guests so they put three bb's in the cake then they waited so two hours later no one touched the cake and the boys had gotten really hungry so they ate the cake. The next day the first boy webt into his mother and said mommy mommy I peed a bb teh mother said ok ok get lost then the next boy came in and said mommy mommy I peed a bb the mother said alright get lost then the third boy came in and said mommy mommy... The mother said let me guess you peed a bb the boy said no I was jaking off and I shot the dog. (LenRosen)
[Three wise ass jokers all have the same birthday? What are the odds of that?]
This duck walks into a bar.
He says "Got any nuts?"
The bartender says "No, this is a bar."
So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again. "Got any nuts?"
"No, this is a bar."
So the duck leaves
Next day he's back. "Got any nuts?"
"NO!!! This is a bar!!"
Next day: "Got any nuts?"
"For the last time, NO! And if you ask that one more time, I'm gonna nail your webbed feet to the bar!!!!!"
Next day the duck walks in, asks "Got any nails?"
Bartender yells "NO!!!"
"Got any nuts?" (Tiger Spot)
[That's the version I heard.]
This is what i hear on the answer machine after my GrandMa calls: Hello????? is anyone out there. Hello????????? You have to keep in mind that she has the most irritating voice in the world. The kind of voice that cuts through your head. Do you get my point????? (Docmoron)
Tori Spelling is a top celebrity and highly successful television star, despite having the natural acting prowess of a Salad Shooter. Why? Because she always has a neat, modern hairstyle. Also her father produces every show on television except the test pattern. But her hair is surely a factor. (Bloodguilt)
What, bold-guy? Did you let slip the dogs of TOS on poor ol' Oblio Six for calling you an unfunny screw-up? Huh??? Why don't you come after me, bold-boy?! Come on! I can take ya! 12 rounds, Bold-boy versus MagicClams in an insult war in a HO chat room! No referee, no TOS police, just pure unadulterated humiliation for the loser (i.e. you) and mindless adulation for the winner (i.e. ME). Come on, big man! You take on a little unknown like Oblio, and you do fine, but let's see how you do in the big-leagues! I'll take your sorry Bold-typing a** down! I'm serious about that! You name the time and place, and I'll hurt you, but good! (MagicClams)
[Shows what you know. The content of Oblio's message was something to the extent--"I wonder if the bold letter person really reads all these entries. Let me call her a **** **** ************ and see if she deletes this." Well, Oblio asked for it, plus got his name in the margin. Pretty good deal if you ask me. I only explain this in case anyone thinks I actually cut out entries, other than those that violate TOS. However, your invitation sounds most inviting. Please hurt me.]
When I was little, we went to the San Diego Zoo. We got to the turtle portion and there was a small bridge over the turtle pond. I was about 4, and I begged my mom to let me pee over the bridge onto the turtles. When she refused to let me do this, I immediately through a tantrum. I cried for hours! (WeirdMan15)
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Unless, of course, you have a fear of citrus fruit. Then you throw them out and watch them get moldy. But if we're still speaking metaphorically, you're probably just a loser. [from the mouth of WeenyWoman] (Bloodguilt)
yeahlllndlkj sure lkjdlk i know lkndf j okaylkjdlkfj mitchel l;kadjf come in, dearlkjlkadj fit's late..kljflkdjf you could get kidnappedlkadj fkmitchel, i mean itlkjdflakdjf mitchel get in here right now lkdfj dfmitchel, i'm leaving without you lkjdf admitchel a;ldkjf mitchel lkdjf MITCHELlkadjfd dkfdjfine mitchellkdjf just stay outside lkadj fjust stay outide and freezelkdjf dkj lkdjf oh, godlkjdlkfj mitchelkldjflkdj i don't know what i'm going to do lkdjf s lsdkjfwhere can i find another ldkjfdl fjdfl;kdj octopus ;lakdj like mitchell??lkdjlfkajdlfkjdf lkfjdlkfj at the lakdjfpetstore, iguess.jd;lfkjdf
mitchel really isnt an octopus, he's a doctored piano player. (MurdocMe)
[Didn't you hear about the new law? It's not mitchell anymore, it has been changed from mitcheaven.]