Ways Jar Jar Binks Should Die!

See what movie scenes would be improved if they featured our buddy Jar Jar!

  1. Does a sit-and-spin on Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsabre.
  2. A pack of rabid Rottweilers.
  3. Used for radiation shielding.
  4. Pecked to death by a flock of blue jays.
  5. Satanic ritual.
  6. Accepts double dare to run across I-285 at 3:00 PM on Friday.
  7. Slowly lowered into a vat of sulfuric acid.
  8. Body cavity search with a lightsabre.
  9. Served up as Jar-B-Cue at Ewok banquet.
  10. Send him to Fenway Park dressed as a New York Yankees fan.
  11. Arrested by the LAPD.
  12. Ebola virus.
  13. Buggered by a Bantha.
  14. Sent to clean up a nuclear reactor without protective gear.
  15. 16-ton weight.
  16. Blunders into an ED-209.
  17. Sucked down a black hole.
  18. Captured by Vogons and forced to listen to their poetry.
  19. Floppy ears get snagged in paper shredder.
  20. Drive-by blasting.
  21. Lies on a tanning bed way too long.
  22. Explosive decompression.
  23. A nice refreshing dip in toxic waste.
  24. Swept away by a flash flood.
  25. Ground up and canned as cat food.
  26. Dragged behind the Mach 5 through the desert.
  27. Thrown to the lions.
  28. Accidentally(?) stepped on by Voltron.
  29. Bantha stampede.
  30. Acupuncture with railroad spikes.
  31. Drunken ugnauts take him apart.
  32. Forced to watch every episode of "Space: 1999" back to back.
  33. Run over by a steamroller.
  34. Attacked by Daleks.
  35. Mustard gas.
  36. Cave diving with only 5 minutes' worth of oxygen.
  37. Barbed wire body wrap.
  38. Dropped into middle of a Southern Baptist convention.
  39. Gored and trampled by a crazed elephant.
  40. Trip over a waterfall without benefit of barrel.
  41. Hand-to-hand combat with Predator.
  42. Lynched by "Star Wars" fans who feel that he ruined "The Phantom Menace."
  43. Roseanne does the Macarena on his stomach for three hours.
  44. Captured by Cardassians.
  45. Bungee jumping with frayed cord over sharp rocks.
  46. Used as a crash test dummy.
  47. Death match against Robocop.
  48. One very large Ziploc(TM) bag.
  49. Sucked into engine of an L-1011.
  50. Slides down ramp covered with razor blades.
  51. Cruise missile.
  52. Dunked into liquid nitrogen, then smacked by Mark McGuire.
  53. Drain-O(TM) enema.
  54. Discovers that there are quicksand pits on Tatooine.
  55. Rides the NYC subway alone and unarmed after dark.
  56. Tossed into shark-infested waters.
  57. Put him in a Ford Pinto, then tailgate in an Audi 5000.
  58. Lead role in a snuff film.
  59. Clothes wringer.
  60. Gets his head caught in Anakin's pod racer and can't get it out.
  61. Fed through a wood chipper.
  62. Head used for hood ornament.
  63. Trampled flat by the Green Bay Packers.
  64. Used as guinea pig in AIDS research.
  65. Massage by Edward Scissorhands.
  66. Locked in cell with 50 sex-starved hardened convicts.
  67. Give him several balls coated with contact explosive and ask him to juggle.
  68. A stroll across an old rope bridge over a river full of piranha.
  69. Struck by lightning.
  70. 18 hours of Metallica at 150 dB.
  71. Used as target by the US Olympic archery team.
  72. Joins a suicide cult.
  73. Flesh-eating virus.
  74. Re-enactment of the Spanish Inquisition.
  75. Silly accent drives Qui-gon Jinn and Obi-wan Kenobi into murderous rage.
  76. Walking tour of the Serengeti.
  77. Pitted against Mike Tyson (think about what will happen, considering the size of his ears--).
  78. Given LSD while standing on top of the CN Tower.
  79. Adorn him with rainbow jewelry and pink triangles, then send him to a skinhead rally.
  80. Tie 25 large tomcats to him, then toss him into a swimming pool.
  81. Tumbles into a Sarlacc pit.
  82. A very large Cuisinart(TM).
  83. Mad Gungan disease.
  84. Plutonium suppository.
  85. Mistakenly locked in with Hannibal Lecter.
  86. Abandoned in the middle of the Sahara Desert with no water.
  87. Stuffed in TIE Fighter that flies right into a supernova.
  88. Squashed in a trash compactor.
  89. Killer bees.
  90. Strangled by kudzu.
  91. Tossed into a blast furnace.
  92. Caught in a pyroclastic flow.
  93. Tell a New York godfather that Jar Jar doublecrossed him.
  94. Buried up to his neck in a fire ant hill.
  95. Napalm strike.
  96. Used as an NFL tackle dummy.
  97. Run over by an 18-wheeler.
  98. Overdose of tequila.
  99. Falls into the La Brea tar pits.
  100. Duel with Darth Maul, and Jar Jar has only a pocket knife.
  101. Earns the enmity of Hell's Angels.
  102. Used as a truck dock bumper.
  103. Celebrity Death Match: Jar Jar Binks vs. Barney!
  104. Thrown into the Raptor pen at Jurassic Park.
  105. Flattened by a zamboni.
  106. A weekend with the Addams Family.
  107. Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave Jar Jar forty whacks!
  108. Coated with asphalt and used as a speed bump.
  109. Cyanide in his food.
  110. Dentistry with a jackhammer.
  111. Buried alive in quicklime.
  112. Jar Jar Binks Goes to Hell!
  113. Used as piņata at Jedi picnic.
  114. Lethal dose of X-rays.
  115. Transformed into a giant monster and pitted against the Power Rangers. (Maybe they'll destroy each other!)
  116. Forced to drink 50 liters of Coors Lite.
  117. Chopped up and made into space shuttle re-entry tiles.
  118. Mistakes a thermal detonator for a piece of fruit.
  119. Dropped in the middle of Antarctica.
  120. Pays a visit to the rancor pit.
  121. Yoda uses the Force to throw Jar Jar into the council during practice session. (We finally get to see Yoda fight!)
  122. Accidentally eats poison frogs.
  123. Rammed by pod racer.
  124. Eaten by Colo Claw Fish in the planet core.
  125. Two words: Black Plague.
  126. Tossed over a cliff.
  127. Make him watch footage of himself until he pukes to death.
  128. Cast him in the South Park movie as Kenny.
  129. A date with Lorena Bobbitt.
  130. Battles Stone Cold Steve Austin in a fight to the death.
  131. Put him in a bag with 20 angry skunks.
  132. Crushed by an Imperial Walker.
  133. Fed to Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors).
  134. Goes into Los Angeles Police Departement yelling "Messa, canna we alla get alonga?"
  135. Tell Darth Vader that Jar Jar isn't afraid of his sorcerous ways and that he said his devotion to that ancient religion didn't help conjure up the stolen data tapes.
  136. Massive Hennig Plex (as in Nitro).
  137. Petrified by Medusa.
  138. Tongue gets snagged in the rear axle of a Porsche.
  139. Hung by his knobby little eyes.
  140. Sucked into the Nubian cruiser's engine.
  141. Anakin lets Sebulba kill him.
  142. Forced to watch entire season of Barney.
  143. Put in same cell as Charles Manson.
  144. Insults Moamar Khadafi.
  145. Rip out his tongue, then punch his lights out.
  146. Dynamite enema.
  147. Drip acid into his eyes and ears.
  148. Cover him in honey and send him into a cave full of bears.
  149. Tie a steak around his neck and lock him in a room with wolverines that are high on angel dust.
  150. Back surgery with a can opener.
  151. Colonel Sanders deep fries Jar Jar, and feeds him to Sebulba with a side of mashed potatoes.
  152. Eaten by "Fat Bastard."
  153. Guest appearance on the "Itchy and Scratchy Show."
  154. Gets adopted by a Disney family (would drive him to suicide).
  155. Has an argument with Darth Maul and gets put on the "Jerry Springer Show."
  156. Drop-kicks a porcupine.
  157. Gets his tongue stuck to the side of a Saturn 5 rocket right before lift-off.
  158. Chest burster from the Alien movies.
  159. Drawn and quartered by pod racers.
  160. Ultimate Fighting match with Sebulba.
  161. Annoys Emperor Palpatine.
  162. Queen Amidala repeatedly kicks him in the crotch.
  163. Sent out to make some new Tusken Raider friends.
  164. Kidnapped by Jawas.
  165. Offer Boba Fett a bounty for his head.
  166. Strangled by his own tongue.
  167. Crushed by one of Queen Amidala's costumes.
  168. "Accidentally" killed by the other Gungans during the droid battle.
  169. Massive brain hemorrhage.
  170. Meteor strike (hey, it could happen).
  171. Shot by hunters for his ears.
  172. His only brain cell dies.
  173. Fatal case of explosive diarrhea.
  174. Cast as an extra in Saving Private Ryan - oops, the fire they use wasn't created by ILM.
  175. Sent to a sleep-over with Michael Jackson. "Meesa feel so icky!"
  176. Repeatedly used as a fly swatter by Hercules.
  177. Caught in a colossal lemming stampede.
  178. Eyestalks, ears, arms and head plucked off by infuriated Wookiee.
  179. Mistakes a Tribble for a piece of fruit.
  180. Mugged by a multicultural group he secretly represents, because of the obvious stereotyping that Lucas uses as inspiration for his aliens.
  181. Tell Darth Maul that Jar Jar had been talking crap about him for weeks.
  182. Stick him up to his neck in dirt, then run over his head with a riding lawnmower.
  183. Obi-Wan is ordered by the Council to rid himself of all that is pathetic, and he does.
  184. Obi-Wan discovers that Jedi can de-atomize things with their telekinetic powers, test subject please, "You meana meesa gonna splitsa?"
  185. Thrown into a pit filled with ravenous hamsters.
  186. Lethal jinx put on him.
  187. Walks into a Jar-Jar Binks Must Die convention.
  188. Send him to any average American High School.
  189. Skin him alive and drag him through salt water at 100 kph.
  190. Forced to watch the Teletubbies until his brain explodes.
  191. Gets splattered on a naboo fighter just as they launch.
  192. Tie his tongue to a guillotine, then put a bowl of fruit on top of the guillotine.
  193. Have him plaster the Danish Muhammad cartoons all over Riyadh.
  194. Stake him out in a room full of cats that are high on catnip.
  195. Tries to unjam a blaster rifle.
  196. Hit by a hover tank.
  197. Caught in the middle of a dogfight between Rebel X-Wings and Imperial Tie Fighters.
  198. Arrested by Mace Windu for sexual harassment.
  199. Put in front of a firing squad of Stormtroopers.
  200. Mistakes the blade of a light saber for a giant piece of candy.
  201. 50,000 volt electroshock therapy.
  202. Anal probe with a power saw.
  203. Open heart surgery without anesthetic.
  204. Leave him, bound and gagged, outside the door of a bondage night club with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm ticklish."
  205. Cast him as the wacky next-door neighbor in the next "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" sequel.
  206. Stick him in the clothes dryer with your old smelly sneakers for an hour on high heat.
  207. Bury him under an avalanche of Star Wars action figures.
  208. Put him on the Animaniacs show--in a guest spot with Slappy the Squirrel.
  209. His tongue gets snagged in a blender.
  210. Food dehydrator.
  211. Mercury flame.
  212. Gets in a water fight in which everybody else is using acid and only he has water.
  213. Devoured by scarab beetles.
  214. Tie him up to a pole and let everyone who saw the movie and hated him stick one pin anywhere they choose.
  215. Magnifying glass and direct sunlight.
  216. His hand is possessed and attacks him.
  217. Tells Obi-Wan that he looks like a girl with a braid in his hair.
  218. Have him parachute, but replace his 'chute with a bag full of fruit (at least he can have a last meal).
  219. Handcuff him to Emperor Palpatine during Episode VI.
  220. Tie him to the back windshield of a car being chased by police.
  221. Have him tell Chewbacca he looks like Cousin It from the Addams Family.
  222. Force him to pop the bubbles guarding the Gungan City.
  223. A relaxing hot bath in an active volcano.
  224. Asks Darth Maul how his lightsabre works.
  225. Stoned to death by jealous Ewoks.
  226. Buried up to his neck at the beach at low tide.
  227. Aliens abduct him and give him an anal probe that shoots fire when he farts, and return him to earth at the Acme Dynamite Factory after taking him out to Taco Bell.
  228. Put into the NASA astronaut training program, and is smashed when the centrifuge braking system fails and the acceleration button is stuck.
  229. Aboard a 747 that has a mid-air collision with a B1-B bomber carrying a live nuclear payload.
  230. Golfing with the Unabomer who tries out his new contact exploding golf ball.
  231. Gets food poisoning followed by a violent allergic reaction to Pepto-Bismol.
  232. Cut off his legs and sell them as giant frog legs.
  233. Used as shark chum for a National Geographic underwater photo shoot.
  234. Write a subpoenaed Presidential document on him and put him in the same room as Hillary and a shredder.
  235. Hung by his toenails during a private LIVE concert with Hanson.
  236. Anakin catches him in flagrante delicto with Queen Amidala.
  237. Whoops! Jabba accidentally knocked Jar Jar off during the race, instead of one of those little bugs.
  238. Throw him in that ship that ran into the wall while taking off.
  239. Zapped by Senator/Emperor Palpatine.
  240. Sucked into an interdimensional wormhole created by the combine Force powers of the Jedi council (allows for deaths that don't take place in the Star Wars Universe).
  241. Infect the computer that created him with a virus that turns him from Dorky Ass Good Guy into Kick Ass Bad Guy (Darth Binks, any one?)
  242. Used as a Jedi lightsabre training dummy.
  243. Force choke-hold by Darth Vader.
  244. Flies an X-wing that lacks a heat shield.
  245. Used as a guinea pig to see what happens when something hits the Death Star's force shield.
  246. Electrocuted by R2D2.
  247. Cannibalized by other Gungans.
  248. Explores the innards of the Asteroid Monster that almost swallowed the Millennium Falcon.
  249. Strangled to death by a grammar teacher. "If you say meesa one more time..."
  250. Cast Jar Jar as a Teletubby and send him on tour through the Bible Belt.
  251. Ears caught up in tornado, blown to Oz, shown by Dorothy where those ruby slippers REALLY go.
  252. House falls from the sky on top of him.
  253. Stabbed to death with a spork by Anakin out of jealous rage over Queen Amidala.
  254. Put in the middle of the Daytona 500 race track with only a helmet.
  255. Tie him down and make him listen to the Spice Girls 24 hours a day.
  256. Make him parachute into the sun.
  257. Put napalm in a bowl of fruit and tell him to eat the fruit.
  258. Tries to drive Anakin's pod racer.
  259. Have him look in a mirror.
  260. Make him look at this website - it will scare him to death!
  261. Firmly grab an eyestalk in each hand, and make a wish!
  262. Put him in the electric chair, and set the juice on "low." Slowly increase the power every two minutes until rendered "Extra Crispy."
  263. Tries to grab a piece of fruit that is too far away with his tongue, and rips himself inside out.
  264. Super glue his tongue to his ass, and force feed him laxatives.
  265. Place a fire hose up his butt and turn it on full blast.
  266. Send him to Harlem naked and wearing a sign saying "I hate n*gg*rs."
  267. Make him the front role in a George Romero zombie movie.
  268. Send him up against a Dire Wolf (Mechwarrior) with a squirt gun.
  269. Can you say "Colombian necktie"?
  270. Go Fargo on his ass.
  271. Cast him as an enemy in a Jackie Chan film.
  272. Tell him to go up to Robert Deniro and call him a sissy.
  273. Twenty hours with Jon Leguizamo. (Maybe they'll annoy each other to death!)
  274. Give him a before-death organ donor card.
  275. Ground zero soil tester.
  276. Send him to Area 51 (he may not die but we'll never see him again).
  277. Head instructor at kamikaze pilot school.
  278. Put him on an abandoned island with Serbian soldiers.
  279. Head land mine detector in Kosovo.
  280. Anti-tank round ('nuff said).
  281. C4 backpack.
  282. Plastic explosive jock strap.
  283. Gungan anti Jar Jar revolt.
  284. Crack overdose.
  285. Send him to the mosh pit at a Limp Bizkit or Rage Against the Machine concert.
  286. Chris Rock yelling, "You stole my bit!"
  287. Sharpen his toes and let King Kong drive him into the ground.
  288. C-3PO bitch slaps him to death. "Stay away from R2 you hussy!"
  289. Goes to vampire night club seen in Blade.
  290. Shouting "West side" in front of a New York street gang.
  291. Saying bugs are "icky" in front of Edgar (the Bug from MIB).
  292. Visiting Jurassic Park.
  293. Visiting Tokyo. (We hear Godzilla likes his prey "deep fried")
  294. Dress him up as Bill Clinton and send him to Kosovo and Iraq.
  295. Lock him in a room with the "A-Team" when they're pissed off.
  296. Represents the government in an anarchist meeting.
  297. Chop off his eyes, then send him through a minefield.
  298. Chinese water torture with hydrochloric acid.
  299. Inspects a great white shark's teeth.
  300. Tell Tony the Tiger that Jar Jar thinks Frosted Flakes suck.
  301. Convince him to summon Turandot - there's no way he'll figure out the three riddles!
  302. Skin him and roll him in salt.
  303. As soon as Anakin turns to the Dark Side he draws his lightsaber, turns it on, and turns to Jar Jar (nearby) saying "You know, you've always bugged me..."
  304. Accidentally puts a scratch on a certain bounty hunter's ship - and Vader's not around to say "no disintegrations."
  305. Eaten alive by a wampa.
  306. Run over by sandcrawler.
  307. Jumps on a bed and puts his head through a ceiling fan.
  308. Killed by the Crow when it is revealed Jar Jar was the mastermind behind his death.
  309. Strapped to the top of a double decker bus that is then driven under a low bridge.
  310. Sub-Zero rips out his heart, then pushes him so he falls on the spikes below.
  311. Barbed wire death match with Mick Foley.
  312. Thrown through helicopter blades.
  313. Mace Windu gets medieval on his ass.
  314. Lots of crazed monkeys. Need I say more?
  315. Attempts to use that new Acme product Wyle E. Coyote was telling him about.
  316. Group of gang members mistake his speech for a threat.
  317. Forced to listen to N'sync, the Backstreet Boys, Jewel or Barbara Streisand for 12 hours.
  318. Send him to Pantek Arena after telling Rhonda Reinhardt that he engineered her kidnapping by the Carmichael clan. (Be sure to tell her that Gungan blood is exceptionally tasty!)
  319. Put in a glass cage into which one killer bee is released each second.
  320. Trapped in a giant hourglass.
  321. Made into paper to print apologies to everyone who saw the movie.
  322. The Pear (a split pear-shaped device inserted into the anus and forced open).
  323. Made to sit on a red hot throne wearing a red hot crown and holding a red hot scepter.
  324. Mistakes a lightsabre for a Popsicle.
  325. Plays baseball with a thermal detonator.
  326. Force-pushed into a spiked wall.
  327. Get him piss-drunk and tell him to go tight rope walking across Beggar's Canyon.
  328. Goes to the Death Star and yells obscenities at Darth Vader.
  329. Cut his knee caps and make him walk stairs for a few days.
  330. Feed him some crushed glass and have Darth Maul give him a few gut shots.
  331. A few sleeping pills, take off the eyelids, and watch the fun.
  332. Russian roulette with a 9mm.
  333. Power outage every time Lucas makes a new "improvement" on him.
  334. Dress him up as a large candy bar and lock him in a room during a Weight Watchers meeting.
  335. Spontaneous combustion.
  336. Yoda beats him to death with his cane.
  337. Record him talking, and let him listen to it over and over again until he kills himself.
  338. Put a red shirt on him and beam him down to a planet's surface.
  339. Khan Noonian Singh puts a ceti eel in his ear, then tells him to go annoy some Klingons.
  340. Stick his ears into an electrical socket.
  341. Forgets to wear an orange vest during hunting season.
  342. "Sorry, Jar Jar, but there aren't any more escape pods!"
  343. Ricky Martin Marathon.
  344. Castrated while watching Natalie Portman do a strip tease. The mental and sexual torture would surely drive him to kill himself.
  345. Dress him like a skinhead and send him to the ghetto.
  346. Tell "Stone Cold" Steve Austin that Jar Jar thinks he's cute.
  347. Digested by the giant cockroach in MIB
  348. Jar Jar tells Rush Limbaugh he's a liberal.
  349. Obi-Wan Kenobi "mistakens" him for a battle droid.
  350. Making fun of Alex Krycek's prosthetic arm after finishing a favor for him.
  351. Qui-Gon discovers that Jar Jar is driving Obi-Wan to the Dark Side, so he spirit kills him.
  352. Denounced as an aristocrat in 18th century France.
  353. Pit him against Pikachu.
  354. Convince him to tell Lara Croft she's a sissy while she's holding her Uzis.
  355. A gungan-size microwave oven.
  356. Dropped into a vat of molten steel.
  357. Infected by a fungus that slowly devours his flesh.
  358. Put in detention with a legally insane high-school art teacher - because he wouldn't be able to shut up, she'd beat him to death with an easel.
  359. Blindfolded, then stuck in electrfied cage with the evil white rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
  360. Bring him to a bagel store for breakfast, then throw him in the oven and burn him to death, grind his bones and feed it to a dog with bad intestines, scrape up the shit and place in flaming bag on porch, neighbor can take it from there.
  361. Send him to any prison. (If the inmates don't kill him the food will!)
  362. Have him "inspect" Galvatron's gun.
  363. Send him to a church wearing a Godsmack T-shirt.
  364. Sit him in front of a couple of giant speakers and play the Star Wars main theme as loud as you can. (Or the finale of the 1812 Overture - those cannon shots will blow him clean to Garbeton!)
  365. Drop him in a pit full of Sharkticons.
  366. Pull off his ears and use them as a mouth gag, rip off his arms and beat him almost to death with them, and finally have Officer Volpe give him a few examples from his new book "500 Other Ways to Use a Common Toilet Plunger."
  367. Have him become Jabba the Hutt's new translator. (You saw what he did with his last one!)
  368. Have him become a stormtrooper (those guys get killed by the thousands).
  369. Send him to a Star Trek convention.
  370. Have him ask Slag to light his cigar.
  371. Tie him to a stake in the hottest part of Tatooine and cover him with cooking oil.
  372. Have him sit in Optimus Prime's favorite chair and hope that Prime dosen't look before he sits.
  373. Force him to watch re-runs of Road Rules and the Real World until his brain comes out of his ears.
  374. A swim through piranha-infested water.
  375. Stuck in a motel room with Bill Clinton after Bill has watched four straight episodes of Baywatch and has had a bottle of Vodka. "Noo mista presidenta...noo!"
  376. Make him the referee in a wressling match between Devastator, Menasor, Bruticus, Predaking, Abonimus and Pirahnacon.
  377. A nice dip in Lake Placid (if we're lucky the crocodile will be hungry).
  378. Send him to Somalia - the natives will be glad for the food offering.
  379. Jabba the Hutt sits on him.
  380. Mistakes a Lightsaber for a rectal thermometer.
  381. Cut off his eyes, insert them into his rectum, then torpedo him into sharp, scattered, hot space debris.
  382. Left on a life raft for 10 days, after which he sees a rescue plane that drops, what at first looks like a rescue package, but turns out to be merely a bowling ball that hits him hard on the shins. He continues to nurse his broken foot until a narwal impales him from underneath the raft. Able to stay under water, he survives long enough to get attacked by two lampreys and a carnivorous manatee with rabies.
  383. Cholesterol poisoning.
  384. Have him go to a frat boy initiation ceremony: "Hic...okey-day, one more...hic...drink...hic."
  385. Give him a "Chuckie" doll.
  386. Jar Jar skin boots -- the newest fashion craze!
  387. Make him the newest character in "Happy Tree Friends." Sooner or later he'll die a horrible death. Several times.
  388. Someone helps him pierce his ears - with a railroad spike.
  389. Tongue gets stuck in a Pod Racer's engine.
  390. Put him in an all-black rubber suit and leave him in the middle of the Dune Sea.
  391. Make him wear four-inch stiletto high heels for the rest of his life -- his ankles eventually implode in on themselves, and he falls that whole four inches to the ground and suffers horrible head trauma.
  392. Scratches an itch on his butt with a lightsaber.
  393. A fight to the death with Obi Wan.
  394. Jar Jar by himself, with no weapons, against a legion of battle droids.
  395. Finally has a purpose: He's assimilated by the Borg and destroys their entire race.
  396. Hit in the nuts with Qui-gon's lightsaber and it comes out the other way.
  397. Xena uses her chakram to cut off his head.
  398. Gets a facelift from an elevator.
  399. Catches mind-rot.
  400. Tries to blow up the Death Star, but arrives 30 seconds after Luke.
  401. "A Dingo Stole My Jar Jar."
  402. Peel him with a potato peeler.
  403. Drown him in the bilious fluid of everyone who barfed when he came on the screen.
  404. Have Shadowcat phase his stupid-looking ass into Mt. Rushmore.
  405. Pour boiling hot nacho cheese over him and send him to a comic convention.
  406. Put him in front of a microwave, turn it to full, leave for 5 days--presto, instant stomach cancer. Then wait.
  407. Fill his eyes with shards of glass, then move his eyelids up and down.
  408. Put a trenchcoat on him and send him, unarmed, to Columbine. Let the angry mob do what they must.
  409. Travel back in time to the WWF PPV, Over The Edge, and dress him as The Blue Blazer. The effects of this are two-fold: 1. Dead Jar Jar, 2. Live Owen Hart.
  410. Jam one compressed air hose up his ass and one in his mouth.
  411. Jar Jar's new job: Rodeo clown.
  412. Horny midgets on PCP. 'Nuff said.
  413. 28 pitching machines on high speed.
  414. Has sex with Eve from Species.
  415. You know those machines that butchers use to slice meat--
  416. Slice him in two with the Gungan bubble shield.
  417. Send him though the middle of Naboo without a sub.
  418. Lock him in a Mongolian torture box. The victim is put inside with just his head sticking out, then the box is chained shut and placed in the middle of the desert.
  419. Jam onions down his throat 'til he chokes.
  420. Test subject for The Death Star's planet destroying laser beam.
  421. Pit him against Goldberg.
  422. Every other character in the Star Wars universe gets to kidney punch him.
  423. "Kiss the curb, you lousy Gungan bastard!"
  424. Jack him into The Matrix, then kill his physical form.
  425. Powerbomb him from 30,000 feet.
  426. ODs on heroin.
  427. Tie him down and run 100 miles on him while wearing golf shoes.
  428. Make him watch Star Trek V 100 times.
  429. Cast him in the next Carrot Top film.
  430. Pull out his still-beating heart, and show it to him as he dies. Then burn the heart.
  431. Drill a hole in his skull and fill his brain-pan with liquid nitrogen.
  432. Send him to Sunnydale - Buffy will certainly mistake him for a demon.
  433. Lock him in a room with a knife, and play Leonard Cohen records over and over.
  434. Slides (as in Sliders) into a cannibal world with no escape.
  435. Plays chicken in the middle of a pod race and doesn't move.
  436. Young Obi Wan gets drunk, has a rifle, and is near JarJar.
  437. Thinks he's 007 and goes into Russia on an espionage mission.
  438. Darth Maul's upper half comes back to life and strangles him.
  439. Gets caught up in a street war.
  440. Gets into a Y-Wing in the battle of Yavin.
  441. While looking through the top of a lightsaber, he accidently ignites it.
  442. Gets stuck with Kathie Lee.
  443. Flips the bird at a biker - you know the rest.
  444. Dress him up as a New York Yankee and send him to Shea Stadium on free baseball bat night.
  445. Ginzu accident on Yan-Can-Cook.
  446. Have him do the Houdini water escape with straitjacket and handcuffs, except you lower him into boiling hot water.
  447. Put him in prison and tell everyone he's the snitch.
  448. Send him to Woodstock '99 wearing a sign that says Narc.
  449. Tear his ears off and beat him with them.
  450. Hire him out to Leona Helmsley.
  451. Make him Woody Allen's personal sex slave.
  452. Put him on the Judge Judy show (she'll bitch him to death).
  453. Castration by weed-whacker.
  454. Lights up a cigarette in the worlds largest natural gas facility.
  455. Trap him in a room with a show toon singing Rosie O'Donnell.
  456. Takes a course of Lucky for Life with Jack LaLane.
  457. Target practice for US special forces.
  458. Bludgeoned to death with the keyboard used to create him.
  459. Give him a lightsaber - sooner or later he'll accidentally kill himself.
  460. Dress him all in red and have him fight a bull.
  461. Next time Jar Jar's hand gets stuck in a pod racer, hop in and see how far it'll tow him before his arm tears off.
  462. Put both Jar Jar and adult Darth Vader in a closed room together and wait five minutes before the screaming starts.
  463. Use him for Imperial stormtrooper laser blaster target practice.
  464. Buffy the Gungan Slayer!
  465. A Sleepover party with Jason, Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers.
  466. Let him have a nice chat with a battle droid.
  467. Skin him and send him out into the desert on Arrakis in the middle of "The Largest Storm Ever Seen."
  468. Or, if you prefer, have him run over or eaten by a sandworm.
  469. Over-runed by Dark Elder. (Warhammer 40K fans know what this means.)
  470. Driving in an old Russian Volga with a drum of good old nitro in the back.
  471. Proclaimed an enemy of the people by Stalin.
  472. Shot by Oregon hillbilly.
  473. Bungee jumping with a rope that is too long.
  474. Tossed into old sub bay (now used as a radioactive waste dump) in Nurmarsk.
  475. Foreced to reinstall Windows 95 over and over again.
  476. Killed by IR baboon who mistook him for the pesky weasel.
  477. Lock him in a room full of bird eating spiders and turn off the light.
  478. "Sorry, Jar Jar, but we couldn't find a stunt double for you!"
  479. Dragged behind a landspeeder through the Dune Sea.
  480. Driving MAD tank in Red Alert, and gets sucked into cronal vortex.
  481. Used as a test subject in California experiment.
  482. Insults Leman Russ (another from 40K).
  483. Playing with ACME super handy dandy A-bomb.
  484. Both hands eaten by Philips CD ROM unit.
  485. Send him to Iraq and let Saddam do the rest.
  486. Goes nuts and jumps off from London Bridge after watching Austin Power's deadly dance.
  487. Head used for kickoff of Super Bowl XLVII.
  488. Plays Jumanji.
  489. Rammed by USS Nimitz while sailing his little boat.
  490. Caught by Cancer man and sent to Area 51 for experiment.
  491. Ballet dancing with a 500 lb woman.
  492. Falls overboard from a big cruiseliner after pretending to be Leonardo DiCaprio. ("Meesa kinga da world!)
  493. Put in Scream 5.
  494. Becomes FBI bomb expert.
  495. Rides a helicopter to negotiate with the aliens in Independence Day.
  496. Flies a super-obselete MiG during the Korean War.
  497. Killed by a frantic soldier in Saving Private Ryan.
  498. Ears used for tug-of-war between a Ford F-350 and a Chevy 3500.
  499. Attack by Jack the Ripper.
  500. Tries to escape from Alcatraz.
  501. Poisoned by carbon monoxide in the back of a pickup truck with a canopy.
  502. Tries to climb Mount Everest (or the Matterhorn).
  503. Put in Con-Air and meets Garland Green.
  504. Parachutes into dog pound filled with pit bulls.
  505. Sails the Bermuda Triangle.
  506. Smart bombs.
  507. His ear gets caught on a Greyhound bus going nonstop Atlanta to Dallas.
  508. Heat Wave in Houston, Texas. (The humidity in this city is murder!)
  509. Encounters Colonel Kurtz.
  510. Becomes a matador in Spain.
  511. Made a football mascot.
  512. Gets a job as stunt performer.
  513. Sucked under by the massive propeller on the Queen Mary.
  514. Put in the middle of the Florida Everglades.
  515. Flying in a poorly maintained Boeing 707.
  516. Shopping in Wal Mart during a big sale.
  517. Sumo wrestling.
  518. Goes space walking, and his tether snaps.
  519. Attends a soccer game in Brazil.
  520. Throw him off a mile high building, and see if those ears can make him fly.
  521. Give him a box of oil for his skin, but replace it with a box of compressed salt oil.
  522. He opens the black book in The Mummy.
  523. Open up his stomach and slowly pull out the insides, showing them to him, and cutting them up.
  524. Give him fruit stuffed with C4, and detonate it.
  525. Put him in a space suit, hand him a hand blaster, and float him off into space to fight the Death Star.
  526. Hire two bloody men to hunt him down, or better yet, make it a bloody hell. Who knows? There might be a series here.
  527. Have him sky dive, head first, into a force field.
  528. Goes up to the Terminator with a hand knife, and says, "Meesa kill you, nakid baby!"
  529. Dress him up as a rebel soldier and send him to an Imperial bunker.
  530. Becomes pen pal with the Unabomber.
  531. Made the stunt double for Qui-Gon in his death scene.
  532. Drowns in a pool of Boss Nass's slobber.
  533. George Lucas lays off the acid and realizes what he's done.
  534. Gets Jet Li angry.
  535. Adopted by the Kennedy family.
  536. Stranded on a big game hunting trip.
  537. Fools around with OJ's new girl.
  538. Disguise him as Bill Gates and toss him in a Linux/Macworld convention.
  539. Give him 3 million paper cuts, then toss him in a vat of salt with an oxygen mask so he can feel the pain as he dies.
  540. Slowly suffocate him with dirty shorts from any NFL football team.
  541. Watches Austin Powers for 24 hours.
  542. Pool full of leeches.
  543. Tells Courtney Love "Marylin Manson Rulez"!
  544. Participates in car wresling with a Ford Pinto versus a Peterbilt.
  545. Sucked into a Florida sinkhole.
  546. Plays basketball unfairly with Rodman.
  547. Opens a radiator filler cap on a Chevy Caprice that has just been driven for 10 hours in Los Angheles.
  548. Sliced by laser gun.
  549. Put on Mars without a spacesuit.
  550. Tries to imitate Tarzan to impress Queen Amidala by swinging through the jungle and catching a lion.
  551. Put on an old B-52 loaded with TNT that nosedives into hard concrete.
  552. "Jar Jar, meet Freddy Krueger!"
  553. Put him in a pressure tank and lower the pressure until he explodes.
  554. Bury him up to his neck in the middle of the desert, stuff his mouth full of salt and sew it shut, and sew his eyes open.
  555. Give him a blaster, tell him to walk 100 paces the other way then shoot, while you have to walk only 10.
  556. Convince him to try to jump the Grand Canyon.
  557. Gang raped by horny Klingons.
  558. Target practice with a shotgun.
  559. Zapped by Dr. Evil's "Death Star" one million times.
  560. Two teams of horses, two ropes, two floppy ears. You do the math.
  561. Binks V. Velociraptor Steel Cage Match.
  562. Remember "The Pit and The Pendulum"?
  563. Liquid nitrogen enema.
  564. Stick sharpened pencils halfway up his nose, then slam his head face down onto a table.
  565. When Jar Jar sticks his tongue out to get a breadroll, Qui Gon pins his tongue to the table with a dagger, then proceeds to rip out Jar Jar's entrails, stuffing them into the Gungan's mouth whilst screaming "Yousa want eat more, huh, punk? Yousa want eat more?"
  566. Attach "Ty" beanie tag to his ear, drop him into a Beanie Baby convention, and shout "He's one of a kind and your collection won't be complete without him!"
  567. Ripped apart by handicapped people who think that he is mocking the way they walk.
  568. Drop an anvil on him.
  569. Dressed up as purple Teletubbie and sent into biker bar.
  570. Coated in chocolate and thrown into locked room with Roseanne and Dom Delouise.
  571. Thrown into fire pit by Dr. Evil.
  572. Used as a Gungan sheild against Battle Droids.
  573. Tell Sailor Moon he's an agent of Queen Beryl.
  574. Replaces Leia as Jabba the Hut's sex slave.
  575. Eaten by the "gentle" woodland creatures of Naboo that he was annoying before he met Qui-gon.
  576. Dragged behind a speeder bike.
  577. Goes to a Sith Frat party for the ultimate beat down.
  578. Shot by Greedo.
  579. Make him an officer in the Imperial star fleet serving under Darth Vader.
  580. Given a nice good shove off of cloud city.
  581. Becomes Watoo's slave (and concubine).
  582. Steps on a land mine.
  583. Makes a pass at Chewbacca.
  584. Blunders into a KKK/anti-gay rally.
  585. Anakin perfects the force-choke on him.
  586. Becomes test subject for new racecar seatbelts.
  587. Pulls a blaster on Darth Vader (just imagine what comes after that).
  588. Sent back in time to go for that final ride with James Dean in his Porsche.
  589. Mistakes Anakin for Queen Amidala. Need I say more?
  590. Let Y2K take care of him.

To all you people who have submitted ideas for Jar Jar's demise - Thanks for all your suggestions! It has been an embarrassment of riches. Sorry I have to close the list, but it was getting too long!

Fortunately, I have figured out a new, creative way to express your loathing for Jar Jar - call it "Jar Jar Binks Dies at the Movies." Think of a movie scene that one could improve by putting Jar Jar in it so he suffers a particularly nasty demise--

Beam back to my home page


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