Chalky, Dufus, Shirt, Lupine, and Tigger…
Look on the Brighton Side
Having spent the previous
day, meeting stars of the new “Doctor Who” television series (see CDS….Invasion V),
namely John Barrowman, Noel Clarke, Jimmy Vee and Paul Kasey, the gang decided
to celebrate Dufus’ birthday, in similar style to the previous year by
travelling to a “Doctor Who” exhibition by the sea (see CDS…Visit the Nightmare Fairs). This time the destination was
Having got over the initial
issue of who was going to drive (Dufus finally deciding that he would), the
five all crammed into his car, Tigger squashed in between Chalky and Lupine.
The journey was spent listening to the delights of the first two episodes of
Large Endings’ “The Apocalypse Element”, Chalky attempting to get Dufus to take
the right roads, and Shirt suggesting that they make a detour to Pease Pottage
to recreate Bonnie Langford’s first publicity shot as Mel with Tigger doubling
for the ginger whinger. Finally they reached the outskirts of the town, with
Dufus and Shirt whooping at every lamppost advert for the exhibition.
“I wonder if I could climb up
and pull one of them down”, Dufus wondered out loud.
“No”, was the general
response.
Parking at a meter on the
front, it transpired that Chalky has forgotten to bring the umbrellas with him,
with both he and Tigger believing that the other had them. The gang therefore
braved their way through wind and rain for the ten minute walk to the pier. A
familiar blue box standing at the entrance to the pier, revealed that they had
come to the right place. Lupine decided not to use his TARDIS key to see if
they could enter it. Walking up the pier, they entered the amusements, where
they stayed for a few minutes, exiting to find dry weather. In the distance the
strains of a familiar theme-tune were just audible.
“I need some film for my
camera”, said Dufus, “do you think they’ll sell it on the pier ?”
“Probably”, said Chalky.
Dufus expressed disbelief at
this.
Finally a large dome with the
orange-elliptical logo, revealed that they had reached the exhibition (without
Dufus getting a film). Entering the dome, they immediately found themselves
confronted by the Trin-E android from “Bad Wolf”, with Zu-Zana a short distance
away. Paying the requisite fee (£6), with Dufus and Shirt both also purchasing
the souvenir guide, they entered the first gallery, where large hangings gave
information about the previous eight Doctors. Pressing buttons revealed a
Cyberman, Haemovore, Sea Devil and Ice Warrior behind the hangings. However, of
more interest, in the centre of the hall, in a rotating TARDIS were the Ninth
Doctor and Rose’s costumes from “Rose”. Shirt having finally managed to get a
photo of the costumes as they spun by, they moved to the next gallery.
This was guarded by an Auton,
high up by the ceiling, and round the corner, three Auton brides were in the
process of smashing their way out through a shop-window. Also to one side was
wheelie-bin, but on lifting the lid, only a television playing the appropriate
clip from the episode was revealed, and no-one got their fingers attached to
the plastic. Mickey’s Auton head was also clearly displayed to one side. Moving
through a “The Unquiet Dead” room, which featured some props and a mannequin
covered in a sheet, they found themselves on Platform One. Their eyes were
immediately drawn to the invited guests, in particular the small blue grinning
form of the Moxx of Balhoon, and Jabe and another member of the Forest of
Cheem. Also present were a staff child and Ambassadors of Blinding Light.
However, of the dastardly Lady Cassandra O’Brien, there
was no sign, despite her featuring heavily on the promotional literature. The
case, which Dufus’ “Starburst” showed her in, was instead occupied by
“Maybe she’ll be further
round”, said Shirt, not even convincing himself.
The Face of Boe was also
conspicuous by its absence.
The next gallery was
dedicated to tinpot terrors, the Daleks. A large gold Dalek hovered at the top
of a flight of stairs, demonstrating its stair-climbing expertise. Around the gallery
was a Dalek in poor repair with the Kaled Mutant clearly visible, an old style
Dalek from the original series, and the top part of the Emperor Dalek with
Kaled Mutant. These were in half darkness, but Shirt’s camera flash made
details easier to see.
The penultimate gallery
featured the Slitheen, with two creatures looming over the Blaidd Drwg nuclear
power station project model. A big red button in front of the display case initially
seemed to do nothing, until a few seconds later a farting noise was heard.
Continued pressing of the button revealed a multitude of differing wind
effects. Next to this was a model of Margaret Slitheen, with an unzipped head,
which glowed blue when another button was pressed. However, as far as Shirt was
concerned, the main attraction was the Pig Spaceman which had piloted the ship
which destroyed Big Ben. The model of the destroyed clock was in the other
corner of the gallery.
The final gallery contained
the barrage-balloon, gas mask (causing all to do their best ‘empty child’
impressions) and Schlecter Wolf bomb from “The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances”,
which Tigger insisted they take several pictures of, for use with her class
next year. Not wishing to exit into the shop yet, the boys walked back round
the other way, whilst Tigger played the “Last Dalek” game on one of the
provided computers.
Meeting up again in the Dalek
gallery, and finding a brief gap in the stream of other visitors, Shirt placed
his camera on a nearby air-conditioning unit, set the timer, and got a picture
of the complete group with the Dalek.
A quick photo of the Dalek’s
gun for Lupine, and moving back to the exit, they entered the merchandise area.
Chalky, Dufus & Shirt all bought a complete set of publicity postcards
(which again featured Cassandra), with Chalky also getting a souvenir guide,
Shirt a pen, and Dufus a pen, CD holder and poster. Walking back down the pier,
Shirt noticed something.
“Look at that sign on that
shop – ‘Films sold here’ ”, he pointed out, much to Dufus’ annoyance. Back at
the TARDIS, they avoided getting in everyone else’s photos whilst they decided
what to do next. Chalky and Lupine needed a cashpoint, so the group headed towards
the town centre.
Having got money, the next
decision to be made was where to have lunch. Agreement proved to be difficult
to come by, as they slowly walked up the main shopping road, pausing only for
Dufus to pop into a photo developing shop to put his film in for an hour for an
overpriced fee, so that he would be able to show them to his brother a couple
of days later, but not so Shirt could go into the local Oxfam shop. Whilst
waiting for Dufus, a group of well over one hundred people all dressed in
orange wandered down the other side of the road, being herded by men with
whistles. In fact at one point, they took up nearly the whole of the side of
the pavement. Finally, it was agreed that they would eat in Pizza Hut, but
sitting at the table, agreement was again difficult to come by, namely what
everyone was having, and whether they were going to make use of the “Full
Works” deal. Lupine being vegetarian turned his nose up at the deal, and Dufus
proved to be the sticking point as he ummed-and-ahhed, until finally realising
that taking advantage of the deal did not mean that he couldn’t order
cheesecake for dessert in addition. The waitress came, the five just about
managed to explain what they wanted.
A few minutes later, she
returned with drinks and starters, which all except Lupine dug into. Having
made short work of the dipping chicken and cheesy garlic bread, the pizzas were
soon delivered to the table. Throughout the day, Dufus’ talent of mishearing
everything (eg. “Groovers in the Park”/”Gareth Speaks The Truth”) had been
getting progressively worse. However, the ultimate in mishearing was about to
rear its head.
“Do you want Parmesan cheese
for your pizza”, Dufus asked Lupine.
“No, it makes me gag”,
explained Lupine.
“It makes you gay ?”, asked
an incredulous Dufus.
Everyone stopped eating for
several minutes, whilst they all rolled around in fits of laughter at this.
Lupine laughed so much that
he began choking on his pizza even without the Parmesan.
“Quick, quick, Lupine’s gaying
!”, quipped Shirt.
This poor attempt at humour
had the remarkable effect of causing Lupine to stop gagging, proving that
laughter is the best medicine.
Pizzas finished, and Dufus
dashed out to pick up his photos before the developers closed.
Whilst he was gone, his
cheesecake arrived, and despite the best efforts of the others when he
returned, he would not believe that they had done anything to it, despite
Lupine cunningly sprinkling Parmesan around the plate.
Chalky and Shirt went to use
the Ice Cream Factory, having to wait whilst a group of children grabbed
handfuls of the sweets, failing either to pay for the privilege or use the
supplied scoops.
Desserts also completed,
Shirt cunningly left the restaurant to feed the parking meter by Dufus’ car
before the bill arrived. It took longer than he had imagined to get back to the
car, mainly due to his becoming stuck behind the “orange order” again.
Having fed the meter only a
few minutes before a parking warden reached that part of the front, Shirt
returned to the pier where he met up with the others again.
Dufus decided to open his
presents on the pebbly beach, and so they all made their way down to the
“sands”. Sitting in a circle, Dufus opened his present from Chalky and Tigger,
the latest Large Endings’ release “The Council of Nicacea”. Inside the
accompanying card, Chalky had drawn a cartoon of Dufus running TIM over
following their conversation the previous day (see CDS.…Invasion V ).
Shirt’s card featured a photo of Van Statten from “Dalek” on the back, deciding
to put his alien artefacts in a dome on a pier so that he can charge obsessives
£6 a time to see them. It also featured a “Babe Magnet” badge (which presumably
was ironic). Dufus found himself with two DVDs from Shirt, one being
“Revelation of the Daleks”, the other “The Story of Chalky, Dufus & Shirt”
(not available in any store), a video-project of Shirt’s that had taken nearly
a year to come to fruition. Having opened Lupine’s card earlier, Dufus decided
to get an ice-cream. He returned with a cone with three scoops on it, which
proceeded to melt all over his hand, despite being shown by Tigger how to lick
it most effectively (Ooo er missus !!). Chalky got some seaside rock, and
Lupine an ice-cream like Dufus’ (but he managed not to get it all over
himself). Before returning to his car, Dufus decided to wash his hands in the
sea, but misjudged how quickly it was coming in, nearly getting wet and nearly
falling over, to Chalky’s delight.
The five made their way back
to the car, and after a few wrong turns, found themselves heading back towards
[PL]