Chalky, Dufus & Shirt…

…Invasion VIII!

It had been a nearly a year since the core triumvirate had been together, namely Seventh Galaxy’s Sara Griffiths signing, but at last Dufus ventured down from the Midlands for a signing event - Seventh Galaxy’s eighth annual ‘Invasion’. The website initially offered a triumvirate of Doctors – Tom Baker (aka GOD), Sylvester McCoy and Paul McGann – but for the second year running, circumstances (namely an incorrect air-ticket) conspired to prevent the Seventh Doctor attending. The guest list also included three young stars of the New Series and “Torchwood”, Sophie Aldred, three New Series monster actors, the ubiquitous Nicholas Briggs, Johnny Dennis from Chalky’s favourite story “Delta and the Bannermen” and two supporting artists who had featured in over twenty stories between them. Bonnie Langford had initially been announced, but had to cancel, being replaced by two McCoy guest stars, namely Jean Marsh and Sylvia Syms. A final last minute addition was the sponsored attendance of audio Eighth Doctor companion, Sheridan Smith. All this, and a new venue and radical timetable (panels in the morning, autographs in the afternoon).

Dufus arrived at Shirt’s on the Friday evening, where the two of them spent several hours sorting Dufus’ “Battles in Time: Invader” cards, so that Shirt could take those that he wanted. Aware that they would need to get up early, as Dufus was driving, the two retired early.

Managing to stagger out of Shirt’s house at about 6.40am the next morning, they made their way to Chalky’s house. Shirt almost directed them to Chalky and Tigger’s old house, before realising his mistake. By just after seven, all three were in the car, and Dufus was spectacularly ignoring Chalky’s directions, so that a mini-tour of Wallington took place. On the ceasing of the mellow tones of Mika (Dufus trying to seem ‘with it’ again), Chalky struggled to get Shirt’s CD of DW favourites to work in Dufus’ car CD player. Finding “Who is Dr. Who” getting the same short shrift, on Dufus’ advice they waited until later to ‘surprise it’. The Rotherhithe tunnel was found, and the CD player finally accepted Chalky’s disc, and so singing along they made their way onwards to Becontree and Castle Green, the new venue. Finding it with minimum of fuss but missing the turning for the car park, they continued to a mini-roundabout, turning round and succeeding on the second attempt. Shirt having messed about with the tube containing his posters, causing first one end then the other to fall off, they collected their bags and walked round to the front of the centre.

Entering the complex, they found a queue for registration packs, which they joined. Packs and most importantly autograph sheets and passes received, they joined another queue for tickets for coffee clubs and extra autographs. Mr. Baker was unsurprisingly sold out, but there were three places for a club with Mr. McGann, which were swiftly snapped up, with Shirt also getting an extra autograph for Paul Kasey. They then entered the main hall, identifying three seats about a third of the way back. With Chalky guarding the seats, Dufus and Shirt went to the merchandise stalls at the back of the hall. Shirt ummed-and-ahhed over the first issue of the American “Doctor Who” comic book, whilst Dufus just bought up everything on the stall. Returning to the seats, Chalky went to the merchandise stall whilst Shirt availed himself of the facilities passing a gigantic queue of people registering. All three were back in their seats for the advertised start time of 9am, but due to there still being so many people registering, the start was delayed by about 15 minutes.

The event started with a wonderful audio-visual presentation about all the guests (seemingly voiced by the man from the E4 adverts), then housekeeping things like fire exits and how the autographs were going to work. Dufus and Shirt glancing round the hall, identified several women dressed up in sexy WHO costumes, including the ‘Leela’ of previous events, a 50’s Rose and most excitingly an Astrid (in her ‘French Maid’ outfit). Shaken from their reverie by the announcement of the first panel, Dufus and Shirt turned their attention back to the stage. The first guests were William Hughes (aka the Young Master from “The Sound of Drums”), Abisola Agbaje (aka Chloe Webber from “Fear Her) and Lara Phillipart (aka Jasmine Pierce from Torchwood episode “Small Worlds”). They were due to be interviewed by Sophie Aldred, but she was running late. The three friends exchanged looks of ‘not again’ (see CDS…Invasion VII!). The panel went well, with Chalky impressed by the levels of assurance shown by the three young children, some the age that he teaches. Lara in particular was very self-assured (‘She’d be a nightmare to teach’ mumbled Chalky). The questions threw up some interesting things - Abisola’s comment about Billie Piper ‘always eating’ bringing gasps from the floor, neither of the three had seen “The Sarah Jane Adventures”, and Abisola describing “High School Musical” as ‘babyish’, whilst Lara liked “Prison Break” (should she really be watching it ?).

Next up was the Seventh Doctor era panel, with Ms. Aldred still a no-show. However, Ms. Marsh and Ms. Syms put on a superb double-act, based on feigned animosity, with Johnny Dennis making an occasional contribution to the discussion. The friends are also now very clear on Ms. Syms views in relation to repeat fees for work prior to the negotiated rights which apply only to more recent work. All three spoke about the quality of the scripts and also the casts with which they worked. As if on cue, at this point, Sophie arrived, to be giving a glowing tribute by Sylvia, as a ‘delight to work with’. Having thoroughly ‘bigged up’ the McCoy era, the panel came to an end.

The third panel was Paul McGann, interviewed with Large Endings supremo, Nicholas Briggs. The two discussed Liverpool (City of Culture in 2008), Paul’s interest in the First World War (and Nick’s in the Battle of Waterloo), and Paul’s burgeoning voice-over career. The panel ended with Paul becoming very taken with the idea of making a guerrilla ‘Doctor Who’ film with Large Endings, an idea that seemed to scare Nick Briggs thinking of all the diplomacy he’s done with BBC Wales. However, Paul’s end boast – “I could get us Johnny Depp” has to go down in history as the best end line of a panel ever.

There was then a brief break for refreshments, with the small tea-bar failing to cope with the sudden influx. The friends, however, moved to the venue’s dance studio, where they took their seats for Paul’s coffee club. The time for the club to start came round, and a steward began collecting up tickets. One man just by Paul, made a show of searching all his pockets before deciding to admit that he had not known that he needed a ticket, and making a swift exit.

“You leave a door open, and anyone just comes in”, quipped Paul.

He then threw a mock tantrum when it turned out that no coffee was being served in the coffee club, it being ‘virtual coffee’.

The next 45 minutes, found Paul talking enthusiastically about a Dogme film that he had made a few years before, equally enthusiastically about his hatred for his Eighth Doctor wig, his experiences on Alien³, his enjoyment at being able to do the Large Endings audios, his admiration for Sheridan Smith, “Withnail and I”, and how he was approached to play the Eighth Doctor by Philip Segal. With five minutes to go, the door opened and Hamble entered.

“I’ve got someone to see you”, he told Paul, stepping to one side to reveal the figure of SHERIDAN SMITH !!! An audible gasp was heard in the room, as the two embraced, then Sheridan sat down. A few minutes more of chat, and then the two of them made their way back to the Green Room for lunch, Sheridan briefly bending over to reveal to Dufus the black lacy waistband of her underwear.

Back in the main hall they took their seats for ‘Tom Baker – Stand Up’, in which GOD answered questions from the floor, twisting them to fit his usual anecdotes. To add insult to injury, Anneke Wills (who was also there, promoting her autobiography) asked him about his gravestone, presumably to elicit the well-known story, that he then proceeded to tell. However, it was a tour-de-force performance from the great man. Prior to the lunch break, there was a closing ceremony with all guests retaking to the stage.

Leaving the hall , the three friends were unsurprised to find a gigantic queue had already formed to get back in 45 minutes later. Deciding that they would still get in if they didn’t queue immediately, the three walked into Becontree to buy lunch. Having bought sandwiches, sausage rolls and cookies, the three strolled back to the centre to find the longest queue that they had ever seen at a ‘Doctor Who’ event. It snaked in and out of the centre’s doors and all around the covered area outside, almost meeting up with itself several times. The three decided to have a sit down inside, believing that when the hall doors opened a few minutes later, the majority of the queue would be subsumed into the hall, joining smaller queues inside. Finally, they changed their mind, and decided to join the queue outside, having some difficulty finding the end of it. At 2.45pm (15 minutes late) the queue moved, slightly…..very slightly (we’re talking centimetres), as seemingly about ten people were let into the hall. The queue continued to move at this snail’s pace until just after 3pm, and at the point that the three were giving up hope of ever getting anywhere near to the signing tables, a woman appeared offering the answer to their prayers.

“If you don’t want Tom Baker, you can go in now”, she told them.

Chalky and Shirt immediately offered their autograph sheets for Tom to be crossed out, whilst a few seconds later, Dufus did so too, deciding to forego an audience with GOD in order to meet some of the other guests. Walking past hundreds of patiently waiting fans, the three entered the signing hall having shown their sheets with Tom crossed out.

The hall was quite full, but the majority were standing in a slow moving queue for GOD. Chalky found the queue for Jean Marsh (who along with Tom was leaving early) and the three joined it. The queue moved swiftly and soon the three were getting “Battlefield” and “Lost in Time” covers signed. After a few pleasantries with Ms. Marsh, they sidestepped to Johnny Dennis, who was looking a bit left out. Having told him that “Delta..” is his favourite story, Chalky got his video cover signed, closely followed by Dufus and Shirt. Covers and Shirt’s “The Eighties” signed, the three left the queue and tried to work out which queue was for which guest.

Finally finding the queue for Sheridan Smith, the three patiently waited with their “Companions” books in their hands. Chalky was the first to meet the angelic Sheridan, who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself.

“£5 per signature”, the steward next to her stated.

The three were pleasantly surprised, believing that they would have to pay £10. That decided Chalky who got both his “Companions” book (JNT Version) and a Eighth Doctor/Lucie cover signed. Having done his usual “nice to have met you” shtick, Chalky was surprised when Sheridan stood up and hugged him tightly, kissing him on the cheek. Still in shock, Chalky staggered past Dufus and Shirt, who were two places behind in the queue, to meet Nicholas Briggs.

“She kissed me”, he stammered, before Shirt reminded him that he was a married man.

“I’ll tell Tigger”, he warned.

“She sits drooling over David Tennant”, was Chalky’s lame justification.

A few minutes later and Shirt was in front of Sheridan, a crisp tenner was handed to the steward and he placed his “Companions” book (Howe/James Walker version) in front of Sheridan, who cooed over the number of companion signatures that he had, before apologising for Shirt having to pay for her autograph. Finding a place, she signed the book and then a CD cover. Not wishing to be left out, Shirt leant in for a hug, grabbing Sheridan slightly too tight and turned his cheek for a kiss, before again staggering off.

Dufus was next, paying for a total of 6 Sheridan signatures (£30!!!!) – on his “Companions” book (Howe/James Walker version), a ‘Two Pints…’ photo and four CD covers. Sheridan happily signed away, agreeing with Dufus that he comes from the North, having been born near to him, in Epworth. She put this in her dedication on his photo, further endearing her to Dufus. Whilst in the obligatory hug, Dufus asked if he could have a photo. Sheridan took the proffered mobile phone, and both managed to get in frame (see below).

Having also got Nicholas Briggs signatures on two items, and pitched his idea for a Large Endings audio play based on the Battle of Waterloo, Dufus rejoined the others, and all still in lustful shock, it was agreed that the three had a new favourite female WHO celebrity, with India Fisher, Nicola Bryant, Sarah Sutton, and even the exquisite Jasmine Breaks (see CDS…Invasion III!) all moving down the list. Looking around the hall, they noted that both Tom Baker and Jean Marsh had left, leaving some slightly put out fans in their wake.

Next up were two monster actors, Sean Palmer who was a Clockwork Droid and Agnieszka Blonska who was a Weeping Angel (and also it turned out another Clockwork Droid). Signatures were obtained, with Shirt struggling to deal with both his Series 2 and Series 3 posters at the same time without dropping them.

Moving along, they came to the three child actors. First up was William, who slowly signed each item in his best handwriting, then Lara who was taking charge of crossing off the names on the autograph sheet, and Abisola who signed the friends’ items with her character name, ‘Chloe’.

The frequent guest stars were next, with Shirt annoyed that by glancing at their lists of credits displayed in front of them, both had had uncredited roles in “Trial of a Timelord” stories.

“I’d have brought the boxset if I’d known”, he grumbled.

Richard Bonehill was first, his queue moving slowly due to his standing up to take gulps from his cup of coffee between fans. It seemed that there were two queues for these guests, and so the three joined the other queue to meet Laurie Goode, failing to notice if he did in fact play a Tharil in “Warriors Gate”, as the photo on the Seventh Galaxy website seemed to suggest.

Chalky and Shirt then joined the queue for Sylvia Syms, whilst Dufus went to chance his luck with Paul McGann. Ms. Syms was on good form but seemed to be flagging a bit, as she signed the boys’ “Ghost Light” covers. Dufus, meanwhile, had just managed to join Paul’s queue which had been reduced to one item.

Chalky and Shirt then joined the queue for Paul Kasey, and Shirt just about managed to get his Series 2, Series 3 and Torchwood posters all signed. Having met Mr. McGann and Ms. Aldred, Dufus joined a few places behind them for Mr. Kasey.

Paul McGann having left the building, Chalky and Shirt decided to join the queue for Sophie Aldred, whilst Dufus took a final look at the merchandise stalls. On reaching the front,. Chalky decided to talk to Sophie about them repeating “Melvin & Maureen’s Musicagrams” on CBeebies (he claims he was watching it with his young niece). Shirt was worried that repeat fees might be mentioned, setting Sylvia, who was sitting next to Sophie, off again. Ms. Aldred’s signature obtained yet again, and they rejoined Dufus at the back of the hall, where Shirt bought a “Battles in Time” card and the latest ‘The Strangerers’ CD, “For King and Country”, featuring guest star, Gabriel ‘Sutekh/Beast’ Woolf.

Wandering their way back to Dufus’ car, they mused on the day – good panels, excellent coffee club, autographs of everyone save the two Doctors (except Dufus who got Paul) , and most memorable of all, being hugged and kissed by the sexy Sheridan Smith. The journey back was uneventful, and soon they were back at Chalky and Tigger’s, Dufus getting the grand tour. More “Battles in Time” cards were exchanged, Tigger’s risotto consumed, and a one-all draw was reached in “Scene It!”. Everyone being tired, Dufus and Shirt returned to Shirt’s home, where after some surfing of the internet to see others’ views of the day, they retired very happy, to dream of a certain blonde Northern actress. Possibly the best ‘Invasion’ yet !!

[PL]