Dufus & Shirt...

...It's A (Mouse)Trap !!!

Spirit Sinema were having another of their signing spectaculars. Dufus was interested in attending, but it wasn’t until Leslie Schofield (whose credits include ‘Star Wars’, ‘The Face of Evil’ and ‘EastEnders’, but for Shirt will always be Jonny Briggs’ Dad) was announced, along with Jeff ‘PC Reg Hollis’ Stewart, that Shirt was interested enough to accompany him.

Dufus drove down the previous evening, and discussions were had as to whether to attempt going to a Seventh Galaxy signing before the Spirit Sinema one. However, due to the SS event being earlier than usual, it was agreed that this might lead to them missing Mr. Schofield in the first signing session.

They therefore caught a train to Clapham Junction and then to Chiswick, with no-one trespassing on the tracks for once.

They swiftly walked to the church hall, looking out for lost guests, but without success.

A short queue had formed outside, which the friends joined, amusing themselves by watching guests arrive, including Leslie who had seemingly shaved his trademark moustache off.

Eventually the doors opened and they were soon being ticked off on the list and given their free autograph token, for Michelle Morris the Coal Hill School secretary in ‘Into the Dalek’. Moving into the main hall, they queued to buy their other autograph tokens, then hung about with the rest of the attendees, there being fifteen minutes until the first signing session.

First to sit down was Leslie Schofield, and so they joined his queue. Ten minutes later and ‘The Face of Evil’ covers (by both), a ‘The War Games’ DVD cover (Dufus) and a Jeremy Brett video cover (Shirt) were being placed in front of him to sign, before each had a photo with him,

Moving across they joined the queue for Timothy Block, the chauffeur in ‘Black Orchid’, who appeared to be channelling Dylan the Rabbit from ‘The Magic Roundabout’ in look and behaviour.

Signing Dufus’ DVD cover, he seemed confused that so many attendees had this item.

“What is it ?”, he asked.

“It’s a DVD cover”, replied Dufus.

“I didn’t know that it was on DVD”, responded Mr. Block, seemingly not receiving residuals.

Signing Shirt’s DVD cover, he prodded Moray Watson’s autograph, adding “We spent ages in that car together filming”. Shirt expected this anecdote to continue, but it didn’t.

Next up was Rosalind Lloyd (Queen Xanxia from ‘The Pirate Planet’), whom only Dufus needed to meet, Shirt having met her at a previous Spirit Sinema event.

It was then over to the far corner, and Michelle Morris who seemed very excited to be at the event, marvelling at the items she was being asked to sign, and the other signatures on it. She was most taken by an image of the Coal Hill School logo which she was being asked to sign, next to Nigel Betts, the school headmaster.

Moving sideways, Dufus got Clinton Greyn on ‘The Two Doctors’ in which he is a Sontaran, and ‘State of Decay’ in which he isn’t.

Buying a couple of books from Bob Baker who was sitting in another corner, Dufus got these signed, as well as his ‘The Invisible Enemy’ DVD sleeve.

The only person left in the first signing session was Katy Manning, but she had yet to arrive.

After about ten minutes waiting, Katy staggered in the hall, her usual tornado-self, having a long chat with Michelle before taking her seat.

Dufus and Shirt therefore joined the queue, which moved after about five minutes when Katy decided to move signing tables to “have better light for photos”.

All too soon, they reached the front, and Dufus was meeting Katy again (Shirt having run out of items for her), reminding her of the incident, and being hugged tightly several times, prior, during and after Shirt had taken a photo of them together.

It was time for a gentle walk up the road to get lunch, which was completed in plenty of time for the next signing session.

First up was Leslie’s co-star in both ‘The War Games’ and ‘The Face of Evil’, David Garfield (but the two men appeared to be avoiding each other). Dufus therefore got both DVD covers signed, whilst Shirt got ‘The Face of Evil’ and Sixth Doctor audio Lost Story ‘The Hollows of Time’ in which David plays an anagrammatic villain signed.

Next were ‘The Daleks’ guest-stars, Virginia Wetherell and Philip Bond, both of which Shirt avoided (However, both were surprised at Virginia’s Thal-hairdo), before they moved onto the story’s director, Richard Martin, Shirt getting ‘The Dalek Invasion of Earth’ signed.

At the far end of the hall was Jeff Stewart, sporting a ‘Sideshow Bob’ hairstyle, as he signed ‘Kinda’ covers and posed for photos. The latter it seemed were not optional, with his asking the fan just before our friends in the queue, “Don’t you want a photo with me ?”.

Having been told that the fan did not have a camera (seemingly indicating that he doesn’t get photos with guests), Jeff encouraged him to find someone who would take the photo and e-mail it to him. The fan moved off promising to do so, but our friends doubted that he intended to do so.

Covers signed and photos signed, they moved off to the final signer of the day, the High Priestess in ‘The Fires of Pompeii’, Victoria Wicks, best known to TV viewers as Globelink’s Sally Smedley, in ‘Drop The Dead Donkey’. Series Four poster and DVD boxset signed, and after quick photos, the two were exiting the hall, and making their way back to the station, and back to Shirt’s.

They then spent a few hours relaxing at Shirt’s house before going out again. To celebrate Dufus gaining a permanent position, Shirt was treating them to tickets to Agatha Christie’s stage masterpiece ‘The Mousetrap’, which had begat a touring version since reaching its diamond anniversary in the West End. Leading the cast, at a theatre in Woking, was Dufus’ favourite companion actress, Louise Jameson. Following the directions given by Dufus’ phone they made their way to central Woking, and just managed not to miss the turning into the car park for the shopping centre of which the theatre is a part.

Reaching the barrier, Dufus pressed the button for a ticket, but none came out and the barrier remained down.

“Press it again”, suggested Shirt.

Dufus did so, and a ticket popped out, but the barrier did not lift when he took it. A few seconds later another ticket popped out, and this taken and given with its brother to Shirt for safekeeping, they made their way into the car park, swiftly finding a space.

Following the signs, they exited into the shopping centre lift area. A man and his young son were standing there.

“Isn’t that Johnny Vegas”, hissed Dufus to Shirt.

A quick glance from Shirt confirmed this, and both were disappointed when the funnyman didn’t get into the lift with them.

Riding down one floor, Shirt went into the theatre foyer to pick up the tickets, whilst Dufus stood by the two posters advertising the show, a plan formulating.

They then made their way towards the centre’s ground-floor food court, only to find on looking down that it was closed, a nearby sign indicating that it had closed 45 minutes before. However, on the floor that they were now on, they saw that an American diner of the chain favoured by Chalky was open. Despite only having 35 minutes to curtain up, they decided to take their chances.

A quick scan of the menu and both were ordering the same meal, impatiently glancing between their watches and the kitchen. Dufus took the opportunity to post online about the Johnny Vegas sighting and attempt to make Chalky jealous by posting about where they were eating.

Finally Dufus asked the waitress about their food, believing that he could see it ready to be brought to the table. The plates were brought over, and the two managed to gulp the food down before making their way back to the theatre.

As they walked through the foyer, Dufus reminded Shirt that the last time that they had gone to that theatre together, in 2004, he had grabbed an ‘HMS Pinafore’ poster featuring Colin Baker for Shirt. He therefore expressed a plan to grab a ‘The Mousetrap’ one on their way out, this being the last performance of the run at Woking.

Reaching the door to the Royal Circle, just as an announcement that the play would start in one minute was being made, they quickly found their seats and settled in for an evening’s culture.

At the interval, Dufus managed to successfully guess ‘whodunnit’, with Shirt who already knew, neither confirming or denying that he was right. They also took the opportunity to look for the theatre stage door for later, having to descend three flights of steps to get to the theatre’s other exit/entrance. Having located this, Shirt stayed outside for a minute attempting to take a photo of Ms. Jameson’s name on an illuminated sign, and on his return could not initially find Dufus. Finally he found him in the queue for ice creams and programmes, joining him in the queue. Reaching the front, Dufus bought programmes for him and Shirt, a Souvenir Brochure celebrating 60 years of ‘The Mousetrap’ [which detailed all previous West End casts, including several with WHO connections, such as Nicholas Courtney (twice), Victor Maddern, Paul Darrow and Christopher Dunham; and of interest relating to Ms. Jameson, David Warwick and Nigel Fairs], and the final tub of ice cream (to the annoyance of those behind him in the queue).

Returning to their seats, Dufus was just in time to answer the question posed by a man in the row in front, “What was Louise Jameson in ‘Doctor Who’?”, despite it not having been directed at him.

Reading their programmes they also learnt that the production’s lighting design was by former Tomorrow Person, Peter Vaughan Clarke.

The second half confirmed all of Dufus’ suspicions, and they followed the crowd to the foyer where they came in, where Dufus deftly removed a poster (whilst Shirt pretended not to know him), before they fought against the flow to get back to the stairs leading to the other exit, pushing their way past people coming up them.

Exiting the theatre, they moved to the stage door, and Dufus suddenly realised that in all the crush he had lost his precious poster. Shirt retraced their steps to the theatre exit, noticing that the theatre was almost deserted now, but did not find the poster.

On his return, the two of them waited on their own for about ten minutes, with Dufus repeatedly looking in through the glass panelled doors, until finally he spotted Louise getting ready to come out. Shirt handed him a sharpie, whilst Dufus struggled to get his DVD covers out of his bag.

Knowing ‘Doctor Who’ fans when she sees them, Louise approached with a smile, particularly on seeing the programmes clutched in their hands.

“It was a good house tonight”, she told them.

Dufus was still struggling to get his covers out, so Shirt stepped up getting a print of the cover of script book of ‘Talons of Weng-Chiang’ signed by Louise. Having finally got his covers out, Dufus asked “Is there a limit ?”.

“No”, smiled Louise, “I’ll sign however many you want”.

Two DVD covers signed, along with the Souvenir Brochure (“I’m not in that”, said Louise helpfully), and Dufus was telling Louise about their meeting her ‘The Face of Evil’ co-stars earlier that day.

Final pleasantries exchanged, and Louise was finally allowed to leave.

Making their way back to the car park, the two walked up a ramp labelled ‘No pedestrians’, finding themselves by a door to the lifts. Going through it they found themselves next to the theatre foyer, and Dufus managed to grab the remaining poster as they passed.

Paying at the pay machine, they got into Dufus’ car and waited patiently to be able to back-out of the space to join the long queue of departing theatre patrons.

Due to a slight wrong turn, they ended up doing a circuit of central Woking.

“Isn’t that the theatre again ?”, asked Shirt after they had been driving for about ten minutes, ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be navigator.

Finally finding their way onto the M25 then A3, they sped back to Shirt’s home, where after flicking though Dufus’ brochure, they wended their separate ways to bed. It had been another classic adventure for Dufus & Shirt.

[PL]